Best Part of Breaking Up
by clockstopper
Summary: Total AU.Spike's a lawyer working at his brother-in-laws family law firm.he hates it with a passion.Buffy is a lady going through a divorce and is desperate to keep her abusive ex-husband away from her daughter. they meet and stuff happens.COMPLETE!
1. Unwated Case

A/N: This is my first fan fiction so bare with me here. It is a total AU where everyone is human. Spike is a lawyer who was fired from his job and now works for his brother-in-law. Buffy is a woman going through a divorce. The two meet and some stuff happens. You have to read to find out what. Please R&R. I swear it will be good.  
  
Chapter 1: The Meeting  
  
Buffy hung the last picture and stepped back to see if it looked good on the wall. She wanted everything to look perfect even though she knew that there was no such thing as perfection. This picture was one of her and her daughter, Dawn. Riley wasn't in the picture. In fact Riley wasn't in any of the pictures she just finished hanging up. She couldn't look at him anymore. After all the things he put her through she had a right to be angry, no furious at him. No one blamed her for trying to get out of her marriage to Riley. In fact, people asked her why it took her this long to realize he was a piece of shit. Buffy herself couldn't image why she had ever been that stupid. Her father, before he died, had warned her about men like Riley. Buffy felt the tears in her eyes as she thought about her father mixed in with all the hurt and the pain of the last four years of her life, but quickly wiped them away. She would shed no more tears of pity for herself. That time had come and now it was time to get on with her life.  
  
Her ex-husband was a terrible man who hurt her and she would let the same fate fall on her daughter. In the beginning he was a joy to be around; he was always happy and carefree. That was what made Buffy fall hard for him. Now he was mean and cruel. Buffy wouldn't let him near her or their daughter. She would fight as long as it took to keep him away from Dawn, even if it meant spending all she had. She would no longer be Mrs. Riley Finn. She would be Buffy Summers again.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
William Flannery hated working family law. He had lost his corporate because he yelled at his older then dirt boss. When he was fired he was already on the edge of losing his job. Now he was working for his crappy brother-in-law and proving his dad's theory correct. William's life had taken wrong turns, not to mention the fact that he barely got into law school.  
  
That was what turned his life around: Law. In his youth, William was arrest numerous times. Each time his father's attorney, Rupert Giles, would expunge his record. Will would spend countless hours in Rupert's office looking at law files. His father wanted Will to go into the family business, which was being a cop. Will's older brother, Liam or Angel as he was called by family members, was a detective for Sunnnydale police department. Will had defied his dad and became an ambulance chaser as his father and brother would put it.  
  
Now the dream was over. He was working for a guy he hated and a section of law he wasn't all that qualified for. He couldn't let his father have the last laugh. He would get out of this job and open his own practice. He just had to wait awhile.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Alexander Harris was listening to a new client talk. A sob story that women use when they were going through a divorce. This one was no exception. Trying to get half of everything, custody of the kid, and keep away the ex-husband in the process. It would be another slam-dunk, Alexander thought. He, personally, could not take the case, but he could give it to one of his underlings with no experience. Wives always got everything. He could give it to someone. Someone being his brother-in-law Will.  
  
Xander hated Will or Spike as he was called throughout the office. Spike was his street name from the time when he was a hoodlum. Worthless son of a bitch in Xander's opinion. Spike was a screw-up who didn't deserve to practice law. Xander only hired him because his wife, Anya, begged him mercilessly for weeks. After she realized begging wasn't going to work she withheld sex until Xander finally caved. Xander knew that Spike would hate taking a case.  
  
This lady seemed ready to cry at any moment. It would be the perfect stress pusher. Xander hated making his wife unhappy and a lot of that was because of Spike. Well not a lot, but it seemed to tie in with her family who hated lawyers. Anya herself was involved with the police department. She was a forensic examiner for the Sunny-D police department.  
  
The woman seemed done with her story so Xander took this as the time to speak up. " Ms. Finn.." Xander started off, but didn't get finished because the petite blonde interrupted.  
  
"It's Miss Summers. Finn is my ex-husband's name." She said with such pride and confidence that Xander couldn't help, but admire.  
  
" Miss Summers, I myself can't take the case, but one of my associates can." Xander said with his usual sweet caring voice. He had been in the business to long.  
  
"Is he or she qualified?" Buffy asked not wanting to seem too skeptical about the qualifications of the lawyers that worked for the man sitting in front of her. The problem was she wanted nothing but the best. Riley's lawyer was a cruel hearted bitch who worked for his family. She needed to fight fire with fire.  
  
" Mr. Flannery is more than qualified to take this case." Xander said. He could sense that tone in a woman's voice any day. It was doubt. She wanted the best.  
  
"So you know which lawyer you are assigning the case to?" Buffy asked. She was amazed that he had even given it any thought. He seemed like he was zoning out during the meeting.  
  
" Yes, Mr. Flannery is a very good colleague. He is very dedicated to his work." Xander said without hinting that some parts weren't true. Spike was dedicated to his work, but not this work.  
  
" May I meet with him? I would really like to get the ball rolling on the case so I can hurry up and put all this behind my daughter and me." Buffy said. She really needed all this to end. She was maxed-out on her sick days at work and couldn't afford to lose her job. " Let me show you to his office."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Spike sat at his desk working through all the paper work. He had firmly stated to his baby sister that he would not take a case. Anya had discussed it with Xander and told Spike that he would just be filing paper work unless he felt like taking a case. That was Anya for you. She could have been a lawyer but decided to become a doctor instead. Spike knew Anya looked up to him and he hated exploiting it. He hadn't asked for a job but she knew he needed one so she took it upon herself to get him one at Xander's office. Now all Spike had to do was wait until he rode this out for about a year than he could start his own practice. That was all it was about. His practice.  
  
There was a knock at the door and Spike wondered who it might be. No one every knocked on Spike's door. They all came in and handed him paper work. " Come in." he said with a little too much curiosity that he couldn't keep back. Also his accent leaked out. It had been a long time since that happened last. Spike's accent all came out when he was extremely nervous or curious nowadays.  
  
Xander entered the room with a pretty blonde close behind him. She must have been a new worker who was there to help Spike with the paper work.  
  
"Oh, hello Xand." Spike said trying to hide the British accent that was making its way through. Spike hated that accent. It represented something that he was no longer a part of.  
  
"Will this is Miss Summers. She is a new client at this firm." Xander said. He has smiling in spite of himself. He could see the curiosity that played in those blue eyes of his. Add that and the accent and Spike could have just said that it was killing him not knowing why Xander was there.  
  
Spike didn't know what Xander was playing at and wasn't sure if he wanted to know. Xander had on that stupid grin he wore when he was bursting with glee.  
  
"So why are you showing the bird to my neck of the woods?" It was a slip, but one he didn't care about. He was dying to know what Xander was playing at.  
  
Buffy wasn't sure she liked what was going on. The two men seemed to needed to communicate more with each other. She felt it was time to speak up because like Spike the suspense was killing her.  
  
"Mr. Harris said that you would be able to take my case. He said that you were one of his best associates." There now everything was out in the open. Xander didn't like that she ruined the surprise but knew that she must be going through a lot and didn't want games to be played.  
  
Spike could have killed Xander right there and then. He had to be clinically insane to think that Spike would want anything to do with all these said women. He knew that the best thing to do was not to lose his cool in front of this women who seemed to be very impatient. She didn't need their bickering.  
  
"Well, Xander is terrible wrong to make an assumption like that. I have piles of work to do and there is just no way I could take on one more case. Sorry, luv." Spike said with a very soft voice. His accent was almost gone as he said that except for the luv part. Xander didn't get mad or huffy. He simply reiterated this.  
  
"Will I know that you have important cases to work on, but I would really like it if you took this one. Miss Summers has been through quiet an ordeal. She needs a very good lawyer to defend her case. I can get other people to cover your cases. Just please except this one." Xander said this in his lawyer voice. Xander had a very convincing voice that would make anyone agree.  
  
As much as Spike hated it he always fell for it as well. He wanted to get angry, but he felt like he couldn't. Maybe it was because of Xander's charming personality or maybe it was because of the woman standing in front of him. Spike knew he had to get back in the game whether it be family law or business law he needed to be in a courtroom.  
  
"Alright all take the case but you really are going to have to pawn of some of this work to all the other people at this place. I'm not the only working here you know." Spike said playing into the game that Xander presented.  
  
Xander sighed internally. He knew that he had actually just helped Spike more than punish him, but at least this case would go to someone who would treat it with some respect. That was all Xander could hope for. He said good-bye and left the room still wondering what really happened right now.  
  
" Miss Summers why don't you take a seat?" Spike said trying to get the ball rolling. He knew she was anxious. Buffy sat down. All her nerves were frazzled and she needed to sit. "so why don't you tell me about your case." Buffy sighed. She had been doing a lot of that lately, but it was like a reflex. She set her hands on her lap and began to talk.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Buffy had just finished explaining the details of her marriage. She had a daughter and her husband had been abusive. Spike wondered how good people ended up in terrible situations like this. She seemed like such a good person. Her green eyes were full of sadness and hurt. The only time they even showed the slightest signs of happiness was at the mentioning of her daughter Dawn. She loved her daughter a lot. Spike took in a deep breath and prepared to talk.  
  
" Can you prove any signs of the abuse?"  
  
Buffy thought it was an odd question to ask. It didn't seem to have anything to do with the relevance of the case. She knew he must have had a reason.  
  
" A few of my friends were witnesses to some of his violence and I have emergency room reports, plus a few pictures. Still I don't see how it is relevant to the case?" She had to ask.  
  
Damn, he had some how managed to sound like a defense attorney. He just couldn't hide that. His accent he could hide, but his annoying habit of having to know every detail was just something he had to wear on his sleeve. "Oh it was just some background information. I just thought that if there was any need to back up your request that I should know ahead of time." Good you saved your ass from an unwanted inquiry Spike thought.  
  
"Oh I see what you're saying. I don't know if it would be a problem though. Riley never denied that he hit me. It was the one thing he told the truth about."  
  
"Well if you say that the lawyer he has is pretty good than she will try to say that there was no abuse and that your claims are unjustified."  
  
Buffy hadn't thought about that. What if Riley tried to say that he never laid a hand on her or never tried to hurt Dawn. Buffy couldn't let that happen. She needed Mr. Flannery to beat her ex-husband. "You don't really think that Riley would pull something like that?"  
  
" It is a definite possibility. If he really loves your child like you says he does than he will do anything to be able to see her. No matter what the price." Spike said in a calm but matter-of-fact voice. He knew that she needed to know all that went along with a trial.  
  
"Mr. Flannery do you think you are up to the challenge of going to trial with my case? I know that you are a good lawyer and that this is probably an everyday run of the mill divorce cases. I just feel that I will need someone who is fully prepared to through himself into this case. My case. It is very important that Dawn doesn't ever have to see her father unless it is a supervised visit." It was a long speech that Buffy thought was unnecessary, but she needed to say it.  
  
Spike could see that she was suffering from all this and thought the best way to approach the situation was to tell her what was the closest to the truth as he could get. He was a lawyer after all.  
  
"Miss Summers, I'm fully prepared to dive into this case head first. I really feel that what you went through was very difficult and stress worthy. More than that I don't think your daughter who is so young needs to go through that. And its Will. I don't think that you should bother with Mr. Flannery. If you want Mr. Flannery you can find him at the 22nd precinct." Spike said.  
  
Buffy thought that his answer was genuine. His good manners and his sense of humor floored her. He had lost the accent though. She couldn't understand for the life of her why he hid it. It was a nice accent that added to his over all charm. Buffy hadn't spent the whole time looking at him, but she wouldn't deny that he was very handsome.  
  
"Thank you for excepting the challenge. I really wish that you will live up to my expectations." Buffy said. She moved out of her chair and was walking to the door when he spoke again.  
  
Spike couldn't let her leave yet. There were a few minor details to work out. Basically shop talk, but it would need to be done now to avoid messy pick-ups later.  
  
"Miss Summers there is still the minor detail of how much money you actually want from Mr. Finn?" he said in the nicest voice possible. He didn't want to overwhelm her. Buffy quietly came back to her seat and sat down. The number hadn't really popped into her head. She was content with no money at all. She didn't need his money, but still she had Dawn to think about. Dawn might need the money later on in life for college or something.  
  
"I suppose the usual amount of money a person would pay for child support. I really don't want nor need his money. Dawn and I will be just fine after this whole thing is put behind us." Buffy was a little shaky when she said this and Spike could tell. She didn't want his money, but need might be a different story.  
  
"Miss Summers what do you do for a living?" There it was again. That ability to turn everything into an investigation.  
  
Buffy answered his question with ease. "I'm a nurse at a hospital." No further explanation than that. Spike wanted to inquiry, but he knew that would be too much for her. "Okay so you are seeking the minimum amount that a child can receive for child support? That would be about three hundred dollars a month, I believe." Spike finished saying this, but knew that he should have consulted with Xander before saying exact amounts. Buffy didn't know what to say. Three hundred dollars a month seemed reasonable, but she didn't know for sure.  
  
It would be so much easier if Willow were there with her, she thought.  
  
"It sounds like a good amount but I would like to discuss it further. I'm not quiet sure if that is too much or too little and I don't want Riley to feel that he owns something of mine. He needs to realize that he blew his chance with me when he first started taking his angry out on not only me, but on Dawn as well. He never hurt Dawn too bad but the scars are there." Buffy said this and then started to make her way to the door. She knew that it was almost time to start work and she couldn't be late.  
  
Spike saw her do a dash to the door. He knew that she needed to get out of there and was happy to oblige her request.  
  
"Miss Summers you can go now although I don't think I have much say on whether you leave right now or if you leave four days from now. We will however need to discuss the case more in a couple of days. When is your day off?" Spike asked.  
  
"Thursday."  
  
"That is two days from now that should be fine."  
  
"No I meant two Thursdays from now. I used up all my sick days and now I don't have another day off until then."  
  
"That is perfectly fine. You will need to come back though." Spike said to tell her that this wasn't the end but only the beginning.  
  
"I know." She reached for the doorknob and was slowly turning it when he said  
  
"Remember that you will win. I will personally make sure of that, Miss Summers." Buffy turned to face him.  
  
"Thank you, and its Buffy." She said as she turned back and walked through the door.  
  
A/N: I hope you like this first chapter. It was kinda the test chapter to see if I was any good at this fan fiction stuff. I know you are all wondering where the Spuffy goodness is but if you are patient it will come. I know this is supposed to be rated R but I promise it will pick up soon. This chapter and maybe the next will be mainly introduction chapters. Wait and see how it evolves please. Also review this chapter if you can and tell me if you find anything wrong. I want to hear from you about the good and the bad. I'm also open to any ideas people might have. 


	2. Advice From A friend

Chapter 2:  
  
Spike had been spending the last few days looking for information on his new case. There was nothing much to get, but he had wanted to double check things just in case there was something the defense could use against his client. His client, he thought. She would be coming to his office shortly. She had decided that she couldn't wait any longer to get things really started, so she asked for a different day off. Spike thought that Buffy was a very strong person, but a little too impatient.  
  
He knew that it took a lot of time for cases to develop, even divorce cases. In fact divorce cases probably took the longest. But there was nothing he could do to make her see that. She had decided how fast she wanted things to run. She was the client and customer as Spike liked to call it. The customer is always right, except when they're being stupid.  
  
Spike finished typing the last word of the document he was working on and turned off his computer. He had to stop thinking about her case. and her. Spike would admit that Buffy was very pretty, in fact almost beautiful, but she was a client and she just happened to be getting out of a marriage. Spike didn't go for women who were still legally married no matter how long they had been separated from their husbands.  
  
The only thing that would get his mind off of her and her problems, which were now his too, was to go to his favorite bar. Of course when she came to his office tomorrow it would start all over again, but tonight was his night to be Spike. He hated having to be Will all day. Now he could go have a drink and smoke all he wanted. Mostly, though, it was time to stop thinking about her.  
  
Buffy had just put Dawn to sleep and was heading for the living room. Willow was waiting for her in there. Buffy was on edge about her meeting with Will tomorrow. It wasn't so much the fact that it was to talk about the case, but she would be seeing him again. His face was a picture she couldn't shake out of her mind.  
  
He had the bluest most amazing eyes she had ever seen. He was also very good looking, although the suit he was wearing didn't suit him. He didn't seem like the suit type. His hair was partly the reason. It was frosted bleach blonde on the tips. It looked more like the dye job was running out than if he had it professional done. His hair must have been bleach blonde before.  
  
Buffy knew that she had to stop thinking about him and focus on the case. She had just gotten out of a marriage and she didn't need to start dating right away. She and Riley had been separated for eight months now, but she was still legally married. She would just have to set him out of her mind for now. Willow was the best person to help her do that. She would make her forget about the very handsome lawyer. Of course tomorrow it would start all over again. Tonight was her night to be around a good friend.  
  
Buffy made those last steps to the living room of her new apartment and plopped down on the couch. Willow eyed her with a hint of worry. She knew Buffy wasn't the plopping type before her marriage to that jackass, but now she seemed drained of all energy. Willow knew that Dawn was a handful, but she also knew that Buffy knew how to handle Dawn. Six-year olds were very rambunctious. Willow decided to speak up.  
  
"Buff do you think that you will be able to get through this. I know you are strong, but this whole ordeal is very draining. Maybe you should consider some help from your mom?" Willow knew she shouldn't have said the last part, but it seemed true.  
  
Buffy eyed Willow suspiciously. Willow knew what had happened between her mom and her when Buffy told her mother she was getting a divorce. Her mom had asked her why she would do a stupid thing like that. She said that Riley was a great husband who just had a few problems. She called Buffy some mean names and implied that she couldn't take care of Dawn on her own.  
  
It was terrible and Buffy didn't want to have to deal with the criticism that Joyce Summers was bound to give her. Buffy finally spoke up " I'm fine with all this, Wills. I know I look tired and not able to go on, but it's just the outer exterior. Inside I'm me who needs to fight this on my own. There's nothing wrong with that, right?"  
  
Willow knew that Buffy needed to do this without anybody's help. Well maybe Willow's, but that was different. Buffy relied on her parents and guys too much. When she was in high school she had a boyfriend named Parker.  
  
Parker always said that he would be there for her, but they lost touch after high school and Buffy was crushed. If the case wasn't bothering her friend than there had to be something. Her curiosity got the best of her as she asked her next question.  
  
"So what's the matter then?"  
  
Great, Buffy thought, just great I can't hide anything from this smart redhead.  
  
" Nothing, just a meeting with my lawyer tomorrow."  
  
Uh oh I sounded too possessive. Crap, why don't I just tell her?  
  
" Oh that doesn't seem to bad. Why would that make you nervous?"  
  
Because he's very handsome and I can't have him, Buffy thought.  
  
She calmed down and said, " Just the fact that the lawyer mentioned Riley's lawyer trying to pull a fast one makes me a little nervous. He can't have Dawn. I won't let him."  
  
Good sound like the mother who is fighting for her daughters life.  
  
Willow knew there was something more and had to inquiry some more,  
  
"Are you sure. You look like you have a huge secret that you want to spill, but think you can't. You know you can tell me anything, Buff."  
  
Good I gave her the whole 'Willow knows best guilt trip'. She always falls for that.  
  
"Well, it would seem that my mind has gotten the better of me again." Buffy wondered why she always fell for the guilt trip, but was ready to burst if she didn't tell Willow.  
  
" How so?" Willow said in her gentle voice that said 'tell me'.  
  
"The lawyer, Mr. Flannery, well. he seems like a nice men. I don't know why I'm being so. childish. I just think that maybe. I don't know. I feel that he." Buffy never got out all of what she was trying to say before Willow intervened.  
  
"You're attracted to him, aren't you?" All Buffy could do was nod her head in a silent yes.  
  
"Well there's nothing wrong with that. You will be a single woman in a couple of months. You practically are now."  
  
"Isn't it wrong to feel this way when I'm legally married?" Buffy was still searching for the wrong in this situation.  
  
"No, its not. Moving on with your life is a huge step to being free. You must find yourself first though. When you do find Buffy then you could consider dating again. Although being attracted to someone isn't a bad thing."  
  
Damn it!  
  
Willow was giving Buffy the psychobabble. She was probably right though.  
  
"Fine I get what you are saying. I don't want to be attracted to him, but I guess I'll have to live with it."  
  
"Good."  
  
"Now, how are things going between you and Oz." Buffy said. It was now time to talk about Willow and her life. They had spent too much time on Buffy's. Buffy wanted to get back to the friend talk.  
  
Spike had had two drinks now. He was on his third cigarette. He knew that they were bad, but it was a habit he could afford and also one he just couldn't shake off. He had been in Willie's for about an hour now and couldn't shake off his uneasiness. None of his friend's had been into the bar yet. Wesley was probably at home with his wife right now. Wes had just gotten married to Winfred and was spending most of his time at home with her.  
  
Not that Spike was jealous or anything, but it would be nice to have his best friends guidance. Wes was his oldest and dearest friend. Wes had been there when Spike was going through the hard times of his teens. He never judged Spike, which was exactly what Spike needed. When they got older Wes had helped Spike through college.  
  
Winfred or Fred, which was what most people called her, was their mutual friend. Spike had played matchmaker with them. He knew Wes loved her and she loved Wes, so he took it upon himself to set the two up. Anything to make his best friend happy.  
  
Wes was like a brother to Spike. His real brother, Angel, liked to play the big brother part and it suited him, but he was too overprotective of Spike and Anya. Spike always felt that Angel was more of a father figure than a cool older brother who he could hang out with. He felt smothered by Angel's overprotective side that seemed to come out when it came to Spike.  
  
Angel liked to nit pick, not as bad as his father though, Spike's every decision and didn't realize that it annoyed the heck out of his little brother. Wes never did that to Spike and Spike was internally grateful for that.  
  
Spike took another sip of his glass of whiskey and took a long drag from his cigarette. It would be a whole night of this. Spike's attention turned to the door where he saw a bunch of cops enter. This was the bar where the lawyers and cops integrated. Spike had learned of this bar his first day as an A.D.A. He came back even after he quit that job to become a defense attorney. He met lots of cops who he would have casual conversations with.  
  
He knew two of the cops that had just entered the bar as Charles Gunn and Lawrence McBride. The other two he didn't know, but soon a fifth person made his way into the bar. Spike recognized him right away as his older brother. He was very nervous at being at a bar as he should be. He should be home with his wife, Cordelia, and two children, Madison and Connor. " Bloody hell." Spike murmured to himself as his Gunn spotted him and pointed in his direction.  
  
Angel saw his little brother and wondered what the hell he was doing here smoking and drinking. Will was a recovering alcoholic and shouldn't be drinking no matter the circumstances. Angel knew that he was letting his big-brother-knows-best side shine through too much, but he couldn't help but care that much for Will. He made his way across the bar to where Will was sitting and knew that his brother would have a fit if he came of too preachy. He started to pick his words carefully in his mind before saying.  
  
"Hullo will. Nice to see you here how have you been?"  
  
Spike knew that he was pretending to be the good guy before he exploded. Spike could see it in Angel's eyes. He knew that look better than anyone knew it. It was the look he reserved for only him when he was disappointed in Spike's choice or curious to what was wrong. Spike wasn't quiet sure which one it was right now though. He answered very softly,  
  
"Hey Angel. It was been a rather tiring day. Thank you for asking. How was your day?"  
  
Either he is being a smart-ass or he is trying to keep it civil, Angel thought.  
  
Although Spike's tone of voice would suggested the latter. Spike was never a smart- ass to Angel. In fact, Spike was more scared of Angel than he was of their dad. He was amazed on how that happened.  
  
"It was actually a very good day. We solved a crime that has been stumping us for weeks. The guys just wanted to come here and celebrate." Angel motioned to the group of police officers that were congregated around a table ordering beers. Spike thought that this nice attitude wouldn't last much longer so he decided to tell Angel why he was there.  
  
"I know it looks bad. Me in a bar and everything, but well these last couple of days have been well draining." There he said it and now he felt sick to his stomach. Why was it that he was more scared of Angel than anyone in the world. He was twenty-eight for the love of pete.  
  
Angel knew that that would happen. He would make Spike feel like a little boy trying to convince his parents that he hadn't done anything wrong. Angel hated that he had that kind of power over his twenty-eight year old brother. Spike would never seek his approval, but Angel knew Spike needed it.  
  
"Look you don't have to explain. You are a big boy now and you can make your own decisions. Although you are welcome to join us if you want?"  
  
Spike was floored. Angel was actually being civil and not abusing the power he had over him. Spike would have like to sit and listen to the other guys talk, but felt like her needed to be alone.  
  
"No, I'd rather be alone right now."  
  
"So you can wallow in the wreck that is your life?" Angel didn't like to see his brother pity himself.  
  
"No, I just need to be alone for a little while. I know that my life isn't going in the direction that I want it to, but that doesn't mean it's terrible." Spike was lying. He hated what his life had become, but the only person he could talk to about it was at home with his wife.  
  
"Ever since that Dru girl dumped you, you have been a wreck. You got fired from a job you loved because you yelled at your boss about what was it again?"  
  
"Paper in the copy room."  
  
Okay so it was a little lame, but it wasn't just about the paper although it had started off that way.  
  
"Paper in the copy room. That is really lame, Will."  
  
"It wasn't just about the paper. Besides, I thought you said I was a big boy who could make my own decisions."  
  
"Unless they're really stupid."  
  
"Maybe I like being stupid."  
  
Okay that was really retarded. Come up with some better comebacks you stupid git.  
  
"If you like being stupid that is you're own thing, but I hate seeing you play stupid. Try to be a little more bright."  
  
"I'm bright I just hid it, Dad."  
  
Great insult the fact that he acts like dad voluntarily. You just said that you were bright.  
  
Angel had listened to the conversation and wondered were that confident guy who was present in the courtroom went when he talked to him. He decided it would be better to change the subject.  
  
"So, how are things going at Xander's office? Anything exciting or noteworthy."  
  
" Just a bunch of paperwork." Spike said with a low voice.  
  
Bring up his boring useless job just like Angel. Although he probably did it unintentionally.  
  
"No cases?"  
  
"No part of the deal with Ahn. I don't take any cases."  
  
"You sure that it wouldn't do you some good to get back in the court room? Even if it is some boring family case."  
  
"No I don't think so." Spike was lying about not having a case and not wanting to be back in a court room. Angel would be able to tell.  
  
Angel did pick up on the fact that Spike was lying to him. He could tell because Spike wasn't looking directly into his eyes. All he needed was for Spike to start speaking with an accent and he would no for sure.  
  
"So no new anything, huh?"  
  
"No, there isn't anything that is bloody new 'ight. For the luv of god will you sod of now."  
  
Great just tell Angel to his face that your lying. Now he'll never go away.  
  
That was all Angel needed to hear.  
  
"You are definitely lying to me now just tell me what the hell is wrong with having a new case and wanting to do what you love?"  
  
" It isn't that easy. I jus' feel that I don't know, that I hate doing this family law crap and here I'm with a case. I luv being a lawyer, but this is the bottom of the barrel. It might work for the poof that our sister married, but it doesn't stack up for me." Spike's accent slowly went away as he calmed down.  
  
Angel knew that there was more.  
  
"That isn't it. I know you Will. I'm your big brother."  
  
Always so damn intuitive. I should just tell him.  
  
"Well, no that isn't all. Mostly it is because of the client of my new case. She is going through a rough divorce and I just want to do everything to help her. She seems like such a strong person, but is pretty stressed out about this whole thing."  
  
Great talk about her like she's a saint. You don't even know her that well.  
  
"Well, it seems that my little brother has a crush on some girl. You feel that you shouldn't because she's going through a divorce." It was more of a statement then a question, but Spike nodded his head. It was good to talk to someone about this, even though he imagined it would be Wes.  
  
"I guess that it would seem a little wrong, but I don't think it is. if you wait until after she is legally divorced that is. Don't go after her right now." "I wouldn't even try. I don't even think I would go after her after she was divorced. I'm not exactly looking for that right now."  
  
"Is it because of Dru?"  
  
Dru was a girl who Spike had dated for over two years he met her while he was a prosecutor. She was defending a criminal that he put away. They didn't date right away, but started dating a couple months later. She was there when he decided to go for a job as a defense attorney.  
  
She broke up with him a little before he was fired from his job. She was cheating on him and decided it was time to cut him loose. Spike had been heart broken and drank himself silly before both Wes and Angel stopped him and made him see the error of his ways. Not in time to save his job, though.  
  
"Yes and No. I'm not still in love with the cold hearted bitch, but the scar is still there. It wasn't gone away and it still needs some time. No girl is going to make me forget my dreams." Spike said this with a little too much conviction.  
  
"Right, your own practice. How could I forget? It's the only thing you have been talking about since you were eighteen. Just remember that it gets lonely at the top, bro. You will want someone up there with you sooner or later. Only a matter of time."  
  
"Don't you think I know that. For awhile I thought it would be Dru, but that idea is shoot to hell. I just need some time to forget all the rotten things I've done and have had done to me. One day I'll wake up and go ' Hey I think I want to give Angel's life a try', but for now I want to give Spike's life a try."  
  
"Good speech, maybe you should have been a politician."  
  
"No doesn't fit me. Although I do think it was a good speech."  
  
"Do you think you'd like to join us now?"  
  
"Yeah. So, how's the wife and kids."  
  
A/N: okay so what did you think of this chapter? Please review. I'm open to anyone's suggestions. I know you are all probably wondering what where the Spuffiness is but I swear it is coming soon. Just be a little patient. 


	3. Misunderstanding

Chapter 3:  
  
Buffy stood in front of the law firm that she had to go into. Her legs didn't seem to want to move. She fixedly stared at the building and the huge sign the said Harris and associates. She didn't know what worried her more: the possibility she might have to let Riley see Dawn or the fact she had to see him again. She was being stupid and she knew it. She barely knew the man and she was already acting like a teenager. He just seemed so nice and understanding.  
  
Buffy looked at her watch and realized that she was already five minutes late. She wanted to hurry, but she wasn't moving. She sighed and realized that sooner or later she would have to talk to the man she hired as her lawyer. It was just no matter how much she said she was ready to take that step in her life she knew she was scared.  
  
The thought of losing to someone as controlling as her ex-husband was too much for her. Also the fact that the most gorgeous pair of blue eyes was waiting for her inside those walls. Buffy knew she had to face the music and started to walk again only to stop right in front of the doors with her arm reaching out for the door knob. She slowly put her arm to her side and wondered why is this so hard.  
  
Spike had been waiting for her all day. He had nothing better to do. She was ten minutes late no and he wondered if she hadn't decided to go with a more power hitting attorney. No, he thought, she would have pulled her retainer if that was the case. Still she didn't seem like the type to forget an appointment as serious as this one. He wondered if maybe she got held up in traffic or something when there was a knock on the door.  
  
"Come in," Spike said. A brunette in a lab coat entered the room. She was tall and wore glasses. Her hair was shoulder length and wavy. She was wearing a huge smile that she reserved only for him.  
  
"Spike hi." She said. Her voice was very upbeat and cheery.  
  
"Hello Anya. How are you?" Spike said to his little sister. She was very grown-up, but Spike still saw the same goofy looking teenager with glasses that used to follow him around everywhere.  
  
"Fine Spike. I just dropped by to have lunch with Xander. I figured why not say hi to one of my favorite brothers."  
  
"I'm only one of two Anya. But it was nice of you to drop by." He couldn't but smile. Anya always had a smile plastered on her face, especially when she was around Spike.  
  
"Spike, why haven't you taken your lunch break yet? It's very late and you should eat. I hope Xander isn't giving too much work. I could talk to him of you want?" Anya was babbling on and on, she knew that, but she couldn't help the fact that she cared a lot about her older brother.  
  
She knew that Spike didn't want this job and that she had goaded him into taking it. She just want to make sure that he was adjusting to it. Family law was totally different from criminal law. She knew he thought that it was for the weak lawyers, but a job was a job.  
  
"No don't do that. Everything's fine. I was just waiting for a client."  
  
"I thought you said you didn't want to take any cases?"  
  
"Sometimes I can be a stubborn jack ass, but Xander and Angel helped me see that I love being in front of judge. Maybe it is the ham side of me, but I love being in a court room."  
  
"Wow, Xander and Dad couldn't have inspired that much of a change. Is there something you aren't telling me?"  
  
"You still call Angel by his nickname. That's sweet." Spike said trying not to let his sister see that there was in fact a change in his attitude.  
  
"Don't change the subject. Now spill what is making you all happy."  
  
"Ahn, you know that I love it when you visit me. I'm always happy when I'm around my baby sister. You bring it out in everyone."  
  
"That isn't it, but if you want to be secretive about this girl go ahead, but know that it won't last for very long. I know you better than you know you. Which scares me at times, but it was its fringe benefits."  
  
Spike laughed at the assessment of their relationship. It was true despite the fact that Spike didn't want it to be. Anya knew him better than most people. The only person who knew more about him then her was Wes.  
  
"So, this client, is she a woman?" Anya was trying to pry into her older brother's life some more with out being direct about it. The problem was Anya was always direct about everything. She said what was on her mind and didn't hold back. Sometimes it was brutal, but most people she knew learned to accept it.  
  
"Yes, most people who come to this law firm are women going through divorces. You know that. Your husband owns this law firm." Spike knew she was trying to get the scoop, but didn't want to re-hash everything. Buffy might walk through the door any minute now. "That's fantastic." Anya looked at her watch and knew she had to go. Xander had reservations at a very nice restaurant.  
  
"I have to go. Xander has this big surprise planned at some fancy restaurant for our anniversary."  
  
"That's right. You guys have been married for two years now. That is excellent."  
  
"Yeah I know. Now all we need is to have some kids and we'll be Angel and Cordelia. Maybe one day you could join us?"  
  
"I'll think about it."  
  
Anya got up and started walking to the door. Spike followed her and opened the door. Once in the hall, the two hugged and said good-bye.  
  
"Now promise me you will try to meet someone new. The whole brooding thing doesn't work on you."  
  
"I'll try. It isn't like you can just snap your fingers and instantly your soul mate would be standing in front of you."  
  
"I know just try looking then." Anya said as she started to walk away. Anya worried about Spike, but she just couldn't tell him how to run his life. It was hard because he was always the grounded knew what he was doing one while she was the one who had no clue.  
  
Spike watched as his sister walked away. He was happy for her success, but he felt himself becoming jealous. She had a good job and a husband. Angel had a good job and a family. Both his siblings were happy as could be, but he wasn't. He had been the one dreaming of a family for as long as he could remember.  
  
Anya never wanted a family and Angel had thought that he would be too busy to keep one. Now both had families and he was the one who was single and alone. Life works in mysterious ways, he thought before entering his office and going back to waiting for his no-show client.  
  
Buffy had finally managed to walk inside the building. When she reached his office she saw him hugging some women. Buffy didn't know why but she felt jealous.  
  
Why do you feel jealous over a man you don't even know. The women walked away and he stood there watching her walk away.  
  
Must be a girlfriend or something, Buffy thought. Good anyway, no way am I going to go after a guy who is attached. No matter how good looking he is. Buffy walked the remaining steps to his office. She knocked on the door. "Come in." Spike said. He was hoping it was her otherwise he would go on his lunch break. She walked in to the office and sat down in the chair that faced him.  
  
"Sorry I'm late, but Dawn was a little sick so I had to call a baby- sitter." Buffy said. She knew that she was lying but what was she going to say, I was late because I was worried I might jump you if I saw you again.  
  
"S'okay. I wasn't waiting. I had some company earlier so everything is okay. Would you like something to eat?" Spike said. Buffy thought for sure that the girl who left his office was a girlfriend now.  
  
"No I had something to eat before I got here."  
  
"Well I hope you don't mind if I order something from the lunch cart. I haven't eaten all day so I'm famished."  
  
"No that's perfectly alright."  
  
"I'll just be a minute." He got up and went out of the door.  
  
Buffy looked at his desk. It had a computer and papers were scattered everywhere. There were picture frames too. About six or seven. Curiosity got the better of Buffy and she walked to the other side of his desk to see what they were pictures of. There were three on one side and five on the other. The side with three were pictures of him with the same people. There was one of him with a guy and a girl and they seemed to be friends. There was another one with the just him and that same guy. The last one was of a wedding where that same guy and girl were getting married and he appeared to be the best man.  
  
The other side had a picture with a family. She assumed that it must be his brother or something. There was a picture of him and his brother with a whole bunch of cops. Buffy could tell they were cops because they were in uniform. There was a picture of him as a little boy with his family. There was also one with him and an older man who might have been an uncle or something. The last one was of him and that girl. She was wearing a wedding dress! He wasn't wearing the usual wedding attire, so he couldn't be getting married to her. This was very interesting to Buffy, that she didn't even hear Spike come back inside the office.  
  
"Are you looking at the pictures on my desk?" Spike knew that he was stating the obvious, but he had no idea why she would be doing that.  
  
"Yes, I was just looking around."  
  
"Would you mind putting that picture back where it was. I'm sort of a neat freak." Buffy didn't even realize that she was holding the picture. She hurriedly put it back in its place and sat down in the chair.  
  
Spike went back to his desk and fixed the picture. He wasn't trying to make a joke about him being a neat freak. He looked at the picture she had been holding. It was of him and Anya dancing on Anya's wedding day. He wondered why she was holding that picture.  
  
"Mind telling me why a picture of me with my sister would interest you so much?" It was his sister. Buffy could have hit herself for being so stupid.  
  
" Just thought it was nice that a man had pictures on his desk."  
  
Good cover.  
  
"Oh well I like to have pictures on my desk of important people or events. Whenever I feel stuck I just remember something good that happened by looking at a picture. Huge stress reliever."  
  
Okay so he doesn't have a girlfriend and he said that pictures help relieve his stress. He must be gay. Yes he's a faggot.  
  
"Oh that's nice."  
  
"Well to be truthful my sister came in her and put them on my desk. She said it was sad that all the other guys had pictures of their families and I had nothing, but paper on my desk. She's so sweet always thinking about me which can get annoying."  
  
Damn it. Why does he have to totally ruin the image of all my guesses. Why can't he just be gay?  
  
Spike wasn't sure if he was babbling or not. She seemed like she really didn't care about what he was talking about.  
  
Of course she doesn't. She's here to get a divorce not meet nice people.  
  
" So anyway you came her to discuss the case? I had a few questions about what is exactly you want." He had slipped into a professional tone in a matter of seconds. Buffy wondered if she had accidental asked the wrong question. She wanted him to talk more about his life.  
  
"You know I was wondering if the shop talk could wait. I'm actually really nervous and I was wondering who all those people in the pictures were?" She didn't care if it sounded flirty.  
  
"Oh, okay. Um well this one is one of my best friend, Wes, his now wife, Fred, and me. I think we were in college at the time." Spike said holding up a picture of him, Wes, and Fred.  
  
" This one is just Wes and me. This one was taken at Wes and Fred's wedding. This is one of me when I was little with my family. This one is when my brother became a detective. Those were all his cop friends. This is one of my mentor Giles and me. The last one is of my brother's family." Spike finished.  
  
He wondered why she cared at all. It was all pretty boring. She seemed so interest though. " Well it's nice that you have a lot of people who care about you. I just have my one friend Willow. She's great and everything, but it's only one person." Buffy said it relieved her some.  
  
Spike wondered where the nice small talk was coming from. He liked it though so he continued on with it.  
  
" What about family members?"  
  
"My dad left when I was young and my mom is mad at me for the divorce. She said that it was selfish of me to put Dawn through something like this at such a young age. Go figure."  
  
"You're an only child?"  
  
"Yes. My parents didn't stay together long enough to make another kid. I knew that my mom and dad loved each other even if they didn't stay together. Then he died and I really didn't get to have any brothers or sisters. It must be nice to have siblings."  
  
"Some say it's easier when you aren't the middle child. It's great, but I have an older brother who is way too overprotective."  
  
"Nothing wrong with your sister?"  
  
"No. Well she married a guy I don't like, but other than that she did everything I dreamed for her."  
  
"That's great. I mean that you have such a good relationship with her. It must make things easier." "Well I can't talk to her about weird things like sex or anything but it does relieve some tension." Buffy started to laugh. He was making her laugh. It had been such a long time since anyone had made her laugh.  
  
She was laughing. She is very beautiful when she laughed. Her face seems to light up, Spike thought. No bad thoughts she is a married woman who is your client. You don't go there. Mixing business with pleasure never works. Just start talking about the case.  
  
"Um I think we should start talking about the case now. I really have to do some work after you leave." He had changed the subject so abruptly, Buffy thought.  
  
He must not be comfortable talking about his family in front of me. Or he's nervous because of something that had nothing to do with me. Whichever it is he isn't going to talk about his family any more. Buffy thought as she started to answer his question.  
  
The meeting had lasted for the better part of two hours. Spike had heard all he needed to hear about the situation that the case was in. Apparently, Buffy's ex-husband was in the army and his parents had money. They had hired the best lawyer for this case. Spike thought that in a, twisted way, this little girl was lucky to have people that cared so much.  
  
Maybe it was just the fact that if his father and mother had divorced that his father wouldn't fight that hard to see him. Anya and Angel, yes, but Spike was the odd-ball of the bunch. His father never cared that much for Spike or Spike's life. When Spike's grandfather died it had been the hardest time of his life. Not just because he was dead although that was hard, but because his father started to pick on him after that. Spike was home more because he spent most of his time at his grandfather's house. His father would always say that Spike was a screw-up who would never amount to anything.  
  
Buffy had talked about all of it. She had let it out. Everything Riley did to her and their daughter. She thought it would be hard, but it wasn't. they had discussed everything that was needed to be discussed about the case. She felt more assured that things would be just fine.  
  
"So when is the court date set for?" she asked. She wanted this all over with.  
  
"Um, well, it is set for two weeks from now." Spike saw Buffy's face drop into a frown. He wanted to saw something that would reassure her that things would be okay. Suddenly the thought popped into his head.  
  
"I have a friend who is a judge. If you give me a couple minutes I could probably persuade her to move the trial up."  
  
"Don't you think that Riley's lawyer would pick up on that? I mean if your friend was the judge that was presented with the case." Damn it. Spike hadn't thought of that.  
  
"No, I could talk my friend into talking the original judge into moving the case up. It shouldn't be too hard. I know most of the judges at the courthouse."  
  
" Oh. Well if you could pull some strings to make the case earlier then I won't say no to some help. I really want this over with." Buffy knew that she was being a little too over-dramatic. She would be very happy if he could make the date earlier.  
  
"Of course I can. You are the only case I currently have. I worked out the kinks with Xander yesterday." Spike said keeping up the image that he worked there as a lawyer and not as a shitty paper filer.  
  
"I never met someone that was on a first name basis with their boss."  
  
"Oh well Xander is married to my sister."  
  
" Ah nepotism at work for you." Buffy said and laughed at her own joke. Spike couldn't help but laugh. It was what actually happened.  
  
"Well I guess you're right on the nose with that. So I'll see what I can do and than I'll cal you with any news."  
  
"Right. Okay then I have to be on my way. Like I said Dawn isn't feeling very well."  
  
" Right." Buffy got up and walked to the door and Spike followed closely behind her. She turned towards him and said,  
  
"Thank you for being so helpful."  
  
"I think you need to stop saying thank you. Some how I don't see you as the saying thank you type."  
  
" No really," she said as she touched his hand, "It isn't necessary to your job to be nice and all. I thought that lawyers weren't exactly the nicest people in the world."  
  
"Well not all of us are like that."  
  
" Yeah thank you for showing me that." She said as she let go of his hand and walked out the door.  
  
Crap what the hell just happened. She touched my hand! Why? What the hell just happened?  
  
Spike thought. He sighed, closed his door, and walked to his desk.  
  
Why did things have to be so fucking confusing. Was she giving me signals are was I just imagining it. Why was it that she could smile and I could turn into pudding. She is very pretty, but I can't do this. I can't. I can't. right?"  
  
Buffy practically ran out of the building. Why did I touch his hand? Why is my hand feeling all tingly? Why do I feel all tingly? Why am I allowing myself to go down this path. It is the wrong path. He maybe very handsome, but I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't. right?" 


	4. A Way With Words

Chapter 4:  
  
"Fred why can't you just talk to Judge Stevens. I'm sure you could convince him to move the trial up to an early date."  
  
"I can't."  
  
"Why the fuck not?"  
  
"Hey lets keep the anger down a bit, k," Wes had been listening to the two people he cared most about argue for about twenty minutes. He hated it when they did that. Fred and Spike got along well enough, but they disagreed on things law wise. Spike was more of the defend the criminals type while Fred was more the put the criminals away type.  
  
"No, Wes, I can handle this by myself. I'll tell you why the fuck not, because I can't just go around like a stuck up bitch asking other judges to move up trials for my friends."  
  
"Well if the shoe fits."  
  
That was enough. Spike was going to say, if not had already said, something that he would regret. Wes had to intervene.  
  
"Look, Spike, I know you want to help but yelling at Fred isn't go to help. It will only end up that you two will stop talking. Let's not have a whole re-make of the OJ Simpson fiasco. You two didn't talk for a week." Both Spike and Fred mumbled what sounded like an 'I'm sorry' and then began to cool off.  
  
"Ok, now can we get back to enjoying or dinner that Fred made for us? I know that it isn't as exciting as yelling at each other, but it's less painful to the friendship."  
  
"Oh, Wes, you don't have to worry about us not being friends. Fred and I argue, but somehow we work things out. Ain't that right Fred." Spike flashed his big, fake, tooth, grin that always made Fred laugh. Fred in spite of her resolve laughed at her friend.  
  
Fred hated it when her and Spike fought, but it seemed to happen a lot when they talked about their jobs. Spike had been an A.D.A when Fred won the position of judge. They had gotten along fine until Spike switched from being put the bad guys away to try to keep the bad guys out of jail. That was when all the disagreeing started. Fred will loved Spike as a friend. Spike had been the one to push her into pursuing Wesley. She would be in his debt for doing something like that for her.  
  
Spike hated to make Wes and Fred unhappy, but this case mattered.  
  
Not because of Buffy or anything like that. She isn't why I'm doing this, although it sure does feel like that is the only reason I'm doing any of this.  
  
Spike put those thoughts out of his head. He wouldn't deny that he was attracted to her, but that was it. He was doing this because it was for the good of the case. Spike pushed his food around with his fork.  
  
If she isn't why I'm doing this than why am I doing this, he wondered.  
  
"Well if it means that much to you I guess I can try and see if Judge Stevens will move up the case. I can't guarantee anything, but I will true. There are you happy now."  
  
"Ecstatic. No really I'm very pleased that you would even consider talking to him. I mean I can be a real piece of shit some times when I don't get my way."  
  
Yeah well I've grown to accept your piece of shit ways."  
  
"We all have." Wes said. Things were returning to there natural flow.  
  
"Alright we've classified that I'm a piece of shit can we eat now?"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Wes and Spike sat outside on the porch smoking cigarettes and drinking some beers. Fred was washing the dishes and it was time for Wes to talk to his best friend. Spike had been his friend since they were little. At first, Spike helped Wes through some tough times, like when his parents divorced. Then it was Wes's turn to help Spike through troubled times. They had always been there for each other and both knew the other's moods pretty well.  
  
Right now Wes could tell that his friend was in a bit of confusion. He watched as Spike took a sip of his Heineken and then slowly dragged on his cigarette until it was nothing but ashes. His eyes had that sparkle they had when he was in deep thought about things. Wes didn't want to interrupt Spike's thoughts but knew that he had to.  
  
"Spike what are you thinking about?" it was a simple question that didn't have any hidden meaning. It was honest.  
  
"How many cigarettes do you think I go through in a week?" Wes saw that either he was trying to change the subject or all those years of dying his hair blonde were finally going to his head.  
  
"I don't know. Maybe a pack a week. Now that I've answered your question why don't you answer mine."  
  
Shit, he was going to get off the subject anytime soon.  
  
"Nothing just thinking about stupid shit. You know me. I was just thinking. I'm always thinking about fucking nothing in particular." It was an offhanded remark that didn't hold much truth and Wes knew it. His friend couldn't hide anything from him.  
  
"That ain't what your dumb ass was thinking about and I know it. Why did you get so angry with Fred earlier? You've asked her tons of times to do things like that and accepted it. Why did you act like a bastard this time."  
  
"This time is different. It is a very important case."  
  
"It's not like the fucking president is getting a divorce and your defending Barbara Bush here. You don't even like that shitty job."  
  
"I know, but this case is different."  
  
"Fine if you don't want to tell me what the hell is going on that's fine. I will find out though. I always do. So you better tell me know so I can approve your dumb ass decisions before you make them."  
  
"I'm old enough to make my own decisions."  
  
"Old enough but not smart enough."  
  
"Look I better go. It's pretty late and I have that case to work on tomorrow. Tell Fred I said bye, k."  
  
"k" Spike sauntered off to his car as Wes watched with apprehension. Wes picked up the beer bottles and went inside wondering what was up with his friend.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Spike went to work early hoping to get some work done. He had been doing this for two days now. Fred had called and said that she got Judge Stevens to move up the date to the thirteenth of June, which was two days away. He had to work his ass off if he wanted to have a presentable argument. Buffy was to show up later that day to discuss everything before they went to trial. Spike hoped that he would be able to forget about his stupid crush on her and just be her lawyer.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Buffy had an appointment with Spike today. She knew that it was last one before they went to trial and that they needed to talk about what to expect. He had insisted that Dawn come along. He needed to make sure that Dawn really wanted to live with her before things went any further. Buffy sat waiting for Dawn to get home so they could go. Buffy had been anxious to see him again. She was very assured that nothing would happen, but she still could look. She was still married, but she wasn't dead. She could still think about other men and what would happen if she was in a room alone with one in particular.  
  
A loud knock on the door shook Buffy out of her daydream.  
  
"Who is it." She called out. She didn't want to open the door and see Riley there.  
  
"It's Willow."  
  
"Oh wait a minute, Wills." Buffy got up and opened the door.  
  
"Hey, what are you doing here. I thought that you had a client with some sort of weird psychological disease today."  
  
"Problem with psychos is that they some times forget appointments and take to much Valium the day before."  
  
"Oh well Valium can do that to you."  
  
"So can Demerol and Morphine. So what's up today."  
  
"Meeting with Mr. Flannery. I'm just waiting for Dawn to come home so we can go. We have to get all of our "evidence" ready."  
  
"Oh so you're going to see the hottie lawyer again. Yum."  
  
"Willow. He's good looking, but Dawn will be there."  
  
"Are you saying you would you know, if Dawn wasn't there?"  
  
"No, I'm married. Well okay so not happily considering I'm getting a divorce, but still married."  
  
"I know I'm just teasing. I was wondering if you still needed me to testify on your behalf?"  
  
"I don't know. Will, I mean Mr. Flannery wasn't said anything about it."  
  
Crap that didn't sound good.  
  
"On a first name basis huh. Well isn't that. cozy?"  
  
"He didn't want to be called Mr. Flannery so I happily obliged to call him Will. That's all."  
  
"Sure." Willow was about to say something more when Dawn walked in the door. Willow looked at her. Dawn looked a lot like Buffy. She had the same green eyes and cute little nose. She acted like Buffy too. The only thing that made her seem different from Buffy was the hair color. Dawn had brown hair. It was virtually the only difference between the two.  
  
"Dawn its time to go."  
  
"Why do I have to go to this stupid meeting with this lawyer. I don't want to."  
  
"Dawn come on. It won't be bad I promise."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Why don't I go with you? I mean you shouldn't have to take the bus when I could give you a ride." Willow couldn't pass up this golden opportunity to see the guy that had Buffy a little more Buffy these days. Buffy glared at Willow for awhile before agreeing and then they all left.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Spike had everything set up and ready for when she arrived. He would make this a short meeting because she was bring her daughter or at least that was what he kept telling himself. He knew that his really reason was so he didn't have to see Buffy for to long of a time. Spike was musing around some more when he heard a knock on his door.  
  
"Come in." he said. When he looked up he expected to see Buffy and her daughter. Instead he was looking at a very petite woman with red hair and emerald green eyes. She was wearing a business suit. Spike was about to ask who she was when she yelled, "Buffy he is in his office."  
  
When Willow opened the door she didn't know what she expected to see. An ugly man who was wearing glasses was not what she opened the door to. Buffy was right he was in fact very good looking. In fact he was more than just good looking he was handsome, even hot. Willow wondered if her cheeks were turning red because she felt like she was blushing. All she could do was yell Buffy's name from across the hall. Buffy came running instantly with Dawn at her side. Willow looked back at the man siting in his chair behind his desk. He was smiling at her. Willow gave him a nervous smile.  
  
Buffy entered the office to see Will grinning nicely and Willow grinning like an idiot. She walked past Willow and took a seat in the usual chair she sat in during these meetings. Dawn came to sit in the chair next to Buffy. Willow stood in the doorway not sure of what she should do.  
  
"If your friend wants she can sit down in that chair over there." Spike said noticing that the redhead was still standing in the doorway. Willow looked at the chair Spike had pointed to it. She felt like a total retard.  
  
Not to be mean or anything, but who is she and why is she here?" Spike asked Buffy.  
  
"That's Willow. She dropped us off and wanted to know if there was anything she could do to help with the case."  
  
"Yeah that's right. Just wanted to be of some help."  
  
"Oh well I guess we could use all the back up ammo we can get. I was just thinking that it should be kept simple. The only terms that will be under negotiation will be the hours that Mr. Finn gets to spend with Dawn. I'm pretty sure that if we can prove the abuse than you'll be rewarded the hours you want, Ms. Summers." There was that word again. If. It was a small word with a big price. Buffy couldn't let Riley get custody of Dawn. The only way he would be able to see Dawn was if it was during a supervised visit.  
  
"You do think that we can prove the abuse right?"  
  
"Of course. There aren't just your statement, but the hospitals, police departments, and your friend Willow's testimony. We also have Dawn who can testify to some of the abuse, although I don't want to have to use her."  
  
"What if Dawn doesn't want to testify against her own father." Dawn said startling everyone in the room.  
  
"What if she just wants everything to go back to the way they used to be. Can they go back to the way the used to be?"  
  
"Dawnie, I don't."  
  
"Can they go back to the way they used to be!" Dawn was practically screaming. Buffy and Willow were a little nervous. Spike decided that he should speak up. He always had a way with kids.  
  
"Dawn, you don't have to testify, but I don't think that things can go back to the way they used to be."  
  
"Why?" Dawn's voice was pleading and her eyes were big with suppressed tears.  
  
"Because your mommy and daddy don't want things to go back to the way they were. It's not because of you, it's because they can't be around each other anymore. They aren't the same people anymore and they want different things. But the one thing they both want is for you to be happy. If there is anything you want just speak up and I'll make sure that I discuss the best way of doing whatever it is you want out of this mess." Dawn calmed down and answered Spike's question.  
  
"I want to be able to go with my dad to get ice cream once a month like we used to. Do you think that's okay?" Spike looked in Buffy's direction to see if there were any objections. There were some, but Spike thought it would be better to just tell Dawn that he would try.  
  
"I'll try to see what I can do. Now, why don't you go to the day care center that is just a few doors down from here and wait for your mom. I think that they are serving some sort of snack right now. Tell them Spike sent you." Dawn looked at her mother to see if she would let her. Buffy nodded her head and Dawn happily skipped off.  
  
Willow was amazed at how well Spike had just handled that. He sounded like a professional. He didn't say anything about Riley being a bad man, which was a good thing. Dawn needed to think her dad was a good man even if he wasn't. She wondered how he knew exactly just what to say. Even she didn't know what to say to Dawn to make her feel better and she was paid to do that kind of stuff. Buffy was angry at Spike for telling Dawn that she might be able to see Riley once a month to get ice cream. What surprised her most was that she was also impressed by his genuine sincerity. Those were beautiful words that he just said to Dawn to make her feel better. He was definitely a lawyer who cared a great deal about his clients.  
  
" Spike." Was what Buffy finally managed to say.  
  
Spike blushed. She had found out his nickname because he let it slip.  
  
"Yeah, it's just a nickname I picked up. So let's get to the business at hand." Willow's pager went off after he said this. She looked down at it.  
  
"Great, remember the psycho I was telling you about?" she told Buffy.  
  
"The chic on Valium."  
  
"Yeah well she just got up and now I have to go over there and deal with her. Will you be alright getting home?"  
  
Sure."  
  
"Okay then bye." Willow practically ran out of the office. Spike cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"Do I even want to know what that was about?" he asked in a suspicious voice.  
  
"Willow is a psychiatrist. She deals with crazy people all the time."  
  
"Oh that would make a lot more sense then the theory I had worked out in my head." Spike said jokingly. Buffy laughed at the joke. Again he was making her laugh; it was uncanny.  
  
"Well I think we've wasted enough time on small talk, so lets try to focus on why you came here." He stared at into her eyes as he said this.  
  
Buffy wondered why he had to do that. Didn't he know that he had the most beautiful eyes in the world? They were like tiny little pools to his soul. She tried to look away, but her effort was only half-hearted. He was the first person to pull away from their little staring contest.  
  
"Well, like I was saying I don't want to make Dawn testify. Mr. Finn is her dad after all and it would be a draining experience. I also wanted to talk to you about being a little more understanding with the hours. I think that it would be good for the visits to be supervised, but maybe a few more times a month. Like two maybe three Saturdays a month instead of just one. There has to be a little wiggle room."  
  
Buffy only half listened to him. She was looking at his face. He was very handsome. He seemed to get more handsome every time she saw him. It seemed like he did it on purpose.  
  
"I know that I'm probably being a little unreasonable, but I just feel that Dawn is so young and impressionable. I don't want her to get hurt."  
  
"And you don't want her to act like him." Spike finished for her. It would be hard for her to admit that so he did it for her.  
  
"Look I think everything should be fine. Just be truthful tomorrow and everything will run smoothly. This whole new hours thing is just in case. I think you want to end this as soon as possible and the only way of doing that would be to compromise a little."  
  
"Yeah I understand. Well if that's it I think that Dawn and I should be going home."  
  
"Is there a way you can get home?"  
  
Bus."  
  
"Why don't you let me drive you guys home. I have nothing better to do today."  
  
"It might be out of your way."  
  
"Where do you live?"  
  
"Revello Drive."  
  
"Well, that isn't to far away from my place. I live on Hemory."  
  
" Oh I guess that isn't to far away. Alright then, just let me get Dawn."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The drive to Buffy and Dawn's apartment was made on total silence except for the occasional comments made by Dawn about Spike's car. Buffy had imagined that Spike drove a small sports car, but he surprised her when he motioned to a very big, black SUV. It was a very nice car and not what she expected a single twenty-eight year old to have. Dawn instantly feel in love with the car.  
  
They were parked in front of the apartment complex were Buffy and Dawn lived. No one moved for about a minute after Spike turned off the car. Buffy finally spoke up. " Dawn why don't you go inside and get started on your homework. I have one more question to ask Mr. Flannery." Dawn pouted, but decided it wasn't worth the breath. She opened her door, got out and yelled, " Bye Spike."  
  
"Bye Dawn," Spike said back as Dawn shut the door. He then turned his attention to Buffy.  
  
Buffy was sitting quietly staring out the window. She finally realized that Spike was staring at her.  
  
"Oh right. I was just wondering if there was any way that you could pick me up for the trial tomorrow. I'm afraid I'll be late if I take the bus."  
  
"Sure." He expected her to say all right and jump out of the car. When she didn't he was curious to know what was up.  
  
Buffy wanted to move away from the car, but her legs weren't moving. She wondered what was up with her. Sure he was a handsome man and he knew how to talk to kids, but this whole dance was insane. She was still married albeit to a man she hated with passion, but married nonetheless. She couldn't just go off and start dating and sleeping around.  
  
Not that that was what she wanted to do with Spike. Her relationship if you could call it that was more based on respect. Her attraction to him was about his ability to be so open. She hated all this confusion. She didn't even know the man on a more personally level. Although she could if she wanted to. Buffy cleared her throat and was about to talk.  
  
Spike couldn't keep debating this in his mind anymore. She seemed like the type who wouldn't admit to things easily. Stubborn. That was just what he needed, someone who was just as stubborn as he was. He didn't know Buffy as more than a client, but he figured that knowing what he did, he could conclude that she hated to take no for an answer. He knew he had to say something. Buffy was getting ready to talk, but Spike didn't notice.  
  
He spoke faster than she did, "You know I'm having this debate in my mind as to why you aren't moving."  
  
Buffy didn't know what more to say then, "And?"  
  
" Well it's one of two reasons. One either your legs suddenly don't know how to work and you can't move."  
  
"That one is unlikely."  
  
"Or we can go with option number two."  
  
"Which is?"  
  
"That you have the insatiable need to say thank you are something to that affect."  
  
Buffy wasn't sure which one she liked better. Obviously the whole leg thing wouldn't work, but it might be better than admitting to him that he was right. She wanted to say thank you, but it had to be much bigger than that.  
  
"Well." she began  
  
"I was wondering if, as a thank you for helping with Dawn today, you would consider letting me take you to lunch?" Spike pondered the question in his mind. Saying yes would be like setting himself up for defeat. He already felt an attraction to this woman, but going to a meal, even lunch, with her would most likely overwhelm him. Although saying no might crush her. She really needed to have a lot of friends around. She had already admitted to not having to many friends. Friends.  
  
That was what Spike could be. A friend. He had girls who were just friends. Okay so he only had one and she was married to his best friend, but before that they were good friends. He hadn't wanted to be with her or anything. He could build a friendship with Buffy and have nothing happen. After hearing yucky awkward teens stories he probably wouldn't think of her that way anymore.  
  
"Sure I would love lunch."  
  
Buffy let out a breath she didn't even realize she was holding. He hadn't answered her right away and she wondered if maybe she was to forward.  
  
"Okay then. Lunch it is."  
  
"Are you going to tell me were this lunch will be at and maybe when?"  
  
"After the trial tomorrow. I know this quaint little deli that is located pretty close to your office. I think that you'll enjoy it." Spike wasn't a deli man, but a meal was a meal. Besides it was a meal that would include Buffy which was a plus for it.  
  
"Okay then, well, I think I better get going. Big day tomorrow and I want to be prepared." Buffy said this as she started to exit the car.  
  
"Okay then see you tomorrow." Buffy closed the door and Spike turned on the car. In the back of his mind he wondered what he had just gotten himself into. He shook of the looming feeling of that he had made some sort of mistake and drove away. 


	5. The Not So Good Invitation

Chapter 5:  
  
Spike was ready for today. He would be in front of a judge again. Although he hated the type of law he was practicing, being in front of people and making grand speeches was such a rush for Spike. He was a little nervous about the other lawyer, but he wouldn't let that get him done from his happy mood.  
  
He was parked in front of Buffy's apartment complex. He had been waiting for her for about five minutes now. She was helping Dawn get ready for school. He was looking over his notes when he heard the knock on his window. It was Buffy. Spike quickly on locked the door and Buffy climbed into the car.  
  
Buffy situated herself comfortably in the passenger's seat and said, " Dawn threw a fit when she realized that you came in 'Your totally cool car'." She used the air quotes to show Spike that it was what Dawn had said.  
  
"It wouldn't have been to bad to give her a ride."  
  
"I don't want her to get to attached to the car. I mean unless you don't mind her sleeping in it." Spike started the car and pondered that comment. He knew she was joking about it, but it was a comment he found himself wishing applied to Dawn's mommy.  
  
"Well, very respectable people sleep in cars."  
  
"Like bums. Wait bums don't even have cars half the time. So, what people who get kicked out of their homes."  
  
"No people trying to live their dreams. I have a friend who slept in his car so he could save money to live his dream."  
  
"You didn't offer him a place to live?" Buffy found the story amusing. She wondered how Spike could just sit back and watch a friend sleep in his car.  
  
"I did. He wouldn't except if he couldn't pay rent. The whole idea was to save money. He was a stubborn jackass, but he made his point."  
  
"So, he lived in his car for how long?"  
  
"It was about a month or two. Then Fred came back from her consult in England and got so pissed at him. She, of course like all of us, had to practically beg him to come and live in a house."  
  
"Oh so this is about your friend Wes." Buffy said very proudly. She knew some of the people in his life and for some reason this made her happy.  
  
"Yeah. Fred, his better half, although some times she can be his worse half, forced him to live with her."  
  
Buffy admired the way he talked about his friends. So open. She never talked about Willow with other people. He must have been very close with his friends.  
  
"So, this Wes guy who slept in car. What was it that he slept in his car for?" Spike chuckled. He remembered Wes determination to start his own medical practice. He was a man just out of medical school and didn't have very good credit.  
  
"He was trying to save money to start his own medical practice. He is a pediatrician. He was just out of medical school so his credit was, pardon my French, shot to shit. He wouldn't let Fred pay for any of the expenses. They fought over that for years. Not the sleeping in the car thing, but his whole 'Fred can't pay for anything' approach to his situation."  
  
"Well he was certainly stubborn. I think if someone wanted to help pay for my dream I would gladly let them."  
  
"That's the difference between men and women. Men can't except help. It's a whole pride thing."  
  
"So if someone you loved wanted to help pay for your dream you wouldn't let them?"  
  
"Many people have tried, but I've turned them down so many times. I want my firm to be only mine. God I can't count how many time Anya, Angel, Wes and Fred have offered me money."  
  
"Well I would rather get my dream finished then not have it finished. I wouldn't care if that involved borrowing money."  
  
"So what's your dream?"  
  
The question hit Buffy hard. Her dream. It had been such a long time since she thought about the dream she always had. When she married Riley the dream was put aside. When she had Dawn that dream was thrown away in the that'll never happen pile.  
  
"I guess that would be to become a doctor. I always wanted to be a doctor. When I got married and had Dawn I just settled for nurse. Its okay, but not that great."  
  
"Well now you'll be able to accomplish your dream."  
  
"Are you kidding! I can't waste money on my college when Dawn was to go to college. That would be un-parently."  
  
"Well you know Riley will be helping you pay for the whole 'Dawn goes to college and gets married' thing. You should do something for Buffy."  
  
"You obviously don't have kids. My life revolves around Dawn."  
  
"All I know is that you are entitled to a little suppressed twenty- something syndrome." Spike said this as he pulled into the courthouse. The words danced around in Buffy's head. She had never had the wild and adventurous twenty- something life and never wanted it. If anything she wanted to go to med.-school. Spike realized that he had said something that Buffy was actually pondering. He didn't mean to say something so offhanded, but he would have been lost if he didn't have those rebellious years. Although his had come a little earlier than twenty, but he needed those years to show him " the error of his ways". Buffy hadn't had any time to let lose. She had to be a buttoned up conservative woman.  
  
What had she gotten for her troubles? A marriage to an abusive husband and a six-year old daughter. Spike wondered how love could turn so vicious. He pulled into a parking space and turned off the car. "Well we're here." Buffy nodded to acknowledge she knew what he was talking about. Both of them stepped out of the car and started to walk to the steps.  
  
Spike had a natural habit to look at the cars that surrounded the courthouse. He say two cars that he thought looked familiar. One reminded him of Anya's car and one was definitely Angel's car. Nobody else could have that stupid sticker that said "Police detective on board. Watch out and don't speed". He wondered what they might be doing there. Buffy saw him looking in a certain direction and followed his gaze to two cars. Both were huge SUV's and one had a stupid sticker on the bumper.  
  
"What are you looking at?"  
  
"Those two cars over there belong to my sister and brother."  
  
Oh. Why does that worry you?"  
  
" Doesn't really. All of us use to frequent courthouses. They still do. Must be some huge case or something, because I see tons of police cars and one that belongs to another detective." When Spike's assessment was finished Buffy eyed him with curiosity.  
  
"Are you sure you aren't in the wrong profession. That sounded a lot like a detective to me."  
  
"In the blood. Come on lets go." They made their way to the courthouse.  
  
They were inside the building that seemed so huge. To Spike it was home. It was the place that he was supposed to be. Sure his father would say that was because he was a good for nothing piece of shit, but that wasn't it. When he was younger he loved to hear the story that he was almost born in a courthouse. It just added to his theory. Buffy was a little nervous to be in there. She felt that this place was so huge at that she was so little. Spike seemed at home in this environment. She knew exactly why he was a lawyer just by looking at his face.  
  
He loved courthouses. All of a sudden a group of people came out of a courtroom. It was a huge crowd of people that seemed to be there because of some big story. Lots of police officers were at the head of the group. Along with a very pissed of man and a girl who was trying to calm him down. Both Buffy and Spike knew who the girl was. It was Anya. Spike noticed that the man was Angel. Without realizing he was running towards them he took off, leaving Buffy wondering what he was doing. " Angel! Anya!" Spike yelled. He wondered what had gotten his brother so pissed off he was kicked out of a courtroom. The crowd had all gone back into the courtroom leaving the courthouse quiet once again. Angel and Anya slowed down when they heard their names being called. They turned around to see that it was Spike.  
  
"Hey, Will, what are you doing here?" Angel asked. He wondered why his brother was in a courthouse, which was stupid considering his profession.  
  
"I have a case that is going to trial to day. Now I think the more appropriate question is what are you doing here?"  
  
"I had to testify for a big case that I helped cracked. You remember me telling you 'bout that." Spike knew his brother was going to try and change the subject, so he turned to his sister for the answer to his unspoken question.  
  
"He was thrown out because he doesn't know how to act in a courtroom. He yelled at the judge for Christ sakes!" Spike knew that his brother had not been in a courtroom in his life and that Angel also had a temper that would flare up and the littlest thing.  
  
"So mind telling me why you yelled at the judge. Don't you know that that is the cardinal rule to courtroom edict?"  
  
"Things just didn't go the way I wanted them to. I got a little angry."  
  
"A little angry! You called the judge a fucking piece of shit ass wipe and said his verdict was bullshit." Spike chuckled in spite of the angry look on Angel's face. He knew that Anya would be very blunt on the truth.  
  
"Thanks, Ahn, but I don't think Will needed to know all the details of my stupidity."  
  
"Sure I did. You always get to hear all the details of my stupidity. I figure turn'bout is fair 'ame." He was speaking with his accent. Why was it that when he was around them it came out? Both Anya and Angel spoke with a slight accent.  
  
"Well I guess, but still it was 'otally 'barassing. I don't think I'll be able to step inside a courthouse for 'bout a month or two." Angel said this with a grin on his face.  
  
"Well actually I would give it 'bout four months for your display of jackassism. That is if they don't get a restraining order on the psycho who yelled at the judge." Anya said this and all of them broke out laughing.  
  
Buffy stood not to far away from the small group. They seemed so close. She had caught parts of their conversation and knew that the older looking man who appeared very angry was his brother. They all seemed to fit together perfectly. The oldest had a bad temper, Spike was stubborn, and Anya was the one who lightened situations with her own brand of humor.  
  
They were like the three musketeers. Buffy found herself wanting to have had a special relationship with anyone like the one Spike had with his siblings. She looked down at her watch and realized that they needed to be on their way. She cleared her throat loudly to catch Spike's attention.  
  
Spike heard her clear her throat and knew that time had gotten away from him.  
  
"Sorry, but I think it might be time to go," he said to his siblings, "I do have a court hearing to catch and I don't think Ms. Summers would be happy if we were late." Angel and Anya turned their attention to the small blonde standing a few feet away from them. Angel instantly understood the attraction. She was very pretty and held herself quiet well. Not rude, but gracefully.  
  
Angel turned his attention to his little brother and said, "Okay, anyway I think I need to get something to cool down my temper. Although, this saves me a phone call, Cordelia and I are having a barbecue this weekend. You have to come."  
  
It wasn't even a question and Spike knew that, but he had to ask his next question, "Is dad going to be there?" Spike had avoided his father since he was fired.  
  
"Oh, Spike, cut this stupid teenage shit off. Xander and I are going. Wes and Fred are showing up. Giles is even coming." Anya was the one who said this. Angel was about to respond with something to that affect, but she was quicker than him.  
  
"Still doesn't answer my question." Spike said quiet stubbornly. He knew he sounded like a little kid, but he had to inquire.  
  
"Yes, Will, mom and dad are going to be there. But as Anya stated get your shit together, because Cordy will kill me if you aren't there. So I suggest that you get over the whole 'my dad hates my guts' bullshit and show up. I really don't feel like being castrated."  
  
"I'll think about it."  
  
"If you don't show up I'll get the whole fucking Sunny-D police department looking for your stubborn ass," Anya said.  
  
"Alright. I really have to go now." Instead of waiting for their answer he grabbed Buffy and took off down the halls.  
  
Buffy wasn't sure why he was so stubborn about going to his brother's for a barbecue. He seemed to love his family.  
  
"Why are you so objective to going to your brother's house for some good family fun?" Buffy asked.  
  
" I'll tell you about it later. Right now we have to get to a courtroom." That was the only thing he said as the silently searched for the courtroom that they had to go to.  
  
When they found it the hurriedly stepped inside. No one was there so Buffy and Spike made their way to the benches where the people are suppose to sit. They sat quietly for a few minutes until the judge made his way inside the courtroom. Buffy and Spike stood up and sat down accordingly. The judge's voice boomed throughout the courtroom.  
  
"Where is the defendant?"  
  
"The defendant wasn't shown up yet." The bailiff said, in a monotone voice.  
  
"Well we could get started or we can wait. Personally I will have to talk to Judge Price about this. She swore that everyone would be on time." Spike felt a twinge of guilt pass through him. He made a mental note to buy Fred something nice and pretty for her troubles.  
  
"Well we haven't got all day. Why don't you start with your open argument, counselor." Spike stood up and adjusted his tie. He picked that up from Giles. Adjust the tie to make yourself look serious always impressed.  
  
It is fairly simple, your honor. My client was married to the defendant and had to endure psychical and mental abuse. Now she wants to divorce her husband. She isn't asking for too much and I think that the other counselor and I can reach a mutual point on almost everything that is if they show up."  
  
Good point out the flaws.  
  
"The only thing that isn't being handle with ease is the matter of their six-year old daughter Dawn. My client wishes are that Dawn is only allowed to see her father under supervision. He has displayed time and time again that he is very abusive and my client thinks this is a reasonable request. Now she is willing to give this a little wiggle room, but not too much."  
  
The judge seemed to ponder this for awhile.  
  
"What about the matter of child support?"  
  
"My client is willing to be very lenient on that matter. She doesn't want too much from Mr. Finn."  
  
"Well I would have to agree with Mrs. Finn on the matter of the child. I don't think that a poor child she bear the berth of something so heinous as an abusive parent. Although I have no proof of this abuse and the defendant isn't hear to argue an case yet." Just than the doors opened wide to a woman and Riley Finn.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Dru walked with ease into the courtroom. How hard could a divorce case be? This guy was a piece of shit, but she was a defense attorney. She knew that the whole trick of showing up late would piss off the judge, but it would give the dire affect it always did. There was only one time it didn't work and there was no way that he would be there. That was until Dru spotted him. He seemed to be confident even though he was looking directly at her. That was what she admired most about him. His confidence in the courtroom. Of course that was only in the courtroom and nowhere else. That was why she cheated on him. She regretted it later, but at the time it was a good idea. He never stood up to anyone outside the courtroom especially his family. Dru could have shit her pants when she saw him. She walked confidently to the other bench and took out her files from her brief case. She silently looked them over.  
  
"Well counselor I'm glad you decided to show up. We were just discussing your client. Now it has been brought to my intention that Mr. Finn is an abusive man. Care to reiterate?"  
  
"Yes your honor. I believe that you have been lied to. My client was never abusive to his child or the defendant. This is all quiet ludicrous." Buffy's face fell into a frown. She couldn't believe Riley was actually pulling that card. He was a piece of shit, yes, but she never pegged him as a liar. Especially in a courtroom. It was just another side she never saw of him and now she would never see of him.  
  
Spike looked at Buffy trying to tell her that he had prepared for this. What he wasn't prepared for was to have his ex-girlfriend defend Buffy's husband. He knew that it would be tougher than he thought. He could handle it though. He knew Dru's tricks. The whole 'come late and you'll win 'em over' wasn't going to work this time.  
  
"Well my client has proof that the defendant was abusive. If the defendant wants to take that route to things than my client and I are happy to oblige. Although I must know that everything is agreed upon before I go any further." Spike finished.  
  
"Everything with the settlement is agreed upon." Dru said. She wasn't going to let him intimidate her. She knew him and she would win. So what if the guys really did hit his wife and kid? It wasn't her problem. Riley looked over at Buffy and then Dru.  
  
Buffy looked so hurt and he knew why. He was lying. He was letting Miss Collins lie. It was wrong, he knew, but he would do anything to see his daughter. Even if it meant lying. He wouldn't put up with supervised visits every once a month. He wanted to be involved in his daughter's life not a spectator. He put on his resolve face and went back to listen to the lawyers talk.  
  
"Since everything is boiling down to just the matter of the child and it doesn't seem the plaintiff is prepared to started witness testimony, I'm granting a recess until 9:00 o'clock next Monday morning. That is three days to come up with witnesses and evidence, Mr. Flannery. And please don't go asking other judge's for continuances or to speed things up. It puts me in an awful position." With that the judge left and both sides gathered their stuff.  
  
Buffy and Spike put their stuff away pretty quickly, but couldn't avoid a confrontation with their ex's.  
  
"Well, Spike, it seems you have your work cut out for you." Dru commented.  
  
"Well if you mean by that winning this case and never letting you forget it I think I will enjoy that work."  
  
"Remark with the witty puns all you want, but we both know who was more experience."  
  
"Sometimes more experience isn't a good thing." With that Spike started to leave the courtroom, but realized Buffy wasn't following him.  
  
Buffy was staring at Riley with murder in her eyes. She started to speak in a low voice, "You fucking cock sucker. You are a piece of shit son of a bitch. Why don't you just admit you hit Dawn and me? You fucking throw bullshit at me after what you put me through. You shitty bastard! I outta cut your useless dick off!" Buffy was screaming by the time she was finished. Spike ran over to her and tried to get her to stop.  
  
"Oh like you were Miss Perfect. You were a stupid bitch!" Riley was beginning to loss his grip. She shouldn't be yelling at him. She was taking his kid away.  
  
"I never hurt my kid you fucking dickless son of a Bitch!" Buffy knew she was being stupid, but she couldn't help yelling at him. She ignored Spike as he tried to calm her down.  
  
"You are such a whore you know that. You are the one trying to take my kid away. You fucking bitch!"  
  
"What are you going to do? Hit me." Riley really felt liking hitting her, but he knew he couldn't in front of all these people.  
  
Spike knew this would turn uglier if he allowed it to go on.  
  
"Alright. Both of you shut your mouths. This will not help anything."  
  
"Your client started it." Dru said with ease.  
  
"That ain't the point. I'm stopping it. Now Buffy go outside and Dru, next time, try to stop things. I could have used some help. But then again you were probably eating this up." With that Buffy and Spike left.  
  
"What was that about?"  
  
"I got angry." Buffy knew it wasn't a good response.  
  
"Fuck! You got angry. Shit! You know how much re-con I'm gonna have to do to fix this. Fuck! Get mad at him after." Spike was cursing too much for his liking. He took a deep breath and then calmed down.  
  
"Let's just go to the deli and maybe after I eat I'll calm down." Spike nodded and they left.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ They were sitting in the deli. They were quiet the whole way there. Buffy only talked to give spike the directions and Spike didn't feel up to talking to her right know. They order and were know waiting for their food. Buffy thought that she should break the silence.  
  
"Look I know I was irrational, but I couldn't help it. It got a little out of hand."  
  
"S'kay. I would have gotten upset too. I just want you to know that you can't act like that anymore."  
  
"Understood. Now I think that I have two questions to ask you."  
  
"Shoot."  
  
"Well was it just me or do you know Riley's lawyer?" Buffy thought she saw the surprise in his eyes when the black haired woman entered the courtroom.  
  
"Actually, yes, I do know Dru.  
  
" "On a more personal basis then work?"  
  
"Yes. She and I dated for quiet some time. I dumped her last year when I caught her cheating on me. She was a real bitch to me anyway. Said that I wasn't confident enough."  
  
"Oh well you don't really need that."  
  
"No I don't. I just haven't been able to think about women since I dumped her. She did a number to my head. So what is the second question?"  
  
"Well it is actually the same question I had earlier." Spike knew which one she was talking about.  
  
"Oh, well I really don't get along with my dad."  
  
"I sensed that."  
  
"It's a whole thing."  
  
"I have time."  
  
"Well, he wanted all his kids to be perfect. I was slightly less then fitting to that image. I guess you could say I was a bad kid. Got arrested a few times back in my teen years. Anyway, he thought I would amount to nothing. He also wanted all his kids to become police officers. I, obviously, didn't follow that trend. So as you can see, he hates me."  
  
"There isn't more to that story?"  
  
"Well the whole fact that we fight constantly doesn't help."  
  
"So know dramatic stories?"  
  
"No, I'm afraid not. We never hit each other or anything like that. Just never got along. Giles was more of a dad then he was."  
  
"Your mentor."  
  
"Yeah, he was there for me when I needed him. In fact, come to think of it, it would be nice to see him again."  
  
"See you should go. It would be good for you to clear things up with your dad."  
  
"Yeah, but I'm very stubborn. I'll probably won't decide to go until the last minute." Spike and Buffy laughed at the insult to Spike.  
  
"Well you aren't the only stubborn one. I can be pretty stubborn."  
  
"It isn't like it is a bad thing." Buffy giggled. She couldn't remember the last time she laughed. It felt like years ago.  
  
"Also, I know I said two questions, but I have to ask. Is the accent real?"  
  
Spike tensed up for awhile and then answered the question, "Yes."  
  
"How come you hide it?"  
  
"Well I hate where it comes from."  
  
"Which is?"  
  
"My dad moved us from England when I was seven. I loved it, but hated it at the same time."  
  
"Okay I'm not going to get a whole answer from you am I?"  
  
"Well I guess I could tell you about Spike's horrible England experiences. Well my dad was always working and so was my mom. They worked their asses off trying to provide for us. I never saw them. When my dad moved us from that country to the US of course I was heart broken. It was the only home I knew. I had to leave friends and family. My dad took us away from there because he didn't think it had much to offer. I don't speak with the accent because of all the ridicule I received from peers. Also because that country is the reason my dad took a more active interest in my life."  
  
"Lost a little. I thought you wanted your dad to spend more time with you?"  
  
"Are you insane. My dad did nothing, but nit pick at my life. Even as a little boy. It got much worse when he had time to sit down and do it properly." Buffy thought about that. When her dad was alive and around he had never treated her like that, but she knew what nit picking could do to a kid. Her mother was like that. Every little thing Buffy did wasn't up to her standards, except for marry Riley, which showed her mother's lack of common sense.  
  
"I can image how that feels. I hate it that my mother picks at every little detail of my life. She just can't seem to get it that I'm a grown-up that can make her own decisions. She used to do that constantly until I shut her out."  
  
"See so shutting out parents is a good thing every once in a while. I love my mom, but I can't stand my dad."  
  
"I love my mom, but can't stand her." they laughed at how similar their lives were.  
  
Their lunch came and they ate, but not in silence. Spike told Buffy about his niece and nephew, who he spent a large amount of time with. He told her about how his big brother was like his dad and that he and his sister called their brother dad as a nickname. He told her more about his wild life as a teen and about the only person he would give his life for without a second thought, his best friend Wes. The way he talked about Wesley was enough to mill her over. He held this man in the highest respect. Buffy never talked about Willow that way and she didn't understand why. Willow was her best friend and she was always there for her just like Wes was always there for Spike.  
  
"So enough about me. Let me here something about you."  
  
"Well it's pretty uneventful. I grew up in Los Angeles and moved here because it was where Riley was from. I had Dawn when I was about twenty one and I've been a mom and a nurse since then."  
  
"What about being a doctor? What happened to that?"  
  
"Well I went to pre-med. and I finished it before I gave birth to Dawn. I never went to med. school because I had to take care of Dawn. I settled for being a nurse instead. I still help people so it isn't too bad."  
  
"You never thought about going back?"  
  
"Course I did, but I decided that I had to care of Dawn. It really wasn't a hard decision."  
  
"So, what about friends? Any besides Willow?"  
  
"Not really. I never made friends with anybody besides Riley's friend's wives. They were boring, trophy wives. They didn't really appeal to me, but I kept up appearances. Willow is probably my only friend."  
  
"Well now you have two."  
  
"What. Oh you. Yeah I guess you're right I do have two friends." Buffy kept the disappointment out of her voice. She knew now that he just wanted to be her friend.  
  
Spike knew that Buffy wanted to hear that, or at least he thought. He was relieved that he was able to say it without sounding to fake.  
  
"You know what?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Friends really shouldn't let their friends do something they don't want to do alone."  
  
"Your point."  
  
"Well I think that maybe you should go with me to this bb-q. I really don't feel like going alone." What was he doing he thought. This was an invite to meet his family and Spike didn't think that that was appropriate.  
  
"Well I don't know. Dawn and I are probably doing something." Buffy wasn't sure what he was getting at so she played it off coolly.  
  
"Dawn can come. I know that she really loves my car. Besides, my niece and nephew are about her age so she won't be bored." What was he doing he thought. This was totally unlike him.  
  
"I guess when you put it that way it seems okay. I just thought that Wes would be there for you." "Wes wants me to put this whole I hate my dad thing behind me. I need someone who doesn't know my dad so that I could have somewhere to retreat."  
  
"You make it sound like a bombardment."  
  
"It will be. It's going to be Will this and Will that. He's going to pick on me for every detail of my life. He already was enough ammo, which is partly my fault, but still. I need someone who will be there to say 'Spike you know that your life isn't totally in the shitter.' Not to mention the fact that Xander will be there. He loves it that my dad picks on me so much. It makes his job a lot easier."  
  
"Alright I get the picture. I know that it would probably be easier to have a friend there. I guess I can't say no to you. I mean you will be all helpless to defend yourself against your big bad dad and his evil sidekick your brother-in-law."  
  
"Exactly. I can't defend myself."  
  
"Maybe you're in the wrong business."  
  
"No I defend other people. There's a difference."  
  
"Right. Okay so you'll pick us up at."  
  
"4:00 on Saturday."  
  
"Sounds like a plan."  
  
"Great then I guess we are on for Saturday." Spike wondered what he had just done. He had asked a woman who he was very attracted too to a family gathering. It wasn't just stupid, but selfish for him. Why did he have to open his mouth ever?  
  
Buffy thought about the invitation all the way home. There wasn't anything wrong for two friends to go to one friend's family gathering. It was a normal thing friends do. Meet each other's families and hang out. She could be a friend with a guy she was attracted to. It would be different, but she would probably stop feeling that way soon. She had to otherwise she was doomed. 


	6. The Barbeque

A/N: Hi everyone. Thanks for the nice reviews. I just wanted to say that I'm outta summer school so the updates should be going more quickly. Things might slow down because I'm also writing another story right now. If you want to read it it's called In My Bathroom. It's a total Spuffy story considering I don't think I could considering pairing Buffy and Spike with anyone, but each other. I would also like to give huge thanks to my beta Anyanka0705 for looking over this chapter and fixing my mistakes. Okay know read and review. I love reading everyone's reviews. It gives me inspiration to write!  
  
Chapter 6:  
  
Spike had been thinking about telling Buffy that Angel had cancelled the stupid barbecue and that they should just take Dawn and go do something. All week he agonized about what to do. He was stubborn that way. He couldn't just go over to Angel's with Buffy and say this is Buffy and her daughter Dawn and we are just friends. That wasn't him and his friends and family would see through it. He asked himself for the millionth time why did I ask her to go with me to this stupid thing?  
  
It was Saturday and he had decided that he would just go with her and act natural. He put on his favorite leather duster because it was a very breeze day and looked at himself in the mirror. He was wearing normal black dickies work pants and a white buttoned up shirt. He would rather be wearing all black, but even though it was breezy, the sun was out. The pants and the duster would be enough black. Also his father hated it when he wore black. He was pushing it with the duster.  
  
Spike always wanted his dad's attention. He would never admit to that, but he subconsciously worked around it. Spike disliked his father, but he still respected him. He never wore, did, or said anything that would piss his father off. Even when he came home too drunk to walk and had smoked three packs of cigarettes he would never cross that line.  
  
Except for that one time. Spike remembered that night all too well. He had just gotten home from a ten-hour workday and was very tired. All he wanted to do was go to sleep. When he got to his loft his father called him right away with urgent news. Spike jumped in his car and practically flew to his parent's house.  
  
Spike didn't remember what he was thinking at the time. Maybe it was Anya, or Angel, or someone else who had gotten hurt. He rushed inside the house and looked for his father.  
  
"Da where are ya?"  
  
"In the study, William." He remembered his father's voice being calm and collective. With anyone else it would have relieved the worry, but it only intensified it for Spike. Nathaniel Flannery was known for not showing any emotions, especially when the worst happened. Spike apprehensively entered the study fearing the worst. He came and sat by his father and waited for him to talk. Nathaniel looked up from his drink and stared at his son. He found his voice and started to talk.  
  
"I know this may be hard for you to understand, but you must know." Nathan always had the thickest British accent. Spike waited for the news to be delivered.  
  
"You need to learn to take responsibility for yourself."  
  
That was it. That was the fatal blow that his father was giving him.  
  
"Da, I know that seems like it is a huge deal, but I was thinking that someone died or something. You don't have to sound so melodramatic."  
  
"William this is serious. You must clean up your act."  
  
"It's squeaky clean. I don't need to clean up anything. I've been at my job for almost two years now. I'm fine."  
  
"No you're not. Your life was been one big party after another. Alexander told me that Angel and Wesley had to pick you up from a bar in the middle of the day."  
  
Spike could kill Xander. That was none of his business. He had just broken up with Dru at the time and he was going through a lot. He still had his job.  
  
"I'm fine now. I had a slip up. It won't happen again."  
  
Crap why am I still seeking his approval, Spike thought.  
  
"Your boss called me. As you know I'm good friends with him. I called him after Alexander told me about your drinking. He said that you yelled at him and he was considering firing you. I don't think that's squeaky clean."  
  
"So now you are checking up on me?" Spike was getting angry. He was twenty- eight and could do what ever he wanted without his dad's approval. He could live on the street if he wanted. It was his choice.  
  
"I'm just trying to do what's best for you. I think I could get Mr. Chamberlain to reconsider firing you if you promise me you will stop this path to self destruction."  
  
"Don't do me any favors. I hate working for that old bastard any way."  
  
"Sour grapes won't help anyone."  
  
"Fuck sour grapes. I'm twenty-eight. I can do whatever the fuck I want. I'm not little William any more."  
  
"I know that but all this most stop. You don't realize that what you are doing isn't benefiting anyone."  
  
"Well that just proves you right now doesn't it. You always said that I would never amount to anything."  
  
"Will that is not true."  
  
"Just admit it. You never thought I could do anything right. I was ruining your shitty image. 'Mister Cop'. When I didn't want to be a fucking pig you assumed that I would be poor and stupid the rest of my life!" Spike was screaming. He was trying to get out all his angry in one spout.  
  
"You know what, 'Spike', you are absolutely correct. You want to know why I thought you would never amount to anything because you won't!" Spike's dad was yelling too.  
  
"Well that wasn't so hard now was it? You think that I'm a piece of shit!''  
  
"That is because you are a piece of shit!''  
  
"Well it's nice to hear you finally say it. You could have said it earlier. I wouldn't have given a fuck about what you thought anyway."  
  
"Oh, right, you were always crying out for my attention. I could see it all the time. I tried to give it to you, but you didn't deserve it!"  
  
"Shit yeah that was how it always happened. Right! Angel was more of a dad than you ever could be!"  
  
"So you're not going to pull the whole 'you paid more attention to Angel and Anya than you did me' speech? What kind of shitty lawyer are you?"  
  
"One that wishes you would back the fuck off! I don't need you anymore. Shit I never needed you. You treated me like a stupid motherfucker and I put up with it. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking! You are the piece of shit you stupid ass wipe!" Spike could see that his dad was offended by the remark or at least didn't see it coming.  
  
His father calmed himself and started to talk in a low voice, "At least I don't have to pretend to care about you anymore. You will never amount to anything and I don't want to look at something disgusting fail at something so easily. You'll fail at life William! Now I know that I don't have to care anymore."  
  
Spike didn't know what to say. He wanted to say something equally as hurtful, but couldn't think of anything smart or witty.  
  
"Fuck you! I don't give a shit if you care or not. You may be my father by blood, but you're a fucking asswhole by choice you piece of shit!" after saying this Spike ran off and out of the house.  
  
Since then Spike avoided his father at all costs. He was fired from his job shortly after that and that was when everyone found out about his tiff with his dad. Angel and Anya felt that it should have happened sooner, but were thankful they weren't around to see it. They both saw how their father treated Spike and were disgusted when he did so.  
  
Anya got him a job at Xander's firm and scolded him for telling her father secrets like that. Spike was sorry for Xander, but happy that someone put him in his place. He knew that the job at the firm was temporary and that everyone supported him with whatever he did, but he couldn't help it that his father's words rang his mind.  
  
You'll fail at life William!  
  
Spike got in his car started on his way to Buffy's maybe he would forget about all this if he just talked to her. He didn't know why he thought that he just did.  
  
Buffy and Dawn were ready to go. They had been for about twenty minutes now. Spike was late and Buffy was beginning to worry that he wasn't going to show up.  
  
He probably realized that it seemed a little irrational, although we are just friends. I mean at least that what he said we were, Buffy thought.  
  
She didn't really think Spike's invite was real until he started to talk about it more seriously. She thought that Spike was just trying to be funny, but he started to get that tone in his voice that spoke otherwise. It didn't take Dawn much convincing. She really liked Spike because he treated her like a person and not as a kid even though she was one. Willow was another story. Buffy had had dinner with her and Oz yesterday night. She could still hear Willow's voice in her mind.  
  
Buffy had gone over to Willow and Oz's for dinner. She thought that it might be a nice change of venue. Willow was such a good cook and Oz was a joy to have around even though he spoke in monosyllable. Buffy was having a great time until Willow asked her to come out with her and Oz Saturday.  
  
"Well I kinda have plans already," Buffy said uneasily.  
  
"Oh come on you and Dawn can do whatever silly thing it is your doing some other night."  
  
"Well we are kinda going out somewhere and I promised Dawn that we would." Buffy wasn't lying too much. She had told Dawn that they were going to a barbecue with Spike and Dawn made Buffy promise not to her change mind.  
  
"Okay then," was Oz's response. Oz was great at trusting that people were telling him the truth even if he knew they weren't. He figured Buffy would tell them what was up on her own time. Willow was not as easy to convince.  
  
"Oh come on Buffy. You need to get out and not just with your daughter."  
  
"My daughter is my life, Will. I can't just decide that 'me time' is more important."  
  
"Dawn will understand that you have been put through some stress. She'll let you go out, so what's the prob?"  
  
"Look I just want to do this with Dawn okay." Buffy was getting angry and that was a sure sign that she was lying.  
  
"You are lying to me. What are you hiding?"  
  
"Nothing. I just want to spend the day with Dawn. This invite is last notice and all."  
  
"Willow, maybe we should just forget it." Oz was trying to lighten the situation. He didn't think Buffy needed to be treated like a child.  
  
"No, Oz, my best friend is hiding something from me. I should be able to know everything that is going on in your life Buffy. I'm the one who is there for you."  
  
"Don't try to guilt trip me, Will. It isn't even a blimp on the radar screen."  
  
"Then why not just tell me?"  
  
"Alright. I'm going over to Spike's family's house for a barbecue."  
  
Willow was silent for a while. She didn't know what to say. Buffy had known the guy for a little while and already she was going to his parent's for a BBQ.  
  
"Buffy I thought we discussed that you should hold off on going after the guy. You are still married."  
  
"I know. I'm just going over there as a friend. He said he would need a friend to help him face his dad. It would be fun. I don't have very many friends, Will. Spike seems like such a nice guy and Dawn seems to like him."  
  
"Still it is so totally wrong. I think that you should just leave it all up in the air before going to a family gathering with him. What if he turns out to be an asshole? Then what? You'll be in so deep that you'll have another Riley on your hands. It's not your fault, but you end up with the retards that don't see a good thing when they're looking at it."  
  
"Hey!"  
  
"Okay I'm going out on a limb here because I don't know much about this Spike guy, but is he the lawyer?" Oz asked.  
  
"Yes." Both girls said in unisons.  
  
"Just checking. Please continue with the ranting about how wrong it is. Soon you'll need the guru named Oz to help you with this one."  
  
These words were said sarcastically, but they had an effect on both women. Oz was always a wise guy and they wanted to see what he thought of the situation.  
  
"Okay we're biting guru now spill it." Buffy said.  
  
Oz cleared his throat and started to speak.  
  
"Buffy you obviously think that dating Spike is wrong, but you are attracted to him. Now, you think that by being his friend you'll forget all that stuff and just be pals. Willow you think that this is all wrong and that she will end up falling too deep for this guy. You think that she should limit contact to just lawyery stuff. Well seeing as both of you can't agree I think that I will voice my opinion. I think that Buffy's way to approach things is best," Buffy let out a triumphant 'ha' and Oz looked at her before he continued, "The reason I think this is because you get to find out stuff about him without having to do all the dating stuff. It's perfect."  
  
Both women had to admit that it was a good idea. They called a truce and went back to eating their dinner.  
  
Now Buffy was waiting for Spike and she wasn't sure that he was coming. She thought that he would, but she couldn't be sure. Just then a honk woke her out of her trance. She and Dawn ran outside to see Spike in his car waiting for them. Spike saw Buffy and Dawn come out and thought to himself, Wow she looks great! Buffy was wearing a green peasant top and a denim knee length skirt. Her hair was doing a wavy sort of thing. Dawn got in the back seat and Buffy climbed into the passenger seat. Spike wasn't sure what he should say so he uttered the first words that came to his mouth,  
  
"Okay then lets get going."  
  
"Okay then."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
They got to Angel's house in a matter of minutes. Dawn mostly talked to Spike and Buffy, sometimes, joined in on their conversation. Buffy wasn't sure what to say so she thought it would be better to keep quiet. When they reached Angel's house Buffy looked at it with awe. It was a two-story house and had a beautiful garden in the front. It reminded her of a mansion because the outside paint was white and there were many steps to reach the front door of the house. The front yard was very spacious. The whole house looked very clean.  
  
"Wow, it looks like such a cool house," Dawn said.  
  
"It is very cool. The front yard isn't nearly as pretty as the back yard," Spike said.  
  
He saw the look on both Buffy and Dawn's faces and wanted to laugh. To him this house was a little shack compared to his parent's house. Spike always had lived in big houses. Except for his loft, which was pretty big considering. It amazed him how people could be so awe struck over a big pretty house. He decided that he better not say anything because it would make Buffy feel poorer then she really was.  
  
"Well like I said the house is better looking as you go further back. I think we should get a move on it because we're already late." Dawn and Buffy moved like they were on automatic as they slowly got out of the car. Again Spike wanted to laugh but thought that it was better he keep his mouth shut. They reached the front door and Spike was about to knock when Cordelia answered the door.  
  
Angel was getting very ancy that Spike hadn't showed up yet. Cordelia could see that look on his face that told her that he was worried or annoyed. She guessed it was annoyed. She felt bad for her husband, but she understood Spike's point on things. He and his dad never got along and she had witnessed Nathan picking on the man a few times. Nathan could be very brutal when it came to his youngest son.  
  
"You know I think that I'll go check to see if Will is here yet." The brunette got up from her seat and went to the front door. When she got to the door she saw that Spike was there, but so were two other people. A woman who looked about Spike's age and a young girl about five or six were standing next to Spike. The woman was a little short, but only a little skinny. She was very pretty and had blonde hair. The little girl had long brown hair and green eyes like her mom or at least Cordelia thought it was her mom.  
  
"Hey, Spike, we thought that you decided not to come."  
  
"Hi Cordy, we're not that late are we?"  
  
"No, but your parents are here and Angel thought that you wouldn't come."  
  
"I decided that it was time to try and forget all that."  
  
"Well I'm glad. Why don't you and you're guests come in." Buffy looked at the woman. She was a brunette and sort of tall. She was slim and her hair was up in a bun. She was also very pretty in a classic way. She was wearing a bright summer dress. She sounded so sincere that Buffy wondered how Spike's parents could be as bad as he said. She noticed that the woman had mentioned Spike's parents being there in relation to him not showing up.  
  
Spike ushered Buffy and Dawn inside the house. Spike was right; it was a very pretty house. They reached the sliding doors that led to the back of the house and Buffy and Dawn saw that the back yard was just as floral as the front if not more. There was also a pool. They reached the outside of thew house and smelled meat cooking on a barbecue. "Everybody this is Buffy and Dawn. Buffy and Dawn this is everyone," Spike said.  
  
"Hi." was Buffy's response. She could see his brother and sister. She knew from the pictures in his office that the couple sitting at a table was Fred and Wes. Buffy sat down at a table and waited to get bombarded with questions. She didn't have to wait long.  
  
"So, how do you know Spike?" Fred asked.  
  
"Oh, well I met him because he is my lawyer."  
  
"Oh so you are his new client." This was a comment made by Wes. He seemed to have had an epiphany about something, but didn't share.  
  
"Well are you two dating?" Anya asked. She would love it if her brother was dating someone and she didn't care if she sounded blunt.  
  
"Anya!" Spike said in an outraged voice.  
  
"It's okay. No we're just friends. He asked me to come here with him for moral support. Personally I just think he's a big baby."  
  
Everyone laughed at Buffy's joke. Buffy was relieved that they weren't going to tense up on her.  
  
"So, speaking of the whole moral support thing. Where is dad?" Spike said, with a hint of nervousness.  
  
"He's upstairs giving some gifts to Connor and Maddy," Angel said. He was running his finger over the edge of his cup.  
  
"Oh so that's why it's so quiet."  
  
"My kids aren't that loud, Will."  
  
"Please, Dad, all kids are loud and especially your kids," Anya said.  
  
"Well Dawn here doesn't seem to be loud," Angel said. Everyone looked at Dawn.  
  
"That's because there isn't anything to be loud about. Once other kids are around her the volume raises." Buffy said. Dawn still sat there looking at everyone.  
  
"Well she seems very quiet to me," Angel said.  
  
"Start talking about cars." Buffy instructed Angel.  
  
"Okay, Dawn what's your favorite car?"  
  
"LS-50 Furrier. It's a vintage classic."  
  
"So, what's the horsepower on that car?" Wes asked. He was startled that a little girl would know what a furrai was.  
  
"200-horsepower. Doesn't go that fast, but the interior is pure leather. The outside is also very shiny and you don't even have to wax it. The lights could be a little lower though." A round of laughter burst out as Dawn went on and on about the car. (A/N: I know nothing about cars so this rubbish. :)  
  
"Well I guess Ahn was right. So, Dawn, did you bring your bathing suit?" Angel asked.  
  
"Yes I did."  
  
"Well as soon as my kids come out you could go swimming, if you want."  
  
"Great." As if on cue two kids came running out of the sliding doors; a boy and a girl. The girl was older than the boy was. She looked like she was about ten and the boy looked about Dawn's age. They were both wearing bathing suits.  
  
"Connor! Maddy! I want you to meet someone. This is Dawn."  
  
"Hi!"  
  
"She is six and came her with Uncle Will." When the name 'Uncle Will' was said the two kids sprinted in Spike's direction.  
  
"Uncle Spike!" both of them squealed. Spike picked them up in his arms and twirled around. Then he safely put them back on he ground. "Hey guys this is one of my friends." He pointed to Dawn.  
  
"She is probably feeling a little nervous about meeting new people for the first time so why don't you make her feel more at home." The two kids walked over to Dawn.  
  
"Wanna go swimming?" Connor asked her.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Okay let's go." They ran off and jumped into the pool.  
  
"Well kids will be kids." Spike said.  
  
"So when are we eating?"  
  
"As soon as Giles comes back with the meat and I cook it."  
  
"Well then do you have anything to drink?"  
  
"The sodas are over there." Spike wanted to ask if he had any beer, but he knew that he did and that Angel would never let him have one.  
  
"Okay then. Anybody want anything to drink?"  
  
"I'll take a beer." Anya said.  
  
"Yeah me too." Wes said.  
  
"Buffy, would you like something to drink?"  
  
"Sure, is there any diet coke?" She was asking Cordelia  
  
"Yeah, it's the only thing I can drink. I hate beer."  
  
"Alright then I'll be back with the drinks."  
  
Spike went inside leaving the group alone. It didn't take long to hear them erupt in laughter over something. Spike could hear Buffy's little giggle. He loved it when she laughed. Her whole face lit up. Spike searched for the ice chest containing the beverages. He found the one with the beer first so he grabbed two for Anya and Wes.  
  
He was looking for the other ice chest when he heard, "William it is so good to see you again." It was his mother's voice. Spike turned around slowly.  
  
"William, are you drinking again?"  
  
"No these are for Anya and Wes. I was just looking for." he didn't have a chance to finish before his father's voice interrupted him.  
  
"So you are drinking again." His voice was smooth and calm and had a matter of fact tone to it.  
  
"No these aren't for me. They are for Anya and Wes. I was just looking for the one with soda in it."  
  
"It's over there by the refrigerator." His father said and then left.  
  
"You must excuse your father's behavior William. He is still a little angry about your fight." With that his mother left. Spike grabbed the Diet Coke and a can of Sprite. He sauntered his way outside and sat down next to Buffy.  
  
While Spike was inside the house, his parents had come outside. They were surprised to see Buffy there because they didn't know who she was.  
  
"Hello dear. May I ask who you are?" Spike's mother said.  
  
"Um I'm. Will's friend Buffy." She said. Buffy didn't think that his parents called him Spike so she said Will.  
  
"Oh, how long have you to been seeing each other?"  
  
"We aren't 'seeing' each other. We are just friends."  
  
"Just as well. That boy will never amount to anything." Buffy was appalled that he would say something like that even though she knew that Spike's father was mean. It was weird to hear it confirmed though.  
  
"Da, stop it. I already told you that if you were to come you should remain civil. Now let's not badger Buffy. She is actually a very nice person," Angel said.  
  
"Very well, so, Buffy, is it?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Is that short for something?"  
  
"No, it's just Buffy."  
  
"Oh, so what do you do?"  
  
"I'm a nurse."  
  
"Oh that's nice." Spike had just come out and sat next to Buffy. He had a tense look on his face. He handed Anya, Wes, and Buffy their drinks. He avoided looking straight at his dad.  
  
Conversation started and Spike stayed out of it. Buffy was talking and having a good time with his father. Why was it that everyone else could get along with his father, but Spike couldn't? He pondered that in his mind as he listened to the others talk. They were all so engaged in their conversation and they all seemed so happy. He felt like an outsider watching this display of perfect family togetherness. Even Buffy seemed like more a part of his family than he did. They were laughing at a joke that Angel told. Spike thought was a rather bad one. He wished that Giles would hurry up with the food. As if on cue Giles came out to the back door carrying a bag of meat.  
  
"I have the rest of the hamburger meat," he said.  
  
"The rest?" Spike said. He thought that Giles was coming with all of the meat.  
  
"We ran out of meat and knew that we would need more," Anya said.  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Spike, I didn't know you would be showing up. It is so good to see you my boy."  
  
Giles was totally honest when he said this. Nathan had always thought that Spike would never accomplish great things and it upset him. Giles knew that Spike was destined to be a great lawyer. There was just no denying that. Even before he realized his passion for law, Spike was always had a way with words. He could talk his way out of a wet paper bag. Not only was he persuasive, but he had a talent for arguing, which was mostly because he could be so stubborn there was no talking to him.  
  
"Hey Giles!" Spike's voice turned from dull and dreary to upbeat and happy.  
  
He always loved it when he saw Giles. Giles was like Wes. He never judged Spike now matter how stupid he was, but he did tell him when he was being an ass. He was like the dad he always wanted. He encouraged him to go to law school when his father criticized him. Spike went up to Giles and gave him a hug.  
  
"It is really good to see you. It was been a long time since we last talked," Spike said.  
  
"Yes I know. I've been so busy lately I've forgotten to see how my apprentice was," Giles said. He had always called Spike 'my apprentice'.  
  
"You know what? I've been meaning to talk to you about something very important. Can we discuss it after dinner?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
Nathan looked upon this display with jealousy. Someone else was always the one to get through to his son. For Christ sakes it was his son. It was never him that got through to William. It was either Wesley or Giles. Someone who wasn't related to his son was able to talk to him without making Will feel small or explode. Sometimes it was even Angel and Anya who were able to get through to that thick skull that William had.  
  
Will's mother was always able to get through to their son too. He remembered how he would run to Samantha when Nathan had made him upset. It provided ammo against him. Nathan would call him a little momma's boy and that would just make Will even madder.  
  
Nathan never thought that his son would hate him. That was the only explanation for his entire behavior. He was rebelling against his father. Nathan never asked his son if that was the reason, but he figured that it was. He didn't need conformation. It was bad enough he did those things. His son was supposed to love him and be his son. They were supposed to do father/son things, but they never had a good relationship. It just never happened that way.  
  
"Well, I think that we should get these hamburgers started," Angel said. He took the meat from Giles and headed over to the barbeque. As if by magic Wes, Spike, and Giles followed him with drinks in hand.  
  
"Must be a guy thing," Anya said. Buffy laughed at the joke.  
  
"Yeah well it's better that they're over there where you can see them than where you can't," Cordelia said.  
  
"So, speaking of guys, Anya, where is Xander?" Anya's mom asked.  
  
"Oh he's at work with millions of stacks of paper work. He fired his last paper-pusher so now he was to pay the piper."  
  
"Well it's good to know that he won't get shot. I'll tell ya I'm always afraid that Angel well get shot when he's pulling one of his undercover raids."  
  
"Cordelia you must be sensible. Angel will not get shot." Nathan said.  
  
"No offense Mr. Flannery, but Cordelia is just expressing a worry that most wives think about. It would be scary if she didn't care," Buffy said. She remembered being married to Riley and how it made her sick to her stomach to think that he might get shot. Now of course she was the one who wanted to pull the trigger.  
  
Nathan looked at the blonde with some surprise. She was confident enough to speak up against him.  
  
"Well Ms. Summers I just think it is unreasonable to think that way. Angel has never been shot at or anything like that."  
  
"Yes, but there is a first time for everything. Look I know it sounds a little hasty, but people just can't help thinking that way. Blame it on Murphy's Law."  
  
"Well she has you there, Nathaniel. I think you should retire from the hencoop here. Go with the guys and be manly," Samantha said. Nathan looked at his wife before he got up and went over to the barbeque.  
  
"Well now it is just us girls. So, Buffy, I know you said that nothing is going on between you and my son, but now that no one is here you can tell us the truth. What is really happening?"  
  
"Nothing Mrs. Flannery."  
  
"Call me Sam. Now you say nothing, but I can see it."  
  
"Sam, I'm still married. Well legally anyway."  
  
"What happens after that?" Cordelia asked. This conversation intrigued her. She thought that Spike needed someone in his life.  
  
"We stay friends I guess."  
  
"You don't want to be anything more?" Anya asked. Buffy felt like she was being interrogated.  
  
"Well I don't think that he wants to be anything more than friends. He was the one who wanted us to be just friends."  
  
"So then there is sparkage then?" Fred asked. She wanted in on this conversation.  
  
"I have the weird feeling that you aren't going to let this go."  
  
"Well, we all want what is best for Spike. He's my brother; my mom's son and he, Cordelia and Fred were friends before he set them up with Wes and Angel."  
  
"He set you guys up with your husbands?"  
  
"He sure did. I'm very happy that he did."  
  
"I was mad at him at first, but I really loved Wes so I got over it."  
  
"Well then he might just wanna set me up with a friend of his."  
  
"He doesn't have any left. You two would be perfect. You know after you got a divorce."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Angel had been flipping the burgers with such concentration. He was tense about something and Spike could see it.  
  
"I didn't know it took that much concentrating to flip a burger."  
  
"Yeah if you throw that thing down with anymore time we'll be eating by next week for sure," Wes too had notice Angel's delay on cooking the meat.  
  
"It's just that it seems that they are talking about something." He pointed in the direction of the girls.  
  
"I wonder what about."  
  
"Well women will be women," Giles said as he took a swing out of his beer.  
  
"I'm very lucky that I got Jenny when I did. I don't think I could deal with the women of today."  
  
"Cordelia acts like that. She was always a person who knew exactly what she wanted and went for it. Her motto was 'screw anyone who gets in my way'."  
  
"Fred is independent and all, but she still treats me with respect. We get along just fine. She isn't really the 'I am woman hear me roar' type."  
  
"Yeah I get along with Cordelia, but sometimes she wants to do things that I just can't understand. She's a little too independent some times."  
  
Spike wasn't really listening to their conversation. He was staring at Buffy. She was having such a good time. That was all he wanted was for her to have a good time. Everything else didn't matter. Dawn seemed to be enjoying herself too. They were both enjoying themselves. It was nice to think that he had something to do with that.  
  
"Hey, we asked you a question. What is up with you and that Buffy girl?" Wes asked. He was dying to know if his friend was finally moving on with things in his life.  
  
"Nothing we are just friends."  
  
"Right just like you and Dru were just friends." Angel said.  
  
"That was different. Dru wasn't married and she was very, very persuasive. Buffy isn't a psychotic bitch that uses people like toilet paper. She can just be friends with someone without having to have sex with them."  
  
"Look Spike, Angel, Wes, and I just want you to be happy. You seem to light up when you're around her. When she laughs you laugh. You're like a couple."  
  
"We are a couple...a couple of friends. Nothing more." Spike took a drink of his soda and wished it was a beer.  
  
"Well at least she doesn't seem like the type to put herself before anything else."  
  
"That is because she doesn't know how. Her stupid dumb ass husband wouldn't let her do that. Besides she had Dawn to worry about."  
  
"All I'm saying is that I wish that Cordy would just try and be a mom more than superwoman."  
  
"She's living her dream and you are lucky to be part of it. A person needs to live before anything else. Cordy just needs to be herself even if that is a strong independent woman. She loves you and her kids. It's not like she would do anything to put them danger."  
  
"Yeah I guess. It's just sometimes I wish she was around more. Her job at the magazine always seems so much more important."  
  
"Well Angel, you should realize that isn't true. Fred spends hours at work, but she always comes home."  
  
"Jenny may have a job, but I know she loves me." Spike looked at his brother. He could see in those brown eyes of his sadness beyond anyone's imagination.  
  
"Wes why don't you take over cooking the hamburgers. Angel needs to take a little break." Spike said as he ushered Angel to the house.  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
"Angel its okay if you have something else to do."  
  
"He does he was to talk to his little brother for a sec." That was all that was said before Spike rushed Angel to the house.  
  
Nathan had been listening in on the conversation. William had said some pretty nice things about women and how they needed their space. He knew that that advice had come from within and it made a lot of sense. It also had a hidden meaning. He realized that his son was so wise beyond what Nathan gave him credit for.  
  
He had learned that what he did was wrong, but he had also came to the realization that people need to do things in order to find themselves. It was a great lesson that Nathan himself had barely learned right then and there. He was surprised when both of his sons went into the house so abruptly. He had to know what was going on.  
  
Spike closed the door to the den and looked at Angel. He hadn't seen it before, but Angel looked so tired. Tired beyond years and it made him look older.  
  
"Mind telling what is going on?"  
  
"Nothing. Nothing is going on. I'm just."  
  
"Angel you don't look good. What the hell is going on?" Spike was worried. He didn't know why he just thought that there was something to worry about.  
  
"I went to the doctors yesterday. I have been feeling very tired lately. Anyway he said that I might have some sort of kidney failure. I'm not sure I remember what it's called, but he drew some blood and told me the tests results will be coming in a week." Angel said all of this in a casual voice, but Spike could see right through it. He was scared. More than scared he was frightened. In all the years Spike was alive Angel had never been scared of anything and seeing him like this made Spike scared.  
  
"Did the doctor tell you what might happen if you do have kidney failure?" he tried to stay clam, but his throat choked at the end.  
  
"He said that I would need to take some sort of drug and stuff. It would also be a good idea to start looking for a donor match. He didn't say anything like I was going to die, but I don't think I will."  
  
"So what are the symptoms of this disease?" Spike didn't know what else to ask. He had just found out that his brother might have a serious disease that would render him helpless and he just couldn't wrap his mind around it. Angel was the strong one. He was the one that everyone depended on and the one Anya and him had always turned to. He was their savior. He couldn't be dying.  
  
"Well, he said that it would be typical to have no symptoms at all. Just a little more tired than usual."  
  
"So when do the tests get back?"  
  
"Tomorrow. I haven't told Cordy yet. The doctor said that this might have happened from me missing my insulin shots. I just always forgot to take them. You know that they are such a hassle."  
  
Spike remembered how it had been when they were younger and Angel had to take his insulin. He had always made an excuse to forget it until one day we went into diabetic shock and nearly died.  
  
"I won't tell Cordy, but you need to promise me that you will tell her when the results come back. No matter if they're good or bad. You also have to call me when you find out. You can't do this alone."  
  
"Will," Angel's voice sounded so small. It reminded Spike of when Angel was in the hospital for not taking his insulin. It tore Spike up inside.  
  
"Yes Angel?"  
  
"I'm scared. I don't know if I have a terrible disease or not. I look at my family and I don't want to leave them. I can't..." Angel's voice broke and he started to weep uncontrollably. Spike ran over to him and comforted him.  
  
"Sssh. You're not going to die. I won't let that happen. I can't let that happen. Do you know what dad would do to me if he found out I let his oldest son die?" Angel laughed at the weak attempt to lighten the situation.  
  
"I would be more worried about Cordy killing you than about dad."  
  
"I guess I have lots of people to worry about if you take the dirt nap." Both brothers laughed at that and continued laughing until Cordy came to the den and announced that dinner was ready.  
  
Nathan had been listening to the conversation Angel might have kidney failure. His son might be faced with the possibility of dying young. He knew that both Angel and Will thought that he didn't know so he would wait to hear the news like everyone else. He just wished it would come soon.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Spike was on the road and taking Buffy and Dawn home when he realized the severity of the situation. His big brother, his hero, his personal bodyguard and friend was facing the harshest thing that anyone had to face. Spike had eaten his dinner fast and rushed Buffy and Dawn out in a hurry. He had forgotten to talk to Giles about the big thing. He was trying to forget the fact that Angel was sick.  
  
The fact that he might die. Spike's throat constricted and he was worried that he might cry in front of Buffy. She was sitting in the seat and staring out the window. Dawn seemed to be resting her eyes. She had spent a day with his niece and nephew and he knew from personal experience that that was a draining event. Spike arrived to Buffy's apartment building and stopped the car.  
  
"Alright then we are here." Spike said. Buffy was shaken out of her state of thought by Spike's voice. She had been thinking about the conversation that she had had with his family and friends. Maybe she did want more, but she wasn't sure if he wanted more. His face seemed unreadable right now.  
  
"Why don't you come up for some coffee?" Spike thought about the question he really needed to talk to someone right now. It couldn't be Wes. Spike thought about how many times he had said that during these past few weeks.  
  
"I think that that would be great."  
  
They all got out of the car and headed up to Buffy and Dawn's apartment. Dawn was so tired that she fell asleep on the walk up there so Spike carried her the rest of the way. They finally reached the apartment and Spike put Dawn down in her room.  
  
"I think that she was a little tired. I can't blame her. Connor and Maddy are very exhausting kids."  
  
"So what do you like in your coffee?"  
  
"I actually take it black. I don't really ever put anything in it because black wakes me up."  
  
"Sounds very easy." Buffy put the coffee grinds in the coffee maker and started it. In a few minutes they had nice hot coffee. She poured Spike's into a mug and handed it to him. She did the same with hers and then sat in a chair next to Spike.  
  
"So mind telling me about these mood swings you seem to have?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"You were happy before seeing your dad, and angry and sullen when you did see him. You were happy before going to the barbeque and withdrawn after talking to your brother. Are you pregnant?" Suddenly Spike started to cry for no reason.  
  
"See it is really scary if you don't know what it is all about."  
  
Spike managed to stop crying enough to say, "Angel might be dying. That was why I was so withdrawn at dinner. He expects me to be the tough one. I'm not the tough one he is. I can't do it. I can't." Spike resumed crying and Buffy walked over him and hugged him close to her.  
  
Buffy didn't like seeing Spike like this. It scared her. He seemed like a helpless little boy.  
  
"Spike, ssssh, everything is going to be fine."  
  
"You don't know that. I know that kidney failure is common with people who have diabetes, but he is too young to worry about that."  
  
"Sometimes these things just happen. He is going to be fine. Lots of people overcome kidney failure. He will get over this."  
  
"What if he doesn't? I can't watch him die. He is the only person in this world I care about more than myself. He was always there for me. He is the strongest person I've ever met." Buffy patted Spike's head. She was trying to find comforting words that would help him. All she could do was rub his back and try to take away his pain.  
  
"You have to think that he will be fine. You don't even know anything for sure. It could just be stress," she cupped his face in her hands.  
  
"You can't think that he will die. You have to be strong no matter if you can or can't be." Their eyes locked. Buffy wiped the tears from his face. He had such a handsome face.  
  
Spike loved the fact that her hands were on his face. He wanted to kiss her so badly. She was so beautiful and kind. Her she was trying to comfort him when he was totally over re-acting. Buffy's hand was stroking his face now. She wasn't sure if she even had control over her hand anymore. It seemed to have a mind of its own. She wanted to kiss him so badly. He was right there and he was so vulnerable. She wasn't sure what she had decided before his hand was on her face and pushing it towards him.  
  
She lifted her chin and looked at him. His blue eyes seemed to be piercing into her soul. She parted her lips and lifted herself up to him. Spike knew that that was his cue to kiss her and he didn't waste anytime. He pressed his lips against her and just kissed her on the lips. Buffy needed more then that and she opened her lips and tried to push her tongue into Spike's mouth. He lost the battle and she started to explore his mouth deeper. In a little time he caught on to the way she was moving her tongue and started teasing her tongue with his. They kissed for about five minutes before breath became an issue. Even then they still tried not break the connection by keeping their lips close to each other's.  
  
Both Spike and Buffy tried to get their breathing to become regular. Spike was the first one to talk.  
  
"Buffy I hope that you don't think that I was trying to take advantage of you. I'm sorry for doing that. I know you're still married and I don't want to do anything to hurt your chances of winning your case."  
  
"You weren't taking advantage of me. I think both of us are pretty vulnerable. I know you wouldn't do something to hurt my case. Why don't you sleep here tonight? I mean on the couch. You're in no condition to drive even if you are sober. I'll get some blankets and sheets." Buffy went off into the hallway before Spike could protest and came back with the sheets and a blanket.  
  
"Now try to get some sleep. I'll see you in the morning and then you can go into full detail about your brother." Buffy had to resist the urge to kiss him again. She went off into her room with desire for the man that was inside her living room.  
  
Spike was amazed how quickly she could forget things. He decided that he better listen to her and sleep there tonight. He couldn't leave and then have her mad at him. Besides she was right. Spike was exhausted and he didn't feel up to driving. He made himself a comfy place to sleep on and tried to sleep. He wanted to be next to Buffy, but knew he couldn't. He put the thought out of his mind long enough to be overcome by sleep. 


	7. Witness Testimony

A/N: Hello people! How ya doing? Well here is chapter seven. It isn't Spuffy packed, but it serves its purpose. Things will start moving faster in a little bit. I can promise that if you aren't mad at Spike's dad now you'll definitely be super mad at him in chapter 9. Oh, before I forget I don't own any of the characters, but I do own the story. I'm just borrowing them. I would really like to borrow Spike, but I'll settle for writing about him. ;) The characters were created by the most awesomest guy in the world (some even say god) Joss. Quick thanks to my reviewers and my beta Anyanka0705. Read on.  
  
Chapter 7:  
  
Spike woke up the next morning and forgot where he was. The place didn't seem familiar and he was sleeping on a couch. He got up and walked around. Only when he saw the pictures of Buffy hanging on the wall did he remember the events that took place last night. They had kissed. It was a great kiss; the best Spike had ever been a part of. He remembered how she pretended that it didn't happen and how she ran off to her room instantly after giving Spike some blankets. The more Spike thought about it, the more he realized that he was probably in an emotional state last night and it got the best of him.  
  
He went back to the couch and neatly folded the blankets. He wasn't sure if he should wake Buffy up. They did have an appointment today to go over the witnesses. He had been prepping Willow and Dawn on what to say. He had asked Buffy to get together some more witnesses and she was supposed to have the list today. He would be able to start with Willow, but he would need more then one witness. Spike decided that he would wait for Buffy to wake up. He just hoped it would be soon.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Buffy had woken up from the sound of footsteps on the hard wood floors. She was scared for awhile until she realized that it must be Dawn or. Spike. He had spent the night there and she was sure that he was still here because she had checked on him. Okay so that was a little desperate, but she knew that he wasn't in any shape to be going out and driving.  
  
Not with what he had on his mind. Not just the Angel thing, but the fact that they had kissed. If he felt half as overwhelmed as she had he wouldn't be able to walk. Buffy hadn't realized how she would react to kissing him. He was such a good kisser, but how was she supposed to know that.  
  
Buffy got out of her bed and went to grab her robe. He was probably waiting for her to wake up. They had an appointment to go over some of the witnesses for the case. Buffy had racked her brain to think about some witnesses. She thought that there was Oz who had kicked Riley's ass one time when he came home too drunk. There was Amy who was a wife of one of Riley's friends.  
  
She had been on Buffy's side from the beginning and would be willing to help her. There was also Harmony, a co-worker who had seen some of Riley's violent behavior. One day she had went to work with a black eye. She hadn't been able to fool to many people by saying she fell. Harmony knew she was lying and when Riley came to pick Buffy up Harmony yelled at him. It was then that Riley hit her. Harmony had pressed charges, but it was only a misdemeanor. There had to be more people than that. Buffy was still thinking about more people when she heard giggling coming from the living room.  
  
Buffy put on her robe and walked apprehensively to the living room. There she saw Spike and Dawn talking and laughing. Dawn had just told a good joke and Spike was telling her that it was a good one. Buffy stood in the hallway and listened to their conversation.  
  
"So, Dawn, you know that I won't use you in the courtroom if I don't have to right?"  
  
"Yes, I know. I think that if I have to I will, but it will be hard."  
  
"Well of course it will be. Anyone who talks in front of a judge has a hard time at first. It's even more painful if you have to talk against your dad."  
  
"I want him to still love me even if I do say that he hurt mommy."  
  
"I'm sure he will. He will be proud that you told the truth. He will realize that he is lying and that that is bad."  
  
"Yeah I hope so."  
  
"You know what I think I'll make us some breakfast. Do you have any pancake mix?"  
  
"No, my mom is an okay cook, but not very good. Auntie Willow said that her and cooking are unmixy things."  
  
"Well, then do you have an eggs and flour?" Spike said as he tried to keep him from laughing. "  
  
I'm not sure. Why don't you come and check."  
  
"That sounds like a plan." Spike and Dawn got up to go to the kitchen and Buffy came into the living room.  
  
Buffy picked up the blankets and put them into the linen closet. Then she made her way to the kitchen. She could hear more laughter and she saw Spike and Dawn cracking eggs into a bowl.  
  
"Hey what are you guys doing?" Buffy asked and then yawned.  
  
"Spike said that he is going to make pancakes."  
  
"Don't you need mix to make pancakes?"  
  
"No I'm British. We make our pancakes without an already made mix. Although it takes longer."  
  
"I guess we'll just have to wait then. Are you planning on making any side dishes with those pancakes?"  
  
"Some eggs and maybe some fried ham."  
  
"What about bacon?" Dawn asked.  
  
"Bacon on a British breakfast? Highly unlikely. I was going to ask you if you had any bread?"  
  
"Bread is in the bread box on top of the fridge."  
  
"Great do you have any green peppers?"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Spike spent almost an hour in the kitchen making breakfast. Dawn had stayed to help, but Buffy went to her room and started to get ready for the day. When she came out, Spike had breakfast made and on plates. Dawn was dressed and was already eating.  
  
"Wow, it looks good."  
  
"That is because it is good." Dawn said with a mouth full of pancake.  
  
"Well, I'll be the judge of that." Buffy sat down and grabbed a fork. She took a piece of the pancake and put it in her mouth. It was so good! She made an mmm sound and started eating more.  
  
"See I told you it was good mom."  
  
"It is really good. Where did you learn how to cook like that?"  
  
"Something I picked up when I was little. My grandfather was a cook. He tried to teach Anya, but she never did that whole woman in the kitchen routine. Angel thought he was too manly to learn how to cook. That left me. He practically forced me to learn. I'm actually happy he did. Some times it comes in handy."  
  
"Well tell him that he did a good job. This is really yummy."  
  
"Well I can't really tell him. He died a while back." They all eat the rest of their food in silence.  
  
When all three were finished they made their way to Spike's office. Buffy's mind was filled with thoughts of Spike. He could cook, he was good with kids, and he was good looking. What a perfect package that wasn't for her. Stop Buffy. Tormenting yourself like this will only make you more upset.  
  
Just think about the case. Buffy was lagging behind while Dawn and Spike were up ahead talking about something, but she couldn't hear what. They looked so happy together. It was weird how Dawn just accepted people right away. Or maybe it was that he was a really good guy and Dawn could see that. He talked to her like she was a person and not a little kid even though she was only six. They all reached Spike's office and Spike told Dawn to go to the daycare center. Dawn really liked it there so she obeyed. Spike and Buffy stepped into Spike's office.  
  
Spike wasn't sure about what she was thinking about. She had that look on her face that said she was thinking about something. He wasn't sure what. Probably thinking about more names to add to the witness list.  
  
"So, have you thought of anymore names?"  
  
"Three. I'm sure that there are more, it's just that I want to be sure these are people who will give really proof."  
  
"Can I hear the names you have so far?"  
  
"Sure. There is Daniel Oz. I'm not really sure how to say his last name because everyone just calls him Oz. Pretty lame I know, but that is what everyone calls him. There's Amy Melloando. She is married to one of Riley's friends, but I know she will help. Her and her husband witnessed a fight between Riley and I he hit me. Then there is Harmony Kendall. She is a co- worker and she saw me come in with bruise and black eyes. One time Riley even hit her when she tried to stand up for me."  
  
Spike listened to Buffy's witnesses. They all seemed very valid, but she needed one witness that would put things over the top.  
  
"Do you have a witness who saw Riley beat you for the first time?" he knew that the answer to that question was most likely no, but they needed a witness to put this case over the top.  
  
"Not the first time. He only slapped me the first time. I think there was someone the second time he hit me. It seems like a long time ago. I think Dawn was about three." Buffy racked her brain to remember who it was. Then it hit her. It was one of her best friends Andrew. He had seen Riley hit her and lost it. He urged Buffy to leave him, but Buffy acted stubbornly. Andrew had moved to LA shortly after telling her to leave Riley.  
  
"There is one person. He lives in LA. I haven't spoken to him in three years. He saw Riley hit me and told me to leave him, but I didn't listen."  
  
"Do you think you could contact him?"  
  
"If I tried I'm sure I could. He's a doctor now. We were friends when we here in high school and we went to pre-med school together."  
  
"Okay well Buffy we have to get the rest of your witnesses here and it would be good to do that today."  
  
"I'll call them and see if they can come." Buffy went over to Spike's phone.  
  
Spike had been thinking that Buffy would say her mom, but she never mentioned anything about her mom. Spike figured either her mom denied it or she never saw it happen. He hoped that the witnesses they had would keep Dawn off the witness stand. He hoped that this guy could be the deal breaker, but he knew that Dawn was the deal breaker. He watched as Buffy called the witnesses.  
  
He also knew that he would have to put her on the witness stand too. He hadn't wanted too, but she was second in line to Dawn for being the deal breaker. If Andrew didn't do it, Buffy would have to, and if Buffy didn't do it Dawn would have to. Buffy spent a good fifteen minutes on the phone. When she finished Spike looked up from his papers and waited for her to talk.  
  
"They will be here in a little while."  
  
Buffy had called Willow and Oz first. She knew they would be the ones to say yes right away. Then she called Amy. Amy was very happy to oblige, but she had to drop her kids of at a baby-sitter. Then she called Harmony. Harmony was a little resistant, but she soon gave in.  
  
"So, what do we do till then?"  
  
"I go over with you something that is bugging me."  
  
"Buffy was afraid what that might be, but she asked nonetheless, "What might that be."  
  
"Well I know you said that your mom was on Riley's side, but did she ever see Riley beat you?"  
  
"No I don't think so. She always said that I was lying and that Riley was a good man. I don't think she would be on his side if she knew."  
  
"Good. I have to ask you if you are ready for what this trial will be like."  
  
"Of course. I'm ready for anything."  
  
"It's just that, I know Dru. She will do anything to win. That means she will try and tear your witnesses to shreds and eat them as a snack. If that happens then we will have to use the big guns."  
  
"What are those?"  
  
"You and Dawn."  
  
"Will it come to that?"  
  
"Maybe. If this Andrew guy doesn't show up or do well then we will have to use you."  
  
"Why me?"  
  
"Dramatic effect. If you don't convince the judge then we'll have to use Dawn. I don't want to, but she is our fall back witness. Our secret weapon. If we have to use her we will."  
  
"I understand."  
  
"I hope you do. This will be very draining, but we'll have to do it."  
  
"Okay."  
  
Willow and Oz arrived in front of the law firm ten minutes after Buffy called. They were both willing to do anything for their friend so they entered the building. They found Spike's office and went in.  
  
"Hey Buff."  
  
"Hey Willow, Oz. This is Will. He's the lawyer." Buffy said this to Oz because she knew Willow already knew who Spike was.  
  
"Hey man." Oz said. Spike looked at the man. He was only and inch or two taller than both girls. He had red hair like Willow and he seemed to be the quiet type.  
  
"Hello. I think that we should get started right away. Now, Willow, I have already been going over things with you. I need to know that you are going to be able to handle the tactics of the other lawyer, so here it goes. How long have you known Ms. Summers?" Willow thought it was an odd question to ask, but answered it anyway.  
  
"Um well I guess since we were three or four."  
  
"So she is like a sister to you."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Have you ever lied for her?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Would you mind telling the court what you lied about?"  
  
"Well little stuff like when she broke her mom's favorite vase. I said it was me."  
  
"So how do I know your not lying for her right now?"  
  
"Because this is a bigger deal then the vase."  
  
"But you said it yourself you have lied for her."  
  
"Yes for little things."  
  
"But it means that you've lied for her, so how can I trust that you aren't lying now?"  
  
Willow wanted to get angry, but she knew that this was a game. A game she was losing and couldn't afford to lose.  
  
"See, it will be difficult. I don't even know if that is how Dru will do it. She might be more vicious. Be prepared for anything. Don't lose your temper."  
  
"Oz," Spike addressed the man who was sitting quietly. Spike got up and grabbed his notebook and then sat down again.  
  
"Can you tell me the kind of abuse you witnessed?"  
  
"Sure, one time Riley came home drunk and I was over at Buffy's helping her put together Dawn's swing set. Anyway he came home and started yelling at her. Then he hit her. That was when I stepped in and stopped him."  
  
"How did you do that?"  
  
"I threw him in his den and locked the door. I told Buffy to come over to Willow and my house. She did and she brought Dawn."  
  
"Any other time?"  
  
"There was one time when we were having a barbeque and Buffy was making everything because Riley had left. He was supposed to help, but he went out with his friends instead. Again he came home drunk and started yelling at Buffy. He tried to slap her, but Willow and I got her out of there before he could."  
  
Spike looked at his notebook. He wondered if maybe Riley had a drinking problem. "  
  
Does Riley drink a lot?  
  
" "Yes very much so. I think the guy turned into and alcoholic. He always had a bit of a temper. The first time I met him he yelled at me for doing something that he thought I wasn't supposed to," Oz said.  
  
"Okay then I think that we have enough here. Now I'm going to do the same thing that I did to Willow so be prepared." Oz shook his head.  
  
"Why were you alone at Buffy's house that night?"  
  
"I was helping her with Dawn's swing set. Riley said he would set it up, but never got around to it."  
  
"Why wasn't Willow there?"  
  
"She was working."  
  
"Have you ever had an affair, Mr. Osbourne?"  
  
"No."  
  
"So you've never thought of Ms. Summers that way."  
  
"No."  
  
"And you've never done anything to come on to Ms. Summers?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Tell me what it was that Mr. Finn got mad at you for doing."  
  
"I was buying Buffy and Willow a drink."  
  
"Why couldn't Ms. Summers buy her own drink?"  
  
"Because I offered to pay. It was the gentlemen thing to do."  
  
"So you bought both Willow and Buffy drinks?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Well Mr. Osbourne tell me something. Have you ever dated Ms. Summers?" Oz seemed to go pale. He had never dated Buffy, but they had gone on one date.  
  
"I went on a date with her. Just once."  
  
"So, why are we supposed to believe that you two weren't having an affair?"  
  
"Because I love my wife."  
  
"Right. You dated your wife's best friend and you say you love her."  
  
"Buffy set us up. She and I didn't click and she thought Willow and I would be better together."  
  
"Or that was just a cover."  
  
Oz held his head. It was all very frustrating and he knew that he couldn't lose his temper. It was just a game.  
  
"I think that that is enough. I just hope that you see what the other lawyer might do. There are a million ways this can go. Just be prepared." Two women were standing at the door. One was a blonde and the other a brunette.  
  
"Hi I'm Amy." The brunette said.  
  
"I'm Harmony." Said the blonde.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Spike had been talking to all five of the people in the room for a good two hours. He had prepped them a few times and collected statements from each person. He knew the evidence against Riley was good, but the problem was that these were all testimony from some other people. He would need more. Just a little more. Nothing too big. He glanced over at Buffy a few times to see that distressed look on her face. She was tired. Too tired to even be thinking about this right now.  
  
"I think that we should call it a day. Everyone seems to know what to do and say. Tomorrow we start and I think we will start with Willow. She is the one who witnessed most of the abuse and I think she is one of the strongest. Her statements are very accurate according to the hospital bills." Everyone understood and then they started to shuffle out of the office. Buffy stayed behind.  
  
"Do you think that all of this enough to win?" Her voice sounded very small.  
  
"Yeah of course. I'm going to need you to get in touch with that Andrew guy. I need to turn in the witness list tomorrow."  
  
"Are you going to put me and Dawn on it?"  
  
"You yes, Dawn I have to think about."  
  
"Okay, I think I'll catch a ride with Willow."  
  
"I think that that would be good because I have to go over all this material. I'll see you tomorrow."  
  
"Okay now let me switch into my friend outfit." Buffy did a twirl and then stopped facing Spike again.  
  
"Call me when you find out the news about your brother. If it's bad then don't drive okay. Call me and I'll come and drive you home."  
  
"Okay." Buffy satisfied with what she heard, left.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Spike had been waiting for the call all day. Angel was supposed to call him with the new. It was about five-thirty p.m. and still no call. Spike was beginning to wonder if Angel forgot or not. Just then the phone rang.  
  
"Will Flannery's office?"  
  
"Will it's me Angel." "Hey Angel so what's the news."  
  
"The doctor said that the results came back." He was stalling Spike knew it. He could sense that Angel didn't want to tell him.  
  
"And?"  
  
"And it turns out that I have kidney failure. It was caused by the neglect of my insulin shots. I guess I should have been more. attentive."  
  
"Angel are you at home?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Then stay there I'm coming over." 


	8. A Nice Cuppa Joe Or So You Thought

A/N: So sorry for the long wait. Just for that I decided to give you two chapters instead of just one. Please R&R. I just LOVE reviews and everyone's ideas.  
  
Chapter 8:  
  
Spike knew that he promised Buffy he wouldn't drive, but he had to see Angel. He had to sure make he was all right. He knew that he was driving like a maniac, but it didn't matter. He made it to Angel's in record time. He jumped out of the car and rang the doorbell. Cordy answered. She had a somber look on her face.  
  
"Hey Spike, what are you doing here?"  
  
"I came here to see him, Cordy."  
  
"Oh he told you?"  
  
"Called me just now with the news." Spike thought that it was better to lie then tell her he had known before her. She seemed ready to break down at any moment and Spike knew that she would just use that information to get angry. It would help relieve some pain.  
  
"Oh okay. He's upstairs. I think he said something about only letting you see him right now. I'm not sure." She moved and Spike flew up the stairs to his brother's bedroom.  
  
Spike opened the door and looked in. Angel was lying on the bed under the covers. He seemed to be sleeping. Spike went over to him and sat on the bed. Angel started to move and then woke up.  
  
"Hey I really didn't expect you to come so fast."  
  
"My big brother just told me that he had a disease. You think I would wait for an invite?"  
  
"Should have known you would over react."  
  
"Yeah well you know me. The big over-reactor. So this kidney failure is genetic?"  
  
"Yeah that's what the doctor said. I would have to check and see whose side it was on, but right now I'm tired."  
  
"You going to be okay?" It was a stupid question, but Spike needed to hear Angel say that everything was all right.  
  
"I think I'll be okay tonight. They said that everyone should be checked to see if they match for a kidney transplant."  
  
"You know I'll be the first one in line."  
  
"Yeah I figured as much."  
  
Angel looked up a little and saw Spike staring at him. He knew Spike was never the strong one. He fell apart too easily. Angel also knew that he could be strong if he wanted to be. He played it off like he didn't know what he was doing, but he was always the one who knew exactly what he was doing. Anya had been the one who always played it by ear. She had barely declared a major in her junior year of college. Before that she kept changing it all the time.  
  
Angel had always said that he wanted to be a police officer like his dad, but he was never really sure. He went through the training, but never really decided that it was what he wanted to do. Spike had known from the start. He wanted to be a great lawyer and own his own practice. Before he realized his love for law he wanted to a have a job where he could argue for a living. He hadn't known what that was, but he knew he loved to argue and make grand speeches. He had a way with words. Angel had wanted him to be an accomplished writer. Spike was the down to earth one no matter what their father said.  
  
"Will, I need to know that you can deal with this."  
  
"Of course I can."  
  
"You were never the strong one and that was my fault. I never let you be the strong on. You didn't have to be. Now you have to be able to sit there in a chair next to my hospital bed and watch me get sick. I want to know that you will be able to do that because I don't know if I can get through this without my little brother there to crack jokes and be Willish."  
  
Spike wanted to say that he would always be there for Angel. He wanted to switch places with him and be the one who had a disease. Angel had things to live for. Spike only had a crummy job and a crummy life. The only thing that was worth being around he couldn't have. It wasn't fair.  
  
"I'll be there for as long as you need me. I'll be the one to crack the first joke about how you look like shit laying in a hospital bed."  
  
"Good because I can't do this without having a sense of humor. That would be like trying to swim when you don't know how to."  
  
Spike saw the fatigue on his brother's face. He knew Angel was tired.  
  
"Hey, dad, why don't you take a nap? You are already starting to look a little shitty." Angel laughed a little. He tried to make himself comfortable on the bed, but he was too exhausted to move. Spike saw Angel's dilemma with movement and went over to him and helped him roll over on his back.  
  
"Are you going home tonight?" Angel asked.  
  
"No, I think I'll stay in your guest room."  
  
"Don't you have a case to prepare for?"  
  
"Yes, but I'm all prepared. Beside I really don't want to go home to an empty house." Angel was already sleeping when Spike finished his sentence. He decided that it would be better for him to just go. He walked outside to be greeted with a melancholy Cordy.  
  
"Is he okay?"  
  
"Yeah he's just sleeping."  
  
"I wonder how could this happen?"  
  
"Genetics I guess. I'm not really sure myself."  
  
"I heard that you want to sleep in the guest room. It's all made up and everything."  
  
"Thanks Cordy. I don't know what else to do. I think I should do something big, but for now this is all I can do."  
  
"It's good enough Spike. Good night."  
  
"Good night." Spike retreated to the guestroom and tried to fall asleep. He had a long day ahead of him. For now he needed to sleep and think only of his brother. The other stuff would come later.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Buffy had just gotten off the phone with Andrew and looked up at the clock. It was close to eleven. Spike hadn't called and that worried her. There were two options to that scenario. One Angel was fine and there was nothing to worry about or two, Spike was driving like a maniac and he was going to get himself killed. She didn't really think she liked the second option, but it seemed like the most logical reason. With Angel's history anyway. Buffy wanted to call Spike, but she was still reeling on the conversation she had with Andrew.  
  
Buffy had decided not to wait on calling Andrew and found his number as soon as she got home. She waited only until Dawn was asleep and then called him. He answered his phone after two rings.  
  
"Hello Dr. Schafer how may I help you?" he answered the phone so professionally.  
  
"Andrew, it's me, Buffy."  
  
"Oh my god, Buffy how are you? It's so nice to hear from you again. I was afraid you would never talk to me again."  
  
"I'm fine, Andy, but I'm getting a divorce."  
  
"Well I hate it that I'm overjoyed with the prospect of you finally realizing that Riley isn't any good for you."  
  
"No it's okay. I know that he is an asshole. Now I need your help."  
  
"Anything you name it and I'll do it."  
  
"I need you to come to Sunnydale and testify to the fact that Riley hit me."  
  
"You mean that piece of shit is denying it?"  
  
"Yes." Buffy hated the tone is Andrew's voice. He had always been a little too overprotective of her, but that was a fact she couldn't help. It had a little to do with the fact that their parent's had gotten married.  
  
There was a slight pause and then Andrew talked, "I don't know if I'll be able to make it over there until Wednesday. I will try for earlier."  
  
"I'm sure Will will be able to wait until the last possible moment."  
  
"How will Willow do that?"  
  
"Oh, Will is the name of the lawyer."  
  
"On a first name basis with your lawyer." It was a comment more then a question  
  
"Lots of people call their lawyers by their first names."  
  
"Yeah but none of them are shy Buffy Summers."  
  
"I got less shy over the years."  
  
"Buffy that's not it. I know you almost as well as Willow does. I lived with you for Christ sakes." "How do you know anything about how I think?"  
  
"You said his name and then made a little sigh before continuing." Crap did I do that. I could never keep much from Andrew why try now.  
  
"Well if you must know I feel a little attracted to him."  
  
"Just a little?"  
  
"No, he's the perfect guy. God he's smart, funny, good looking, he's good with kids and very family oriented and he can cook."  
  
"How do you know he can cook?"  
  
"We're supposed to just be friends so as a friend I let him sleep over yesterday night. He was a little pained because his brother might die."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Goodness I shouldn't even be thinking about him what with all that is going on. I can't stop though. Right now I'm worried because he wasn't called me about his brother. How pathetic!"  
  
Andrew had to handle the situation with care. Buffy was ranting and when she ranted there was barely anyone who could get through to her.  
  
"Buff, I think that maybe you should consider the fact that you really like this guy. He seems nice enough. How long have you and Riley been separated?"  
  
"A year."  
  
"Well then that is a lot of time with only you and Dawn. You should test the waters. See if he really wants only to be your friend. Imagine what can happen after the trial."  
  
"I know, but I don't think that I should start dating this early. I think I should just give up this crazy idea."  
  
"You don't have to give up anything you don't want to."  
  
"He probably doesn't want someone with baggage."  
  
"Buffy don't sound so defeated."  
  
Buffy had to get off this subject. It was making her very uncomfortable.  
  
"So what's new with you?" Andrew went silent for a couple of minutes and then realized that he wasn't going to get anything from Buffy.  
  
"I'm good. My practice is doing well. I think that things are always busy."  
  
"It must be great to help people."  
  
"With the sniffles and coughing? It isn't what I wanted it to be. I'm not helping people in an emergency."  
  
"But it's still help."  
  
"Yeah, that's what Warren says."  
  
"Who's Warren?" Andrew paused for a minute and then went on.  
  
"Warren is my boyfriend." Buffy was a little shocked, but not too much. She always thought that Andrew was a little gay.  
  
"So, you decided to come out of the closet?"  
  
"How did you know I was gay?"  
  
"I could just tell. You had that one friend who was totally gay and I figured either you were very cooperative or gay. You've never been cooperative so I figured gay was the right word for it."  
  
"Well it's nice of you to tell me know. It would have saved me a couple years of weird explanations."  
  
"So, is he a nice guy?"  
  
"Warren is a very nice guy."  
  
"But."  
  
"But he is barely coming out of the closet and he isn't telling anyone."  
  
"And that's a problem because."  
  
"He tries to hide the fact that he's gay. He tries to hide our relationship. It's just so frustrating."  
  
"I guess that would be frustrating."  
  
"It's like he doesn't think that I'm good enough for him. He hides me from his fire fighter friends. I know that I should be patient and all, but I just think that six months is enough to realize that you're not getting any gayer. Any less gay either for that matter."  
  
"Well maybe he just thinks that he needs more time and you'll be there because you love him."  
  
"I do love him and of course I'll be there for as long as it takes, but it isn't less frustrating. I mean he knows that he loves me and that I love him, but he just can't admit it to everyone else. His family knows, but his friends don't. It's like there is a whole part of his life I can't be a part of."  
  
Buffy thought about what Andrew had just said. It hit her a little to close to home. She liked Spike and somewhere deep down she knew that he liked her, but there were too many restrictions to their attraction.  
  
"Well Andrew, I think that maybe you should talk to him about this. He probably just thinks that it's okay. He doesn't know the rules in the gay handbook. Think about how you were when you were first coming out. It had to be difficult."  
  
"I went a different way then him. I told some of my friends before I told my family."  
  
"Does your dad know?"  
  
"Yes, I told him a couple of Thanksgivings ago. I think he might have told your mom, but I guess not because then you would know for sure."  
  
"Well, my mom and I aren't talking of late."  
  
"She doesn't think that you should get a divorce."  
  
"Precisely. She just doesn't get it that Riley is a bad guy. She has only seen one side of him."  
  
"Well he only showed her one side. I think that maybe it's for the best that you get a divorce. Look Buffy I have to go. Bye."  
  
"Bye." The conversation with Andrew had Buffy thinking. She had to talk to Spike and see if he was okay. She had his cell phone memorized. She dialed it quickly.  
  
Spike had been asleep for a while now. He had left his cell phone on by accident and when it went off he jumped up two feet. He looked groggily at the number and saw that it was Buffy's.  
  
"Hello," he said rather sleepily.  
  
"Spike did I wake you?"  
  
"Yeah, but its okay. It's not like I was enjoying the sleep." It was true. Spike's sleep was plagued with awful dreams of Angel lying dead in a hospital bed.  
  
"You never about Angel and I was worried that you were dead or something." She was worried about him. He forgot to call her. It had been an exhausting day and he just wanted to try and sleep.  
  
"Sorry I forgot. Angel called and told me that he had the disease and I just went over to his house as soon as I could."  
  
"Oh that's too bad about Angel. I'm sorry that I'm bugging you over something as trivial as not calling."  
  
"No it's good that you called. I needed to hear someone's voice that didn't' belong to kids or Cordy."  
  
"How is she?"  
  
"She isn't breaking down yet. She is trying to keep it together. The kids don't really know yet. She and I tried to tell them about it, but they weren't listening. I'm pretty sure that Connor didn't get it, but Maddy might have understood. She walked away all sad like."  
  
"I was wondering if you would be up to getting some coffee."  
  
Spike thought about the idea of coffee. It was almost eleven-thirty and he wondered what place would be open at this. He thought that maybe Buffy knew where there was a place to get a good coffee in this town.  
  
"Well, where is there a good place to get a coffee in this town?"  
  
"Well I think that there is a diner near the hospital."  
  
"Do you know where all the good eating spots are in Sunnydale?"  
  
"Most of them. I'm a woman on the go."  
  
"Okay woman on the go I'll pick you up in a few minutes. Sound good?"  
  
"Sounds great."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"He just looked so weak. I wanted to cry out loud, but I couldn't. Not while he was the one going through all this shit. God, I hate this. He actually said that I could be strong if I wanted to! Who does he think I am?!" Buffy and Spike had been sitting in the diner for a half-hour now. Buffy was listening to Spike rant about how the world was so shitty.  
  
He looked so cute when he ranted, Buffy thought.  
  
"I mean I know that you say that I'm strong enough to do this, but I never really had to do that kind of thing."  
  
"Spike, you did that kind of thing all the time."  
  
"What?"  
  
"You helped people when you were an A.D.A. You helped the people put away the people that hurt their loved ones. You are very strong in the courtroom."  
  
"Yeah in the courtroom I'm strong. What are they going to do move the hospital in a courtroom? Or Angel's house for that matter."  
  
"Spike, you are strong no matter were you are. Sooner or later the strong side will come out and you'll rise to the occasion."  
  
Spike sighed. He knew that he was ranting, but she didn't seem to mind. Sort of a level head to his big one in the sky.  
  
"Look I know that I'm ranting, but I don't really ever get in a good rant."  
  
"Well that's what friends are for. We are here to listen to the other ones rant. Now calm down and think about what Angel would want you to do."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Would Angel want you to sit here and rant or would he want you to just sit down and have a cup of Joe with your friend."  
  
"He would want the latter."  
  
"So, seeing as Angel would want the latter that is exactly what we should do. So did you ever find out what Giles wanted to talk about?"  
  
"No, we got out of there pretty quickly and he hasn't called to say anything. I think it might be about my father. He was away on business when. the incident happened."  
  
"So that's what you're calling it. The incident."  
  
"It wasn't that big of a deal." His father's words still rang in his head loudly, but he figured that it was better to ignore then. "What kind of nasty things did you say to him?"  
  
Spike sighed and tried to think of what to say.  
  
"I'm pretty sure that I called him a piece of shit more than once. He was trying to scold his twenty-eight year old son on life. He was trying to play dad after all these years of playing the funny critic. He wanted to talk about my behavior and how I needed to stop acting so irresponsibly. I tried to stop hearing all the bad things he said to me through the years and just except the scolding like a little boy, but I realized that I wasn't a little boy. I knew that that time in my life was over and he was just comparing everything to those shitty years. He will never stop doing that until I'm old and gray."  
  
"So, he was trying to scold you on something you did? What was it?"  
  
"I was drinking again a few months ago. Wes and Angel had to get me out of a bar a couple times. They asked Xander to help them but he refused. Xander ended up telling my dad and that was how he found out. Also I was acting kind of stupid to my boss and he was threatening to fire me. My boss and my dad are chums from a long time back."  
  
Buffy thought about everything Spike was saying. It was years of ridicule and embarrassment. He couldn't live up to his father's expectations and he wouldn't allow himself to set any of his own. Spike was good at what he did was what Buffy had learned from word of mouth and from personal experience.  
  
"Spike I think you did the right thing by telling your dad where to go, but maybe you should have said it in more eloquent words."  
  
"Shit, Fuck, and asswhole were the only words that were going through my mind. He makes me feel like an immature little kid."  
  
"Well parents can do that."  
  
"Does your mom make you feel like that?"  
  
"Yes more then anyone I know. Sometimes it scares me."  
  
"I don't know why he has so much control. He was never there. It let anyone have control of my life."  
  
"Well my mom was there and she was tons of control over my life. I barely shook it off when I filed for divorce."  
  
"How do I shake it off? I can yell and scream, but he still holds it. I don't know why."  
  
"Because you want him to. You want someone to have control over your life because you don't think you do. Every time someone doesn't want to take control of your life you turn into a wreck."  
  
"Hey I thought you were supposed to be on my side."  
  
"I'm on your side, but it is true."  
  
"Not really. Angel always had control over my life, but I was still acting like a stupid punk."  
  
"That was because Angel got older and didn't have as much time for you anymore."  
  
"Okay so I need someone other than myself to be in control. I really hate that, but it's who I am."  
  
"Well you don't really want to be like that, but it's not your fault."  
  
"Yeah I guess you're right." Spike looked down at his watch and saw that it was over twelve-thirty.  
  
"Holy Shit, I have to get back to Angel's. It is really late and I still have a few things to prepare for."  
  
"Oh I should tell you that I called Andrew and he said that he would definitely testify against Riley. He just can't come until this Wednesday."  
  
"Great that helps things a lot. I really need to get going though."  
  
"Okay let's go."  
  
Spike stopped in front of Buffy's house. They had talked about a lot of things while they were in the car. Every time they saw each other it was easier to talk openly.  
  
"Well, this is my stop."  
  
"Yeah." Buffy could see the look on Spike's face and wondered why it was there. She decided that if he wanted her to know he would tell her. Buffy made a move to the door and Spike stopped her.  
  
"Buffy about last night. You know the fact that we kissed. I was wondering what that was about and where it might lead to."  
  
Buffy had feared that he would ask her this. How could she give him an answer when she didn't know for sure her own self?  
  
"Well, it was a nice kiss."  
  
"Yeah it sure was."  
  
"But I don't know where I want it to lead. It just seems that, I don't know my life isn't really ready for any relationship. I have Dawn right know to think about." It wasn't what she wanted to say. She wanted to say that it could lead somewhere good. In fact she wanted to kiss him right there and then.  
  
Spike felt like a deflated balloon. He really wanted Buffy to say that it would lead to many countless days and nights of being able to look at her whenever he wanted. He knew better than to hope for too much, but he thought it wouldn't be too much.  
  
"Oh yeah. Of course. It's just that well it was a good kiss and I didn't want you to think that I wanted us to move to another level of our friendship. I really enjoy being on my own right now. Like I said I'm trying to find a way for me to control my life."  
  
"Right, so I'll see you later?"  
  
"In a couple of hours. Do you need a ride?" Buffy wanted to cry and scream at him for not wanting her. She wanted to tell him where he could put his ride and where he could go. That would be stupid.  
  
You're the one who said that you didn't want anything. This is your fault. He might've wanted to be something more before you opened your stupid mouth and told him that you didn't want to be anything more.  
  
Buffy went from hating Spike to hating herself in her mind over and over again. Spike wondered what she was thinking. He really needed to leave and get to Angel's. He too was upset that he told Buffy that he didn't want a relationship, but the more he thought about it the more he realized he was sparing her some hard times. He would always be at Angel's bedside for the next couple of months, maybe years. He couldn't let someone go through that too.  
  
"Uh, Buffy, I know that these nice silent sitting marathons are great, but I really need to get back to Angel's house. I know I sound like he is about to explode at any moment, but I really think that my being there will help him."  
  
"Right okay I'm going." Buffy practically ran out of the car. She hoped that Spike wouldn't see how angry she was, but he did. Spike wondered why Buffy was angry, but put the thought aside as he started his car and headed to Angel's. 


	9. Hospitals Are Very Scary Places

A/N: Okay so this chapter is a bit of a tear-jerker. Well actually to be more accurate it's more of an 'I want to kill the make believe character that would make Spike so upset and cry'. Opps I just gave away a little more then intended. Don't worry about what happens because this person will see the error of his or her way.  
  
Chapter 9:  
  
Spike had a hectic morning. He was woken up early by the sound of screaming. It was just Connor and Maddy playing, but it had freaked Spike out. When he got to Angel's house he hadn't slept well. He had had nightmares about Angel dying. He blamed it on the caffeine that he had had earlier. Plus the company didn't help. Before getting to her house things had been great. They had been friends without the awkwardness. Spike had beaten himself up about the whole thing.  
  
He arrived at Angel's house and witnessed something that he wished he hadn't. Angel had to be taken to the hospital in an ambulance. Cordy had come back into the room to find him on the floor and unconscious. Apparently he had tried to get up and didn't have enough energy to walk. He had fallen and hit his head. It was a very traumatizing experience. Cordy was very frantic and Maddy didn't know how to act.  
  
Spike felt sorry for his young niece and nephew. Connor was too young to understand what had happened, but Maddy was a very bright little girl and understood perfectly what was happening to her father. He was dying.  
  
Spike had helped Cordy get them ready this morning by cooking and washing the dishes. He still wasn't sure what he should do. He felt out of place in the house trying to be Angel. The shoes were too big to fill and Spike felt that they would devour him. When Cordy came back from putting the kids on the bus to school she came inside the house and sat down at the dining table.  
  
There was a moment of silence before Cordy finally said, "It just doesn't seem real. I couldn't quiet grasp my mind around it. He was fine and then he started getting tired and sick all the time. I didn't think it was anything. Maybe the flu. When I saw him on the ground last night I panicked. I ran to room and saw that you weren't there and then I just started to panic. I waited like ten minutes before I called the police."  
  
"It's a normal reaction. You weren't sure what was going on. Your state of mind was all jacked up. I probably would have done the same thing."  
  
"No, Spike you would have done something different. You don't have to patronize me."  
  
"I'm not. I would have freaked out worse. I would never be able to handle something like that."  
  
"Spike you are stronger then you give yourself credit for. I've seen you in the courtroom."  
  
"Yeah I'm strong in the courtroom, but in life, well let's just say that if I could hide under a blanket and never come out that would be just fine for me."  
  
Cordy thought about that. Spike was the type to not want to go on with life, but chalk that up to his father's bad behavior. Nathan was a good man, but he was a lousy father.  
  
"Spike, I know that you think that you are incapable of leading a normal good life, but that is so not true. You are one of the most grounded people I know. Don't let the years of your father's ridicule get to you." Cordy looked at her watch and said, "Look, I have to go to work right now. I'm taking a short day and going to the hospital. I just have to do some last minute touches on the magazine. Can I count on you being there later?"  
  
"Yeah I'll be there as soon as I can. I have that case today, but as soon as it's over I'll be there."  
  
"Oh the case. That's Buffy's case right." There was a tone in Cordy's voice that was annoying. She knew what case it was and she knew that Spike and Buffy were friends, but she knew there was more.  
  
"Yes Cordelia." Spike was annoyed with her. She was fishing for some information.  
  
"Are you annoyed for some reason? You called me by my whole name. Usually it's Cordy." Cordy was playing innocent.  
  
"Let's skip the round the bend bullshit. You think that I have a thing for my client."  
  
"Well, it's a little evident. I really think you and her make a good couple. She's really nice and sweet. Better than that monster girl you brought here."  
  
"Dru wasn't a monster."  
  
"She cheated on you and treated you like your father. Monster I think so."  
  
"Look, Buffy is married, for one, and she is client. It isn't good to mix that kinda stuff. Besides I'm trying to do that whole 'getting to know me better' shit that people keep shoving down my throat."  
  
"I think you know yourself fine. Its time you started to date and maybe get married." "God is getting married everything to you people?"  
  
"I'm just saying."  
  
"Look I have to go now. I have to go to court and try to win a case. I'll see you later. Tell Angel that I'll be there later and that I love him." Spike got up and hugged Cordy. He left after that.  
  
Cordy watched him leave. He was in denial about his feelings for Buffy. Cordy knew that he liked her, but that things weren't going because he was stubborn. She wished that she could smack sense into him, but knew she couldn't. She sighed and then left too.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ----  
  
Buffy was waiting for Spike. She had put Dawn on the bus and told her to go to Janice's house after school. Janice was one of Dawn's friends. Buffy had arranged it with Janice's mom to let Dawn stay there today. Buffy wasn't sure how long this thing would run. Buffy was a little nervous about the whole thing. She knew that Willow was the one who was testifying today, but everything needed to be perfect.  
  
For some reason Spike had a fear that all the witnesses would not be enough. That they might have to use her and Dawn as witnesses. Buffy wasn't nervous for herself, but more for Dawn. Her daughter should have never been put through this. It was wrong.  
  
Buffy remembered the first time Riley hit Dawn. It was the first and last. Buffy had filed for divorce soon after that. She would put herself through that, but not Dawn. Riley was evil for doing something like that. He could disrespect Buffy, but it stopped when he hit Dawn. She needed it so that Dawn never had to be a part of that again. She just hoped she had enough ammo to get the job done.  
  
Buffy was shaken out of her trance when she heard Spike's car honk. She rushed downstairs and into Spike's car. She was silent once in the car. She still held some bad feelings about what had happened with her and Spike last night. She looked at him and he looked worn down.  
  
"Hey you look like shit." Spike was startled by her comment.  
  
"Why thank you. I don't think I'm told I look like shit enough."  
  
"I only said it because I was wondering why."  
  
"Long night of not sleeping."  
  
"Are you ready for today?"  
  
"Yeah I can go on two hours of sleep."  
  
"I hope that isn't because of me."  
  
"No, Angel had to go to the hospital last night. It was a whole thing and I couldn't sleep. Nothing too major. He was probably going to go to the hospital soon anyway. I swear I'll be fine. I do the best on empty. I don't know why though." They rode the rest of the way in total silence. They were back to the whole awkward stage.  
  
It was so much easier before I kissed him, Buffy thought. I ruined a perfectly good friendship.  
  
When they got to the courthouse they met up with Willow. She was there with Oz. Buffy guessed he was there for moral support.  
  
"So, let's get this thing done with. I think that if we wait any longer my stomach will explode from the butterflies."  
  
"Well we have to wait for Riley and his lawyer to show up. They have to be there while I'm questioning you. Just breathe and everything should be fine. I promise if you stick to yes or no as answers to questions things should go smoothly. Now let's head in there and get ready. Oz if you're coming then you have to sit in the row right behind us."  
  
"Okay I think I could do that."  
  
Oz seemed nervous also. The fact was that he was. He was nervous for both Buffy and Willow. They all made their way into the courtroom and Spike directed Oz and Willow where to sit. He and Buffy sat in the plaintiff section. They waited for what seemed like an eternity before Riley and a very stern looking woman walked in. They sat at the defendant part of the courtroom.  
  
The lawyer put her stuff down on the table and walked over to Spike and Buffy.  
  
"We could still settle this, Spike. He is willing to go for weekends, but not supervised. That is a big sacrifice."  
  
"Yeah a big sacrifice for someone who beats their kid."  
  
"You have to prove that first. If you can't then it goes to half-custody. Do you really think your client wants that?"  
  
"I know what my client wants. I will be able to prove this case and there won't be anything you can do 'bout it."  
  
"I haven't lost yet."  
  
"I seem to remember you losing to a very clever A.D.A once. Dru I'm the only one you've ever lost to and you really think that history doesn't repeat itself. Well I'll just have to give you a lesson on just how badly what goes around really comes around." Dru looked at Spike. He hadn't changed much. He was still intimidating as hell in the courtroom.  
  
"Well we'll see."  
  
"Yeah I guess we really will see."  
  
Spike wondered where that had come from. He had just talked back to someone. He wasn't that type. He never talked back to anyone, except in the courtroom. Only that wasn't all day and night. It was just when he was in the courtroom.  
  
That was why Dru cheated on him and it was why his father nit picked at his life. Spike looked up to see that the judge was on his way into the courtroom and he instructed everyone to stand. They did as they were told and sat when the judge sat.  
  
"So, I see that everyone has everything in order. That was very quick, Counselor."  
  
"I had prepared for this before hand."  
  
"Well done. It makes this much easier. All right lets get this thing rolling. Counselor?"  
  
"Yes, I would like to call my first witness. Mrs. Willow Osbourne"  
  
Willow got up and went to the witness stand. The bailiff then swore her in.  
  
"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you god?"  
  
"I do." Willow sat down and Spike got up and started to walk around. He was thinking about what question to ask first.  
  
"Mrs. Osbourne can you tell me exactly what kind of acts of abuse you witnessed while the defendant and the plaintiff were together?"  
  
"Yes, there was one time when Riley had come home from work and was a little drunk. Anyway he came home and I was over at Buffy's house just visiting. He got mad at her because dinner wasn't ready and he started to yell at her. He called her some really terrible names."  
  
"Can you tell me exactly what names?"  
  
"He called her a stupid whore who was only good for sex and keeping his house clean. He also called her a dirty bitch who couldn't do anything right."  
  
"Was that the first time you witnessed any signs of abuse?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Can you tell me if you ever saw Mr. Finn beat Ms. Summers?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Can you explain to me what happened?"  
  
"Okay well my husband and I were over at Buffy's for dinner. Riley came in from the living room and started yelling about Dawn being too messy. Buffy told him that she would pick it up later and that she had company right now. Then Riley slapped her across her face."  
  
"What was Ms. Summer's reaction?"  
  
"She was really shocked that he did that."  
  
"What did Mr. Finn do after that?"  
  
"He told her that he was sorry and that he had just lost his temper."  
  
"Did you ask Ms. Summers if he had ever done anything like that?"  
  
"Yes and she said that he only slapped her a few times before that."  
  
"Did you ever witness any other acts of abuse?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"How many would you say?"  
  
"Just a few like maybe two or three."  
  
"Did you ever see Mr. Finn hit his daughter?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Can you tell what happened then?"  
  
"Dawn had just come home from school and Buffy and I were in the house waiting for her. Riley had the day off so he was there. Dawn got home and started playing with her toys and Riley got upset. He yelled at her and then he started to slap her face. Buffy intervened and the she was punched on the nose."  
  
"I have no further questions."  
  
Judge Stevens looked at Dru and she stood up.  
  
"Mrs. Osbourne did you really see the Mr. Finn hit Dawn?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"But you said he started to hit Dawn. Did he actually hit her?"  
  
"Yes. He hit her once and then tried to continue hitting her."  
  
"Okay that was just to clear up a few things. How long have you known Mrs. Summers for?" There it was. The question that would kill Willow. Spike had to try and stop it.  
  
"Objection, relevance?"  
  
"Miss Collins does this question have a point?"  
  
"Yes it helps build a foundation on which I plan to bring in the witnesses character."  
  
"Alright all let it pass, but get to the point. Answer the question Mrs. Osbourne"  
  
"Since we were about three."  
  
"Have you ever lied for her?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"So you expect the courtroom to believe that you aren't lying now?"  
  
"Objection Mrs. Osbourne isn't an expert. The defense is asking the witness's opinion and leading."  
  
"Sustained. Ask another question."  
  
"So, you've lied for Ms. Summers?"  
  
"Objection that's the same question. The witness was already answered it."  
  
"Sustained.  
  
"What have you lied for her about?"  
  
"Small stuff like when she broke her mom's favorite vase and I told her mom it was me."  
  
"Do you try to get her out of trouble often?"  
  
"When we were smaller."  
  
"Not anymore?"  
  
"Every once in awhile, but I don't lie. I write her a check."  
  
"Is this one of those times where you bail her out?"  
  
"No. I wouldn't lie about something that big."  
  
"But you have lied for her?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"No further questions." Shit. She took a different route then I thought she would, Spike thought. He looked down at Buffy and saw the fear ion her eyes. It was going to be some week.  
  
"Mr. Flannery do you have your next witness prepared?"  
  
"I would like to ask for a recess until tomorrow at the same time. I have to prepare the last four witnesses some more before I feel comfortable moving on. Does that please the court?"  
  
"Most certainly. A recess is granted until tomorrow morning." They judge hit his gavel and then returned to his chambers.  
  
"So where is the lesson I'm suppose to learn?" Dru asked in an overly cocky voice.  
  
"I don't know why don't why don't you look for it up your client's ass."  
  
"Always the sour loser."  
  
"No you've got that backwards, doll. I never lost, you did. Shit I gained more than I earned so you know what I'm just going to chalk this one up to my lack of sleep last night and you can go do whatever the hell you want." Willow, Oz, and Buffy listened to the conversation between the two lawyers. Buffy never heard Spike talk like that. She had heard that he was confident in the courtroom, but she never knew he could be brutal.  
  
"Look, I think that I should be leaving now. Don't want to be around you and your defendant to long. Might catch something like the loser disease. I heard it's deadly." Spike started to walk out of the courtroom with the three people behind him. He heard Dru saw, "The offer still stands."  
  
"Stick that offer up your ass." Spike said as he exited the courtroom.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Buffy was sitting in Spike's car staring out of the window. He hadn't talked since leaving the courtroom. Buffy had said bye to Willow and Oz and went to Spike's car. He was quiet after that. They were pulling up to Buffy's apartment building and Spike stopped the car.  
  
"So, do you always get that scary in the courtroom?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"The whole bad guy routine. It was pretty convincing. I can see why you win all the time."  
  
"Yeah well it only comes out every once in awhile." Spike kept his eyes on the rode while he talked. There was something bothering him and Buffy could tell.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"Nothing. Things just aren't going the right way is all. They'll clear up sooner or later."  
  
"What kind of things?"  
  
"The case. Dru is very competitive lawyer. She likes to win. I'm pretty sure I can beat her tactics. The judge was to believe that all the witnesses couldn't just all be lying."  
  
"That isn't it. It maybe part of the story, but it isn't all she wrote. Is it Angel?"  
  
Spike finally looked at her. His eyes conveyed surprise and truthfulness. Buffy didn't need him to tell her that Angel was on his mind. She could see it as plain as something staring her in the face.  
  
"Yeah. I'm just a little freaked. All this doesn't seem real. Cordy was freaking out this morning saying that she should have done things better last night. I tried to calm her down, but she ended up telling me that I was a good guy who would have done things totally different. I wondered how that had happened. One moment I was comforting her and the next she was comforting me."  
  
"Cordy seems like the mothering type. You probably made her feel better by being the scared one."  
  
"Yeah, but did I really? I can never know for sure. I have to face everyone today. They'll be at the hospital and they will want me to be the strong one. Ahn will definitely freak. I don't know if I'm strong enough."  
  
Buffy looked at Spike. Just about an hour ago he was the most confident person she had ever met and now he wasn't. He was second guessing himself and putting himself down.  
  
"Look, if it will help I can do the whole friend is there for you thing. Dawn is spending the night at Janice's so I can do just about whatever I feel like tonight, I really think that you shouldn't be alone. You don't sound like a very stable person."  
  
"I'm not going off the deep end. I think that I can go on my own."  
  
"Are you going to make me follow you? I don't think that would be pretty."  
  
"Buffy, I'm fine really. I just. I can do this if I set my mind to it."  
  
"Remember the whole thing that I'm just as stubborn as you. Unless you forgot that let me refresh your memory. I'm going with you to the hospital and that's final. You'll have to drag me out of this car and that would take time away from you seeing your brother." Spike saw that he would lose in this battle. Buffy was just as stubborn as he was.  
  
"Alright." He turned and made his way to the hospital.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
Spike hated the smell of hospitals. They reminded him of bad things. Things he would rather forget. He was sitting in one of the chairs that faced Angel's bed. Angel was talking to Cordy and Buffy. He seemed okay, but Spike knew better then to trust appearances. They were just too damn deceiving.  
  
He could pretend that Angel wasn't sick and that he was fine, but that was just pretend. Spike would know better in the end. He just wanted to switch places with Angel. It would be easier that way. No one would be devastated if he was sick. They would be sad of course, but not devastated. It would make things easier. That way everyone would be happier.  
  
Buffy didn't feel out of place here. This was where she worked and what she did. Cordy and Angel were two really nice people that had showed her courtesy the first time that they met. Buffy was listening to Angel and fixing his I.V. at the same time.  
  
"Buffy you don't have to do that. They have nurses to fix those things," Angel said. He admired this young woman who was only here because a friend needed her. She wasn't dating his brother, but she was being a good friend.  
  
"It's running dry and I think that it might stuck. It's dripping a little slow." Buffy said. Buffy looked over the doctor's notes and then fixed the I.V. accordingly.  
  
"There that should be better. They don't want to give you too much fluid, but the nurse didn't set it right."  
  
"Thanks, now back to you. How are you feeling in here?" Cordy asked. She looked at her husband with concern.  
  
"Everything is fine. I'm fine. They gave me some drugs that worked wonders."  
  
"Really, well did they say when you can come back home?"  
  
"They said that I should stay in the hospital for awhile. Just a couple of days."  
  
"Well its just precaution. He didn't have anything seriously wrong with him, but his disease prevents them from letting him go. They want to monitor you to see if you need dialysis," Buffy said.  
  
"You know what maybe we should talk about more pleasant things like Cordy how was your day?" Spike said. He had had enough of the medical mumbo jumbo. All three people looked at him with shock.  
  
"You know what Spike is right. My day was fine. The magazine came out today. Everything was right on schedule."  
  
"Really what was this issue about?"  
  
Buffy took Spike's lead. She knew that it would make it easier on everyone involved for things to stop focusing on Angel's sickness.  
  
"Well just the usual women's magazine. There was this really interesting article on a study performed by Stanford University."  
  
"What was the study?" Angel asked. It was easier to pretend that things were normal.  
  
"Something about the way men and women think. It was interesting to see how these men had to try and think like women. The conclusion was that men have a one track mind."  
  
"You need a study to tell you that?" Buffy said. Cordy laughed.  
  
"Well better a one track mind that remembers every detail to something then a mutli-tasker who remembers too much. Sometimes Cordy talks about the magazine while making dinner."  
  
"That isn't true."  
  
"Of course it is." the three people started to laugh. Good they were laughing and not thinking about bad things. That was better then before.  
  
Just then Anya and Xander walked into the room. Anya ran over to Angel and hugged him tightly.  
  
"Are you going to be okay? I came as soon as I could. Is everything alright?"  
  
"Anya, calm down."  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
"Of course he's not okay." Everyone looked at Spike. They seemed to be shocked at his outburst.  
  
"He missed a whole day of work and everyone knows how super detective loves his job."  
  
"No I think that I needed a vacation."  
  
"Ah, so you're faking it. I knew it. You don't look nearly shitty enough." Angel laughed. He knew Spike would make him laugh.  
  
"Spike that isn't funny. He is really sick," Anya said.  
  
"Ahn, I don't think you going over the deep end is going to help things. We are trying to keep things light and humorous. We don't want Angel to die of suffocation. He's already sick and he doesn't need to be reminded of it. Let's just pretend that he is fine and that he is really faking it."  
  
"Why cause its easier for you?" Anya had never spoken to her brother so harshly.  
  
"No, Ahn, because I asked him to. I don't want to be reminded that I'm sick. I have doctors for that. You guys are supposed to make me forget that. Please just try to do this for me." Anya looked at her two brothers. They had already planned this out without her. She wanted to be mad at them, but in a way she knew that it was the right thing to do. Getting irrational and upset wouldn't help.  
  
"I think I can do that. Well where can we sit?"  
  
"Over there are two chairs. Are mom and dad coming?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Xander followed his wife and grabbed the chairs. He had been staring at the blonde in the far corner of the room who had been talking to Cordy. She was woman who came into his office a couple weeks ago and he had passed her case to Spike. He wondered why she was there. He knew she was a nurse and could be doing her nursely duties. It would just have been a coincidence. That thought was quickly thrown away when Spike asked everyone if they wanted something to drink and he asked her too.  
  
"Sure I'll take a diet coke."  
  
"Always with the diet coke. How about you Cordy?"  
  
"I'll take some water."  
  
"Ahn?"  
  
"No I think if I have something in my hand I'll spill it."  
  
"Xand?"  
  
"What are you getting?"  
  
"Coffee."  
  
"I'll take some coffee."  
  
"Cream and sugar?"  
  
"Yes two creams and sugars."  
  
"Alright I'll be right back." Xander saw Spike leave and had a questioning look on his face. He wanted to ask him if what exactly he was doing.  
  
"So, what was everyone talking about before Xander and I got here?"  
  
"Nothing much. We were just asking Cordy about the magazine," Angel said.  
  
"Yeah I was just telling Angel and Buffy about this new study. It was a really interesting article." Cordy was talking about Angel and the woman standing next to her. She talked about her like she was a friend. Anya hadn't even asked any questions about her.  
  
"Oh hey Buffy." Anya said. She hadn't noticed the blonde and now that she did she greeted her.  
  
"Hey Anya."  
  
"Xander this is Buffy. She is one of Spike's friends."  
  
"I know we've already met."  
  
"I talked to Xander about my case and he recommended that Spike take it."  
  
"Oh right. I forgot that you were going through a divorce."  
  
They had already met? How could that be possible? Anya never said anything. I wonder what is going on. Xander thought. Everyone was very nice and kind to her.  
  
"Ahn, I'll be right back. I have to go to the restroom." Xander got up and left. He had to go to the source of the problem.  
  
Xander walked down two halls before he got to Spike. He saw him filling up cups with coffee. He had two diet cokes in one hand and water was placed on the table.  
  
"Here why don't you let me help you? I thought that maybe it would be too much to carry," Xander said.  
  
"Thanks. I don't know what I was thinking. I volunteered to take everyone's order. I must really have wanted to get out of the room."  
  
"Yeah well no one can blame you. I know you are close to Angel and I respect that. I think it's really decent of you." Spike wasn't sure what Xander was getting at. He usually wasn't this friendly.  
  
"So I see that you brought your client here."  
  
"Who, Buffy. Yeah."  
  
"Spike I don't want to be the one to tell you but no one else is telling you. You shouldn't be dating your clients."  
  
"I'm not. Buffy and I are just friends. We've known each other for a little while now and we are just friends. Nothing more. I don't want it and she doesn't want it."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yes and your shock amuses me."  
  
"Its just you don't really have a good track record for just being friends with girls."  
  
"What about Fred and Cordy?"  
  
"They are married to people you love. They don't count."  
  
"I was friends with them before that."  
  
"Yes, but Fred was like a sister and you and Cordy always argued. Besides you were the one who set them up with their current husbands."  
  
Spike thought about that. He had never thought about Fred in an icky way. She was like a sister to him. He had thought Cordy was pretty, but she was never girlfriend status for him. She wasn't his type.  
  
"Name me a girl who was my friend then my girl friend."  
  
"There was that Cecily chic. That Faith girl. Oh yeah the big one Dru. She was just a friend before you two moved in together and bought a dog. Face it Spike you have the natural ability to make friends who are girls, but then they turn into girlfriends."  
  
"Well Buffy and I have made it clear that we don't want that. We are just friends. I'm not ready for a girlfriend right now. Things have just started to go my way."  
  
"Working at my law firm is going your way?"  
  
"It's a step. A step that I'm taking to get my life back. I never really had my life and I would like to get it back. Woman just make that harder."  
  
"Sometimes they make it easier."  
  
"Not everyone can have a great catch as you. You are the luckiest man alive to have my sister you know that right?"  
  
"Yes I know. Why don't you just tattoo it to my head?" Xander was actually getting along with Spike. Xander didn't like Spike because of the comment he made about family law lawyers being weak. He was drunk at the time, but Xander just used that as another excuse. Now he was standing here and having a normal conversation with his brother-in-law.  
  
"Look Spike I don't want you to think that I'm judging your life and decisions. If you want to go after her after the trial by all means do it. It would make as an interesting story for the grandkids. Just don't do it right now. It can compromise the case and all that good shit."  
  
"I know that business with pleasure is an unmixy thing. I'm not totally daft. I can figure that out. I don't want to go after Buffy after the trial."  
  
"You don't sound too convinced. I think that you do like her. You just don't know it yet." Xander walked off with the water and his coffee in his hands.  
  
Spike thought about what Xander had just said. He had told Spike it was okay to like Buffy, but be patient and wait. Spike put the idea in the back of his mind and headed for the Angel's hospital room. When he got there he spotted his parents. His mother looked like she had been crying and his father had that same look on his face he had had when Angel got sick the first time. Sadness with a mixture of disappointment. Spike wondered if he was always disappointed or if he just had that look.  
  
"Will where did you go off to?"  
  
"I went to get stuff to drink." He handed Buffy and Cordy their drinks.  
  
"Oh." His mother said as she sat in a chair close to Angel's bed.  
  
"Mum are you gonna be alright? You don't look so good." Angel said.  
  
"Of course she doesn't. Her son as sick."  
  
"Dad, I'm fine. The disease isn't that far-gone yet. It can still be treated."  
  
"That doesn't matter Liam. Things are very bad. You have a disease and that always takes away joy." Spike hated it. His father was talking to Angel like he had done something wrong. Like he wanted to get sick and make his family worry.  
  
"Dad, I think you're over-reacting a little. Angel can't control what happened to him, but he isn't going to die. He is receiving good medical treatment and he will do fine."  
  
Nathan looked at Spike. He started at him with total disgust.  
  
"It would have been better if this happened to you. You have no life and no family. No one to give a damn." Spike was caught a little of guard. He hadn't expected his dad to blow up on him.  
  
"Now dad displacement isn't going to help at all. We have focus on Angel's problems."  
  
"This is your fault. Why couldn't you be sick? You don't have anything to live for. The gods are taking the wrong son. They need to take you. People would be sad, but not totally ruined. Angel being sick will ruin this family, but we would go on if you died!"  
  
Everyone looked at the old man with shock. Spike stood there and felt like a little boy. That was exactly what he was thinking, but he never really thought it was true. His father saying it was verbal conformation that it was true.  
  
"You know what dad?" Everyone thought that they would have a remake of their first fight. They didn't know what to expect. Buffy looked at Spike and realized what he was going to say and couldn't let him say it.  
  
"Spike why don't we go and get something from the cafeteria?" Buffy said as she rushed over to Spike's side. Spike looked down at her and understood what she was doing. Unfortunately his father didn't.  
  
"Let him finish. I want to hear the stupid comeback he had." Buffy started at the old man with hate in her eyes as Spike started to speak.  
  
"I was just going to say maybe you're right. I don't have anybody. Don't you think I've wished a thousand times that it was me instead of him? He is the strong one, the better one. Don't you think that I wish that there was some way to make him better and me sick? I would gladly give up everything to make him better." Spike was crying by this time and shaking. He was trying to keep from doing that for Angel's sake, but it just happened.  
  
"So, dad because fate didn't make it like that you are stuck with the stupid, dumb, retarded son who will fail at life. I'm sorry if that doesn't fit with your plans, but hey I'd rather be dead myself if he dies so there you have it. I don't want to live as much as you don't want me to. All I can do is sit back and watch my older brother die and I'd rather be in his place. Now there is only one problem and that is actually changing it."  
  
Everyone was silent. They didn't know what to say. Spike stood there crying and shaking staring at his dad. Nathan finally got the courage to speak.  
  
"Well only if we could change it."  
  
Spike looked at his dad and then stormed out of the room. Everyone looked at the spot where he had stood. Buffy was furious at him. She wasn't the first one to speak though.  
  
"What an evil prick you are. Here I am sick and dying and you take it out on him. All he ever did was try to take care of me and you have the nerve to yell at him. I've never seen Will cry. Not even when grandfather died. You did that to him. I want you out of here. Out!" Angel was screaming. He was shaking from anger and had to keep himself from crying. Cordy went over to him and tried to comfort him.  
  
"It's the truth Liam."  
  
"The only truth here is that you are a piece of crap that doesn't deserve a son like Spike." Buffy said as she left the room and tried to find Spike.  
  
Spike had gone out to his car. He didn't leave and stood there not knowing what to do. He took out a cigarette and lit it. Lighting the cigarette was a little difficult because his hands were shaking. He had stopped crying by that time. He was thinking about what his father had said. That it was too bad that they couldn't change the person. Spike knew that his father disliked him, but he never thought that he wished him dead.  
  
Spike had never wished that his father would die. Spike looked up and conveyed his surroundings. He should be in that hospital room comforting his brother, but he was in the parking lot. He knew that he should leave, but something was telling him to wait. Something was saying that he forgot something. Just then he remembered what. He had forgotten to get Buffy. He had left her in the hospital. Spike was about to go back and get her and saw that she was already there.  
  
"Thought that I better hurry up before my ride left."  
  
Buffy took in his appearance. He was no longer crying, but he was still shaking. He was smoking a cigarette that seemed half way down already.  
  
"Yeah I thought I forgot something so I waited."  
  
"Well now there is no more waiting."  
  
"Yeah we should go." Spike made his way to the front seat of the car.  
  
"No you don't. You honestly think that I would allow you to drive in the present state of mind. I don't think so buddy. I want to walk away from this hospital in one piece." Buffy walked over to Spike and took his car keys.  
  
"Do you know how to drive?"  
  
"Yes I know how to drive. Now get in the car." Spike obliged and then they were off.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- -  
  
Buffy drove to Spike's house in total silence only asking him how to get there. When Buffy got to Spike's loft she got out and walked with him to the door in complete silence. She opened the door and started to make him a cup of coffee before finally talking to him.  
  
"Now, you look less stable then before. Are you going to be okay?"  
  
"No, my dad's right. Who cares about me? Angel is the better one." Buffy put down his cup of coffee. It was black just the way he liked it. He took the cup and then took a long sip from it.  
  
"Spike people care about you. Your family and friends care about you."  
  
"Yeah, but Angel is the better one. He is the strongest and the most powerful. He is just the best. I can't top that. I don't want to. No one can take his place."  
  
"Of course you don't want his place. You are Spike. You are in your place. You shouldn't want to take his place. He is your big brother and you love him. Your father is just an asshole."  
  
"Who cares? Tell me who wants me alive more then they want Angel alive."  
  
"Do you honestly think they could make that choice?"  
  
"Yes they would want him alive. I would want him alive."  
  
"Spike I would want you alive." Spike looked up into Buffy's eyes. Her eyes were like emeralds shining through to him.  
  
"But if you knew Angel then you would want him alive."  
  
"Well I know you. If you asked me right now which people I would want to stay alive you would be on the list. Of course a lot of people would be on the list, but that's not the point. You have people that care about you and they don't care about one person more then you. Wes cares about you and would want you alive. And Giles, and Anya, and Fred. You have lots of people that care about you."  
  
"Wes didn't care last time."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I was about eighteen. I had just turned eighteen and my dad was giving me shit about the colleges I got into. It was a really bad time for me. My grandfather died a couple years before then and that was when I started acting rebellious. I didn't make Ivy League, but I did pretty well. Everything was piling up at the time. I was going to AA meetings and all that, but they weren't fulfilling."  
  
Spike stopped. He seemed lost in thought about something.  
  
"Anyway, I was just going through the motions of things. I was trying to keep up appearances. I was dating a girl named Faith the time before when I was a little wild. She left town, but then she came back and tried to get me to go partying. One day I finally cracked and I went. I started drinking a lot. Even Faith was a little worried. I drank myself silly and then got alcohol poisoning that was so severe that I was actually dead for a minute or two. I've never really lived that down. The thing is. I wanted to die. I really did. I didn't think that there was anything to live for. When I told Wes it was the first time he was ever gotten upset at me. He kept asking me why I would think that there was no one there for me when there was. He couldn't understand. His life was too perfect that he couldn't understand."  
  
Buffy looked at Spike. He seemed so small admitting this huge dark secret that he only told Wes.  
  
"Spike you aren't that person who did those things. You wanted to die then, but you don't want to die now."  
  
"I never really got over it."  
  
"But you've learned to deal with it. Spike I know that that pain never really goes away, but you can control it. Why don't you go to bed? You seem tried and you really should get some sleep."  
  
"Yeah." Spike headed towards his bedroom and Buffy followed him. He took of his shoes and jacket and then lay on the bed. Buffy stood there and watched him. He had curled up in the fetal position and instantly fallen asleep. Buffy didn't know what possessed her to lay behind him, but she soon found that she was. She put her arms around his stomach and fell asleep herself.  
  
A/N: All right so whattcha think? Sad wasn't it. Anyhoo please review. Caught some a BAD case of WB and I'm having everyone I can help me. Like to thank my reviewers and my AMAZING beta Anyanaka0705. Been a great help to me so far. Please review cause I LOVE it. 


	10. Psychoanalyze Me, Please

A/N: Here you go. Enjoy and review. Love reviews. That's all.  
  
Chapter 10:  
  
Spike woke up to the sound of his alarm clock and his dog licking his face. He pressed the snooze button as he always did and pushed Spot away from him. He set his clock for 18 minutes ahead from when he wanted to get up. It made him think that he was running late. It was something he had picked up from a psychology class he took in college. He was about to fall back to sleep when he heard her sigh.  
  
He felt her arms rapped around his stomach. She was definitely asleep, but she was asleep in his bed. He wondered how that had happened. He remembered last night and how she had told him to go to sleep, but he had thought that she would leave after that. He had not expected her to stay and sleep in the same bed as him.  
  
Spot stood there and looked at Spike. Spike knew that his dog expected him to get up and feed him, but he was wiped out. He also had Buffy to worry about. Spike could feel her breathing against his back. He didn't want to wake her and he could really use a couple more minutes of sleep. Of course if she got up before him and freaked out that would be the end of him. It just felt really nice to be sleeping in her arms. He decided that it would all be worth it somehow and feel back to sleep.  
  
******  
  
Buffy thought she had heard the alarm clock go off, but quickly dismissed it and fell back to sleep. This time she knew that she had heard an alarm clock. She saw Spike automatically turn it off and then fall back to sleep. She decided that she had better wake him up because it was already 6:30. Of course that was still early, but she thought that they position they were in was a little too close.  
  
"Spike." Spike didn't hear her. He was sleeping soundly and didn't want to wake up. Buffy decided that she would have to speak up.  
  
"Spike." He stirred, but didn't wake up. Buffy didn't want to scream, but she didn't see any other choices.  
  
"SPIKE!"  
  
Spike shot up after he heard his name being yelled. Some part of his mind still thought that he was at Angel's house. He jumped up and headed out of the door until he realized that he was at home.  
  
"Huh. I wonder who yelled."  
  
"I did." Spike spun around. He had forgotten that Buffy was there.  
  
"Oh, sorry Buffy I still thought that I was Angel's house. It kinda freaked me out."  
  
"I could see that you were in a hurry to get some place. You bolted up and out like one of those cartoon characters. It was a little confusing at first."  
  
"So what are you still doing here?"  
  
"I had no way of getting home and I figured that I might as well sleep here." Spike was about to say in my bed, but thought better of it. She was obviously not mad or phased by what had just taken place and he figured that it would be better if he just shut up about it.  
  
"So, do you want some breakfast. I'm pretty sure that there is some cereal and stuff."  
  
"A bachelor with milk and cereal. What are the odds?"  
  
"Well like I said, I'm a neat freak and there just isn't anything that I can do about it. I think it might be a mental disease." There was a nervous laugh that came from him and then there was silence. Eerie, awkward silence. It was almost deafening.  
  
"Look Buffy, what I told you about the whole wanting to die thing."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"I need to know that it doesn't go further than this. Everyone just thinks that I screwed up. They would rather blame it on that then anything else. I never told them. I think that Wes knew and that was why he got all upset when I did it. I didn't tell him he just knew."  
  
"I understand. I've never told Willow that I've had some suicidal thoughts. I think that everyone has them once in their life."  
  
"Yeah well I don't want to be a statistic. I know that I was being stupid, but that still doesn't help my state of mind. I still think about it. I wonder if I was happier if I would think about it. Things just don't go right when your name is William David "Spike" Flannery."  
  
Buffy looked at Spike. He truly did hate himself and his life. He wanted nothing more then his dad's approval, but not only that. He wanted something more. Something that no one had given him ever in his life. Buffy couldn't tell what that was, but she knew it was there. She could sense it. Even though he didn't even realize it.  
  
"Spike look I think that you should sit down and talk about these things with a professional."  
  
"Like a shrink?"  
  
"Yeah. Willow is a psychiatrist and she would be willing to pencil you in for a quick appointment. It would be on the house." "You would get her to do it for free?"  
  
"Yeah. She listens to my problems for free. If I paid her she would be a millionaire."  
  
"I don't know Buffy. I don't like to talk to people about my problems."  
  
"Come on. Think of it as talking to a friend. If I'm your friend then Willow would be your friend somewhere down the line."  
  
"Okay, but after the trial. Now I think that we should get ready for our court date."  
  
********  
  
Spike sat in his seat in the courtroom. Oz had already testified and he hadn't lost his cool. Dru had drilled him with tons of questions to assassinate his character and he had stayed clam. It was an Oscar worthy performance. Spike could see it when he wanted to blow, but remained unemotional. Amy had testified and it seemed that Dru and Riley were thrown off by it. Amy had testified perfectly and things had gone smoothly from then on. Harmony's testimony was like icing on the cake. She was great at re-hashing the events and getting the medical bills everything seemed to be going his way until.  
  
"Counselor. You have turned in your list of witnesses and Miss Collins you have decided to a rebuttal witness."  
  
"Your honor I never received notice about a rebuttal." Spike said. He seemed shocked.  
  
"Oh well then here is the name of the witness." He passed a paper to the bailiff and the bailiff passed the paper to Spike. He could hear everyone's breath in the courtroom. He could hear Willow whispering to Oz and Oz explaining to everyone what was happening.  
  
Spike was almost fearful to look at the paper. He didn't want to know what named it had on it. Although he had a pretty good idea who it was. His fears were confirmed when he saw that the piece of paper said Joyce Schafer. Spike looked at the judge and said as formally as he could.  
  
"I would like to know the relevance of that witnesses testimony." Judge Stevens could see that the young man was trying to avoid saying the witness's name so he played along.  
  
"That witness happens to know Ms. Summers on a personal level and it would be relevant to the case to know someone else's perspective of the relationship that the plaintiff and the defendant had." Spike saw that the logic was airtight.  
  
"Alright your honor I think that I would like to call a recess and wait until tomorrow to finish up my witness testimony."  
  
"Recess granted." With that the day was done and he had to face Buffy's questioning face.  
  
"So I see that you are shocked by the turn of events." Dru said. She was overjoyed to see Spike squirm.  
  
"Answer me one question. What do you hope to accomplish with this little stunt?" "Winning the case."  
  
"Just because this happens doesn't mean you'll win."  
  
"Your witnesses end tomorrow."  
  
"There's always tomorrow." Dru stood there looking at Spike defiantly and then turned her back. She and Riley left  
  
. "Spike what is it?" Buffy wanted to know what the big deal was.  
  
"It seems that your mom is testifying on Riley's behave."  
  
"No, Joyce wouldn't go that low." Willow said. Spike showed the five people the paper and they gasped.  
  
"That bitch. Who the hell does she think she is?"  
  
"Buffy calm down. We still have Andrew and you. I think we might stand a chance."  
  
"Might. Are you kidding? She let you have those free hits earlier. Now she's going for the big guns and you won't be able to do anything about it. You lost." Buffy said. She wasn't angry at Spike, but more at what was happening.  
  
"Look we haven't lost yet. And so what if she gave us those hits earlier. We hit her pretty well. I think that we still have a chance. I have one more trick up my sleeve."  
  
"Okay then. We'll be here tomorrow for more testimony." Oz said.  
  
"Right Mr. Flannery is right. This case still has a chance." Willow said.  
  
"Okay then we are here to support." Amy said.  
  
"I'll try to be here tomorrow Buffy. Count on that." Harmony said. The crowd dispersed and all that was left was Willow, Spike, and Buffy.  
  
"Um, Will I think that we should get going. We will be on the clock in a few more minutes." Willow said. She tried to remain calm, but she didn't like the idea of helping this guy. She didn't know him. That was okay, but she could tell that Buffy liked him and, Willow knew that if he needed help that there was something wrong with him.  
  
"Okay, Willow. Just let me get my stuff and I'll met you there." Willow left leaving Spike and Buffy alone.  
  
"Spike I'm sorry about what I said earlier."  
  
"Buffy its okay. You were upset and that was okay. I'm not upset. Here why don't you take my car and go home. Willow's office isn't too far. I want to walk. Take Dawn out to dinner." Spike handed her his car keys and then left. Buffy picked up his stuff and then left to knowing she had done something wrong.  
  
* * * * * ** *  
  
Spike sat on the leather sofa and was wringing his hands. He was extremely nervous at having to talk to a shrink. Even if he knew this shrink. Willow saw that he looked extremely nervous and decided that she would use her icebreaker to start off  
  
. "I think that it would be good to start off with your childhood."  
  
"Oh, I thought that you might say that. Sort of cliché."  
  
"Cliché, but it helps build the trust." Spike couldn't argue with that logic.  
  
"Well it is pretty much like a cry for me story. I moved here when I was seven and things were down hill from there."  
  
"Where did you move from?"  
  
"England. I was born there, but you can't tell unless I lay on the accent. I hide it most of the time.  
  
" "Why don't you speak with it?"  
  
"The ridicule I received from the kids at school for one. Also I hate England. It symbolizes a life that I had and didn't want, then when I didn't have it I wanted it."  
  
"That's very complex."  
  
"Yeah well tell that to my mind."  
  
"So let's start off with your family."  
  
"Just a normal family. My brother is too overprotective, my little sister adores me, my mom is great."  
  
"What about your dad?"  
  
Spike was silent for a few minutes. Willow could see that he didn't like to talk about his dad.  
  
"Well he kinda picks at everything to do with my life. He isn't really a loving and excepting guy. He tried, but gave up a little too quickly."  
  
"So you two don't get along."  
  
"That is kinda the understatement of the year. He hates me."  
  
"I'm sure he doesn't hate you." "Well then he really, really doesn't like me."  
  
"So, when did this disliking occur?" Spike thought. He really couldn't remember a time when his dad hadn't 'disliked' him.  
  
Willow saw the look on his face and knew it well. His father and him never got along. Not even from the beginning. She had only a few patients who had that problem. For most there was a significant event that changed things.  
  
"I guess we never really had much of a relationship. I think he only wanted one boy and one girl. He ended up with two boys and that didn't sit with him well. I never really questioned him about it. Like I said we don't have a relationship."  
  
Willow thought for a minute and then wrote something on her note pad. The way she was sitting there and just analyzing him made him feel a little like a zoo animal in a cage. It took Willow a few minutes before she spoke again. She had to really think about her next question.  
  
"How is your relationship with your mom?" Spike thought that the question came out of nowhere, but answered it.  
  
"Good. It was always pretty good."  
  
"So the only person you don't get along with is your dad?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Relationships are fine with other family members? With your friends?  
  
" "Yeah. I have good relationships with everyone I know."  
  
"What about your love life?" Spike went noticeably pale and coughed a little. She didn't even need him to answer her question.  
  
"Well, they are pretty good. I haven't found the love of my life yet, but I'm still young."  
  
"How many intimate relationships have you had." Spike reddened a little.  
  
"What do you consider 'intimate'?"  
  
"Well, lets separate them into category's. One group would be the long term relationships and one would be the small flings." Spike thought hard about the groups presented to him. He had didn't have that many flings, but he had even less long-term relationships.  
  
"Well, I've had three long term relationships and maybe four flings. I really couldn't tell you for sure."  
  
Willow thought about that for a moment. This guy had three long-term relationships, which wasn't that bad. She just needed to know how they ended.  
  
"Well, for your age three is a good number. Why didn't any of them last?" Spike seemed a little hesitant to say why exactly. Willow waited for him to answer.  
  
"Well, Faith, that was one of the long- term girls, I was young when I dated her and a little messed up. She was a partier and I was trying to get away from that."  
  
"Did you love her?"  
  
"I thought that I did at the time. She was a good friend before we hooked up and well she got me into the whole party thing. I think that was why I dated her. She showed me the way to a. easier way out."  
  
"So, what about girl number two?"  
  
"That was Cecily. We were together in college. Wes, that is my friend, set us up. He thought that she would be a nice girl for his unstable friend."  
  
"So, why didn't that work out?"  
  
"Well, she was nice a little to nice. Kinda hoity-toity. Thought that she was better then me and treated me that way. I really. liked her, but she treated me like shit and I had to get away from that. I told her about my indiscretions and she kinda started the whole 'holier then thou' bullshit."  
  
Willow was almost afraid to ask about the third girl, but she didn't have to.  
  
"The third was Dru. That was the one I thought would last. I. I thought that we were happy, you know. I thought that we were good and that things were fine. What did I know? I picked her because I knew she would treat me like shit. I set myself up."  
  
"Why do you think that?"  
  
"I know that because it was what I always did. I set myself up for a fall instead of trying to get someone who would love me for me. I tried the one who would make things go away and kill me in the process. I tried the one who thought that she was better then me. Then I tried the one that I knew wouldn't find me good enough. It's my pattern. It's easier that way. That way I know what to expect." Willow was surprised. Not most people were willing to admit that they set themselves up for failure. At least Spike was honest.  
  
"Well, if you set yourself up for failure, why do you continue to do it?"  
  
Spike was surprised by that question.  
  
"I don't." He said in a little voice. Willow was reminded of a small child as he spoke. That was what he was. A small lost child that was looking for his way.  
  
"I think that you do it because of your dad. Not because you are trying to find someone to approve, but your trying to find someone to hurt you. Someone that you will think that you love, but then breaks your image. You are looking for that because it's all you know. No matter how many family members and friends try to help you it's not the same. They aren't your dad. They can't be." Spike never thought about it like that. He knew that a lot of the time that he did set himself up for rejection, but he thought that it just fit with his life better and it was like a defense mechanism.  
  
"If that's true then everybody that I love. they don't. I love them and they don't reject me. Never have actually and they say that they never will. So far they have lived up to that. If I'm setting myself up, then why do I have friends and family that will never reject me?"  
  
Willow thought that the answer was quiet simple.  
  
"Because you think that one day they will. Why else would you do those things when you were a teenager? You didn't just do them because your dad was an asshole, who never paid attention. It was partly because of him, but mainly because he let you down time and time again. You thought that everyone was supposed to be that way. When they weren't you tried to make them be that way. The thing was that you surrounded yourself with people that wouldn't leave and that hurt your theory."  
  
"I can see where that would make sense. I'm not questioning your expertise, but it doesn't fit right. I don't know why, but I think that I didn't try to make them fail me." Willow eyed Spike with some suspicion. The guy had it more together then anyone gave him credit for. He had some theory as to why he had these people in his life, but they didn't go away. She wanted to hear this, even though she knew that her theory was right.  
  
"Go on."  
  
"Well, I know that my friends and family would never abandon me like the way my ex's have. I know that Wes would never do something like that, even if he were mad at me. I think that it's more about the person I care the most about. You know the person I trust. And I don't think it started with my dad, as I would like everyone and myself to believe. I think that it started with my grandfather. I cared the most about him and he... left. He left me when I needed him the most. Then my dad did the same thing. It was a pattern like you said, but only for the people I trusted the most." Willow thought that the theory was very well thought up.  
  
"Are you sure that you aren't a psychologist in disguise?"  
  
"Quiet positive. I just was thinking about it. My problem is just so," Spike thought hard about the right word. Willow decided to help him out,  
  
"So, typical?"  
  
"No not typical, just kinda run of the mill. It just feels a little different when you are the one going through it. All those years of projecting and getting nowhere. It was silly really. It didn't make any sense. I just needed to be me I guess."  
  
"That wasn't the only problem though, was it? You tried to. hurt yourself." Spike looked a little shocked. He hadn't expected Buffy to tell Willow that. It wasn't something that you make public.  
  
"Yeah I guess."  
  
"Do you ever feel like doing that? Again?"  
  
"No, well sometimes I feel like having a beer. Or two or seven. It's just something I have to live with. I mean I'm an alcoholic. It's what I was a while ago."  
  
"So no suicidal thought?" "There was one. A little after. after things fell apart and I started to live this life. It was shortly after I lost my job and all that crap. I thought about what it would be like if I wasn't around to mess up people's lives. I thought about just going away for a while. It seemed like a good idea, but at the time I was drunk and I needed picking up. Wes and Angel did that for me. Made me stable me again."  
  
Willow looked at Spike. He was a good guy who was trying to rise above his problem. He had one and there was no denying that. He didn't even deny it. All in all he was a good guy and she knew that Buffy would be lucky to have him. If only she could make the two of them see that.  
  
She knew that Spike had said that he wanted nothing more then friendship, but she could see in his eyes and in his actions that it was different. She knew Buffy. If she hadn't already fallen in love with this guy then there was something seriously wrong with her. Sure he was a bit of a mess, but so was she. They fit perfectly together.  
  
"So, Spike, tell me a little more about your life. It seems to be better then a soap opera." Spike smiled. It was easier to think of his life as a bad daytime soap opera then as his life.  
  
"Well it all started January 19, 1976."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Spike had just sat down in his comfy chair at his loft. He had gone over to Buffy's, but Dawn had said that she was over at a neighbor's house. He got his keys from her and then left. After talking his mouth of to Willow he had come home to find a very hungry and annoyed Spot. Spike fed his dog and that sat down in front of his TV to have some quality time with the machine. He was watching whatever was on and eating some old Chinese food.  
  
He had been thinking about his therapy session. He had told Willow most of his life story in a matter of sixty minutes. He didn't think that it would be that easy talking to a stranger about his life, but he found it oddly refreshing. It had been easier talking to her because she was a stranger. A stranger that couldn't tell anyone about what was said during the sessions. It was all confidential.  
  
Spike took another bite of his noodles and changed that channel. He had been watching a special on lunchmeat and it was making him loose his appetite. Just then his phone rang.  
  
Spike picked it up and answered it, "Hello." He said this very nonchalantly as he took another bite of his food.  
  
"Spike, it's me Buffy. Dawn told me that you came by to get your car. Sorry that I wasn't there, but a neighbor's son just started taking some new medication and she needed my help. I was just calling to see how your appointment with Willow went."  
  
"Oh it was fine. She asked me questions about my childhood and then there was this weird inkblot test. I said that they all looked like a cat." Buffy laughed at what was obviously a joke.  
  
"That's terrible. A real live inkblot test huh?"  
  
"Yes. It was kinda scary."  
  
"So that was it?"  
  
"Yeah the basics."  
  
"So did you talk to Angel or Cordy at all today?"  
  
Spike was silent for a moment. He hadn't even thought about Angel today.  
  
"No I haven't. Must have slipped my mind. It's probably better anyway. I think that Angel is a little pooped out with everyone crowding him. I should give him and Cordy a chance to talk things out, right?"  
  
"Yeah, you know, they do need to talk about how things are going to work. They also need some space."  
  
"Yeah see they need some time to adjust."  
  
"Well I hate to be a nag about things trial related, but I have to ask. What are our chances of winning this thing?"  
  
"Pretty good considering. I think that we have enough testimony to throw theirs out of the water."  
  
"Good because you know how anal I am about this. I really needed Dawn to stay with me and not have to go with Riley. It's really important."  
  
"I know Buffy. Just calm down and let it flow. Things will be just fine."  
  
Buffy knew that things would be okay, but she needed that reassurance.  
  
"Okay then. Well I have to go because Dawn is nagging about having some ice cream. I don't think she'll stop if I'm talking on the phone."  
  
"Alright I'll let you go. Otherwise she might eat the ice cream without waiting for an answer."  
  
"See you later Spike."  
  
"Bye." Buffy hung up the phone and Spike resumed watching TV. He really enjoyed talking to Buffy and he wondered why she had called. He decided that it wasn't worth thinking about and put it in the back of his head. For the time being at least. 


	11. Twenty Two Questions

A/N: So, so, so, so sorry for the long wait. I gave this chapter to my beta, but sadly she has to quit because of school. So I had to go over this chapter again and make sure it was ready. Don't get angry with her. She's been a great beta and I hate to see her go, but other things got in the way. Thanks for sticking it out this long Anyanka0705; you were a great beta. Okay so enough with the sad stuff on with the story. Sorry that it's only one chapter, but I have to go over the other one and make sure it's good. I was going to wait, but thought that this story needed some updating. Read and review. I re-formatted the other chapters to make them easier to read. Thanks to Destinysfate for the title and the review that the formatting was hard to read. Thanks to all the reviewers!  
  
Chapter 11:  
  
Andrew had just gotten to Buffy's house. It was a small apartment building that wasn't nearly good enough for his stepsister and niece. He wanted to kill Riley for doing this, but thought better of it. He would do anything to keep Buffy safe. He knew that Buffy wasn't his real sister, but he still cared for her deeply. That was why he had rushed to Sunnydale. Getting off from work wasn't hard considering that he owned the medical practice. Getting away from his live-in boyfriend was another story. He could still here his talk with Warren in his head.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Andrew was packing his bags to go straight to Sunnydale right after he got off from work. He had been postponing telling Warren that he was leaving for a little while, but now he had to do it. He heard Warren get out of the shower and start to walk to their room. It was now or never Andrew thought. Warren saw the bags on the bed with clothes in them. He had always been a little afraid that Andrew would leave him, but he never really thought that he would.  
  
"What's going on, Andy?"  
  
"Um. I have to go to Sunnydale for a little while. It's Buffy she kinda needs me to go there." Andrew didn't look up at Warren when he said this. He was afraid that Warren would be a little upset at this news.  
  
"Oh that's it. I thought that it was something life altering."  
  
"Like what?"  
  
Warren visibly tensed up. "Oh I thought that you were leaving or something."  
  
"You don't think that I would leave you do you?"  
  
"Well sometimes. it just seems that maybe. I don't know that you get irritated and want to leave."  
  
"I get frustrated sometimes. All the work things and stuff."  
  
"No it isn't just that. You get irritated with me."  
  
"No, I don't."  
  
"Don't try to deny it. I know you do. I know why also. It's because of my friends. It's because I won't tell them I'm gay." Andrew was silent for a little while. Warren knew that he had hit it right on the nose.  
  
"Look, I don't really want to discuss this now. I have to leave now if I want to get in Sunnydale before dark. I promise that we can talk about this when I get back."  
  
"Fine just leave."  
  
"Warren don't do this."  
  
"Do what? Act like you're just leaving in the middle of a discussion."  
  
"You know what, why don't you come to Sunnydale tomorrow? We can talk this out more. I just have to leave. I'll see you later. I love you."  
  
"Yeah sure."  
  
Andrew just left after that. Now he wished that he had stayed and talked it out. He needed to know that Warren was okay, but Buffy had been top on his priority list. He got out of his car and walked the distance to Buffy's small apartment. He thought about how much of a change this had to be for both Buffy and Dawn. They had lived in a nice house and now they were living in a little apartment. Andrew got to apartment number 6 and knocked on the door.  
  
Buffy had been waiting for Andrew to show up. It was already past the time that he said he would show up and that kinda bothered her. When she heard the knock at the door she hurried to answer it.  
  
"Andrew, you're here thank goodness you made it."  
  
"Where's Dawn?"  
  
"Oh, she's asleep now. It is nine o'clock and she has school tomorrow. So how have you been?"  
  
"Good actually. Things have been a little hectic, but I've been handling them with pace."  
  
"You haven't changed much." Buffy looked at her stepbrother. He still had the same blonde hair and brown eyes. He hadn't changed anything in his appearance.  
  
"What did you think that because I decided to come out of the closet that I would do it wearing some outrageous outfit and a new hair color?"  
  
"I wasn't sure how the gay community worked. I thought that you all had to become hairstylist or something."  
  
"No, but we don have to take an oath to stay gay for as long as possible." Buffy laughed.  
  
"So are you nervous?"  
  
"No not really. I just found out that my mom is going to testify against me. I didn't see that coming."  
  
"Oh."  
  
Buffy saw the look on Andrew's face saying that he knew that it must be hard, but also saying what was going to happen now.  
  
"All we can do is just sit and wait. Riley's lawyer is letting us have all the witnesses we want with a get free card."  
  
"What else can we do?"  
  
"I don't know. Will, said that he had something up his sleeve."  
  
"Oh the lawyer." Buffy heard the tone in Andrew's voice and looked at him with annoyance.  
  
"Yes the lawyer."  
  
"So have you tried to talk things out with him?"  
  
"Yes, after that embarrassing kiss we had."  
  
"Kiss!?"  
  
"Yeah. It was actually quiet a good kiss. I told him that it didn't mean anything and he agreed."  
  
"He only agreed because he thought that that was what you wanted to hear." Andrew said sensing that Buffy was disappointed with the fact that this lawyer guy didn't see her that way.  
  
"Look, Buffy, I'm the first one to say when you've picked Mr. All-Wrong. I was the first to say it with Parker and with Riley. I haven't met this guy, but I can tell that he must be a good guy. He doesn't want to take advantage of you during this tough time. He thinks that not having a relationship is what you want and he is just trying to go by your wishes."  
  
"I guess that you might be right. I just don't know for sure."  
  
"Trust me. Now if you don't mind I'm really tired and would like to get some sleep. Can you show me where I will be sleeping."  
  
"Right here on the couch, unless you would like to check into a hotel. The couch is all I got."  
  
"It is perfect."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Buffy woke up early with a feeling of uneasiness that she just couldn't shake off. She got up and walked all over her room. She didn't know what to do, but she knew that she couldn't go back to sleep. She looked at the clock that was on her bedside table. The red numbers flashed 5:30.  
  
It was too early to start getting ready so she decided that it would be best to sit and wait. Wait until it was time to get Dawn ready and time to go to the courthouse. It would be a long wait, but she would have to do it. She decided that it would be okay if she went out into the kitchen and made some coffee. If she were really quiet then she wouldn't walk up Dawn or Andrew.  
  
She silently made her way out into the living room and so Andrew sitting up with his hands rubbing his forehead. He looked tensed and stressed. Buffy took a step closer to him and placed her hand on his shoulder.  
  
"What's wrong?" She said, her voice dripping with concern.  
  
"It's nothing."  
  
"Nothing wouldn't make you look all stressed out."  
  
"Yeah well I guess it's everything then. I just. I think that I'm a little too young to be having so much anxiety."  
  
"Well, is it a combination of things or is one major thing surround by little things?"  
  
"The latter actually. Remember how I was telling you about Warren?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Well he actually thinks that I would leave him. I'm wondering if maybe I should. We don't have much in common. I mean he's the big tough guy and I'm more of the intellect that would rather go to the museum then watch a football game."  
  
"Opposites attract."  
  
Andrew looked at Buffy. She was trying to cheer him up and so far her effort was only half-hearted. He could see that she had her own problems to deal with and he didn't wasn't to give her more of a burden.  
  
"Well, Warren is going to come here today, hopefully. I really want to straighten things out between us. I really do love him."  
  
"Yeah well why don't I make us some coffee?"  
  
"No I try not to drink the stuff."  
  
"Well I could really use a cup. My nerves are all outta whack."  
  
"Okay then I'll just have a coke or something."  
  
"In the morning?"  
  
"I have to substitute the caffeine some how."  
  
"Okay." Buffy got up and headed to the kitchen when she heard Andrew calling her.  
  
"Buffy."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"I'm really sorry that I started to break down in front of you. It's just that things have been so shitty lately. Of course you probably know all about shitty."  
  
"Yeah I got a whole bag of shitty sitting outside of the front door if you care to take some."  
  
"No I think that I have enough."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Buffy's hands were sweaty as she stepped inside the courtroom. Sure Andrew was there and things did seem a little easier with him there, but it was still nerve wracking. In the morning she had Dawn to take her mind off of the case, but now the butterflies were coming back even more. Willow had taken the day off to sit in the courtroom also. Then there was Spike. He was sitting on the plaintiff side of the courtroom shuffling through papers. He looked like he hadn't slept and was living on three cups of Starbucks coffee. Buffy and Andrew made their way to Spike.  
  
Spike was trying to distract himself by shuffling papers. He wasn't really looking for anything, but he was a little jittery. That was what café lattes would do to you. He knew that he would have to use Dawn as a witness and that didn't sit right with him. Of course he would have to get Joyce to say the right words. If she didn't then there would be no chance for a rebuttal witness. Spike heard footsteps coming towards him and he looked up to see who it was. He came face to face with Buffy and a guy that he assumed was Andrew.  
  
"Hey, just looking for bit of information 'fore we get started." Damn it you can't let your accent slip right now. Calm down everything is going to be fine. You just need to breathe. Like Willow said. Breathing is good. Spike started to speak again.  
  
"I think that we will do just fine. Free evidence never hurt anybody. Even if the lawyer is trying to work and angle." Buffy knew that he was also nervous.  
  
" Sp.Will this is Andrew. Andrew this is Will." Buffy was about to say Spike, but thought that it would be more professional if she said Will.  
  
"Nice to meet you. I think that we have everything in order. I know that I didn't get to prep you, but you should be able to use common sense. Besides, we are getting free shots here."  
  
Andrew was eyeing the lawyer, appreciatively. He could see the attraction Buffy held for this man. He was pretty good looking, although the suit didn't really fit him right. It clashed too much with his hair that had platinum blonde tips. Of course Andrew was deeply in love, but that didn't mean he couldn't look.  
  
"Um. yeah Buff told me about that. I can't believe that Joyce would go so low. I know that she didn't know Riley's violent side, but it is staring her in the face."  
  
"Yeah, well, there isn't much that we can do for that. I'm just hopping that she says what I need her to say."  
  
"You've got a trick up your sleeve?"  
  
"Just a little one. For now we have to play it cool."  
  
"Cool as ice." Buffy said. Willow had been looking from her seat and thought that maybe it might be a good idea to join them. She also had to speak with Spike about the therapy session.  
  
"Hey guys." She pulled Andrew into a big hug and Andrew responded by hugging her back.  
  
"Andy it's so good to see you."  
  
"Same here Wills."  
  
"Later you, Buffy, and I should go do something. After this whole court thing today."  
  
"Yeah that would be fun. We could get lunch or something."  
  
"Yeah I know this place." Buffy started to talk about a little café she knew about. Spike decided that he shouldn't listen to this conversation. It was of a personal nature and it didn't concern him. He sat down and continued to rummage through his papers.  
  
"Hey, Spike, we were wondering if you wanted to come with us?" Willow said. Andrew had suggested it, to Buffy's annoyance and Willow thought it was a good idea.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"To lunch."  
  
"Oh I thought that it was more of a close friend thing."  
  
"Well you're a friend of Buffy's and we want to get to know you," Andrew said, "You've helped her through this tough time and I think that I owe you a lunch."  
  
"Well I can't so no to a free lunch. Why don't you guys start to sit down now? It's almost time to start." Andrew went to sit behind Buffy and Spike and Willow leaned in to speak with Spike.  
  
"Look I really think that we made some progress yesterday. I won't charge you for more sessions so let's discuss a regular meeting time."  
  
"Okay." Willow then left to sit with Andrew.  
  
Spike and Buffy sat in silence until Dru and Riley walked in. Dru briskly made her way to her seat with Riley following close behind. She looked over at to Spike and a forced smile. Spike smirked at her and she went back to looking at some papers. It seemed that looking at papers was the thing that lawyers did when they had nothing else to keep them busy, Buffy thought. She looked at Riley.  
  
He seemed to be holding up just fine. He was clean-shaven and his hair was cut short. He was wearing a nice suit. Buffy had noticed that throughout the whole trial Riley had made it a priority to look nice. Usually he would be dressed in a normal pair of jeans and a shirt with beer stains on it. Buffy looked at the judge and stood. It would be a very long day, she thought and then sat down.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Spike sat in his seat looking at nothing in particular. Andrew had just given a good testimony, but it wasn't like Dru was making it hard. Spike had been right about one thing Buffy had been the dramatic effect factor. She didn't have to cry or anything like that for someone to realize that she wasn't lying. Of course they would have to deal with Buffy's mother. Spike had no clue about what she would say. All he knew was that he had to get her to say the right thing in order to use Dawn as a rebuttal witness against Dru's rebuttal witness. Spike was sitting in the restaurant thinking about nothing but the case until Willow asked him a question.  
  
"So, Spike is it?"  
  
"Um. Yeah." Spike said not really knowing what she had said.  
  
"That's an interesting nickname. How did you get it?" Andrew asked. He wanted to know more about this man who Buffy said was perfect.  
  
"Um. long story that I don't want to get into right now. Let's just say that someone called me it and it just stuck. Then of course it came in handy to have in the courtroom. Always nice to have a nickname when you're a A.D.A."  
  
"Oh a mystery. Okay don't tell us if it's too personal. Just play a game of twenty questions with us." Andrew said.  
  
"Yeah it'll be fun. But Buffy doesn't get to ask any questions because she knows a lot about you already. Only answering Andrew's and my question." Willow said.  
  
"Why do I have a feeling that I will end up hanging myself."  
  
"We won't kill you. Trust us."  
  
"Okay what do you think they're going to do to me?" Spike asked Buffy who was sitting in the chair right next to him.  
  
"I think that I would just answer the questions. They won't stop hounding you if you don't."  
  
"Alright. Shoot, but not literally."  
  
"Okay let me go first. Alright Spike um simple question where are you from?" Andrew said.  
  
"Do you want a whole geographical map of my life?"  
  
"Something like that."  
  
"Okay well I was born in Britain and then when I was seven when we moved to Sunnydale. Lived here since then."  
  
"Okay my turn. What are your hobbies and interests?"  
  
"I have a few actually. I love to write and on the weekends I go out to the park with my dog and my niece and nephew. I also like to play the guitar and other musical instruments. I love to cook. Like cake and junk food, but also regular food too. I don't know if you call this a hobby, but I like to hang out with my family and friends."  
  
"Oh nice answer. Andrew?"  
  
"Okay let's see. Hum. I got one. Favorite movie of all time?"  
  
"That's a tough one. The favorite ones always are. I hated the British movies so let me narrow it done to only a few American movies." Spike thought for a moment. He hadn't seen anything new besides Pokemon the Movie and he couldn't think of a movie he would classify as his favorite.  
  
"When Harry Met Sally." The table exploded in laughter.  
  
"What it's a good movie."  
  
"A chick flick don't you think?" Willow said.  
  
"Well you told me to pick one so I did. I'm not sure it's my favorite, but it's a good movie."  
  
"Okay well I have a question. Why law?"  
  
"Interesting question. Well I was always interested in arguing and I wasn't sure what type of career I could get with those skills. When I was a teenager I got into a lot of trouble and spent a lot of time in law offices. I grew to love it. Even though my school attendance wasn't spectacular my grades and tests scores were good and I worked hard to get into a good college. Declared law my major even in my freshman year. I just love being a lawyer. It's like the courtroom is my second home."  
  
"Good a man who loves his job. That's always a good thing. All right so let me see best friend and why?"  
  
"Hey that's two questions." Willow said.  
  
"You can ask two after. Let the man answer." Andrew said.  
  
"That's an easy one. That would be my best friend Wesley Wyndom-Pyrce. Why he's my best friend well that's easy too. We've known each other since we were really little. When his parents got divorced that was right around the time my parents wanted to move to America. His mom really didn't want to stay in Britain. She was American so she loved America. So we moved together. We've been best friends ever since."  
  
"Okay so my turn to ask a question. I get to have two. Let me see one question would be what's with the hair."  
  
"What's wrong with my hair?"  
  
"Nothing it just clashes with the whole 'I'm a professional lawyer' look. Just wanted to know what was up with it."  
  
"Well it used to be totally dyed bleached blonde. Kinda gave it that whole Billy Idol wannabe look. The D.A office didn't mind, but my professional job did. I let dye fade for that job, but when I got fired I decided I like the look a little so I dyed just the tips."  
  
"Okay and here's another one. What is your big dream for life."  
  
"To own my own law firm. I want it to be successful, but if it only makes enough to live on I won't care. Anything else?"  
  
Willow and Andrew hounded them until they asked all twenty-one questions. It was more like twenty two question game because they had to make it equal. They asked him questions ranging from his likes and dislikes to where he went to school. Sometimes they would laugh at the ridiculous questions. It was nice for Spike to get away and have lunch with people who didn't know everything about his dark sordid past.  
  
True Buffy and Willow knew some about his life, but not everything. Andrew had been very nice and he knew nothing about his life before. It was great. He could be himself around them and not have to walk on eggshells. Their food came and they ate with some light conversation and laughter. Buffy was quiet until Spike made her come out more. These were her friends after all. Lunch was finished and they were still enjoying each other's company.  
  
Spike was sipping down his Cola and the others had wines in their hands when he heard Andrew say, "Why don't' you have a glass of wine, Spike?"  
  
Willow and Buffy glanced at each other nervously.  
  
"I thought we were done with the twenty-one questions." Spike said.  
  
"It was just a question. Do you have to be in court after this?"  
  
"No just try not to drink alcohol. Cutting down as much as I can."  
  
"Yeah I really should to. Got rid of the coffee, but still have the bad habit of soda and wine. I think I've been drinking way too much lately."  
  
"Yeah I know how that feels." Spike said. He was about to add more, but his cell phone rang. He pulled his cell phone out of his suit pocket and looked at the caller information. It was Cordy's cell.  
  
"I have to get this. I'll be right outside." Spike said as he answered his phone and made his way outside.  
  
"Okay so why haven't you jumped his bones yet?" Andrew asked as soon as Spike was out of hearing range.  
  
"Andrew what kind of question is that?" Buffy said.  
  
"The kind that is asking you why you haven't snagged up that hottie and gave him a reason never to leave you." Andrew said.  
  
"I really don't want to get into this again. We are just friends. We can't take this any further, because I'm still married and we aren't at that point."  
  
"Oh please you are so at that point. Shoot I'm almost at that point. If he was gay. lets just say that I would forget all about my loving boyfriend and take him for a ride." Andrew said.  
  
"Andrew!"  
  
"He's right you know. Boy if I weren't married I would be right there where Andrew's at. The man is hot, smart, funny, sweet, and he knows how to cook. He's fucking as close to perfect as anyone can come. Sure the issues are a thing, but who doesn't have issues. Buffy you need to scope that one up and fast."  
  
"You guys are crazy. I just said that we aren't there and you are pushing this still. Look let me handle this on my own."  
  
"Do you like him?" Andrew said.  
  
"Yes of course. I would have to be gay not to. I mean look at him, but this is my life and I'm going to make my choices. If I want to take this slow then I well. If he likes me as well he'll wait."  
  
"Just don't take forever. That is what a good guy looks like in case you weren't sure." Willow said.  
  
"Okay changing the subject. What do you guys want to do after this?" Buffy said.  
  
"Well Warren never called to say if he was coming or not. I was thinking that we should go to the mall. They do have a mall don't they?" Andrew said.  
  
"Yes, Andy, we have a mall. I guess we could spend a day there. I have nothing better to do, how about you Buff." Willow said.  
  
"Well it's almost two. If we stop by my house and pick up Dawn then of course she and I would be up for the mall." Buffy said.  
  
"Good so we have a plan. Hang out and it'll be just like old times. Except there'll be a kid tagging along." Andrew said.  
  
"It's really not that big a difference."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Spike took another drag from his cigarette. He had been arguing with Cordy for about five minutes now and it was riding thin on his nerves. He loved Cordy and he loved his brother, but they just didn't know when to give up.  
  
"Cordy I don't know if I should." On the other end Cordy sighed.  
  
"You're such and asswhole. Just come down and see your brother already." She couldn't believe Spike was being like that.  
  
"Cordy after what happened last time. I just need to come when I feel like it."  
  
"You don't want to make sure Angel's alright?"  
  
"I didn't say that. I was planning to stop by tomorrow. It's just with work and all that I don't have time today."  
  
"Okay I under."  
  
"Give me the god damn phone. Spike you better get your bony ass down here right this instant."  
  
"Anya calm down."  
  
"No I'm talking to my dickhead of a brother."  
  
Spike could hear that Anya was mad and that everyone was trying to calm her down.  
  
"Now you listen to me, William, you will get your ass down here and see your brother. Cordy has been under a lot of fucking stress and she needs a break. You're going to come down here and stay with Angel if it fucking kills you. You got it."  
  
"Anya calm the shit down. I'll see what I can do."  
  
"No you're going to do a helluva lot more then see. You're going to fucking do it. And don't tell me to calm my shit down. I'll do that when I want to. No get over here to the hospital in ten minutes or a I swear to god."  
  
"All right. Give me fifteen. Just be more calm when I get there."  
  
"I'll try." Anya said hanging up the phone.  
  
"Shit." Spike said. He hung up his cell phone and put it back in his jacket. He walked inside the restaurant and to the table that he was sitting at.  
  
"Sorry to cut out so early, but I have to go to the hospital." Spike said picking up his suitcase.  
  
"Is Angel okay?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Yeah he's fine. Anya just wants to take Cordy and the kids away from the hospital for a little while and enjoy a good time. They need me to baby- sit. Never thought I'd baby-sit my older brother. Anyway sorry again."  
  
"No it's okay. We were just about to leave right now as well. Have to pick up Dawn and then were headed out for some fun as well." Willow said.  
  
"Okay well I'll see you guys soon." Spike said as he pulled out his wallet.  
  
"No it's free remember." Andrew said.  
  
"Okay, well bye."  
  
"Bye." Spike said as he left the restaurant and headed for his car.  
  
A/N: Okay so now that you've read this you have to review. You don't have to, but the process is much appreciated. Remember I'm not a qualified beta and I only skimmed through this chapter so don't go to hard on the grammatical errors and such. If anyone would like the beta job is up for grabs. Just let me know if you want it. 


	12. The Nutritional Value Of A Happy Meal

A/N: For any of those questions asked see other chapters. Well here you go. I went over this chapter with extra care. Hope you like it.  
  
Chapter 12:  
  
Spike walked down the long hallway to Angel's hospital room. Boy he hated hospitals. Everything about them screamed despair. He looked at the door to Angel's room. He took a deep breath and the opened the door. He saw Cordy, the kids, and Anya sitting in a chairs. They were laughing and joking around. He looked over at Angel. He was pale, but he looked happy.  
  
"Hey everybody." Spike said.  
  
"Spike you're here finally. We need to go know." Anya said.  
  
"Ahn, give me a second." Cordy said.  
  
"Kids say goodbye to daddy." Maddy and Connor went over to Angel and gave him hugs and kisses.  
  
"Bye, kids."  
  
"Bye, dad." They said as they followed Anya outside.  
  
"Okay, now you're sure that you'll be okay right?"  
  
"No it's fine, Angel. I'm good. Hurry up and go Cordy." Spike said dragging his seat next to Angel's bed.  
  
"Okay I'm going. I'll see you later, honey." Cordy said. She gave angel a quick kiss on the cheek and walked away.  
  
"So what's been going lately?" Angel asked.  
  
"Peaches it's only been a few days."  
  
"Hey I thought we were over the whole 'Peaches' thing."  
  
"It'll be your nickname forever, Peaches. Just thought I shouldn't use it in front of everyone."  
  
"Okay so you can keep the stupid nickname. Although I never knew where it came from."  
  
"I don't know either. Just started to call you it one day."  
  
"Boy you're a weirdo. So nothing new."  
  
"Started seeing a therapist."  
  
"What? Are things really that bad? You have to pay someone to listen to your problems?"  
  
"First, yes things are pretty bad and I got all these things that I wish I could tell you, but I can't. Second, I'm not paying Willow. She's a friend of Buffy's and she agreed to do it for free."  
  
"Oh Buffy." Angel said in that annoying 'I just figured something out' voice that Spike hated so much.  
  
"What about Buffy?"  
  
"Nothing. It's just great to see that you're still friends with her. Its just friendship right?"  
  
Spike sighed loudly. "Yes we are just friends. How many times do I have to say this? We are just friends."  
  
"Will, I know you better then you know yourself. I know you almost as well as Wes does. You like this girl. You may even be in love with her."  
  
"No I'm not. It's just friendship." Spike said trying to convince himself more then trying to convince Angel.  
  
"Right that's why you have that deer caught in the headlights look. William just admit that you really like her. I mean she's a great person. Everyone really likes her. She yelled at dad."  
  
"What she yelled at dad!?"  
  
"Yeah the last time you guys were here. She told him that he didn't deserve a son like you."  
  
"Wow she didn't tell me that. Still that's what you do for friends."  
  
"Still don't get it. You both have a thing for each other. I can see it. Call it wisdom."  
  
"No I'll chalk it up the Demerol that they have to be giving you."  
  
"Oh come on. Face it little bro, you're falling for this girl."  
  
"Too much too soon. No I'm not falling for Buffy."  
  
"Fine. Let me just say denial doesn't suit you."  
  
"What's that mean."  
  
"Well let me see every girl that you've been friends with has turned into a romantic thing. And you've always fallen for the bad ones too. I think I don't need to say anymore then that, but I will anyway. Faith was just wrong. She was bad made you do bad things. Cecily, well she just wasn't your type. She was snobby and that doesn't go with your laid back attitude. Dru, Dru was a bitch. She cheated on you and made you feel like you weren't good enough. Buffy isn't like that and if you aren't in love with her I'm going to think that you're a masochist."  
  
"Look it's my life right. Let me take it at my own pace."  
  
"Alright so let's say you take it at your own pace. What happens if she moves on? What happens then?"  
  
"She said that she isn't ready for anything anyway. We both need some time."  
  
"Will, you haven't been with anyone in over a year. Move on with your life."  
  
"I'm trying."  
  
"Well not hard enough."  
  
"Look I thought you weren't here to judge. Maybe I just don't want to be with anyone right now. I'm just trying to get my life in order. How can I be responsible for anyone else?"  
  
"You were always the one that said that you wanted to be married and have a big family with the a successful career. What happened to that guy?"  
  
"He died. Okay he died. A long time ago too. He's been dead. I woke up and I realized everything doesn't come with a shitty picket fence and that life is tough. Just because when I was younger I had things mapped out doesn't mean that I can follow them now. Things change."  
  
"Yeah I know things change. Do you think I planned to get sick? No, but that doesn't mean that I'm not going to do everything that I wanted to do before then. Listen I'm happy and you aren't."  
  
"Who said I wasn't happy?"  
  
"I did. I can tell."  
  
"I was never a happy person."  
  
"You were a happy kid."  
  
"I was a kid. Name the last time I showed happy emotions."  
  
"Well they don't show, but I know when you're happy."  
  
"So I may not be totally happy. I'm good. I'm having a nice life. Just let me figure things out on my own. I promise I won't screw up."  
  
"I know you won't. I just want you to be happy. That's all."  
  
"Well just let me figure out what happy is. I'm trying to be me first. Okay so that sounded a little Oprah-ish, but you get it. I have to figure out what I want out of life."  
  
"Okay I get that. I mean just because I got married at twenty-two doesn't mean anything. You still have lots of time to find that one person. Although I think that you already found her."  
  
"Let's change the subject. Let's talk about you. What's new with you?"  
  
"I watched TV all day. Do you still watch Passions?"  
  
"Tape it and then go home and watch it."  
  
"Ha well I get to see it everyday."  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - -- - - - -  
  
"Alright so let's hit the mall food court. I need to put these down for a second." Willow said holding up a few bags. Shopping had gone well. Willow and Andrew had spent money and Buffy had bought Dawn an outfit.  
  
"Mmm, mall food is so nutritious." Buffy said sarcastically.  
  
"Come on mom I want to get a Happy-Meal." Dawn said dragging Buffy by the arm.  
  
"Okay it looks like someone is hungry." Andrew said.  
  
"I just don't like mall food." Buffy said. "It's not healthy."  
  
"Oh come on Buff, when did you get all health hazard-y." Willow said.  
  
"I've been like that since I had Dawn."  
  
"Well come on let's go before she terrorizes all of Tokyo." Andrew said.  
  
"Okay, so let's go." Buffy said. - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - -  
  
"We can go to my house and I can cook dinner. Mall food isn't nutritious." Cordy said to Anya as they stood in line for the McDonalds.  
  
"Cordy this is about getting away for a little while. Besides McDonalds isn't that bad." Anya said.  
  
"Okay so we get the kids McDonalds, what do you want?"  
  
"Some pizza I guess. How about you?"  
  
"I think I'm going to get Mexican food. Maybe a burrito."  
  
"Good. So we'll eat and then we'll do some more shopping."  
  
"Okay. Kids what do you want?" Cordy asked her kids. When she didn't hear them answer she looked down to see that they weren't there.  
  
"Madison! Connor! Anya where are they?"  
  
"I don't know?"  
  
"Oh my god! Anya we have to find them!" Cordy said running out of the line and calling her children's names. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - -- - - - - -  
  
"Connor come on! Mom is gonna kill us." Maddy told her little brother.  
  
"I'm just looking at the dogs. I want a dog like Spot." Connor said ignoring his older sister.  
  
"Kid, come on. We have to go." Maddy was getting really upset and she couldn't see her mother or Aunt Ahn anywhere.  
  
"Come on can't we just look at the dogs for one more minute. And don't call me kid."  
  
"You are a kid."  
  
"Oh just because you're ten doesn't make you a grown-up. Now I want to look at the dogs. Go if you want to."  
  
"I can't."  
  
"Why not."  
  
"Because if you get lost then I'll get in trouble. It's better not to spilt up."  
  
"Well then stop whining. They'll come for us sooner or later."  
  
"Yeah and after that mom'll blow a gasket." Maddy looked around to see if her mom or aunt were anywhere to be found. Just then she saw her. It was Dawn and her mom.  
  
"Hey look its Dawn and Uncle Spike's new girlfriend."  
  
"Dawn." Connor said and turned around to see.  
  
"Oh someone has a crush." Maddy said in a singsong voice.  
  
"Do not. I just think she's nice. Plus if Uncle Spike and her mom get married we'll be cousins."  
  
"Whatever. Let's say hi when they pass."  
  
Dawn pulled Buffy while Willow and Andrew followed behind. Dawn was looking through the stores as she made her way to the food court. She was looking at the pet store when she heard her name.  
  
"Hi Dawn." Maddy said.  
  
"Hey." Connor said.  
  
"Connor! Maddy! Hi." Dawn said.  
  
"Maddy? Connor? Where is your mom?" Buffy asked in a concerned voice.  
  
"Oh doofus over here wanted to look at the dogs and got us lost." Maddy said.  
  
"I'm not a doofus.  
  
" "You're a gigantic doofus. I don't know where Mom and Auntie Anya are."  
  
"Buffy do you know these kids." Willow asked.  
  
"Yeah this is Spike's niece and nephew."  
  
"Oh where are they're parents?" Andrew asked.  
  
"I don't know. Where were you going before you got lost?"  
  
"The food court."  
  
"Oh we were just going there. Come on we'll take you there." Buffy said. Just then she heard Anya and Cordy screaming for Maddy and Connor.  
  
"Cordy over here," Buffy yelled. Cordy and Anya turned their heads and saw Buffy, Dawn, Maddy and Connor. Cordy ran over to them.  
  
"What happened to you guys? I thought I told you never to separate from me in the mall." Cordy scowled.  
  
"Sorry mom. It was Maddy's fault." Connor said.  
  
"Oh no it wasn't. It was all his fault. He wanted to look at the dogs."  
  
"You know she's a pathological liar." Connor said.  
  
"You don't even know what that means."  
  
"It doesn't matter just don't let it happen again. Oh thanks for finding them Buffy. Would you like to eat with us? We were just going to have McDonalds or something."  
  
"Sure, that's all Dawn wanted anyway."  
  
"Okay. Oh hi I'm Cordelia Flannery. Are you Buffy's friends?"  
  
"Yes, I'm Willow Osbourne." Willow said.  
  
"I'm Buffy's brother, Andrew Schafer." Andrew said.  
  
"Oh come on let's go then." Buffy said.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - -- - - - - -  
  
"So you're a therapist. Who's your weirdest patient? Did you ever get one who thought they were a dog. Ever had a pathological liar?" Anya asked as she took a bite of her pizza.  
  
"Well I don't ever have interesting patients and if there were any I wouldn't be able to tell you because of confidentiality." Willow told her.  
  
"What do you do?" Willow asked her.  
  
"Oh I'm a forensic examiner."  
  
"Oh that sounds like an interesting job." Andrew said.  
  
"Yeah it's okay. Makes good money. What about you?"  
  
"Oh I'm a doctor."  
  
"That's cool."  
  
"What do you do, Cordelia?" Andrew asked.  
  
"I'm a magazine editor and call me Cordy."  
  
"So why are you here, Andrew. You said something about living in LA." Anya said.  
  
"I'm here to testify against Riley, that's Buffy's ex-husband, and for moral support."  
  
"Oh so you've met my brother."  
  
"Oh Spike's your brother?"  
  
"Yes, he is. What do you think of him."  
  
"Well let me just say that he is one good-looking guy." Andrew said.  
  
"Yeah that he is." Willow said.  
  
"Yeah Spike is a nice looking guy. Smart and funny too." Cordy said.  
  
"Yes he's a great guy." Anya said.  
  
"We were trying to force Buffy to realize just how great he is." Andrew said.  
  
"I know we were trying to do the same thing at a family barbecue that she went to. I really think that they would make a good couple. Spike really needs to get on with his life and he seems to really like Buffy." Anya said.  
  
"Yeah well she really likes him. There's just so much mamba jumbo about them just being friends. It's all shit. They should just stop playing around and get it on already." Willow said.  
  
"Willow!" Buffy said. "The kids are right there." Buffy said signaling to one of the kids tables they have in the mall.  
  
"Oh Buffy they can't hear us. I think she's right though. Although it should be Spike who's doing the jumping, but he's always been the more passive type. She might as well jump his bones." Anya said.  
  
"Well someone better jump someone's bones before they stay in this whole friendship denial stage. All I know is that Spike is a little gun-shy after his previous experiences." Cordy said.  
  
"Yeah well Buffy is a little gun-shy as well. I mean her failed marriage has left her a little nervous about love and guys in general." Willow said.  
  
"Yeah everyone is a little gun-shy. Can we please get of this subject." Buffy said.  
  
"In a state of denial. Spike is in a state of denial as well. He was telling Angel about how he does like you, but you guys can't take it further then friendship. You both should really communicate better." Anya said.  
  
"Okay really this is making me uncomfortable. If I can't avoid this then I'm just going to go over at sit at the kids table." Buffy said as she got up and walked over to the kid table.  
  
"They really need to start talking more. I mean they both seem to be falling for each other." Cordy said.  
  
"Yeah well like we just uncovered they are both a little gun-shy." Andrew said taking a sip from his drink.  
  
"So did anyone see that special on the Discovery Channel." Cordy said.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
"Hey kids how are the Happy Meals?"  
  
"They're good. Are you my Uncle Spike's girlfriend?" Connor asked.  
  
"No, my mom and Spike aren't together. Although I think they would make a cute couple. Spike would make a great step-dad."  
  
"Yeah he's a good uncle." Connor said.  
  
"So how come you aren't dating Uncle Spike." Connor asked.  
  
"It's complicated." Buffy said.  
  
"My mom said that there isn't anything complicated about love."  
  
"Well there are just some things that make things hard to work out." Buffy couldn't believe that she was explaining herself to a six-year-old.  
  
"My mom and dad are still married, but it's almost over. Soon she'll be single again and then maybe they could date. We'd be like cousins if they got married." Dawn said.  
  
"Dawn I'm not getting married to Spike. We aren't even dating." Buffy said. She didn't want Dawn to think that Spike was anything more then a friend.  
  
"I know, but if you were and you fell in love and got married then we'd be like cousins." Dawn said in a matter-of-fact voice.  
  
"Yeah that would be cool. Then you could come over to our house for Christmas and Thanksgiving and holidays like that." Connor said.  
  
"Yeah that would be cool. And then I could ride in Spike's car all the time."  
  
"Did you meet Spot the dog?"  
  
"No is it a good dog?"  
  
"Yes, it's a yellow lab."  
  
"Wow is it pretty?"  
  
"Guy dogs aren't pretty. They're handsome. That's what Uncle Spike says." Buffy listened to the conversation and couldn't believe that six-year-olds knew her emotions better then she did.  
  
"Just don't hurt him." Buffy looked across the table to see Maddy taking another bite of her cheeseburger.  
  
"What?"  
  
"If you decided to stop denying everything don't hurt him and I can probably promise he'll do his best not to hurt you." Maddy said taking another drinking from her soda.  
  
"What makes you think I'll hurt him."  
  
"You probably won't, but you've been warned."  
  
"Warned by an ten-year-old. What would you do to me if I did hurt him?"  
  
"I'd be there to pick up the pieces. Everyone's been there to pick up the pieces. Daddy was there with the last girlfriend. She was a really mean lady."  
  
"Really? How so." Buffy knew about Dru, but she won't to hear this girl's version of the story.  
  
"She cheated on him."  
  
"You know about that."  
  
"Puh-lease I'm not two. I'm ten."  
  
"You were eight or nine at the time."  
  
"I was always smarter then my brother. I was more intuitive and sneakier. Listened in on phone calls and all that. Helps when you're always over at his house. He used to babysit Connor and me. When she moved into his house he would see us less. She said that she didn't like kids. I wanted to tell her where she could go, but I thought that I would get in trouble. I was glad when he finally saw that she was a bad lady."  
  
"Well I would say that you're very smart for an ten-year-old."  
  
"I try and look out for him, but I can't do it all the time. You seem nice and I know you like kids because you have a kid. Dawn seems cool too. I know Connor likes her. He seems to like you. Granted I'm not sure what that looks like, but trust me that he likes you that way."  
  
"You're very insightful. Thanks."  
  
"You're welcome. Just remember what I said. He doesn't need that again and from what Dawn says you don't either."  
  
- - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - --- - -- - -- - - - - -  
  
"You ever think about what it would have been like if you and Cordy had stayed together?" Angel said in a sleepy voice. He hadn't really been sleeping, but drifting and doing some serious thinking.  
  
"Jesus Christ, you were supposed to be asleep." Spike said as he jumped up from his chair dropping some papers.  
  
"I was just thinking. Do you?"  
  
"Do I what?"  
  
"Ever think about what it would be like if you and Cordy had gotten married."  
  
"Where did that come from?"  
  
"I don't know I was just thinking. I mean things would be very different."  
  
"Cordy and I only went out a few times. We weren't right for each other. That's why I introduced her to you. She was more your type."  
  
"Yeah I know and I'm glad you did, but things would be different."  
  
"As much as I hate to say this Cordy was just a rebound girl."  
  
"For Faith?"  
  
"Yeah, we broke up when I was seventeen. I dated Cordy for a little while after that. She was the first girl I went out with after Faith. It would never have worked out anyway. She liked older guys and I'm a couple of months younger then her."  
  
"You two didn't."  
  
Spike looked at his brother with a shocked expression.  
  
"If you're asking if I had sex with your wife the answer is no. Like I said it was a few dates and I was just trying to deal with being somber and having a normal relationship."  
  
"Good cause that would be very creepy. Just imagine it though. I mean I was busy at the time what with work and all. What if you and her had stayed together? You'd be Maddy's real dad instead of just her godfather."  
  
"I'm fine with just being her godfather. I don't think that we would have gotten married even if we did stay together, though. I wasn't the marrying type back then and like I said it was a rebound thing."  
  
"So you don't hold any feelings for her?"  
  
"Okay what kind of question is that to ask? She's like a friend and she's my brother's wife. I love her as a friend and as a sister."  
  
"Yeah, but you never wonder. I mean you've always been so concerned with everyone else's love life and not your own. Don't you wonder what would happen if you hadn't set me up with Cordy. Or Wes and Fred for that matter."  
  
"Fred and Wes are soul mates and you and Cordy are soul mates." Spike said in a matter-of-fact voice.  
  
"Oh that's sweet, but you know I doubt believe in that shit."  
  
"Then why did everything turn out so perfect for you."  
  
"You call lying in a hospital bed perfect?"  
  
"You know what I mean. I believe in that shit as you put it."  
  
"Yeah I know that for some weird reason you believe in it. It was just a simple question."  
  
"I know, but Cordy and I weren't meant to be and Fred and I never even thought about each other like that."  
  
"Yeah I know it was weird to ask. I was just thinking about how my family doesn't deserve this. If Cordy had been with you then she wouldn't have to go through this. Maybe if we had gotten that divorce. . . "  
  
"No don't talk like that. That whole divorce thing was just a bad memory. Don't think about it."  
  
"I know. It's just it was my fault that we were even thinking about it. I mean I was working so much and all that. You've seen those cop shows and how the cops always get a divorce and all that. It's actually very true."  
  
"You stuck it out. You guys realized how much you loved each other and forgot about it."  
  
"Yeah well I guess you're right. It's nice having you around to make me realize when I'm saying something stupid."  
  
"Glad to be of service. Now go to sleep."  
  
"Okay. Goodnight, Will."  
  
"Goodnight, Angel."  
  
- - - - - - - -- - - - - -- - - - -- -- - - - -- - - - - - -- - -  
  
"Okay well that was fun. We should do it again sometime." Cordy said.  
  
"Yeah it was really interesting and I'm sure the kids would like to hang out again." Buffy said. The group had finally made their way to the parking lot. They were all still on the whole Buffy and Spike situation, but Buffy had come to ignore it.  
  
"Yeah and then we could see Buffy squirm when we talk about her and Spike together." Willow said.  
  
"Oh that would be great fun." Anya said, "We could also do it when Spike is there and see them both squirm"  
  
"Oh that's hilarious." Buffy said sarcastically.  
  
"Okay let's let Buffy off the hook for a little while. I was thinking that maybe Dawn could come over to the house on Saturday" Cordy said.  
  
"Oh well I don't want to burden you what with the whole Angel thing." Buffy said.  
  
"Come on mom please." Dawn said giving her mother the pout and the puppy dog eyes.  
  
"Buffy I promise it won't be that big of a deal. Spike is coming over to the house and taking the kids out to the park and then the movies." Cordy said.  
  
"Well okay then."  
  
"Great that's going to be so cool." Dawn said.  
  
"Well we better be going." Buffy said.  
  
"Yeah see you Saturday."  
  
"Okay. Bye Cordy. Anya."  
  
"Bye."  
  
A/N: Hey so whattcha think. It's a little fluffy chapter in the middle of everything angst-y. Some Spuffy is on the way I promise. Just keep waiting. Good things come to those who wait. Review please. Like I've said before I LOVE reviews. They just make my day. 


	13. Oh! What Pretty Little Lies

A/N: Hello all. Okay so I was having trouble posting. I didn't want this story to have an extra chappy because of the Author's Note I wrote so I tried to take it out. When I replaced it with other chapters it didn't update so the real chapter twelve has been sitting there with no one reading it. So good news for all my faithful readers: two new chapters!  
  
Chapter 13:  
  
The sound of the heart monitor woke him up. Spike hadn't even realized that he was still in Angel's hospital room. They had talked about brotherly stuff until late last night. Angel kept coming in an out of sleep. Spike had spent most of the night working on Buffy's case. Sure he never spent that much time on one case ever in his life, but Buffy was a friend.  
  
Just a friend and not anything else like everyone said. He might want there to be something more, but that wouldn't happen any time soon. He wasn't even sure that he really should start anything. He didn't have the best track record with women. He knew what it meant to be in a long-term relationship, but they never lasted.  
  
Spike started to gather up all his stuff. It was close to nine. He wasn't supposed to be in court until eleven, but he was going to meet Buffy at his office for some last minute preparations.  
  
"Hey you stayed?" Cordy said. She was standing in the doorway.  
  
"Yeah I guess I really didn't feel like going home to an empty house." Spike said.  
  
"Your house isn't empty. You still have your dog."  
  
"Sure, but he only pays attention to me when he's hungry."  
  
"Going to court today?"  
  
"Yeah at eleven. I really should be going. I'm supposed to meet Buffy at my office before."  
  
"Ah Buffy. I saw her yesterday at the mall. Just so you know you'll be taking Dawn with you to the movies and the park Saturday."  
  
"Sure Dawn's great."  
  
"So what's up with you and Buffy? I know you just think that it's a friendship thing, but I know it's not."  
  
Spike sighed. "I have to deal with you too. Angel was giving me shit about it as well."  
  
"Yeah so re-hash your conversation with Angel, but with less swearing because it's too early in the morning."  
  
"We are just friends. We're not going down that road."  
  
"But you want to?"  
  
"I'm not sure. She's nice and sweet and kind and everything I could possibly want in a girl, but I don't know if I know myself well enough to enter another relationship. And then there's Dawn to think about. I don't want to be there and get to know Dawn only for it to end up badly."  
  
"You have to have more faith my friend. What happened to the guy who used to believe that there was such a thing soul mates? What happened to the guy who used to take a chance on love no matter what?"  
  
"I'll tell you what I told Peaches over there. He died a long time ago."  
  
"Well I think that you better hurry up with Buffy. I can tell that she really likes you and that you really like her. Stop playing it like you're in high school and hook it up already." Cordy said.  
  
"It's not that easy. Look just let me run my life the way I want. I love you to death, but you people are so controlling. I have to go now. I'll see you guys later."  
  
"Yeah okay."  
  
Cordy watched as Spike left the hospital room and sat in the seat that he was sitting in.  
  
"So he's still in denial even after our nice little chat?" a voice said. Cordy jumped and looked over at Angel he was sitting up in his bed.  
  
"You scared me." Cordy said.  
  
"Sorry honey. I think you're right though. He should just go for it."  
  
"Yeah, but Spike has always been known to do things on his own time."  
  
"Sure, but let's hope he doesn't let this one get away. She's good for him and he has to know that."  
  
"Yeah and I intend to show him."  
  
"Okay your not trying to play Matchmaker are you? That's Will's job."  
  
"Just give me some credit. I introduced Xander and Anya. That worked out."  
  
"Yeah, but it took them like three years to get it through their heads."  
  
"Well this will be different. There is already the introduction and the feelings. They just need a push."  
  
"Just be careful."  
  
"Am I ever not careful?"  
  
"Sometimes."  
  
- - - -- - -- - - -- - -- - - -- ------- - - -- --- - -  
  
"Sorry Warren can't show up until Saturday. At least it will give us some only adult people time. Dawn is going to be over at Cordy's house." Buffy said to Andrew as they walked up the steps to Spike's office. Today was the day that her mother was going to testify against her. She was a little nervous by everything, but Spike said that he had a trick up his sleeve and Buffy believed him.  
  
"Do you think that it's wise to let Dawn stay over at a boy's house? I mean I met Cordy and she seems like a nice lady and the kids seem really great, but it's still a boy." Andrew said.  
  
"Dawn's six. Thoughts like that don't enter her mind. Besides there'll be a girl there and I think that Dawn will spend most of her time with her. And Spike is taking them to the movies and the park. Things will be fine. Dawn doesn't have that many friends and she seems to really like Connor and Maddy. Just except that." Buffy said. They were in front of Spike's door by this point.  
  
"So are you going to knock or shall I?" Andrew said. He knew that this had to be hard for Buffy what with Joyce testifying against her. Andrew was sure that Joyce didn't know what she was doing, but he still didn't know if he could forgive and forget.  
  
"No I can do this." Buffy lifted up her hand and knocked. She heard Spike say to come in and she did.  
  
"Hey Buffy, Andrew you guys are early." Spike said looking at the clock on his wall.  
  
"Oh sorry." Buffy said.  
  
"No it's okay. I was just noting it. So I'm not going to ask you if you're ready because I don't think that anyone can be ready for this, but why don't' you sit down." Spike said. Buffy and Andrew sat in the chairs. Andrew was calm, but Buffy was visible shaken.  
  
"So what's the plan?" Andrew said taking the initiative for Buffy.  
  
"Well I know that Buffy and I discussed using Dawn as a witness. I know that I said I wanted to avoid it at all cost, but we're running out of options here." Spike said.  
  
Everyone was quiet for a little while until Buffy said, "You want to use Dawn as a witness." It was a question and a statement at the same time.  
  
"Yes, I know that it is going to be very traumatic, but we have limited options."  
  
"How can you? I thought you already used up all your witnesses?" Andrew asked. He wasn't entirely sure how these things worked, but he thought that their turn was over.  
  
"Well I can use Dawn as a rebuttal witness to their rebuttal witness." Spike said.  
  
"How can we do that?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Well it won't be easy. I'll have to get Joyce to open the door herself and that could be tricky. I'm not entirely sure what her testimony will do to the judge. I'll have to make the decision on what to do when I'm in there, but I have ran scenarios. If I can get Joyce to say exactly what I want her to say I can use Dawn."  
  
"So we're going on what she says. A little risky don't' you think?" Andrew said not wanting to seem like he was telling Spike how to do his job.  
  
"Well yeah it is risky. I'm not putting all our eggs in one basket, but this is our best shot."  
  
Buffy was quiet for a while. She wasn't sure what this would do to Dawn. It couldn't be much worse then letting her be near Riley without supervision, but it would scar.  
  
"So if we do this, if we get her to say what you need her to say, what will happen with Dawn?" Buffy asked quietly.  
  
"I'll have to give it a couple of days. I'm thinking that we should be ready by Tuesday maybe Wednesday at the latest. You'll have to convince Dawn that she needs to do this. That might take some time, but you have to do it. It's going to be scarring and I know that, but you have to try, Buffy. This has to be done." Spike said. He knew that it would be hard for Dawn to do this, but it was necessary. He had tried his hardest to make it so that she didn't have to testify, but he had failed at doing that.  
  
"Okay I think that I can convince her to do this. She'll be upset, but if you get her to see that this is the only way then she'll do it. She's scared of Riley, but she needs a father. She's trying to hold on to that." Buffy said.  
  
"Father figures are important. Do you really think that you could get her to do this?" Spike asked. He needed to know that if he got Joyce to say the right words and the judge decided that Dawn's testimony would be relevant that Dawn would do it. He would look pretty stupid if she backed out.  
  
"Yeah I think that there'll be major convincing, but she'll do the right thing in the end."  
  
"Well that's good. Now it's almost ten-thirty and we have a court appearance at eleven. Let's get going. I'll meet you guys there."  
  
"Yeah sure." Buffy said. She stood up and came face to face with Spike. He was brimming with confidence and care. She knew that everything with the case was going to be all right. Her love life was another story.  
  
- - - -- -- - -- - -- - - - -- - - -- - - - - - - - - -- -- - -  
  
Spike couldn't stop thinking about Giles's call on the way over to the courthouse. He had gotten it before Buffy and Andrew showed up. He had offered him a job at his new law firm. Sure it was supposed to be great.  
  
It was a defense law firm and Giles was going to make him a partner. The down side was that he was opening it in San Francisco, which didn't come as a big shock considering Giles and his wife Jenny lived there. Spike replayed the conversation in his head.  
  
"Will Flannery's office."  
  
"William it's me, Giles."  
  
"Oh hi Giles. Why are you calling?" Spike asked.  
  
"Sorry if I bothered you, Will, it's just that we never got to talk at your brother's barbecue."  
  
"Oh right. Sorry about that Giles, but you've probably heard from the grapevine about Angel."  
  
"Yes I heard and I was terribly saddened."  
  
"Yeah so was I. Anyway so you called here because you had something to say."  
  
"Oh right I was going to tell you that I'm opening up another firm."  
  
"Really that's great."  
  
"I wanted to know if you would like to join in. I was thinking about making you a partner."  
  
"A partner!? You're kidding right. You're thinking about making me a partner at your new firm. Did you go totally over the deep end?"  
  
"I thought that you'd be happy."  
  
"Well I'm insanely happy, but I'm wondering if you're insane."  
  
Spike could hear Giles laughing on the other end of the phone.  
  
"That's great to hear. So do you think that you want the job?"  
  
"Sure!" Spike said. He was very happy. This was a step in the right direction. This was a good thing.  
  
"Good I thought that you would like it here in San Francisco."  
  
"Wait. San Francisco?"  
  
"Yes that's where I'm opening the new law firm."  
  
"Oh. I didn't know that. I think that maybe now I have to think about it."  
  
"Why? William there is nothing keeping you in Sunnydale."  
  
"Well Angel's sick and that's a big deal. I have to be here for him."  
  
"I'm sure that you can come every weekend. Will, you have to think about your future. This is a big step in your career. You have to take it."  
  
"I don't know if I can. Look just give me some time to think about it."  
  
"You really should do this. I hope that you think about it and realize that this is the best choice. I'm not going to force you to do anything you don't want to, but give it some thought."  
  
"I will." Giles hung up the phone and Spike did the same. Then Buffy and Andrew walked inside the room.  
  
Now Spike thought about Giles's offer. It would be a great step in his career. He would be a partner and at one of Giles's firms. Both of the firms that Giles had were big time. What was holding him back in Sunnydale? He could see Angel every weekend and things would get good. If he didn't take this job what would happen once Angel got better. He wouldn't be able to live with himself and the fact that he didn't take this great job. So why was he thinking about saying no?  
  
The answer to that question was simple. It was the possibility that anything could happen with Buffy. Sure he could tell all his friends and family that they were just friends, but he knew that he didn't want that to be true. He wanted to be with her and the possibility that that would happen was what was keeping him here. So he had a decision to make and it wouldn't be a small one. It would be one of those keep you up all night decisions. Of course he couldn't think about that right now. He was on his way to court and he had to think about the case.  
  
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ __ _ _ _ _  
  
Buffy sat in the courtroom waiting for Riley, his lawyer, and her mother to show up. They were a few minutes early, but they were waiting. Patience wasn't one of her best virtues and it was clearly not Spike's either. He was fidgeting with his pen and tapping his feet on the ground.  
  
"Stop that you're making me nervous." Buffy whispered to him.  
  
"Sorry, it's just I hate waiting."  
  
"Well so do I. How can Andrew be so calm? This is totally nerve racking and look at him. Cool as a cucumber."  
  
"I think that he figures someone has to be. I know you haven't broken down which is amazing on your part, but I think that he doesn't know what to do. Guys like to remain indifferent about things."  
  
"Even gay guys?"  
  
"It would appear so. He's just trying to be the strong one just in case you decide to break down."  
  
"Well I'm not going to break down. I need to be strong for Dawn and I just can't. Not over Riley. Not anymore."  
  
"That's the attitude to have." Spike was going to say something more, but just then Riley, Dru and Joyce walked in the courtroom.  
  
Joyce looked over at her daughter. Buffy looked distraught, but was keeping her emotion at bay. Sure Joyce knew that this wouldn't crown her mother of the year, but the truth had to be spoken. She was going along with everything Riley's lawyer had asked her to do. She was lying she was telling the truth. Joyce looked over to see Andrew sitting on one of the benches. He was very angry with her and glaring.  
  
Andrew had always had a soft spot for Buffy, but Joyce knew better then to just trust her. She lied for too much and now the court would know about it. Dawn deserved a father. Buffy had had a father and even though there was no love at the end of her marriage with Hank she had stayed with him. Kids needed their fathers and Joyce gave Buffy hers. Joyce thought it was selfish to even consider divorce, but here Buffy was divorcing her husband. She couldn't allow Buffy to take away Dawn's father. So she sat quietly in her seat and waited for instructions.  
  
Dru told Riley to sit and he sat. The guy was trouble that much Dru knew. And boy did he have a temper. It was the worst. He blew up at every little thing. Dru almost felt guilty for lying about him beating his kid, but she was all about winning no matter what the cost. She walked over to Spike to see if he would take her offer to settle.  
  
"So are you still going to be stupid and not take my offer. It's still on the table you know." Dru said. Spike looked up at her and had a smug look on his face.  
  
"I'm sorry. I'm going to have to pass. Thanks for the offer though." Spike said calmly.  
  
"Now Spike you know that I have something up me sleeve I don't understand why you don't just take the offer. Look I'll even make it so that he only sees the kid only ever other weekend. It's going to be much better then half-custody or perhaps even soul custody." Dru said.  
  
"Well them I'll just have to make sure that doesn't happen. Now if you'll excuse me I have to get some things together." Spike said.  
  
Dru knew that he was trying to play it off cool.  
  
"Well let's just see who the best lawyer is." Dru said hoping to provoke him.  
  
"Yeah we'll see who wins." Spike said not bothering to look up at her. His mind was a million different places and he didn't have time for her before the hearing banter. Dru glared at him and then stalked off to her seat. He was being too cool. Either he had something else on his mind or he had something up his sleeve and wasn't affected by her threats. Dru thought that the latter was probably the best one to go with.  
  
"Well you certainly showed her." Buffy said with a little sarcasm.  
  
"Yeah I don't really care what she thinks or says. She thinks that she's got this thing one, but she doesn't know. Besides I've got about a thousand things on my mind that don't include her." Spike said.  
  
"Are you sure you're okay to be all lawyer-y? I mean if you've got other things on you mind then that might be a bad thing."  
  
"No I'm good. The main thing on my mind is this case."  
  
"Yeah and the other is Angel."  
  
"Yes he's in there, but it's no big deal. Just brotherly stuff that means nothing, but I keep it in my head just because." Spike was partially lying. He did have Angel on the brain, but it was more about the Giles decision that he would have to make.  
  
"Okay if you say so."  
  
The judge entered the room and the bailiff instructed everyone to rise.  
  
"You may be seated." The judge said.  
  
"Miss Collins please call your witness to the stand." The judge said. Dru called Joyce up to the stand and Joyce went to the witness stand. The bailiff made her raise her right hand and swear to tell the truth. After that was done Dru went over to Joyce.  
  
"Please state for the court your relationship with Mrs. Finn." Dru said.  
  
"I'm her mother."  
  
"Tell me Mrs. Schafer, did you ever see my client hit his wife or his child."  
  
"No."  
  
"And you've been over at their house plenty of times right."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"How was Mrs. Finn as a child?"  
  
"Objection, relevance." Spike said. He wasn't sure what Dru was getting at, but he wasn't sure he liked it.  
  
"It goes against Mrs. Finn's character. She was been attacking my client's and I just wanted the court to know hers."  
  
"Overruled. You may answer the question, Mrs. Schafer."  
  
"Well she was a good kid, but there was this one incident."  
  
"Can you elaborate?"  
  
"Yes when she was a child, around the time she was ten, she had this problem telling the truth."  
  
"How so?"  
  
"Well the specialist said that she was had some sort of problem with attention. That she would make up stories and such to get our attention.  
  
Spike looked a little nervous. He wondered why Buffy hadn't told him about that. It was nothing, but it still mattered. Buffy was shifting in her seat. She had forgotten to tell Spike that, but it was such a long time ago and it was something she did for attention her parents weren't giving her any.  
  
"So she would tell a lie when she felt that she wasn't getting attention?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"What kind of stories?"  
  
"Just ridiculous things like she tripped when she didn't."  
  
"So she pretended to get hurt."  
  
"Mostly. She used to get her friends to play a long."  
  
"Friends like Willow Osbourne?"  
  
"Yes Willow used to play a long all the time."  
  
"How about Andrew Schafer?"  
  
"Andy used to help her come up with stories."  
  
"Did you ever see any evidence that Mr. Finn beat her?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Did anyone ever tell you he did these things?"  
  
"No."  
  
"No further questions your honor." Dru said with a smug smile on her face.  
  
"Your witness counselor." The judge said to Spike. Spike looked down at his papers. There was nothing on them, but he was buying time. He looked over at Buffy and then stood up. He took a deep breath and then walked over to Joyce.  
  
"Mrs. Schafer you say that your daughter used to makeup stories about getting hurt to gain attention right?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"And no one ever told you that Mr. Finn was beating on my client?"  
  
"That's right."  
  
"What kind of relationship did you have with Mr. Finn?"  
  
"Riley and I got a long very good. He was a nice boy."  
  
"What kind of relationship did you have with your daughter?  
  
" "We were sort of fighting all the time. We didn't have a very good relationship after she became an adult."  
  
"After you met Mr. Finn, did you talk to him a lot?"  
  
"Not a lot. I don't think I ever talked to him unless he was around Buffy."  
  
"So you didn't have a special relationship with Mr. Finn?"  
  
"What are you insinuating?"  
  
"I'm insinuating that you and Mr. Finn were very close."  
  
"If you think that I had an affair with my daughter's husband then you're out of line. I would never do that."  
  
"Oh I'm sorry for bringing it up. So tell me how is your relationship with your granddaughter?"  
  
"Dawn and I have a good relationship."  
  
"Did your granddaughter ever tell you that Mr. Finn was hitting her?"  
  
"No she never said anything."  
  
"Did you ever find out if she had this attention problem?"  
  
"Yes and she didn't have it."  
  
"So let's say that we brought Dawn in here right now and she told you what was really going on. She wouldn't say anything that could be misconstrued as trying to get attention?"  
  
"No she wouldn't say anything that wasn't true. She doesn't have the same disorder as Buffy."  
  
"Well isn't that interesting. Your honor I'd like to call a rebuttal witness against their rebuttal witness."  
  
"What you can't do that." Dru said.  
  
"Oh, but I think that I can. See Mrs. Schafer opened the door. I would like to have Dawn testify. Although I would also like to ask for a recess till Tuesday morning seeing as Monday is a holiday and I need time to talk to the witness."  
  
Judge Stevens thought about this. The man that stood before him was a very good lawyer. He had probably planned it this way and it was true that Mrs. Schafer had opened the door.  
  
"I'm going to grant that because you have a point. Court will convene at eleven on Tuesday morning." Judge Stevens said as he walked back to his chambers  
  
. Joyce walked over to Dru and Riley and asked, "What happened?"  
  
"It turns out that Mr. Flannery is still as good as ever." Dru said glaring at Spike.  
  
"Well you do know first hand. Should've known I had something up my sleeve. I always do."  
  
"The kid isn't going to do anything. Your witness testimony is shot to hell after this."  
  
"Oh contraire. See I think that Dawn's testimony will be icing on the cake. Should be fun to watch you squirm again."  
  
"Well will see."  
  
"We sure will. Let's go." Spike said to Buffy. She got up and started to walk away when her mother caught her by the arm.  
  
"Why are you doing this? You know how important it is to have a dad and you're denying Dawn that. And you." Joyce said looking at Spike. "Do you even know the importance of having a dad?"  
  
"Let go of my arm." Buffy said. Joyce let go of her arm.  
  
"Riley hit us." Buffy said.  
  
"It's not a lie."  
  
"Of course it is Buffy. You're just making this up." Riley said. Dru had told him to play a long with the little charade and he accepted.  
  
"Oh that's right. I'm the liar. You can go to hell for all I care. Our marriage is over and that's it. You won't hurt my daughter though. I won't let that happen." Buffy said.  
  
"It's all just a lie. Dawn needs to be around people that won't lie to her." Joyce said.  
  
"It's not a lie Joyce. I've seen him beat on Buffy badly." Andrew said. He had come over after seeing Joyce grab Buffy's arm.  
  
"You always lied for her, Andy. How am I supposed to believe you?" Joyce said.  
  
"Yeah everybody but Riley is lying here." Buffy said.  
  
"Look I hate to break up this little family reunion, but we have to go." Spike said.  
  
"Again I ask why are you helping her? Is it because it's your job? Do you know how important a father figure is?" Joyce asked.  
  
"A father figure, yes, but fathers aren't all that they're cracked up to be. Now we must go before any more words are exchanged." Spike said ushering Buffy and Andrew out of the courtroom.  
  
- - - - -- - - - -- - - --- - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
Willow in one of the many chairs in her office. She didn't have any clients until two and was using her free time to just browse the Internet. She wished that she could be there for Buffy, but she had a client at eleven and it was now twelve. Even if she made it over there things would surely be done by that time. So here she was just sitting and doing nothing.  
  
It was really boring. She was thinking about the news that she had received from the doctor. She would have to tell Buffy soon, but not before she told Oz. She was thinking about how they would take the news when she heard a knock on her door.  
  
"Come in." Willow said. When she looked up to see who it was she was surprised.  
  
"I didn't expect you to be showing up today." Willow said.  
  
"Yeah well I had some free time after court and decided to drop by." Spike said.  
  
"So what's on your mind?" Willow asked.  
  
"Nothing really. Okay that's a lie, but I just wanted to see if you were still interested in listening to my problems for free." Spike said.  
  
"Well I didn't have a chance to talk to you about it what with the interrogation and such, but I guess now is as good a time as any." Willow said.  
  
"Good because I've come to grips with the fact that I need professional help."  
  
"So let's start off by setting a time that fits your life best."  
  
"Well see that's the thing. I'm not exactly sure what time that'll be."  
  
"Why not?" Willow asked.  
  
"I got this really good job offer, but it's in San Francisco." Spike said.  
  
"Oh. Are you considering taking the job?" Willow asked. The professional in her was saying to encourage this, but the friend in her was saying to talk him into staying no matter the costs.  
  
"I was thinking about it. I mean this is a great job opportunity for me. But San Francisco is far away and I want be able to see Angel when he needs me." Spike said.  
  
"Well what do you think is the logical answer?" Willow asked.  
  
"There is no logic. I mean the work orientated me is saying take the fucking job and get out of this shitty hellhole. The family friend me is saying you have to stay because your life is here. I'm not sure which one to listen to." Spike said.  
  
"Well listen to the one that makes the most sense."  
  
"That's just it I don't know which one makes the most sense."  
  
"You have some time to think about it right?"  
  
"Yes I do."  
  
"Well then you have to figure out what's keeping you here and all the things that would be good about the other job."  
  
"Yeah I guess. I have to get back to Giles soon though."  
  
"Then you better start working on it."  
  
Spike looked down at his watch. It was almost twelve thirty.  
  
"Okay well let's set a time just in case I decide not to take the job."  
  
"Okay so what are your free days?"  
  
"As a lawyer I don't have any free days."  
  
"Oh well I know how that is. Are you sure there aren't any days that you could come?"  
  
"Well I could probably come on Monday at noon. Does that work out for you?" Willow looked through her agenda. She didn't have anyone at that time.  
  
"Well it'll be a tight fit. I have a patient right after that."  
  
"Well I guess it's a date. Excuse me I have to go know. I'll see you later."  
  
"Bye." She watched him walk out.  
  
As a professional she wasn't allowed to breech confidentiality, but if she didn't tell Buffy then he might leave. He couldn't leave and Willow hoped that he would see that. She was being selfish on her friend's behalf, but he made Buffy happy and vise verse. Willow could only hope that they would realize that.  
  
A/N: read and review. Please! Purty Please! I just LOVE reviews! 


	14. Kids: The Creatures Of Habit

A/N: Sorry about the long update. I was reading 'To Kill A Mockingbird' for what seems like the millionth time and I got caught up in it. When you start imagining how to make everything Spuffy that's when you know you've gone off the deep end. I've read that book at least a hundred times and now, when I went back to reread it again, I keep thinking that it could be Spuffy. Dill just seems like he could be Spike what with the description. I know I'm crazy, but hey it works.  
  
Chapter 14:  
  
Buffy sat on the couch and stared blankly at the television. She wasn't even sure what was on. It looked roughly like a commercial. Andrew and Dawn were in Dawn's room deciding what Dawn should pack for her weekend away. Buffy could hear the faint sounds of laughing that leaked from the hallway to the living room. They had ordered Chinese take-out and the boxes were scattered all around the kitchen. Buffy swore she'd clean it up later. Ways to get Dawn to agree to testify was the only thing on her mind.  
  
Dawn loved Riley, as she should. Riley is her father. Would she be able to do something like that and have it not kill her? She was grateful to Spike for helping her out of this situation. He was being nothing but great about everything. He truly was a good lawyer. But actually talking Dawn into it was another thing all together. She briefly wondered if maybe he could do it. That would be unloading a lot on him, but it was wroth a shot.  
  
No she couldn't do that. Of course if she was weaker then she would, but Buffy knew she couldn't do that. So she was thinking of easy ways to break it to Dawn. Easy wasn't an option more like smooth and less evasive and pushy. Buffy decided that she should just do it. Get it over with. Buffy got up off the couch and walked over to Dawn's room. She could feel herself shaking, walking down the hallway like it was the green mile. It was a simple talk with her six-year-old daughter and she was acting like someone in a horror film. She made it to Dawn's room and couldn't help, but smile at the scene that was playing out before her.  
  
Andrew was playing dress up with Dawn. He was dressed in woman's clothing and didn't seem bothered by it. Dawn was trying on different hats to see which one matched his outfit.  
  
"Ahem." Buffy said clearing her throat loudly.  
  
"Oh hi mom. I was just dressing up Uncle Andrew. He's really nice about that sort of thing." Dawn said placing another hat on Andrew's head.  
  
"Hey I don't mind. Is there something you wanted Buffy." Andrew said knowing that Buffy was going to talk with Dawn.  
  
"Yes I have to talk to Dawn in private for a moment."  
  
"Sure thing. I'll be in the living room minding my own business." Andrew said walking out into the living room.  
  
Buffy pushed some stuff of off Dawn's bed and sat down.  
  
"Dawn there is something I have to ask you to do. I know that it will upset you at first, but understand that it is for a good purpose." Buffy said. Dawn looked unfazed by what Buffy had just said.  
  
"Okay talk." Dawn said trying to find where her stuff bear had sat before it was carelessly thrown on the ground.  
  
"Why don't you sit down on the bed." Dawn frowned but came to sit next to Buffy.  
  
"See the thing is, remember how we were talking about you having to tell the judge about what daddy did to you?"  
  
"Yeah." Dawn said the fearing starting to set in.  
  
"Well I know that we said that you might not have to, but it turns out that you do have to."  
  
"But if I do then they won't let me see daddy."  
  
"No you'll see your dad, just only on the weekends."  
  
"But we won't be able to get ice cream when I get good grades."  
  
"No, but we could do that."  
  
"It's not the same." Dawn said in a pleading voice.  
  
"Dawn people have to know what daddy did to you."  
  
"He didn't do anything wrong." Dawn said with a hint of anger.  
  
Buffy frowned and then let out a sigh.  
  
"Dawn we already went over this. You know what your dad did to you was wrong."  
  
"He didn't mean it. He didn't do anything wrong. That's what everyone needs to know."  
  
"That would be a lie Dawn. You know that he hurt you. You were the one that told me."  
  
"I was lying. He didn't mean it. I don't have to listen to you. Get out of my room." "Dawn calm down."  
  
"No I want tell that mean judge guy that daddy hurt me. He didn't mean it."  
  
"Dawn."  
  
"No get out. Get out! Get out! Get out!"  
  
"No Dawn you need to calm down."  
  
"Don't tell me what to do. Leave me only! I hate you!" Dawn said shoving Buffy out of the door. Buffy knew that she was letting her. She was shocked that her daughter had said she hated her. Dawn had never said anything like that before. So she let Dawn push her out of her room. As soon as Buffy was in the hallway Dawn slammed the door. Andrew had heard the commotion and came running over to Buffy.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"She just needs to think about it for a while. She'll realize it's the best thing." Buffy said trying desperately to keep the tears at bay.  
  
"Buffy are you okay?"  
  
"Yeah I just need to get some sleep. Watch Dawn for me. If she comes out of her room that is. Tell her to go to sleep at eleven."  
  
"Okay." Andrew said as Buffy turned her back to him. Once Buffy made it to her room she could no longer keep the tears away. She cried herself to sleep.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Little kids are creatures of habit and Spike knew that from experience. You start doing one thing every third Saturday of the month and they have to keep doing it. So every third Saturday of the month he would take Maddy, Connor, and his dog Spot to the park and then the movies. Of course it wasn't too much of a hassle.  
  
He loved seeing his niece and nephew and to be truthful he took Spot to the park anyway. It kept him close with his dog and his family. This Saturday there would be another person coming along. Dawn was going with them. Spike had no problems with Dawn coming along. He really liked Dawn. She was a good kid and pretty funny. Spike wasn't sure if she'd be too happy with the fact that she was going to have to testify against her dad. He might get the scarier end of her anger and that would prove to be a very upsetting day.  
  
Spike was in his car driving to her house right now. Maddy, Connor and Spot were in the backseat laughing and arguing. Maddy wasn't usually one to laugh a lot. It wasn't because of her dad either. She was just a very mature ten -year-old and really liked being right. Connor was more carefree like a little kid should be. Wanting nothing, but the things that six-year- old boys want.  
  
The news about his dad didn't bother him as much as it did Maddy. Maybe because he didn't really know what was going on or maybe because he was the positive one of the two children. It was like the Ying-Yang with those two.  
  
"So what movie do you guys wanna see?" Spike asked.  
  
"It's up to doofus and Dawn."  
  
"Hey are you calling me a doofus?" Connor said throwing a squeaky toy at Maddy.  
  
"No I was talking about Spot." Maddy said sarcastically.  
  
"Uh. Well I want to see that Pirate movie. Anything but Charlie's Angels."  
  
"I have to agree with the kid there." Maddy said.  
  
"Okay so no Charlie's Angels. Let's see what Dawn wants to see then we'll decide." Spike said parking his car in front of Dawn's apartment building.  
  
"All right let's go get her." Spike said as they got out of the car.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
It was a busy day at the Summers apartment. Dawn was rushing to get last minute things packed before Spike showed up at eleven. He was picking her up and they were supposed to be going to the park and then to the movies.  
  
Andrew had bee running around trying to hurry up and get to the airport to pick up Warren. Buffy was trying to talk to Dawn and stay out of Andrew's way. It was too much for the small apartment that they lived in. Through the bustle of the morning came a knock at the door.  
  
"Oh my god! They're here already. It's not even eleven yet." Dawn said as she stuffed more things into her bag.  
  
"Dawn, sweetie calm down. I'll get the door." Buffy said. Dawn was still a little mad at Buffy and didn't even say anything to her. Buffy sighed and then went to the front door. There stood Spike and two small children. Buffy's eyes weren't anywhere near the kids though.  
  
He looked so unprofessional. His slightly bleached hair was doing that cute spiky thing. It made him look younger then twenty-eight. He was wearing all black even though it was pretty warm outside. Tight black shirt, tight black jeans, black combat boots and his black leather duster were all part of his outfit. He looked fairly nice.  
  
"Hey you're early."  
  
"Oh sorry. They just couldn't wait."  
  
"No it's okay. Dawn's almost done. Why don't you kids come inside and go to Dawn's room."  
  
"Sure." Connor said running inside.  
  
"He had some sugar before coming here. It's perfectly natural. I'll go make sure he doesn't run around in a circle chasing his non-existent tail." Maddy said pushing past Buffy.  
  
"So I'm guessing that you didn't send the kids in there because you want to deal with the mess that an overactive six year old could cause." Spike said.  
  
"Well I threw them in there because I wanted to tell you that I talked to Dawn.  
  
" "Oh I'm guessing that didn't go over well."  
  
"No it didn't. She got very upset at me. I can talk with my daughter. That I don't have a problem with. I just don't know how you go about telling your daughter something like this. I guess you can cross off the jump right in approach."  
  
"Kids are delicate little creatures although you wouldn't guess it by the cover they put up. They're already putting up walls right now as we speak. When I talk to Maddy I sometimes forget that she's only ten."  
  
"Yeah I sensed that. I talked to her and she sounded like she was going on forty with a degree in psychology."  
  
"Sounds like Mad."  
  
"So my only problem is talking to her."  
  
"I offered to do it. The offer's still there."  
  
"No that would seem like I was running away from my responsibility."  
  
"You're not. Trust me. I've talked to more witnesses then you can imagine. Parents are always happy to unload that burden on me and I have no problems with it."  
  
Buffy sighed. She was pretty sure that he was right.  
  
"Okay I'll let you do this. Just tell me how you do it?" Buffy said.  
  
"It's nothing really. I don't have kids so it's easier to talk to them like adults. I guess I just have a knack for it. That'll probably go away when I have kids of my own."  
  
"Do you plan to have kids of your own?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Yeah one day. I mean I was always the one dreaming about a family and the perfect life. Anya never even thought about it and Angel was robo-cop so he didn't want it. No they both are going to have it before me. Sure I sound bitter even though I'm happy for them. I just wish that I could find that special someone someday."  
  
"That's sweet. Usually guys don't think about that sort of thing."  
  
"I'm not getting any younger. I know that sounded like a woman going through menopause, but I think that way. It's not that I want to rush into a family. Quiet the contrary, I just wish I would find the one already. Patience was never my best virtue."  
  
"Well good things are worth waiting for." Buffy said.  
  
"Yeah, but like I said I hate waiting. I mean after going through stuff that I've been through I just don't know if I have enough optimism in me to stay positive."  
  
"Well I never did. I was always pessimistic by nature."  
  
"That helps a little."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah everyone I know is always optimistic and it's good to be around someone who views the glass as half empty."  
  
"I'm optimistic about some things."  
  
"Yeah, but not about love and I need to be around someone like that." There was a moment of silence. Neither knew what to say. Spike fidgeted in the doorway and Buffy tried to smooth down her hair.  
  
"Okay let's go." Connor said.  
  
"You shouldn't be so bossy Connor. Didn't your parents teach you any manners?" Dawn asked while trying to carry two big bags.  
  
"It's not like Uncle Spike minds. He's a total pushover." Connor said.  
  
"Yes next time why don't you insult him to his face. Save the middle man." Maddy said sarcastically. Spike rushed over to Dawn and took one of her bags.  
  
"Alright then we better go before Connor starts pushing. See you later, Buffy." Spike said as he walked out the door trailed by three overly active kids.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"I got it, I got it." Connor screamed as he ran after the Frisbee.  
  
"Connor isn't the dog supposed to get it?" Dawn asked as she watched the boy run after the disk.  
  
"Spot doesn't chase the Frisbee. He's weird that way." Maddy said watching Connor do what he did every time they went to the park with their uncle.  
  
"Oh so the dog just sits there?"  
  
"That would be it. He runs around, but other then that nothing happens. Pretty lazy dog. Takes after his owner." Maddy said looking over at her uncle who was currently lying on a blanket looking what appeared to be asleep.  
  
"Isn't he afraid that someone would try to take us?" Dawn said.  
  
"No not really. He has this whole thing were he gets really scary if anyone tries to hurt us. We just have to scream jellybean."  
  
"Jellybean?"  
  
"It's the easiest thing to come up in a conversation between a child."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Okay I got it. Now let's throw it again."  
  
"But the dog doesn't even go after it." Dawn said.  
  
"One of these days he might. I want to be there when that day happens."  
  
"Don't try to argue with the logic Dawn. I don't."  
  
"So this is all you do?"  
  
"What else is there?" Connor asked.  
  
"What about the swings? Or the slide or something." Dawn asked.  
  
"Connor has this irrational fear of heights."  
  
"I do not!" Connor yelled at his sister. "It's not errational!"  
  
"You don't even know what that means."  
  
"Yes it means stupid.  
  
" "Which is what you're being right now."  
  
"Am not."  
  
"Why are you 'fraid of heights?" Dawn asked.  
  
"I'm not 'fraid anymore." Connor said lying unsuccessfully.  
  
"Dad was swinging him on the swings when he was four. Dad swore it would be safe, but then Doofus here fell slash jumped off the swing and broke his arm."  
  
"Oh." Dawn said.  
  
"It was really high and I got scared." Connor said trying to defend himself. He could see the laughter threatening to come from his sister and his new friend.  
  
"That's okay I guess. Everyone has a fear of something." Dawn said seriously.  
  
"Sure whatever you say." Maddy said getting up and picking up the Frisbee. She waved it in front of Spot a few times before throwing it. The Frisbee flew in the air and landed. The three kids looked at Spot expectantly and sighed when he lay down on the grass.  
  
"I'll get it this time." Maddy said as she made her way over to where the Frisbee landed. Connor stood a few feet away from Dawn looking down at his feet. Older sisters could be such a pain at times. He couldn't believe that Maddy had told Dawn that he was scared of heights. It made him seem like a scared stupid little boy.  
  
"It's okay that you're scared of heights." Dawn said knowing that was why he seemed uncomfortable.  
  
"It doesn't make me seem like a poof?" Connor asked using a word he had heard his dad and his uncle use many times.  
  
"What's a poof?" Dawn asked with a questioning stare.  
  
"I'm not sure. I think it means scared-y cat."  
  
"No everyone is 'fraid of something."  
  
"Are you 'fraid of anything?"  
  
"Sort of."  
  
"Can you tell me?"  
  
"No I don't think so. It's kind of personal."  
  
"Oh okay." Connor said. Maddy was coming back over to them.  
  
"Think it's time for some ice cream." Maddy said.  
  
"Already. That was fast." Connor said.  
  
"Yeah well my watch says three and if we want to get to the movies we have to get the ice cream now." Maddy said.  
  
"Well let's go wake up Uncle Spike." Connor said with a wide grin on his face.  
  
"How come Connor's making it sound like fun?" Dawn said.  
  
"The only way to wake up Uncle Spike is to jump on him. He sleeps like the dead." Maddy said.  
  
"Oh that does sound like fun. He doesn't get mad?"  
  
"No in fact I think that he knows it's going to happen. It happens every time. Connor was the one who figured out how to do it."  
  
"Come on let's go before he wakes up." Connor said dragging Maddy and Dawn by the sleeves of their shirts.  
  
Spike knew what was coming. It came every time he went out with his niece and nephew. Although the experience was painful at first, he grew a tolerance for it. It was sort of a tradition and his niece and nephew were totally creatures of habit. Maddy wasn't so much into it anymore as she was when she was little.  
  
He assumed that she knew that he was faking it. Connor was still at the age where he believed it and that made him jump harder. Spike braced himself for what was to come and closed his eyes. He could hear the rustling of the grass that would tell him Connor and Maddy were going to strike soon.  
  
"Uncle Spike are you awake." Connor said in a low whisper.  
  
"Connor you know he's just faking it." Spike heard Maddy's logically voice. Spike suddenly wondered how Maddy had gotten so old in her short amount of time. It wasn't because of Angel's condition. She had always been more a logical thinker. Never a kid; always too mature for her age.  
  
"No he's asleep. He's always asleep. You know how it goes Mad." Connor said in a matter-of-factly voice. It was weird that Connor was still such a kid. It was natural being that he was only six, but he was so different from Maddy it was just weird.  
  
"Yeah Maddy he looks asleep to me. Besides you should just let Connor have his fun." Dawn said. Spike had almost forgotten that she was there. It was going to be even more painful if there were three kids instead of only two.  
  
"Oh I don't think that he's going to get up." Connor said and Spike could hear the smile in his voice.  
  
"Oh just get it over with." Maddy said. Just then Connor let out a little grunt as he jumped on Spike.  
  
"Oi!" Spike said as he felt the full weight of his nephew on his ribs.  
  
"That never gets old does it?" Spike asked his nephew. Connor shook his head and his semi-long hair became messy.  
  
"How come there's only one munchkin on me. Where's the other one?" Spike said propping himself up to see Maddy standing there with her arms across her chest and Dawn standing there looking around at the pond.  
  
"Can we just get some ice cream?" Maddy said tapping her foot impatiently.  
  
"Sure." Spike said placing Connor on the ground and standing up. Connor seemed disappointed that there wasn't more to the little game they played.  
  
"Why don't you and Connor go order. I want to have a little chat with Dawn."  
  
"Okay. Do you want the usual?" Maddy asked.  
  
"Yes and what would you like Dawn?"  
  
"One of those Flintstones push-ups I guess."  
  
"Okay meet you there." Maddy said grabbing Connor and running over to the ice cream stand.  
  
"So what did you want to talk about. Probably what my mom was trying to talk about yesterday, right." Dawn said not looking up at Spike.  
  
"Yeah pretty much."  
  
"I don't want to not see my dad." Dawn said.  
  
"I know, but he's lying about hurting you and your mom."  
  
"He didn't mean it."  
  
"Is that what he said. That he didn't mean to hurt you. That he just got really angry and lost his temper."  
  
"Yeah that's what he said."  
  
"Now I know that he probably loves you a lot. You're his little girl, but it isn't okay to hurt you. It isn't okay for him to beat you." Spike said. Dawn's head dropped further down.  
  
"Now what you need to keep in mind is that your dad needs some help. He's willingly to get it, but you can't be around him too much before he does."  
  
"I'll get to see him though?" Dawn asked hopefully.  
  
"Every weekend for a couple of hours. Someone would have to go with you, but you will get to see him. People have to know what your dad did to you."  
  
"So he won't hate me if I do this?"  
  
"Not if he really loves you."  
  
"What if he doesn't?" Dawn asked looking up at Spike with tear filled eyes. Spike didn't have a good history with dads, mainly his own. He was sure that Dawn's loved her though. Fathers always love their children even if they don't like them. That was just how it was. "  
  
He loves you Dawn. Every parent loves their child no matter what they do. Right now your dad is lying about hurting you and that's not good. You have to do this so that you're dad gets the help he needs."  
  
"So he'll be okay if I tell the judge guy the truth?"  
  
"Yes it's very simple. Your mom and me'll be there with you. It'll be alright."  
  
"Okay then. Let's get some ice cream."  
  
"Okay." Spike said as he followed Dawn to the ice cream stand.  
  
"Okay just wait a sec. My uncle'll be here in a minute." Spike heard Maddy say. She was holding her strawberry shortcake ice cream and Spike's Choco Taco. Connor was holding his drumstick and Dawn's push-up.  
  
"Okay how much do I owe you?" Spike said as he approached the vender.  
  
"Three dollars." The man said. Spike handed him his money and ushered the kids to his car.  
  
"So what does everyone want to see?" Spike asked again now that Dawn was there.  
  
"I kind of wanted to see that new Charlie's Angel movie." Dawn said.  
  
"Yeah that sounds good." Connor said. He and Dawn were walking in front of Spike and Maddy. Spike and Maddy exchanged confused stares.  
  
"I thought you said no Charlie's Angels." Maddy said.  
  
"When did I say that?" Connor asked.  
  
"Looks like someone has a crush." Spike whispered to Maddy.  
  
"Yes and it's disgusting." Maddy said. Spike laughed and kept walking to his car.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Cordy, Anya, and Fred sat in the dining room drinking coffee. Cordy had been spending so much time in the hospital, but today she would have to play the entertaining hostess mom. Anya was always over lately. She was Angel's little sister and she worried.  
  
Cordy couldn't complain. Fred had decided to drop by after finding out what happened to Angel. Cordy and Fred had been friends before, but weren't very close. Cordy didn't have very many close friends. She was grateful to have Fred and Anya.  
  
"So what's on the agenda for tonight? Watching the grubby little kids and playing mom." Anya asked.  
  
"Yes Anya I know how unappealing that sounds, but it's me." Cordy said taking a sip of her coffee.  
  
"It doesn't sound that bad. Some day I would like to have kids too. I just want to wait for the right moment." Fred said.  
  
"Well Maddy was unplanned. Not to say that Angel and I didn't want her after we found out that we were going to have her. She was a great surprise." Cordy said.  
  
"Xander and I are considering starting to have kids. He's the boss of his job and can basically make his own schedule. It's time I would think." Anya said.  
  
"You guys have been married for two years now right." Cordy asked.  
  
"Yes. I'm twenty-six and I think that it's time." Anya said.  
  
"That seems good. Wes and I have been married for three years now and we don't have any kids. I don't think it's on our minds just yet. I know that we're twenty-eight, but with me being a judge and him struggling to keep his doctor's office open, we just don't think it's time yet." Fred said.  
  
"Yes well I think that it's time." Anya said.  
  
"That's good for you." Cordy said and was cut of by the doorbell.  
  
"I'll be right back." Cordy said as she got up to open the door. Cordy made her way to the door and opened it. It was Buffy and Andrew.  
  
"Oh hey Buffy. What are you doing here?" Cordy asked.  
  
"Dawn forgot her toothbrush. I knew she would forget something. Is she here yet?" Buffy asked.  
  
"No. It would seem that Spike just had to take them to two movies. Come in." Cordy said moving aside.  
  
"Oh no we have plans for later. First night away from Dawn in awhile and Andrew here convinced me to go out to dinner with him and Warren." Buffy said.  
  
"You guys couldn't come in for just a little while." Cordy asked flashing one of her pleading smiles.  
  
"Come one Buffy it wouldn't hurt to just come in for awhile." Andrew said.  
  
"Oh alright. Just for a few minutes." Buffy said walking inside with Andrew following behind her.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Yo ho-ho and a bottle of rum!" the four people in the car sang loudly. Spike was pulling up to his brother's house right this second. They had gone to see Charlie's Angels and then just because Spike knew Maddy and Connor both wanted to see the Pirates of the Caribbean movie and so did he they saw that movie as well. Now they couldn't get the song out of their heads so they started to sing it out loud. Most of it was humming because they didn't know all of the song. The bottle of rum part was about the only thing they knew.  
  
"Okay kids we're here. This is where the really fun begins. I bet Cordy has movies and popcorn already set up." Spike said.  
  
"Good. More popcorn is always good." Dawn said.  
  
"Yes and movies are great." Connor said.  
  
"Alright then lets go." Everyone piled out of the car and made their way up to the front door. There was still singing going on. Spike rang the doorbell and Cordy answered it.  
  
"Yo ho-ho, mommy." Connor said.  
  
"You took them to see that pirate movie didn't you." Cordy asked. Spike shook his head.  
  
"You do realize he's going to talk like a pirate for days now." Cordy said.  
  
"I tried to warn him." Maddy said stepping inside the house. Connor and Dawn followed her.  
  
"How much sugar did they have?"  
  
"Well there was the ice cream at the park. The candy, soda, popcorn, bon- bons, and nachos at the movies. Then there was the Cold Stone ice cream that they finished in the car." Spike said stepping inside the house as well. Cordy shut the door behind him.  
  
"That's a whole lot of sugar. You should really think before you let them have so much. It'll rot their teeth." Cordy said as she watched him sit down in one of the chairs in the living room.  
  
"Come on. I get to be the cool uncle who let's them eat all the junk food they want." Spike said.  
  
"Okay I'll give you that, but some times I think that you spoil them to much."  
  
"You can't spoil kids too much."  
  
"You're only using them until you have your own."  
  
"At the rate that I'm going that'll be never." Spike said. Before Cordy had time to react Buffy, Andrew, Anya, and Fred walked into the living room.  
  
"Well it was nice to meet you, Andrew." Fred said.  
  
"It was nice to meet you too." Andrew said in a totally sincere voice.  
  
"We should all go out some time." Anya said.  
  
"That would be perfect." Buffy said. She was beginning to like Spike's friends more and more. She just hoped that she wouldn't totally wreck things.  
  
"Good then it's settled. We'll make time. Got out for dinner or something." Andrew said.  
  
"Yeah that'd be great. Then maybe we could Buffy and Spike together." Anya said.  
  
"Anya I already told you that it's just a friendship thing." Buffy said.  
  
"That's Buffy for you Queen of Denial." Andrew said. "  
  
Are you guys talking about me when you think I'm not around?" Spike asked standing up from the chair he was sitting in.  
  
"Spike! We didn't know you were there." Fred said.  
  
"Oh please don't be so whimp-y, Fred. He should hear that. Start hooking it up Spike." Anya said.  
  
"My baby sister." Spike said, "Excuse the bluntness."  
  
"I rather enjoy it. It's refreshing and she's totally right." Andrew said.  
  
"Well if we're putting our two cents in then I'd have to agree." Fred said.  
  
"Okay that's enough talking about me like I'm not in the room." Buffy said.  
  
"Well they're right Buffy. Didn't we already go through this at the mall?" Cordy said.  
  
"Oh so there's more talking about me behind my back. You lot know how to make a guy feel welcome." Spike said sarcastically.  
  
"Well we wouldn't have to talk about you behind your back if you made a move already." Anya said.  
  
"Ahn, maybe you should stop talking like that. Kids are barely in the next room." Spike said trying to change the subject.  
  
"They've already been subjected to the torment."  
  
"Not Dawn."  
  
"And she won't be if you don't make a move on her mommy."  
  
"Do you people not see me standing right here." Buffy said.  
  
"Oh sorry Buffy." Anya said.  
  
"No it's just that's never happened to me before. I start to hang out with you guys and all of a sudden it's happening all the time. You've got Willow and Andrew doing it as well." Buffy said.  
  
"Just the perks of being around us. You'll learn to accept it." Cordy said.  
  
"I know I did." Fred chimed in.  
  
"Well as much as I love talking with you guys, reservations are at eight and it's six thirty. That doesn't give us much time to get ready." Buffy said.  
  
"Oh where are you going?" Spike asked.  
  
"We are going to a nice little French bistro that I found on the internet. Looks lovely. Anyway Buffy, Warren and I are going to have a nice adult's night out." Andrew said as something suddenly popped into his head. It was perfect timing.  
  
"So you see why we have to go." Buffy said.  
  
"Yeah and hey would you like to tag along." Andrew said to Spike avoiding the glares he was getting from Buffy. Spike wasn't sure what to say. Would that seem like a date? No not unless it was with Andrew and he was sure that wasn't going to happen. What harm could it do?  
  
Big harm you git. You're tryin' to stay away from her in romantic settings remember. Just friends. Spike's mind was screaming to him.  
  
"Sure why not." Spike said kicking himself for accepting.  
  
"Great meet us at Buffy's at seven thirty. Bye all." Andrew said dragging Buffy out of the house.  
  
"Bye." Everyone said.  
  
"Well it would seem the little monkey is going to do your job for you." Anya said.  
  
"It's just a dinner." Spike said mostly to himself then anyone else.  
  
"A dinner you accepted readily. Just admit it, Spike. You like her. A lot. I can see it in your face." Fred said.  
  
"We're just friends. She's still married and I'm her lawyer. Remember that little piece of information." Spike said.  
  
"It really doesn't matter. You'll give in sooner or later." Cordy said.  
  
"Preferable sooner for all those involved. You need to be happy. You haven't had a girlfriend in over a year." Anya said.  
  
"Girlfriend doesn't always equal happy, Ahn." Spike said.  
  
"Yeah well if you're doing it right it could equal a happy." Fred said.  
  
"Fred you did not just say that. Are you channeling Anya or something? Look I better get going. Not a lot of time to get ready." Spike said.  
  
"Yes because you have to look extra special." Anya said.  
  
"Get off it. Tell the munchkins I said bye." Spike said as he exited the house.  
  
"Yup those two should be together in no time." Cordy said.  
  
"Yeah if they stop being so stubborn." Fred said.  
  
"Well we all know Spike. He can be very stubborn. Hard-headed at times as well." Anya said.  
  
"Buffy looks like she's just as stubborn." Cordy said.  
  
"Well at least when they bump heads their heads will be so hard they can't feel it." Fred said.  
  
"Yeah well that could be good and bad." Anya said.  
  
"Mom! Come help us with the videos. Connor's trying to use the VCR." Maddy yelled from the other room.  
  
"Duty calls." Cordy said.  
  
"We better leave before we get dragged in." Anya said dragging Fred out of the house. 


	15. The Dinner

Disclaimer: Don't own the characters. They belong to an evil genius named Joss. Although I don't know if he's evil or not.  
  
Distribution: Go ahead. Ask first  
  
Spoilers: None  
  
A/N: Sorry, sorry, sorry. I know it's been like over a month since I last updated, but bare with me here people. Life is hectic and this had to be the hardest chapter to write. First, there was Writer's Block. Don't you just HATE W.B. then there was the fact that I could only write on the weekends (That was the whole life is hectic thing). Then I had other stories that needed updating. There had to be research for this chapter that I didn't expect and this is a really important chapter according to my outline. Hence the longness of this chapter. I couldn't rush it so I had to keep writing until I knew it could be perfect. Its self-beta'd so don't get too angry if there are a lot of grammar mistakes. Okay enough with my babbling enjoy the chapter!  
  
Chapter 15:  
  
Nervous wasn't exactly a strong enough word for what Buffy was feeling as she got ready for her dinner with Andrew, Warren and Spike. The big butterflies in her stomach jut wouldn't let up. It was supposed to be a regular dinner. Nothing big at all. Just a dinner with Andrew, her stepbrother, and his boyfriend.  
  
It was suppose to be a get to know you with this Warren guy. She should have known that Andrew would pull something like this. This was Andrew after all. Always trying to make her decisions for her. He had objected to Parker and Riley. Of course with both he hadn't been too far off. So maybe she should just let Andrew take over her social life from now on.  
  
It still didn't make tonight any easier. This was going to be a little scary. She had feelings for Spike, that much was evident. Anyone would have feelings for him after spending time with him.  
  
How that Dru lady could even think about cheating on him was beyond her. He was prefect. He had problems, but everyone had problems. Like Willow said it just added to his character. So yeah she had feelings for him. It was kind of hard not to, but that didn't mean anything. Both of them just wanted to be friends.  
  
Then why do you have butterflies as big as bats floating around in your stomach? Buffy thought.  
  
Buffy pushed the thought aside as she got up and examined herself in the mirror. It was a very fancy yet causal blue dress. Spaghetti strapped and silky with a thin sheet of lace on top. The hem of the dress was uneven, but on purpose. It accentuated her curves quite nicely. She wore her hair down and wavy.  
  
She wore a little makeup with pale blue eye shadow. To finish the outfit of she had on strappy blue sandals; a cross necklace with little blue stones and a matching purse. All in all she looked perfect.  
  
"Buffy come one we're going to be late!" Andrew yelled from the living room.  
  
"Just a sec." Buffy said as she grabbed her shawl and made her way to the living room.  
  
Andrew was standing by the door tapping his foot impatiently. He was wearing a brown suit with a blue shirt and maroon tie. Andrew was one of those people that looked like he was born in a suit unlike Spike.  
  
"Where's Warren and Spike?" Buffy asked. She hadn't seen Andrew's boyfriend at all yet.  
  
"He got a hotel room. Can you believe him? The first thing he does when he gets here is ask me to take him to the nearest hotel. Said that he doesn't want to intrude on you and that I could stay with him." Andrew said a little hurt.  
  
"You could stay with him. It doesn't sound like your relationship is all that stable. You should stay with him." Buffy said.  
  
"I'll think about it. I guess all we're doing now is waiting for Spike to show up. Willow and Oz are going to meet us at the restaurant."  
  
"Willow and Oz are coming?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Yeah I thought it appropriate. This should be fun."  
  
"The women will be outnumbered to the guys. It'll be a first."  
  
"Well I'm sorry that I couldn't help you out in that department, but gay here."  
  
"Yeah I know. So will just wait for Spike."  
  
"Yup because he's coming you know."  
  
"Yes I know. You invited him."  
  
"I know. I thought it would be nice to get to know him more."  
  
"Subtle Andrew really subtle."  
  
"I've never been the king of subtlety."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Spike turned off his car. How many times a week had he been in front of this same apartment complex? How come it felt so nerve racking this time? Spike looked through his jacket for a cigarette. It would be a couple of hours before he had another one and he was going to make this one last. He rolled down the window and lit the thin stick. He slowly brought it up to his mouth and inhaled the nasty habit happily. It was one of the only things that could calm his nerves besides coffee and alcohol.  
  
Cigarettes were a safer addiction. Tonight was going to be like any other night or so he tried to convince himself that. It was nothing more then a night out with some friends. It wasn't a date with Buffy. Andrew was the one who asked him to tag along and he knew it wasn't a date with Andrew.  
  
For one he just didn't go that way no matter how nice of a guy Andrew was and for another Andrew was supposedly in a committed relationship. So, no, this wasn't a date with anyone.  
  
Of course his nerves told him different. They told him that things were not just friendly. How could they be when you're deeply attracted to one of you're so called friends? Well the only way to know for sure is to go to the apartment and announce that you're here. Spike opened the door to his car.  
  
His cigarette was half way gone already so he threw it on the ground and snuffed it out. He straightened out his jacket and set the alarm on his car. It was time to make an entrance. He walked up the steps and to apartment six. He took a deep breath before knocking on the door.  
  
Buffy heard the knock and answered the door. There stood Spike. He was a bit more dressed up then he had been earlier, but still appeared to be casual. He was wearing a black suit with a regular long-sleeved cream colored shirt underneath. He had on no tie. On his feet were causal Doc Martins. His hair was tousled like it was earlier. That looked suited him better then the slicked back look he was always donning.  
  
For a moment Buffy wasn't sure that her mouth was working properly. He just looked so good. Spike examined Buffy for a second. Maybe he had gone a little too causal. Buffy was wearing a pretty blue cocktail dress. Although he was wearing a suit it was one of his more casual ones and he wasn't wearing a tie. She looked beautiful. The dressed showed off her figure perfectly.  
  
There was a long silence before Andrew came out into the living room. Buffy and Spike were just staring at each other.  
  
"Oh Spike you're here. Finally. Willow called to ask if we were coming or not. Warren is already there." Andrew said saying the last part sadly.  
  
"Huh? Oi! Right the restaurant." Spike said.  
  
"Yeah the place we were supposed to be over five minutes ago." Andrew said a little annoyed, but he tried to hide it. Spike and Buffy looked like they were having a moment and Andrew cursed himself for ruining that. "  
  
Geez Andy it's only five minutes. Besides it's not like we don't have a reservation and Willow and everyone else are already there." Buffy said just as annoyed.  
  
"I know I guess I'm just nervous."  
  
"What are you nervous about?" Spike asked.  
  
"Nothing it's nothing. Let's just go." Andrew said as he pushed past Spike and made his way outside.  
  
Spike gave Buffy a questioning stare. His head was tilted to the side, one of his eyebrows was cocked and a half smirk tugged on his lips. Buffy noticed that the eyebrow had a small scar on it. She'd have to ask him about that later.  
  
"What?" she said.  
  
"What was with Mister Ball-o-Nerves back there. I thought he was in a relationship?" Spike said.  
  
"He is. He's having problems with his boyfriend."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Yeah." There was an awkward silence before Buffy said, "We better get out there and get to the car before Andrew gets antsy."  
  
"Gets?"  
  
"Okay so before he gets any more antsy."  
  
"Right let's go." Spike said moving out of her way. She walked out of the door and Spike looked at her.  
  
Yup tonight was going to be a long night. Spike though as he closed the door to her apartment.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Spike was somewhat used to fancy restaurants. He was from England after all and a lawyer. Buffy was not used to fancy restaurant or French ones for that matter. She had barely passed French in high school. Buffy looked to her right. Spike was sitting in the seat next to her and he seemed to be having no problems with the menu. Warren was sitting next to him biting his nails. Andrew sat across from him and Willow and Oz sat on the same side as Andy.  
  
She nervously looked over the menu again. It was all in French. She would have asked for help in deciding what to order, but she didn't want to appear stupid. Almost everyone at the table was fluent in French and Buffy didn't even know how to say one in French.  
  
"Ah I give up. I don't care if I look like a totally retard I have know idea what this gibberish says." Warren said. Buffy let a little smile grace her face. She wasn't the only one who didn't know what the menu said.  
  
"Oh good we aren't pretending to be grown up now. That's great." Buffy said.  
  
"Yes I was also about to ask for help." Andrew said.  
  
"Ditto." Oz said.  
  
"I thought you knew French, Andy." Warren said.  
  
"I know how to speak enough to get us around Europe that one time, but it's been awhile." Andrew said honestly.  
  
"Then why are we here?" Buffy asked.  
  
"It's fancy and some of us know French." Willow said.  
  
"Stop showing off, Wills. This place may be fancy, but let's hope they have a translator because I thought you took Latin in high school." Buffy said.  
  
"She's right." Oz added.  
  
"I know some French. Besides this place has good reviews." Willow said trying to defend herself.  
  
"What are you getting?" Warren asked Andrew. Andrew could have laughed at the helpless look on his boyfriend's face.  
  
"I was thinking the chicken, but it would appear that there is more then one chicken plate on this menu." Andrew said.  
  
"Great so we're going to starve. We could have just gone to an English speaking restaurant." Warren said.  
  
"With you there Warren. This place only has things in French." Buffy said.  
  
"Well it looks like number thirteen is chicken something. Stay away from anything that says escargot." Willow said.  
  
"Number thirteen isn't chicken, it's steak and not a very good choice. And snails can be good when cooked properly." Spike said not taking his eyes off of the menu. All eyes went towards him and Spike looked up at the five people staring at him.  
  
"What?" Spike said shrugging his shoulders and placing out his hands.  
  
"You know French." Warren said.  
  
"Well yeah, British here." Spike said.  
  
"So you let us panic for nothing?" Willow asked.  
  
"It was sort of fun. Watching you lot figure out what you were going to do without looking stupid. I remember Xander tried to do that once, but at a Spanish restaurant. He asked the waiter for a to go box and they came back with ice." Spike said laughing a little.  
  
When he saw the angry faces of the people he was eating dinner with he stopped.  
  
"Guess you had to be there." Spike said looking at his menu again.  
  
"Okay so you can cook and you know how to speak all these different languages. Tell us oh smart one what to get." Buffy said with sarcasm in her voice.  
  
"Why don't you let me do the ordering." Spike said.  
  
"I'm cool with that." Oz said not really wanting to test his French. High school was a long time ago for all of them and if Spike wanted to order he was happy to go along with it.  
  
"Yeah whatever gets the food the fastest." Warren agreed.  
  
"Sure as long as you don't order snails." Willow said.  
  
"I already told you they aren't that bad." Spike said sighing.  
  
"I don't care. It's icky." Willow said.  
  
"A professional psychiatrist and you use words like icky." Spike said.  
  
"She's right though. No snails or frog legs for that matter." Buffy said.  
  
"Then why come to a French restaurant?" Spike asked.  
  
"I thought we cleared that up. It's fancy and high priced." Andrew said.  
  
"Personally give me a hamburger and a good football game and it's the best dinner ever." Warren mumbled.  
  
"Ditto." Oz said.  
  
"Well I wouldn't agree with the hamburger part and the football thing is okay, European that is." Spike said.  
  
"Oh right like soccer is better then good ole' American football." Warren said.  
  
"Well it's like rugby really only for less dangerous guys." Spike said.  
  
"Football happens to be a very dangerous sport." Warren said.  
  
"Yeah right I have my views and you have yours. Although American football isn't all that bad."  
  
"See. I guess soccer isn't either." Warren said.  
  
"Any sport is better then some sissy drama."  
  
"Ditto." Oz said.  
  
"Is that all you know how to say?" Warren asked Oz.  
  
"No." Oz said simply.  
  
"Guy's not a talker." Spike said.  
  
"So do you have a favorite 'American' football team?" Warren asked Spike.  
  
"Probably the Raiders, but it might be the 9'ers soon."  
  
"The 9'ers suck this year. Stick with the Raiders. That's my team." Warren said.  
  
"Why would you have to be a fan of the 9'ers soon? Are you moving somewhere?" Andrew asked. He wasn't really sure where the niners played or who they were, but he thought he should say something.  
  
"Excuse Andy's total lack of anything to do with sports. The forty-niners play in San Francisco." Warren explained to Andrew.  
  
"It's okay. I barely know anything about sports myself." Spike said.  
  
"Well there isn't any time for sports ever. Besides, not to be stereotypical or anything, but I just don't see the point." Andrew said taking a sip of his water.  
  
"Are you planning on going to San Francisco?" Buffy asked.  
  
She couldn't believe that Spike was moving to San Francisco and not tell her. What hurt more was the fact that she didn't want him to move.  
  
Spike looked over at her.  
  
"Well I was thinking about it. Giles offered me a job at his new defense firm in San Francisco." Spike said looking at Buffy.  
  
It wasn't even on his mind that much, but he just had to go and open his mouth. Sure he was thinking about taking the job somewhere deep down. He knew that he would probably end up turning it down what with everything that was going on. It still didn't keep the thought from resurfacing every once in awhile.  
  
"So you're going to take it?" Buffy asked.  
  
"No probably not. It'd be a good career booster though." Spike said.  
  
"Why wouldn't you take it if it is such a good job?" Warren asked.  
  
"Because my brother is going through some stuff and I already have a life here in Sunnydale. I've lived here since I was seven so I'm attached." Spike explained.  
  
"Yeah that makes sense. Sunnydale seems to rope you in after awhile." Andrew said.  
  
"It's really quiet quaint." Willow said.  
  
Though she in Oz technically didn't live in Sunnydale they were always here and she liked this town.  
  
Warren snorted.  
  
"What?" Willow said.  
  
"Quaint is a word people use to describe boring one Starbuck's towns. I prefer a big city." Warren said.  
  
"Yeah I work in L.A and it's nice enough, but it's not the place for me. More of a small town guy myself." Spike said.  
  
"Warren has a fear of small towns. I think that he thinks all the people that live in small towns are like in those low budget horror films." Andrew said.  
  
"I do not. I just don't see room for growth in a small town. I mean sure nice place to raise a kid and have a family, but for a single person it would be torture or at least that's what I thought." Warren said.  
  
"Spike isn't your regular single guy." Buffy said.  
  
"I'm a regular bachelor. Look in my fridge and you'll find nothing but half empty Chinese food containers." Spike said trying to defend himself.  
  
"I think Buffy meant to attack that which is holy to the single male. She was just making an observation." Willow said. "What's not regular about me?" Spike asked Buffy.  
  
"Well for one I don't know of a single man who is so devoted to his family and friends like you. And there's the whole thing about you wanting a big family. Then the actual wanting commitment thing. There's just things about you that don't scream bachelor." Buffy said.  
  
"Yeah I guess you're right."  
  
"That I am." Buffy said.  
  
"Oh the waiter's coming." Andrew said.  
  
"Okay let's get ready to let Spike order for all of us." Willow said.  
  
"Yeah leave the hard tasks up to me." Spike mumbled. The waiter made his way to the table and looked at the group.  
  
"Hullo folks, what can I do for you this evening? Shall we start of with drinks?" The waiter asked.  
  
"Yes can I ask you what your best wine is?" Spike asked slipping into his more sophisticated side.  
  
"Well we have a 65 Amontillado."  
  
"Is it breathing?"  
  
"We can open it to breath."  
  
"But it's been kept chilled?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
"Okay then bring that out and a Coca Cola please."  
  
"Would you like to order?"  
  
"Sure." Spike said and then started talking French. His words were so precise and fluid that anyone who walked by would have thought that that was his natural language, which in a way it was considering he was from Europe.  
  
He held up his fingers as he talked indicating exactly how many of each thing he wanted and the waiter seemed impressed. "Well thank you sir. I'll be back with your drinks in a minute." The waiter said as he scampered off.  
  
"Move back for Mister Cultured." Oz said sarcastically.  
  
"Well I try." Spike said trying very hard not to look to proud of himself.  
  
"It sounded like that was your natural language." Buffy said.  
  
"Well it kinda is. I learned how to speak French and Spanish while learning English. It's in all the parenting books or just something my grandfather made up." Spike said.  
  
"Still very impressive. What did you order me?" Warren asked.  
  
"I ordered a roasted chicken plate for you and Andrew, the Steak Sauce Bordelaise for Oz, the Pork Chops Dijonaise for Willow, and the Scallops in Champagne Sauce for Buffy because she said she likes fish." Spike said.  
  
"Wow I think he got us head on." Willow said.  
  
"Yup I'm big on the steak." Oz said.  
  
"I think that waiter was pretty impressed. I'd say he wanted to do more then take your order." Andrew said.  
  
The table looked at him with questioning stares.  
  
"You can tell that sort of thing?" Spike asked.  
  
"Call it Gay-dar, but yeah I know. That and the way that he was looking at you like you were a nummy treat." Andrew said.  
  
"Well I'm not sure whether to be flattered or freaked out." Spike said a little perplexed.  
  
"Who's the Coke for?" Warren asked.  
  
"Um. me." Spike said getting a little nervous and hoping that he didn't have to answer any questions of his past.  
  
"Not a heavy drinker. I get that. Give Andy two drinks and he can go out like a light." Warren said.  
  
"Hey just because I can't drink like a fish doesn't mean anything. I just don't enjoy drinking like other people. Job prevents me from doing that." Andrew said.  
  
"Yeah well sometimes you can enjoy it a little too much." Spike said quietly trying to make sure no one heard him. No one but Buffy had. The table was going on about there jobs now.  
  
"It's okay that you don't drink. I don't really drink that much either. Besides you have an exception." Buffy said to him quietly.  
  
"Yeah well I should have never started drinking in the first place. It was a bad, bad idea and something I'll never go back to. My life was a complete mess back then." Spike said.  
  
"Have you ever slipped up?"  
  
"Once or twice or maybe more then that. I remember one time I drank myself silly because I was terrified of flying. I hate flying." Spike said.  
  
"Where were you going?"  
  
"Back to England to visit my grandmother. I was about twenty-six at the time. They didn't allow smoking on the plane so I restored to drinking. Luckily Angel was there to keep me from drinking too much." Spike said.  
  
"You really need to quit smoking. It isn't healthy." Buffy said.  
  
"Let's just keep it at one bad habit at a time. Not totally over the alcoholic thing just yet."  
  
"Things will heal with time."  
  
"Yeah I know."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Warren took another drag from his cigarette. He had started the habit up again and hadn't told Andrew. He was a big freak about those sorts of things being a doctor and having seen damaged lungs before. Warren was supposed to be in the bathroom, but decided to make a beeline for the sanctuary that was outside and light a cigarette.  
  
He knew that cigarettes were bad. He had seen homes and lives destroyed because of them in his line of work. An unattended cigarette could lead to a fire was one of the first things he learned as a firefighter. He had been a smoker for most of his life. He had started in high school and just stopped a couple of years ago when he met Andrew. Now things in his life were so stressful that he turned back to his thin nicotine filled friend.  
  
He loved Andrew. He knew that. It was just so hard to tell that to everyone else. He had told his family and they had been less then pleased. Some still thought that it was some sort of elaborate joke even after bringing Andrew to the Meers family dinner and kissing him in front of everyone.  
  
And why shouldn't they think that. Warren had never displayed any gay qualities in his life. He was football star in high school and had been Prom King along with his Prom Queen girlfriend, Katrina. He went on to get a scholarship for football to Stanford.  
  
He attended the college for awhile before deciding that he wanted to become a fireman. There were no desires to play with Ken dolls when he grew up and he never held a flamboyant grace to him. He hated school like any normal kid and always chased after girls in his high school years.  
  
So no he didn't act like the stereotypical gay man, but he has gay. He knew it just by the fact that when he looked at Andrew his heart expanded in his chest. The dinner had been going on rather nicely and Buffy and Willow seemed like nice women.  
  
He found himself talking to Spike and Oz constantly throughout the dinner and actually bonding with them. They talked about sports and stuff like that. That was another thing that made Warren doubt his gayness.  
  
e was a guy like any other guy. Of course then Andrew would do that cute little thing when he was giggling and his face would scrunch up and he would know he was gay.  
  
Things with Andrew were hitting a hard place. He knew that Andy deserved someone who was open with their lifestyle, but Warren wasn't quiet ready to do that and he wasn't ready to let Andy go. And apparently Andy wasn't ready to give up on him.  
  
Warren had met Andrew's dad. The man was pretty excepting to the idea of his son being gay. Andrew had a close relationship with his father. Warren had even met Andrew's mother who was less then thrilled that her son was gay, but knew it was coming. Then there was Joyce, Buffy's mother and Andrew's step mother, who was very pleased with him.  
  
Now he had met his friends and his stepsister who he treated like a real sister. If that didn't scream committed then Warren didn't know what did, but he couldn't help feeling like he should let Andy go so that he could have a guy who would be honest about everything.  
  
Warren just didn't have the strength to let someone that important in his life leave him. He threw down his cigarette which was merely ashes and snuffed it out. He was walking back inside when he bumped into Spike.  
  
"Oh sorry." Warren said.  
  
"I thought you were in the bathroom." Spike said.  
  
"Came out here for a smoke. What about you."  
  
"Same." Spike said.  
  
"Oh I didn't know you smoked." Warren said.  
  
"Like a chimney. Horrible habit I know, but I can't shake it off. That and caffeine. How about you?"  
  
"Oh I'm a smoker from way back. I quit for awhile, but some times life throws you a whole lot of lemons and you can't make lemonade quite that fast if you know what I mean." Warren said.  
  
"Yeah I get it. I've never quit actually. Tried once, but I became all mean so now I'm just content to die with a cigarette in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other." Spike said.  
  
"Well I could get in trouble for smoking so don't tell anyone." Warren said.  
  
"Ah the Missus doesn't know." Spike said.  
  
"Not as of yet. I want to tell him, but he gets all irrational when it comes to smoking. Seen one too many black lungs not to I guess."  
  
"Look I know it's not my place what with being as new to the gang as you are, but I heard that you and Andy are having some problems." Spike said.  
  
"Yeah a little. He's just mad at the fact that I won't admit to being gay to everyone. I'm not fully out of the closet I guess."  
  
"Why are you letting that get to you?"  
  
"I'm not. He is. I'm not exactly model gay guy. Add that to the stress of his job and the fact that he hates big cities and you got one stressed out guy. I try to be the best boyfriend I can be, but it's been a stressful year."  
  
Spike took out a cigarette and played with it a little before putting the thin stick between his lips and lighting it.  
  
"I get that. It's kinda been a stressful life for me." Spike said then took a long drag from his cigarette.  
  
"Sometimes I wonder if maybe we just aren't meant to be. Relationships shouldn't be this hard." Warren said sitting back down on the bench he had previously been sitting on.  
  
"They shouldn't be, but they are." Spike said.  
  
"Yeah I think maybe we would all be better off alone."  
  
"So do I, but as people we can't live alone."  
  
"Stupid human characteristics."  
  
"It sounds like you two just need to sit down and talk things out."  
  
"You don't think I've tried. Whenever we sit down and talk it turns into a yelling match. He's like a clam when it comes to opening up." Warren said.  
  
"Who says he has to be the one to start the conversation. Corner him if you have to. If you really care about him as much as you say you do then do everything you possibly can to keep him."  
  
"Ah the up front approach. I don't have to literally corner him do I? As much fun as that sounds I think I should be a little more subtle."  
  
"To each his own."  
  
"You're right though. I can't always expect him to make the first move." Warren said standing up and getting ready to leave.  
  
"Thanks." He said and then walked off.  
  
Spike threw his cigarette on the ground and stomped it out.  
  
"You're welcome now if I would only follow my own advice."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"I wonder what's taking Warren saw long." Buffy said a little bit after Spike excused himself to go have a cigarette.  
  
"He's probably outside having a cigarette." Andrew said in a melancholy voice.  
  
"Warren smokes?" Willow asked.  
  
"Yeah we quit for awhile, but he used to smoke like a chimney. He just recently started up again. He thinks I don't know about it." Andrew said.  
  
"You two really need to communicate." Oz said.  
  
"I know, but communication just isn't one of the things we do best. Fighting and arguing is though." Andrew said.  
  
"Really cause tonight you guys seemed like a great couple." Willow said. She hadn't picked up on any negative vibes at all.  
  
"Yeah we can be at times, but I don't know lately things haven't been all sunshine and puppies."  
  
"Well maybe you two just need to talk. Every relationship hits rough spots. Communication is the best way to get through them." Buffy said hopefully.  
  
She really hated seeing Andrew this depressed he was always the more happy of the bunch. The optimist while she was the pessimist and Willow was just Willow.  
  
"Sure I mean we haven't called it quits yet so there's a definite possibility that things will end well." Andrew said gather some of that optimism he stored in the back of his mind for special occasions.  
  
"See and this weekend is the perfect time to start. You're away from all that big city smog and you can have a clear head." Willow said.  
  
"You're right. Excuse me for a moment." Andrew said getting up and walking over to the entrance of the restaurant.  
  
Warren came in through the doors and they face each other.  
  
"We need to talk." They both said at the same time. Warren smiled at Andrew and Andrew massaged his forehead.  
  
"Look I know that things haven't exactly been the best these days, but that has nothing to do with you. I mean sure I'm annoyed that you won't tell your friends about us, but I knew that going into the relationship that you weren't exactly open about being gay yet. So that isn't it. It's just with work and all that I feel trapped sometimes. Not trapped with you just trapped. I'm too young to be this stressful. I just. . ."  
  
"Shh, Andrew I get it." Warren interrupted.  
  
"I was babbling wasn't I. See I try not to, but sometimes I can't help it. I've tried to stop and I'm doing it again." Andrew said looking down at something that caught his eye on the ground.  
  
"I think it's cute. And you're right. We do need to talk. Maybe this free weekend will give us time to do that." Warren said.  
  
"So is the invitation to stay at your hotel room still open?" Andrew asked not looking up from the ground.  
  
"I don't think we'll get that much talking done that way." Warren said.  
  
"I promise to behave. If I stay at your hotel then this will be the perfect opportunity for Buffy and Spike to have some alone time." Warren gave his boyfriend a questioning look.  
  
"You aren't trying to play matchmaker are you?"  
  
"So what if I am."  
  
"Andy people need to start relationships on their own. Pushing them into something won't help."  
  
"Sometimes people need a push." Andrew said.  
  
"It's not your place to push."  
  
Andrew pouted at little then said; "They need to hurry it up already."  
  
"Oh not the puppy dog face. You know how much I hate that."  
  
"Yes but you still love me."  
  
"God help me I do."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Buffy shifted nervously in her seat. She was happy that Andrew and Warren were working things out, but she would give anything for him to be in the car right now. She was alone with Spike.  
  
Tonight was great. There was laughing and fun times. Spike fit in so perfectly with anyone. He was a people person. The silence in the car was deafening. She wasn't sure if she should talk or remain quiet.  
  
If she talked he was bound to say something so darn cute that she would want to jump him right there. If she didn't the tension would get so high that she would feel like bursting. No one was at her apartment. She would be all alone.  
  
"So I talked to Dawn." Spike said trying to break the silence that had settled between them. He was fine with it, but when he looked over at Buffy he could see that she was nervous.  
  
"Oh." Buffy said happy that he had been the one to break the silence.  
  
"Yeah and I got her to agree to testifying." Spike said not taking his eyes off of the road.  
  
"That's good. Maybe when she gets older you could talk to her about curfew too." Buffy said jokingly.  
  
"No I think that's something you'll have to do on your own." Spike said shifting in his seat. Buffy took a deep breath and then resumed looking at the window. Silence again.  
  
After a minute or two Spike tried his hand at conversation again.  
  
"Can you believe are friends talking about us like we aren't standing right there. I'm sorry about how blunt Anya can be at times. I'm used to it, but others find it a little scary." Spike said slipping into his friendly conversational voice.  
  
"Yeah it was a little scary at first. You get used to it after awhile. It's nice though." Buffy said.  
  
"Nice?" Spike said looking in her direction with a questioning stare on his face.  
  
"Nice that they care so much." Buffy said clarifying herself.  
  
"Oh yeah I guess."  
  
"It is. I don't have any siblings so I don't really know how that feels."  
  
"You have friends." Spike said.  
  
"Yeah, but with family there's this difference. I don't know what it is."  
  
"Yeah I guess. Although it should be the other way around considering I'm the older one."  
  
"I'm sure there were times when you looked out for her and look at how you are with Angel. Brothers and sisters tend to care of each other." Buffy said as they pulled up to her apartment complex.  
  
"Well I guess I should get going." Buffy said as she opened the passenger door.  
  
"You know it's very dark. Why don't I walk you to your door." Spike said.  
  
What the hell was that? Walk her to her door? She lives in an apartment complex. You're playing a dangerous game mate.  
  
Spike thought. Buffy looked at him for a second.  
  
Say no. Say you can get to your door without his help. If he goes up then he might not go back down for awhile and you can't have that.  
  
"Sure." Buffy said betraying the little voice in her head that was telling her not too.  
  
"Okay."  
  
They made it up to Buffy's apartment without talking. They were at her door and Buffy took out her keys. She unlocked the door and then turned around to find that Spike had moved closer to her. Spike hadn't expected her to turn around so suddenly.  
  
When she did her face was buried in his chest. She was too close. They both knew it and the thought rang in both of their heads. Buffy looked up and tried not to stare at his chest. That was when she saw the scar again.  
  
"Where'd get that?" Buffy said outlining the scar with her forefinger sending little jolts through Spike's whole body.  
  
"There was a time when I would have said bar fight, but I'm past that stage." Spike said closing his eyes and gulping. Buffy's finger was betraying her as it kept outlining the scar over and over again.  
  
"So what do you really get it from." Buffy asked.  
  
"Um. . . I was in New York once and I got mugged. Told all my friends it was from a fight so I didn't look weak." Spike said realizing that she was the first person he admitted that to. Wes even thought that the scar was some old battle wound.  
  
"So you lied to keep up your bad boy image." Buffy said. It came out a little throaty and her finger trailed down his cheek.  
  
"Yeah I guess." Spike said still keeping his eyes closed. Was she even aware of the affect she was having at him?  
  
"Lying is bad you know."  
  
"I wager I've learned my lesson." Spike said his accent shining through. He opened his eyes and looked down at her. Before either knew how it happened there lips were touching.  
  
Like their kiss before it was shy and more of a brush then a kiss. Spike felt like he was going to spontaneously combust if the kiss wasn't deepened. His tongue darted out and outlined her lips as if asking for permission to deepen the kiss. Buffy's lips parted immediately and joined Spike's tongue in a tango.  
  
Tongues battled for dominance and hands started to roam. Spike's hands ran up and down Buffy until they finally rested on her hips. Buffy's hands rapped around Spike's neck and started to run through his hair. She liked it tousled and disheveled.  
  
It was like no kiss either had ever had in their life. Spike pulled Buffy as closed to him as he possibly could. Her body against his was making him feel dizzy and lightheaded. The same thing was happening for Buffy.  
  
If Spike wasn't holding her so tight she feared that she would have been reduced to a puddle on the ground. After a minute or so of nonstop making out, Buffy pulled away slightly.  
  
"You want to come inside."  
  
A/N: Evil, evil cliffhangers. I know it's cliffy, but I couldn't help it. If I kept going this thing would have never ended. Besides I have a plan and I hope you don't hate me for it. This chapter might have been hard to write but it was enjoyable. That whole part when they didn't know what they were going to order actually happened to me once. Oh and the part where he says Xander ordered a to-go box and got ice happened to me as well.  
  
That'll teach me to try and show off my Spanish skills. And I'm Mexican for Pete's sake. Oh please review. I'm considering taking a break from this story if it gets hard to write or no one shows that much interest. I have two other stories people and I'm killing myself with them. I probably won't take this story away, but it's always an option. Please review telling me that I would be stupid to take this story away. I really need to know if that's what you think. 


	16. The Morning After

Disclaimer: Don't own the characters. They belong to an evil genius named Joss. Although I don't know if he's evil or not.  
  
Distribution: Go ahead. Ask first  
  
Spoilers: None  
  
A/N: Okay so your onslaught of reviews saved this story from going bye-bye. I really want to see this story through so I decided it had to be important above all. So here's the next chappy and enjoy reading it.  
  
Chapter 16:  
  
Spike sat at his desk and angrily pounded on the keyboard of his computer. He was so frustrated. Why did this always happen to him? Did he have a 'kick me' sign on his back or something? That was the only way he could comprehend it. There had to be something seriously wrong with him.  
  
Maybe it was karma from his wilder days. Then again that had seemed like karma as well. Maybe he was cursed. Maybe his great whatever had placed a curse on all Flannery's and there was no getting out of it. Sado-masochist who was just glutton for punishment every time he fell in love.  
  
Whatever the reason he was totally in the shitter. Last night was the best night of his life. He enjoyed Buffy's friends. He had already liked Willow and Andrew. Warren and Oz were his kind of guys although they were totally different from each other. So everything had been great. Then Buffy has to invited him inside her apartment.  
  
He could see the look in her eyes that said it wasn't just for coffee like it had been before. No this time it was about something more and he, being the Sado-masochist that he was, was stupid enough to go inside. Oh maybe it was just the women, but sometimes it didn't feel like it.  
  
Was there something wrong with him. Was he so unlovable that women just didn't want him? Was he doomed to live his life alone and be the male version of that lady with all those cats?  
  
All had been going so perfectly up until that point. Okay so after that point wasn't so bad. Who was he really kidding it was the best after that point. He just wished he could remember it so vividly.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Flashback  
  
Spike looked deep into Buffy's eyes and saw the lust that filled them. Yes she knew what she was doing and he could tell. It wasn't the two glasses of champagne that were making her do this although those helped out a bit. No she wanted him.  
  
She really wanted him. Spike took a deep breath and then said, "Yeah I'd like too."  
  
Neither was sure what to do at that point. This was the step. The defining moment that would decide all. Buffy took his hand in hers and held it tightly as she led him inside her apartment. When they were both inside Spike closed the door gently and turned back to face her.  
  
The lust was definitely still there, but there was something else. Apprehension? Confusion? Doubt? Spike walked over to her and stared deeply into her eyes. At that moment the doubt was gone and all that was left was wanting.  
  
She wanted him and he wanted her. Spike tilted his head slightly deciding it was his turn to initiate this kiss. Buffy was still unsure of herself. He had to reassure her that things were great. That all this was right. It was a slow sweet kiss, but it promised so much more.  
  
Buffy pushed off his jacket and it fell to the floor making a small swishing noise. Her hands stroked along the planes of his back and couldn't seem to find one spot to stop at. Spike's hands remained wrapped around her waist pulling her closer as their kiss was deepened.  
  
His hands traveled up her arms and to her shoulders to push of the small shaw she was wearing. Buffy broke the kiss to take a deep breath. She looked up at Spike and saw his eyes closed and his mouth parted slightly as he took shallow breaths. He opened his eyes and saw her looking at him.  
  
"You sure about this. We could always wait you know." Spike said giving Buffy an out before he couldn't control himself.  
  
"I've never wanted anything more." Buffy said pulling him closer to her.  
  
They made their way, awkwardly, to her room discarding clothes as they walked along. They were down to their underwear when they had finally reached Buffy's room. Spike gently pushed Buffy onto the bed and crawled on top of her. He began to kiss her neck and found himself exploring her body with his mouth. He placed open mouth kiss on every area of her body that his mouth touched.  
  
His tongue would occasionally lick a certain part when he just couldn't help himself. He expertly undid her bra and pushed it to the side and off of the bed. He experimented with her nipples sucking them and teasing them until they were hard little buds and Buffy was moaning loudly.  
  
Spike's thumbs found their way to Buffy's underwear and slowly pulled them down her tanned legs throwing them over to where her bra lay. He looked at her face. Her eyes were tightly shut and she was biting her bottom lip to keep herself from moaning. There was a thin sheen of sweat on her forehead.  
  
Spike ran his hand down the inside of her thigh and she parted them slightly allowing just enough room from him to slip between them. Spike quickly discarded his boxers and slid between her thighs. He slowly pushed inside of her until he was buried all the way.  
  
Spike's lips reclaimed Buffy's in a bruising kiss. He set a slow pace and let his forehead rest on top of hers.  
  
"Make it last. Please make it lasts. It's been awhile." Buffy whispered in his ear.  
  
"I'll make it last as long as you want." Spike whispered back. They didn't waste anymore breath talking.  
  
End Flashback  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Yeah it had lasted all right. They had taken each other all night long only stopping to catch their breath or regain their composure. It was like living in heaven or so Spike had thought. It was great. It was pure bliss for as long as it lasted. To bad it had to end so soon.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Buffy looked at Dawn. They were sitting on a seat in the public bus driving to Spike's law firm. Dawn had already asked why Spike couldn't drive them. She hated ride the bus and had pleaded with Buffy for them to just call Spike to pick them up. Not really wanting to go into the conversation Buffy told Dawn that Spike had an early appointment with one of his clients. It seemed much better then 'Your mother's a whore who just ruined the best thing she ever had. Now eat your breakfast.' Buffy was aware that that wouldn't sound good to a six-year-old.  
  
She was also aware that she was very stupid. Extremely so, that she had ruined her chances with Spike. The great guy that she wanted so badly and had openly admitted to wanting her just as badly. She hurt him and how could he ever forgive her for that  
  
. How could he ever just say 'That's okay. You were freaking out. Let's forget the whole thing and start at square one.' Not likely. Their friendship might be down the drain as well. If anything she valued his friendship more then his body. She could care less if he wanted her that way as long as they were friends.  
  
But no. She more then likely screwed that up as well. Wasn't that just the Buffy pattern of things. Screw things up with the best guy she ever could find. Spike seemed so perfect in every way and he wanted her. Plain single mother her.  
  
Just her and not in any other way. He had called her gorgeous and beautiful and perfect and made her feel that way. No one had ever made her feel that special. She screwed it up. She panicked.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Flashback  
  
Buffy woke up with strong arms wrapped around her tightly and a strong body pressed against her back. She felt a little sore, but in that good satisfied way that came after the most amazing night of your life. She felt the body shift in his sleep and the strong arms leave her waist. She turned to face the body she had woken up next to. Spike's hair was sticking in weird directions and slightly returning to its natural curl.  
  
The bed head thing looked so great on him. He was contently sleeping his chest heaving up and down as he breathed. His face, which was normally a bit hard and rugged, had riveted to a softer image. He looked younger in his sleep. He was so stressed out for such a young person and his facial features usually showed it.  
  
Buffy lifted her finger to trace the planes of his face. He had such strong facial features that seemed to become relaxed as he slept. His jaw was no longer twitching with anger and his eyes held no black circles. He looked his age when he slept. He really was so very perfect. Okay so nobody was perfect, but he was really close to it. How long would it last though?  
  
Riley was supposedly perfect before she married him. Buffy had a knack for picking the wrong guy. Why should this guy be any different? He presented a warm caring front, but what if it was just that. A front. What if he was really a monster?  
  
Buffy began to panic now. She knew that her mind was playing trick on her. That she was setting up defense mechanisms, but what if it was true. This seemingly perfect guy could be putting up fronts. His kicked puppy dog look could be such an act.  
  
His parent issues and his girlfriend issues could all be part of a plan to get her into bed. No, that couldn't be possible. How could he get his whole family in on the deal? That would be a little twisted of them. They didn't seem like they were that twisted and why go through all that work even if they were.  
  
Then another thought dawned on her. if he really was this perfect then what were the chances that he'd stay with her. He would probably get bored with her after awhile. Sure he wanted a family and all those things, but he'd want to start them with someone who didn't already have a family. He'd realize that she was dull and not worth his time and then leave her. It was that fear that drove her to violently shake Spike awake.  
  
"Spike! Spike! Spike wake up!" Buffy yelled as she shook him.  
  
"Hum? Wha'." Spike said as he was shaken out of his sleep-induced haze.  
  
"Whas' wrong." He asked with concern.  
  
"You have to leave." Buffy said in a panicky voice.  
  
"Why? Did someone call my cell phone? Is it Angel?" Spike asked his concern deepening.  
  
"No you just have to go." Buffy said without further explanation.  
  
"Why?" Spike said puzzled.  
  
"Because I said. I don't do morning after well so you have to go. That's my way of dealing with things. It's less awkward that way." Buffy said hiding the really reason as best she could.  
  
"It really doesn't have to be awkward. We could just you know start dating now." Spike said with a little more vulnerability in his voice then he would have liked.  
  
"No that would be not of the good. You really should go." Buffy said pushing him off the bed.  
  
Spike landed with a 'thunk'.  
  
"I thought last night meant something?" Spike asked with a little more hurt then he would have liked.  
  
"It didn't. It was a stupid mistake. I can't believe I put are friendship in danger like that. It was just. . . it's been awhile and I needed some physical contact. You were there so, with my judgement impaired by a few drinks, invited you inside." Buffy said more to herself then to Spike.  
  
"So you're saying I was just. . . convenient." Spike said.  
  
"Yeah and I know that sounds awful, but that's what it was."  
  
"So that's it. Just a one night stand and it's all over." Spike said the hurt reflecting in his eyes and words.  
  
Buffy could see that she was making a huge mistake. It was like the really Buffy was floating over her head watching and listening to her stay stupid things and the real Buffy wasn't stopping it. Couldn't stop it.  
  
"I'm sorry if you thought it was something more. I lead you on and that was terrible of me. I shouldn't have done that and I realize how wrong I was. I hope you can forgive me, but it will never happen again. Our friendship means more to me then a one night stand." Buffy said.  
  
Spike looked at her with puzzlement and then hurt when she called him a one-night stand.  
  
"Fine whatever. You missed out Buffy." Spike said picking up whatever clothes were in Buffy's room and going outside.  
  
It took five minutes before Buffy heard the slamming of her front door and she was already crying silent tears.  
  
End Flashback  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Buffy had cried for a good long while before hearing the knock on her door. She remembered vaguely glance at her clock and seeing it was already eleven. She wiped her face and made herself looking as presentable as she could in her pajamas before going to the front door.  
  
She had invited Cordy and the kids inside and played the nice host for a few minutes before Cordy said she had to go run errands. Then Buffy got dressed and ready to face Spike she knew she would have to. He was still her lawyer and if Spike was one thing it was professional. He wouldn't let what happened come between the case.  
  
So here she was with Dawn clutching tightly to her hand and looking up at her with a big smile on her face. She had to face the music sometime. She had complained about awkward mornings after and her she was ready to see Spike again. She had to present a cool calm front. Dawn didn't expecting anything was up. Everything was fine in her little world. Oh to be young and oblivious.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Hey Spike you're here on a Sunday afternoon. That's new." Spike looked up to see Xander standing in his doorway.  
  
"Well I have work to do." Spike said looking back at his computer.  
  
"I thought the boss was only supposed to have work on Sundays. Its god's day you know." Xander said.  
  
"Yeah I know, but I have to prep a witness." Spike said.  
  
"You know you're still thinking like a criminal lawyer. We don't call it prepping we call it coaching. Big difference." Xander said taking a seat in one of the chairs that were in front of Spike's desk.  
  
"Yeah I guess I do." Spike said not bothering to look up from his computer this time.  
  
"You know I may seem like I have a lot of money, but if you break that keyboard I will take it out of your paycheck." Xander said.  
  
"Oh sorry. Guess I am hitting the keys a little too hard." Spike said.  
  
"I could here them from my office." Xander said.  
  
"Your office is two floors up from here." Spike said.  
  
"Okay so I exaggerated. I was down here to get a soda. Still doesn't give you an excuse to kill one of my keyboards." Xander said.  
  
"Rough night last night." Spike said.  
  
"No I think someone just had a bad morning. Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed?" Xander asked.  
  
"Something like that." Spike said.  
  
"Well look I know we've never been exactly good friends. We haven't been friends at all really. I think it's slightly petty looking back on it. So if you ever want to talk. . . I'll think that's amazing because we just started this little olive branch thing, but I'll be here. Right in this law office doing lots of paperwork." Xander said getting up from his seat and walking over to the door.  
  
"Offer me a better position." Spike called out.  
  
Xander looked at him skeptically.  
  
"I thought you hate it here." Xander said slightly perplexed.  
  
"I do, but offer me a better position." Spike said.  
  
Xander could tell he was serious.  
  
"Can't really do that Spike. People would call it nepotism. You know Burris is next on the list to be bumped up a position." Xander said.  
  
"It's okay. Wasn't really thinking that you were going to do that anyway. Just a last minute ploy. Go ahead and get back to all your work." Spike said returning his gaze back to his computer.  
  
"Spike are you okay?" Xander said with really concern.  
  
"Yeah I'm good. Things are great. Now if you don't mind I actually have work to do." Spike said.  
  
"Yeah okay. I'll see you later. Maybe as a peace offering I'll be you lunch or well in this case a snack of some sort." Xander said.  
  
"Yeah that'll be great." Spike said.  
  
Xander left and Spike only had to wait a few minutes before Buffy and Dawn entered the office.  
  
"Hey, we're here." Dawn said.  
  
"Yeah we're here." Buffy said.  
  
"Great let's get started." Spike said easily slipping into his professional tone.  
  
This should be fun. Spike and Buffy thought.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"I think that's everything. You don't need to come in tomorrow. Just take a break tomorrow and try and relax. Testifying in court is a very stressful experience and I need you to be calm for Tuesday. You got that." Spike said as they ended the very long 'coaching' session.  
  
"I got it. We can go now?" Dawn asked.  
  
"Yeah you can go now." Spike said.  
  
"Can you give us a ride home, Spike?" Dawn asked.  
  
"Dawn I'm sure Spike has some work to do. Besides I already called Willow and told her to come pick us up." Buffy said.  
  
She had spent the entire time outside of the office wondering around the huge law firm. She had called Willow and Willow sensed something was wrong, but didn't persist on the subject.  
  
"Oh you could just call Willow and tell her that Spike could give us a ride. You can right Spike." Dawn asked hopefully.  
  
"No I can't. Lot's of work to do and one of my friends is offering to buy me some lunch. I haven't eaten all day." Spike said lying as best as he could.  
  
It wasn't really a lie. He planned to take Xander up on the offer of food, but that could probably what until after he dropped them off.  
  
"Oh that's too bad. Well we'll see you Tuesday then right." Dawn said.  
  
"Yeah that's right." Spike said.  
  
"Cool." Dawn bounced out of her chair and out of the open door.  
  
"Bye Spike." She called out from down the hallway.  
  
"Bye Dawn." Spike called after her.  
  
Spike's gaze stayed at the open door before going up to met Buffy's gaze.  
  
"You should go." Spike said.  
  
"Yeah I should go. Listen about this morning. . ."  
  
"You don't have to explain. I get it. One nightstand. Let's just go back to being friends. Things were simpler then. You're free to do whatever you want. Now I have a lot of work ahead of me so if you please." Spike said motioning to the door.  
  
Buffy felt a piece of her self burn out when she heard him say those words. She really had missed her chance all because she was scared.  
  
"Yeah, I'm free." Buffy whispered as she exited his office.  
  
A/N: Hey ya'll whatcha think. Yes I'm aware of what I did here and even though I'm huge on the Spuffy, I just couldn't make it happy. Not yet anways, because this will be a HAPPY ending story. There has to be a certain amount of angst to get the full affect. I just wouldn't know what to do if it was all fluffy after this. Sorry that it's pretty short. Shorter then most of my regular chapters anyway. It's one of those pesky transition-like chappies. Okay do you know what to do-ou. Post a review-ou. If you want the next chappy there's going to have to be some reviews. Just press the little GO button and submit that review. 


	17. How Old Before You're REALLY Old?

Disclaimer: Don't own the characters. They belong to an evil genius named Joss. Although I don't know if he's evil or not.  
  
Distribution: Go ahead. Ask first  
  
Spoilers: None  
  
A/N: Okay here you go. It's another chappy. YAY! Thanks to all the reviewers. You guys are the best. I mean really the best. Okay so we're going down a slope here and it's not going into happy land like everyone wants it to, but how can you really appreciate happy without a little angst. On with the story. SweetBitter, sorry there isn't any Andrew in this chappy. He's coming back soon enough. Imzadi, I'm not sure if Lindsey will make an appearance or not. I don't know too much about him so maybe not. I was thinking a little thing at the end, can't tell you exactly what that will entail without giving away the story, he might come in. he won't have a huge part though seeing as I wasn't an Angel watcher at the time he was on the Angel series. On with the story.  
  
Chapter 17:  
  
Mondays. How crappy were Mondays. Spike had lost count of just how crappy Mondays could be. It was the start of yet another workweek. Work. How crappy was work. Spike remembered a time when he loved coming into work even on a Monday.  
  
Sure those days had ended in a blaze, but the feeling still lingered every time he opened the door to his new office with the fake wood desk and the poorly looking swivel chair. Yeah, before it had been real mahogany wood and a big comfy black leather chair high enough so that if it was turned around and Spike was sitting in it you wouldn't see him.  
  
It wasn't just about material things. Sure it was a big part of what he missed at a huge corporate law firm, but he could do without the ocean view. It was that certain passion that inflamed him when he walked in the courtroom to keep someone from going to jail for a long time.  
  
Criminal cases were a life or death situation and the thrill that he got from keeping someone from going to jail for the rest of their life was intoxicating. Hell, he'd even take putting the criminals away. He still had that same feel. Now, it was gone and when he walked into this office all he got was a stale feel. He wasn't even that old.  
  
That and a few other things were what made him find himself in front of Xander's office.  
  
"You can go in you know. He's probably just slaving away in front of that computer filing paper work. I swear that man is only twenty-seven but he seems like he's forty. He'll be happy to get away from it for a little while." Xander's secretary said.  
  
Spike had never bothered to learn her name. It was Eve or Gwen or something like that.  
  
"Yeah thanks." Spike said.  
  
"Anytime counselor." The secretary said going back to the phones.  
  
Spike took a deep breath and opened the door. Xander's was in fact sitting in front of his computer running his fingers through his long brown hair. He did look forty.  
  
"You look like shit." Spike said. Xander looked up and gave Spike a small smile.  
  
"Now I know where Anya gets it. You don't look all that great yourself." Xander said.  
  
"I'm older." Spike said.  
  
"Have a seat." Xander said. Spike sat down in one of the seats.  
  
"What can I do for you?" Xander asked.  
  
"I'm giving my two weeks notice." Spike said.  
  
"Really found another job that quickly. It's only been, what a month." Xander said.  
  
"Yeah something like that. And I sort of found a job. Giles offered to make me partner of the new law firm he's opening." Spike said.  
  
"Now I see why you wanted me to offer you a promotion. Well I can't say it's not a good trade in. Although isn't Giles's new firm in San Francisco." Xander said.  
  
"That's right." Spike said.  
  
Xander looked at him curiously.  
  
"That means you'd have to move to San Francisco." Xander said.  
  
"Yeah that's right." Spike said.  
  
"Does the family know about this." Xander asked.  
  
"No, but who cares. Look I have to start my own life here. They didn't expect me to live in Sunnydale my whole life did they? This is a big step in the right direction you know." Spike said.  
  
"What about Angel." Xander said.  
  
"I'll come down every weekend." Spike said.  
  
"Right because as a criminal lawyer you have lots of free time." Xander said sarcastically.  
  
"You know it's not always about them. This time, this one time I'd like it to be about me. What has Sunnydale got to offer me anymore? It's been nothing but hell ever since I came to Sunnydale. I can't stay here anymore." Spike said.  
  
"Okay I get that, but maybe you should rethink going so soon. Maybe wait a couple of weeks or months before leaving. I'm sure Giles will still offer you the job when you're ready for it." Xander said.  
  
"No, I just can't do it anymore. So I quit. I'm finishing off this case and that's it. I'm leaving." Spike said.  
  
"It's your choice man." Xander said.  
  
"Yeah it's my choice." Spike said.  
  
He and Xander sat in silence for a few minutes before Xander spoke.  
  
"You wanna know why I became a lawyer?" Spike looked at him for a few minutes before nodding his head.  
  
"Well I wanted to do something with my life that was worth while. I wasn't sure what that was at the time. I thought that maybe I'd become a doctor. Then one day when I was about six I came home to find my dad hitting my mother. You know I was too young to remember it ever happening before, but that was the first time that I'd seen it and the first time he hit me. My mom never left him and he just kept on hitting her and me until I got old enough to defend myself and then I just left. I went to college and tried to find something that I would be good at due to my experiences. I found family law." Xander said.  
  
Spike looked at him guiltily.  
  
"It's not your fault that you didn't know about my past. Anya barely knows that much. Just enough for her to realize why I choose this type of law." Xander said.  
  
"Yeah well I guess I was a little screwed up to even really care." Spike said.  
  
"Yeah well we aren't so different I guess. Father issues and all that. I just wanted to help the mothers that wanted to get away. So I get why you want to get back in the game. I remember you as an A.D.A and you were good at what you did. You have a passion for criminal law." Xander said.  
  
"So it doesn't seem like I'm running away?" Spike asked.  
  
"A little, but I think everyone needs to run away for a little bit. Helps them become the person that they turn out to be." Xander said.  
  
Spike thought about that and then nodded.  
  
"So I guess this is my official notice." Spike said.  
  
"Yeah now go back to work." Xander said jokingly.  
  
Spike got up and walked over to the door.  
  
"So did you mom ever leave your dad?" Spike asked.  
  
Xander stiffened noticeably and then answered.  
  
"No they're still together. They live in Nevada. I haven't seen them since I went off to college." Xander said.  
  
"Maybe you're better off." Spike said.  
  
"Probably. I mean look at you. Your father never hit you and you still ended up screwed up." Xander said.  
  
"Probably more so then you." Spike said.  
  
"Probably. But then again every once in awhile you can be normal. You know just laid back and yourself. Keep that up."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Come in." Willow called when she heard a knock on the door of her office. It was almost noon and that meant that Spike would be showing up any minute.  
  
"Hey, Willow." Spike said as he stepped into her office.  
  
"Hey Spike I was expecting you."  
  
"Well I'm here." Spike said.  
  
"So what's on your mind for this session." Willow said.  
  
"Um, well, I guess the fact that I'm leaving." Spike said.  
  
"What?" Willow said.  
  
"I decided to take the job offer from Giles. I called him and he said that the job was still mine if I wanted it. I gave my two weeks notice to Xander and I'll be leaving Sunnydale in Saturday to check out apartments." Spike said.  
  
"So you're just packing up and leaving?" Willow asked trying to sound as professional as possible.  
  
"Yeah I realized that Sunnydale has nothing more to offer me. I've been living here for what feels like my whole life and nothing's getting any better. I really think that a change of venue will help. What about you? It doesn't seem like I'm running away from my problems does it?" Spike said.  
  
"Do you want that from a professional position or a friend one?" Willow asked.  
  
"Both I guess. Not really looking to tell all of my friends yet. They'd talk me out of so the professional one would be best, but you know put your friendly advice in there as well." Spike said.  
  
"Well as a friend I would tell you what the hell are you thinking you can't leave Sunnydale. That's where your life is." Willow said.  
  
"And as a professional." Spike said.  
  
"As a professional I think you should really think about taking some time off. Get away from all the craziness. You seem to be living you r life for others rather then yourself and that isn't very healthy. You need to be living your life for you and not to please others." Willow said.  
  
"Good so I'm doing a good thing here." Spike said.  
  
"Professionally yes, but I have to ask what sparked this sudden change. Saturday night you were saying that you would probably not do this now you're doing it. Was there something really significant that happened between that time?" Willow asked.  
  
"No not really." Spike said a little too quickly.  
  
"Nothing huge it's just. . . I walked into my office today and I realized that that isn't the life I want. I used to walk into my office, not the one at the law firm I'm working at, and feel a surge of energy. Like it felt right. I don't get that feeling here." Spike said.  
  
"So you think that if you go to San Francisco you'll find what you're looking for?" Willow asked.  
  
"No, not exactly what I'm looking for. You know my dream is to open my own law firm. I just think that this type of law is making me older." Spike said.  
  
"Older? How so?" Willow asked.  
  
"Well not to be mean or ungrateful to Xander, but I don't understand how he can do this. Family law is all about paperwork and numbers. It almost feels like I'm an accountant. I just don't get it." Spike said.  
  
"You seem to be doing a good job at it." Willow said.  
  
"I do law well. I mean any kind of law, but criminal law is my passion. It always was been. I'm not qualified to do family law. I mean it's all law, but it's not something I take pride in." Spike said.  
  
"So you don't love it like you loved criminal law?" Willow asked.  
  
"Yeah, the feeling of loving to get up in the morning to go to work is lost on me." Spike said.  
  
"And there's nothing else." Willow asked.  
  
Spike looked at her to see if she knew anything. No, she didn't. She was just going on the therapist instinct. Spike stood up from his chair and started pacing around the room.  
  
"You know I hate to leave my family like this. I mean they don't exactly need me, but Angel's sick and it would be nice of me to stick around. It's just. . . you ever get the feeling that you're older then you really are." Spike said looking over at Willow.  
  
"All the time especially when I spend a lot of time working." Willow answered.  
  
"Yeah well lately I've been feeling that way more often. I don't know. It's this feeling that I can't shake off. I keep thinking I'm making the wrong decisions. Making the wrong moves and every time I do there's someone there to rub it in my face. Always someone to make me feel worse." Spike said.  
  
"So you feel like you're making the wrong decisions with your life. Like every step that you take is another mistake that someone's going to call you on." Willow said.  
  
"It goes a little deeper then that. I used to feel that I had to atone for being so wild back when I was younger and maybe I overdid it a bit. I'm there for everyone out of what sometimes feels like guilt. Like I'm trying to make up for being so reckless in my younger age. I never really found the person I was supposed to be and now, at twenty-eight, I'm more confused then ever. I tried to conform into someone that people would approve of, but now that I think about it I didn't change into someone I would approve of." Spike said.  
  
"Ah, I know what you mean. It's the 'Everyone loves Raymond' complex." Willow said.  
  
Spike gave her a questioning look.  
  
"I'm sure there's a technical name for it, but I usual give that name to everyone. It's so much easier to say then what ever medical do-hickeys they have for it." Willow said.  
  
"Seriously, are you really a psychiatrist." Spike asked.  
  
"Yeah, just a more down to earth one." Willow said.  
  
"All right so tell me about this TV complex I have going on." Spike said.  
  
"You want everyone to approve and like you. It's fairly simple. You're someone who does things to please others. Then you get lost when someone doesn't approve." Willow said.  
  
"Is that your official diagnosis?" Spike asked.  
  
"Well no. See you can't really diagnosis someone if they're keeping secrets from you. What triggered this self-reflection?" Willow asked.  
  
Spike looked at her as seriously as he could.  
  
"Nothing I just sort of realized it." Spike said.  
  
"Oh puh-lease. You couldn't have just realized it without a little help." Willow asked.  
  
"I swear I just realized it on my own. I'm smart like that." Spike said.  
  
"People who have this complex can't just realize it on their own. People don't like them so they conform. They don't look back on their lives." Willow said.  
  
"Well I've always been a bit different." Spike said.  
  
"No one's that different to break through the purposes of medical science." Willow said.  
  
"Your point?" Spike said.  
  
"What happened yesterday that triggered this little self-reflection." Willow asked.  
  
Spike thought back to yesterday. Nothing much had happened. He left Buffy's house, okay that was different, but it turned out to be just a one-night stand. Well at least that's what they both had decided. He coached Dawn and then he went out with Xander to eat.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Flashback  
  
"So why'd you ask me to this lunch-almost-dinner." Spike asked as he lightly placed his napkin on his lap.  
  
"No reason, but as a peace offering. I figure I might as well eat sooner or later. With all the paperwork I have I don't think I'll be getting home anytime soon." Xander said not looking up from his menu. They had stopped at a local burger joint called Paul's Place.  
  
"Yeah I guess so. Do you always work so late?" Spike asked taking a quick glance at the menu before deciding what he was going to eat.  
  
"Yeah, Ahn hates it. She's always talking about if I work so late how are we ever going to have kids. Ever since Angel got sick and she met that Buffy that you seem so fond of she wants to have kids." Xander said.  
  
"That such a bad thing. You guys should have kids while you're still young." Spike said.  
  
"Listen to you. You sound like Grandfather Time. I'm twenty-seven and she's twenty-six. We're still reasonably young. I just don't think that this is the best time in our careers to be having kids. I don't come home until late in the night and she doesn't come home all that early either." Xander said.  
  
"Well if you ask me your career is sound and so is hers. Most parents don't spend loads of time with their kids anyway." Spike said.  
  
"Yeah, but I want to be the very best father I can be." Xander said.  
  
"Well there aren't any guarantees you know. You just have to jump right in and hope that you're making the right decision." Spike said.  
  
"So I'm just supposed to dive right in without a care in the world? Doesn't seem very. . . logical." Xander said.  
  
"Parenthood isn't supposed to be logical." Spike said.  
  
"Well it will be the way I do things." Xander said.  
  
"Don't you hate feeling like Mister Logical all the time." Spike said.  
  
"Oh and you're one to talk." Xander said.  
  
"What's that supposed to mean." Spike asked with a frown on his face.  
  
"I'm not the most logical person sitting at this table." Xander said.  
  
"I'm not that logical."  
  
"Oh please. More so then me. I remember a time when you were out there and wacky. You used to go with the flow of things, but lately not so much." Xander said.  
  
"I got older." Spike said defensively.  
  
Xander let out a sigh. "You're only a year older then I am. Please don't try to tell me that you got older and matured."  
  
"Is that so hard to believe."  
  
"Well yeah. Spike you've never been immature I'll give you that, but you've never been Mister Conservative. Look at you with your stylish two- tone hair set for the corporate world and your fancy suits. Laid back my ass." Xander said.  
  
"I'm just trying to act my age." Spike said.  
  
"And yet here you are telling me to not act mine. To just go for it and have kids. Why?" Xander said.  
  
"'Cause I'd like some more nieces and nephews." Spike said.  
  
"You know that's not what I mean."  
  
"What do you mean then, Xan?" Spike asked.  
  
"I mean why the sudden change. It was brought on like a fast hurricane and all that was left was this new Spike. Corporate was never you."  
  
"Sure it was. I did it for a whole year."  
  
"No Spike it wasn't you. Being a lawyer that's you no denying that. When I met you, you were Mister Big-Shot A.D.A. you were so smug and too damn confident for your own good. I remember you never lost a case. Then one day you make the switch to corporate out of nowhere. I mean if it wasn't bad enough that you had that hotshot girlfriend, but to turn corporate. I always knew that job wasn't you, but we weren't friends at the time so I kept my mouth shut, but I knew. There was something wrong with that picture."  
  
"I was trying to advance my career. You know that thing that's keeping you from having kids. Do you even want kids."  
  
"Nice changing of the subject. Yes I want kids. Of course I want kids. Who doesn't want kids? Everyone wants a family and kids and the American dream." Xander said.  
  
"Well then don't let anything get in the way of that." Spike said.  
  
"I don't plan to. I'll have kids when I'm ready. Just like you'll act like the real you when you're ready." Xander said.  
  
"I act like the real me. This is the real me. After years of searching I finally found him."  
  
"Well you better search some more because this Spike that sits in front of me is totally different from the one that's supposed to be here."  
  
End Flashback  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Well okay maybe after having lunch with Xander I realized that I don't exactly act like the real me." Spike said.  
  
"So Xander is what triggered it." Willow said.  
  
"Yeah that's all that triggered it."  
  
"Somehow I think that you're using this whole thing as a cover from the real reason you want to leave. So tell me. What's the really reason?"  
  
Spike sighed and sat down in one of the chairs.  
  
"It's not one specific reason. There are many reasons why I want to leave." Spike said.  
  
"What's the biggest one?" Willow said.  
  
"Okay now you're badgering more like a friend then like a professional." Spike said.  
  
"Well I can't help it if it comes out that way. In the short time that I've known you I've come to think of you as somewhat of a friend." Willow said.  
  
"Is that because I'm friends with Buffy or because you like me as a person." Spike asked.  
  
"Okay now who's psychoanalyzing whom?"  
  
"If you were to meet me on your own would you consider me a good guy?"  
  
"I don't know. I wasn't put in that situation."  
  
"So the only reason you like me as a person is because of your friend."  
  
"No, I like you as a person because I got to know you. I'll admit that I gave you a chance because Buffy said you were a good person, but I did get to know you on a deeper level. Kind of your therapist."  
  
"Yeah well I want to go somewhere where people don't give me a chance because I'm the friend of a friend. There's no room for growth in a small town like Sunnydale. Shoot almost everyone knows my name."  
  
"So you're anti-cheers."  
  
"Again with the TV references. Yeah I guess you can say that."  
  
Willow looked down at her pad of paper. Usually she would jot down notes and things like that, but she hadn't felt the need to with Spike. It didn't hold any answers.  
  
"Look I just think that the main reason you want to do this is to run away." Willow finally said after a few minutes of silence.  
  
"Yeah I guess I do want to run away."  
  
"From what or should I say who?" Spike studied the redhead's features.  
  
Where was a good answer when you needed one?  
  
"I guess everything. My life's kind of gotten old hat. I want to go some place and start new. Not be Spike. I want to find out who the hell William Flannery is. Is he someone I even like to be around? And I know how skitzo that sounded, but maybe it's true. Maybe I don't like me." Spike said.  
  
"And what if you find out that who you are right now is who you're supposed to be. Do you like you right now." Willow asked.  
  
"Yeah I guess. Me right now is a cool guy, but there has to be more that I'm not tapping into. Something I'm missing that isn't exactly making me whole. Whatever it is I need to find it before I go off and have a full life."  
  
"So by moving to San Francisco you think you'll accomplish that?"  
  
"Aren't you supposed to be answering my questions. You know saying helpful quotes and phrases. Aren't you supposed to give your opinion." Spike asked.  
  
"Sure, but I need to know if this is what you really want."  
  
"It is. I've spent the better part of an hour saying that."  
  
"Okay then here's my opinion. Something happened to you and not your lunch with Xander. It was something that made you insecure. Now lunch with Xander may have enforced that insecurity, but something happened before that. I need to know what that was before I can help you." Willow said studying Spike intensely.  
  
He fidgeted in his seat and didn't look directly at her. He seemed to be battling with himself about telling her the truth or not. Then, a few minutes later, he looked up at her with slight determination on his face.  
  
"IsleptwithBuffySaturdaynight." He said quickly.  
  
"You what?" Willow said not sure if she heard right.  
  
Spike took a deep sigh and looked at her. "I said I slept with Buffy Saturday night." Spike said.  
  
"Oh well that's great." Off Spike's look she added.  
  
"That's not great. Why is that not great? You two looked all good together. Why isn't that great?" Willow asked.  
  
"See it's like this, Red. I had one of the best nights of my life and she wakes me up in the morning telling me to get the heck out and that it was a meaningless one-night stand. Said she hadn't had it in a long time and basically told me that it meant nothing. So you see why the hell I'm anxious to get out of that town." Spike said.  
  
Willow's lips formed the perfect 'oh' shape, but no noise came out.  
  
"Well I guess I see the reason now." She said mentally remembering to kick Buffy when she saw her next.  
  
"Do I have a 'kick me' sign on my back? Does it also say use me up really good and then just dump me 'cause hell it doesn't matter? His life is shit anyway. Honestly I'm asking you. I can't really see my back." Spike said.  
  
"Not that I've seen."  
  
"I go after the wrong girl. I mean every time. Every bloody time it's always the wrong girl. I'm like a magnet for the wrong girl. Always. I mean every relationship I've ever had has ended with me having that kicked puppy dog look on my face. I honestly think it's me."  
  
"It's not you."  
  
"How can it be them? How can at least four women be just total bitches? It can't be them. I see a pattern don't you. I go after the ones that'll hurt me."  
  
"Spike it may feel like that, but that's not true. You don't go after the ones that hurt you. It just feels that way."  
  
"Really then why am I always the one that ends up feeling the burn. You know I wasn't going to move because I actually thought that she might want to be with me. I was going to give up a great job because some chit might want to be with me. How stupid am I."  
  
"You're not stupid. You just want love like everyone else."  
  
"You know I'm sorry to have to put you in this position. I know you can't bad mouth your friend." Spike said.  
  
"Are you kidding? I would badmouth her if I could, but the best friend code has rules against that. I was the one sitting in the sidelines rooting you guys on. She's so dumb some times." Willow said.  
  
"It's not her fault. Maybe I rushed things. I don't know. All I know is that I need to get out of Sunnydale. I need to start anew. I need to find a place that's going to want me for me. Maybe San Francisco isn't that town, but it can be. It's whatever I make it right?"  
  
Willow looked at Spike. He seemed really determined on starting anew. She knew there wasn't anyway to talk him out of his decision. The only way to do that would be to show him that Buffy really did want him and she was just scared, but she couldn't do that. She couldn't force Buffy to admit something that she didn't want to admit.  
  
"Yeah it's a new oyster."  
  
"Oyster?"  
  
"Yeah you know that saying the world is your oyster."  
  
"Oh yeah I get it. Now the really hard part is yet to come. I have to convince my friends and family that this is a good decision without letting them know about Buffy. They'd just push it more and tell me to go after her."  
  
"And you couldn't be persuaded to go after her?" Willow asked hopefully.  
  
"See there's the overly obnoxious friend stepping in. I wondered how long that was going to take to happen again. No I don't think I could be persuaded." Spike said.  
  
"Why not." Willow asked with a frown.  
  
"There was a time when I wouldn't have stopped pursuing her." Spike said.  
  
"And now."  
  
"Now I think that I'm getting to old to go after girls. Love shouldn't be that hard. I'm ready to give up on it fully. Just give me time." Spike said.  
  
"Wow welcome the old spinster."  
  
"I try. So what's new with you."  
  
"Isn't this about you?"  
  
"Yeah well there's like five minutes left so I thought I'd ask one of my friends what's new in their life."  
  
"Well Buffy would kill me for telling you this before her, but well here it goes, I'm pregnant." Willow said gleefully.  
  
"Really that's great. Does Oz know?"  
  
"Yes I told him yesterday night. We went out to dinner and everything."  
  
"So how far along are you?"  
  
"About a month or so. I'm so excited."  
  
"Yeah well kids are great. You'll make a great mother. Just don't psychoanalyze him or her to much."  
  
"I'll try, but as a psychiatrist I have the ability to do that without even trying." Willow and Spike shared a smile and a laugh before Willow was beeped on the intercom.  
  
"Mrs. Osbourne your one o'clock is here." The voice said.  
  
"Okay send him in as soon as Mr. Flannery leaves this office." Willow said into the intercom.  
  
"Alright, ma'am." The voice said.  
  
"Jeez, why does she have to call me ma'am. I'm to young to be a ma'am."  
  
"Yeah well I'm too young to be a Sir, but I'm called it all the time. I should be going." Spike said standing up and picking up his jacket.  
  
"Yeah okay. I'll see you before you leave right?"  
  
"You can count on it." Spike said walking over to the door.  
  
"Oh and Spike." Willow called. Spike turned around to face her.  
  
"I do think that you should pursue her."  
  
"Really this speaking like a professional or as a friend."  
  
"A little bit of both actually. And no matter if you don't like this William Flannery, there are people out there that do. Me being one of them. Don't give up hope in love or Buffy."  
  
Spike closed his eyes and smiled. It was a small smile, but very noticeable. Not a smirk or a grin, but a smile. Willow wondered if she had ever seen him smile in the time that she knew him.  
  
"Probably couldn't even if I wanted too. Me and love, well let's just say we get along just fine. It's other people that are my problem. You take care now, ma'am." Spike said bowing his head and walking out of the office.  
  
A/N: Okay so you know what to do-ou. Let's all just review-ou. Let's review if you want another chapter. I've started working on it and let me tell you, it's going to be a dozy and probably a very long one. So review if you want to see it. 


	18. Trying To Do What's Right

A/N: Okay so please don't get mad that there hasn't been an update in like months. Here it is now. I got the worst case of WB on this story which happens a LOT. Then when I wanted to write there was life staring at me saying you really don't have time for this. I swear to you that it'll be a faster update this time. ENJOY! 

Also if you're feeling really 'help an author out' why not, if it's not too much trouble and time. Check out my new website that I spent a LOT of time on. The link is in my profile and tell me what you think of it. I only have my friends telling me I did a good job and I don't know if I can trust them 'cause there my friends. Now this is only if you have the time. Now pressure at all! 

Disclaimer: No these characters are not mine. Please don't sue me for having some fun with them. They all belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Fox and UPN and the WB. Everyone but me basically. The PLOT is mine though and I don't take kindly to stealing! : ) 

Distribution: If you actually think that it's good enough to go anywhere, but here, then by all means. Just ask first. 

Spoilers: None 

**Chapter 18:**

Buffy couldn't sleep another wink. She turned on her side to see what time it was. The big green numbers of her alarm clock flashed 5:30. She, Dawn and Andrew were due in court at eleven. She had plenty of time to sleep in, but her brain just wouldn't stop working on overdrive. Today was it. 

Today was the day Dawn testified in court. Today was the day that she found out for sure that Riley would never be able to touch her little girl ever again. She had faith in Spike and his abilities to get the job done, but it was still nerve wracking nonetheless. So it was time for a caffeine IV. 

She slowly and silently got out of bed, put on her slippers and robe and made her way to her small kitchen all the while her mind trying desperately to focus on the case and only the case. Of course it wandered to Saturday night. It had only been a short while ago. Not even three days yet. 

Despite what Buffy thought, meeting Spike the afternoon after the let done wasn't at all awkward. Okay so she spent most of the time wandering the offices, but the part she stuck around for wasn't awkward at all. It was straight forward and to the point. Spike still just wanted to be friends. 

Yet there wasn't any relief to that statement like there should have been. He said she was free. Free to do whatever the hell she wanted to do, but the only thing she wanted to do was virtually impossible. 

She didn't know anyone that owned a time machine. If she could just go back in time and change everything. Snuggled closer to him instead of pushing him away like she had. If she had just embraced the fact that he wanted her then maybe she wouldn't feel so devastated. 

Now she was left with that dull ache in her chest she had almost grown accustomed to and now matter what Spike said about being friends, Buffy wasn't sure she could do that. Not after what was the best night of her life. It wasn't just the sex, although that was beyond greater than greatest, the time before that had been fun. 

Riley never got along with her friends like that. He had always butted heads with Andrew, thought Willow was way too psychoanalytic, and that Oz was strange with his stoic way of being. Spike got along with everyone and although he didn't smile, which Buffy had come to learn was rare for Spike, he had a goofy grin on his face the whole time. 

So to say Buffy had screwed up would be the understatement of the year. All her friends loved Spike. Even Dawn seemed to have taken a liking to him early on. She had ruined it. She wondered how much of a head start Willow would give her before hunting her down and kicking her ass. Maybe an ass kicking was in order. 

"Mom what are you doing up? Do we have to go already?" Buffy turned around to see Dawn standing in the kitchen doorway rubbing sleep out of her eyes. 

"No, I just couldn't sleep honey. What are you doing up?" 

"I couldn't sleep either. I'm a little nervous." Dawn said sitting down next to the dinning room table. 

"Butterflies in your stomach." Buffy said in her sweet mother voice. 

"More like bats. Big ones that keep flying around making me almost nauseous." Dawn said. 

"Would you like some hot chocolate?" Buffy asked. 

"Sure with extra little marshmallows please." Dawn said. 

"Coming right up." Buffy said then proceeded to keep herself busy with making hot chocolate. Dawn was the only reason Buffy hadn't gone out her mind thinking about Saturday night. She had to take care of Dawn so she hadn't been able to let her mind wander. 

"So I guess today's it huh." Dawn said after five minutes of silence had passed. 

"Yes, are you sure you can do this?" 

"Yeah I'm pretty sure. Spike said it would be pretty easy. Not like that time in kindergarten when I had to do that play. All I have to do is tell the truth. I can do that." 

"As long as you're sure. I wouldn't want you to do anything that you didn't feel like doing. Spike's right though. All you have to do is tell the judge exactly what happened when Spike asks you the questions. Just tell the truth." Buffy said. 

"I can do that." Dawn said. 

"Well if you're sure that you can do that." 

"Yeah I am. Telling the truth is easy to do. All you have to do is put in words what happened. It's like telling a story that actually happened." Dawn said. 

Buffy nodded silently and placed the hot chocolate in front of her daughter. Dawn took it in her little hands and drank greedily using a spoon every once in awhile to take out a marshmallow. She was so content with what was placed right in front of her. She was still a child and didn't understand the ways of the world. Buffy began to play with her daughter's beautiful long brown hair. 

"Dawn are you happy here?" She asked. Dawn looked up from her mug. 

"Yeah it's okay." Dawn said. 

"You wouldn't rather be at your old house." Buffy asked. 

"No it's fine here. I like my room. It's not as big as my other room, but it's big enough. I can fit all my toys in it." Dawn said. 

Buffy smiled sweetly at her daughter's simple logic. Of course she'd be happy if she had a room and a bed and a place to put her things. She was six. What would happen when she was twelve and outgrew her room? What if she started asking for things like a dog or a real yard? Right now she was happy. There was enough room for her and she was doing great. It was simple. Buffy longed for things to really be that simple. 

"Why don't I make us some breakfast." Buffy said. 

"Sure pancakes?" 

"Yeah. Circles or funny shapes." 

"Funny shapes." 

"All right. One stack of funny shaped pancakes coming up." 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

It smelled like antiseptic. Hospitals had that lingering smell of antiseptic. It was strong and powerful and almost overwhelming. The more and more Spike saw of this hospital the more and more he hated it. He wasn't even really sure why he was here. 

He had to be in court in about an hour and he really should be preparing. It was most likely going to be difficult for Buffy and Dawn. He had to be ready for the emotional strain it would put on the woman he had come to call his friend and her daughter. 

Something had drawn him to Angel's room though. Something had said to turn at the stoplight that led to the hospital. Something had made him walk inside the elevator, press the appropriate button, and walk over to the room his brother was in. 

That same something was telling him to knock on the door no matter how hesitant he was. It was pushing at him to stop being such a wuss and just knock on the stupid door. He knew why he was here. He knew what his purpose was. He would be leaving this Saturday to look for a place and then leaving again after that, to stay. 

Sucking in one last sigh, Spike knocked on the door. He heard the quiet 'Come In' from Angel and walked inside. 

"Hey, Will, what's on your mind?" Angel asked shifting himself so he was sitting rather then lying. 

"Cordy here?" Spike asked working his way around the lump in his throat that had formed from the minute he walked into Angel's room. 

"Um, no she had to work and the kids had to go to school. Something wrong?" Angel asked. 

_Ever the fucking worrier. Here he is lying in a hospital with needles and tubes running this way and that and he's worried about me. Just tell him already._ Spike thought. 

"Um, sort of. See I wanted you to be the first to know. Well, you aren't the first, but I told Xander out of sheer necessity. Haven't even told Wesley yet." Spike said knowing that he was babbling. 

"Out with it, William." Angel said with just a tiny hint of annoyance. 

"Giles asked me if I wanted to be a partner at the new law firm he's opening up." Spike blurted out. Angel looked at little confused as to why this news would be bad before saying, 

"That's good news isn't it. Nothing to be fidgeting about." 

"Well, yeah, it's good news. I mean it sounds like good news without all the messy details." Spike said. 

"What are the messy details?" 

"The jobs in San Francisco." Spike said. 

"Oh." Angel said quietly then looked as though he was in deep thought. 

"Well are you going to take it?" Angel asked after about five minutes of silence. 

"Yeah, I'm going to take it." Spike said. 

Both men were silent for a long time. Neither one knowing exactly what to say. 

"What brought up this exciting new life altering decision?" Angel asked in that controlled voice he did so well. 

"I just… I need a changed. Something that's going to make a real impact on my life. I could use the experience. It's a step in the right direction." Spike said repeating what he had been trying to pound into his head for the last couple of days since making his decision. 

"A change. Experience. What they don't have jobs with experience here?" Angel said slightly losing the control. 

"It's a good thing Angel. You said so yourself." 

"Yeah that's before I knew you would be moving away. This is really selfish of you." Angel said. 

"Yes, it is selfish. Don't I get to be selfish every once in awhile. I've never been selfish in my whole entire life. Just let me do this one time. Please." Spike said knowing that the desperate pleading was there but not caring. 

"I know you've given up a lot for us, Will, but why now. Why couldn't you just wait a little while? A month or so." Angel asked realizing he was acting like the selfish one. 

"If I stay any longer I'm never going to leave, Angel. I have to do this. It's something I have to do. I just can't stay here anymore. I tried, but I don't know. I think I just need a little room to breathe." Spike said plopping into the chair right next to Angel's bedside. 

"Yeah I get that. Um, I'm not exactly sure what else to do in this situation. No one's ever moved away from me before." Angel said in that lost little boy voice he hadn't used in years. 

He was scared, but more then scared he was sad. Sure there was a great deal of animosity between the two brothers when they were teenagers, but that soon dissipated after releasing they were both venting over the same loss just in different ways. 

"I don't know. Say hope you have a good time. Maybe good riddance just to be funny and sarcastic." Spike said. 

"Yeah okay I think I can do that. Have a good time, Will. Come back and visit. Oh yeah and Good Riddance." 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

"We shouldn't be this nervous. Buffy needs us calm." Willow said yet again for the umpteenth time since Andy, Warren and she had taken their seats in the benches. 

"Willow, you've said this already. You have to calm down." Andrew said reasonably. 

"How is it you two can just sit there and not feel the paralyzing fear?" Willow asked in an exasperated tone. 

"We're guys. We don't do paralyzing fear. A little shrieking, yes, but paralyzing fear is for women." Warren said trying to use levity to lighten the situation. 

"Well I just feel like we should be doing more then just sitting here while Buffy and Dawn have to face something this huge. Should we go over there and offer comfort and support?" Willow asked. 

"No I think Spike's doing a pretty good job with that." Andrew said pointing over to the three people in question. 

Spike was talking in hurried hushed tones to both Buffy and Dawn. Dawn and Buffy were listening with full attention as he went over and over how things were supposed to go down. 

"So all I have to do is tell the judge guy about what happened and everything will be just fine?" Dawn asked. 

"Of course. Just tell the truth. Like how we practiced. No one's going to try and hurt you or pressure you into lying. If the other lawyer does just look over my way and I'll put an end to things." Spike said. 

"Okay I can do that." Dawn said taking a seat next to her mother and giving off a thousand-mile stare. 

Spike leaned over to Buffy and whispered in her ear, "Do you think she'll be okay." Buffy fidgeted slightly at Spike's breath on her ear, but Spike chalked it up to nervousness. 

Buffy gulped and then said, "Yeah, she'll be fine. She's a trooper." 

"Good, okay, it's almost time to start." Spike said watching as Dru, Riley and Joyce sat on the other side of the courtroom. 

Joyce was sending Spike death glares as Riley and Dru both looked unusually pale even for someone who was naturally pale like Dru. Maybe Spike had freaked her out, which was a good thing. He had her on the ropes and it was a good feeling to know that she was going to loose and he was going to win. 

"All rise." The bailiff said and everyone in the courtroom rose. Here we go, Spike thought. 

"So Mister Flannery, are you ready with your witness?" Judge Stevens asked. 

"Yes, I call Dawn Summers-Finn to the witness stand." Spike said as he watched Dawn climb out of her seat and walk over to the witness stand. 

"Hello Dawn. Please state your name for the court." Spike asked putting on his ultra sweet voice so Dawn would feel comfortable. 

"Dawn Nicole Finn." Dawn said her voice not quivering at all. She sounded strong and confident and Spike wanted to keep her that way. 

"I'm going to ask you a few questions and I want you to answer them as honestly as you can, okay." Spike said just like they had practiced. 

"Okay." Dawn replied. 

"Good, now do you know what's going on between your mommy and daddy?" Spike asked. 

"Yes, they're getting a divorce." 

"Do you know what a divorce is?" 

"Yes." 

"Do you know why you're mommy and daddy are getting a divorce?" 

"Yes." 

"Why is that?" 

"Because my mom and dad don't love each other anymore." Dawn answered. 

"Now this is very important Dawn and I don't want you to be afraid to answer me. Did you ever see your daddy hit your mommy?" Spike asked deciding that the faster it was over the faster Dawn could go back to a normal life. 

"Yes." Dawn replied in a low voice that was barely above a whisper. 

"Was it more then once?" 

"Yes." 

"Please tell me what happened one of those times." Spike said. 

"Um, well, I had just gotten home from school. It was a little while ago. Mommy and daddy were arguing about something. Daddy was yelling at mommy and mommy was yelling back. Daddy grabbed mommy's arm and twisted it really hard that mommy said ow. Then he threw her onto the ground and called her some very mean names." Dawn said finishing her story with her head down. 

"How many times did you see your daddy hit your mommy?" Spike asked. 

"It was only one more time after that." 

"Can you tell me about that time?" 

"Yes, it was Auntie Willow's birthday and we were over at Auntie Willow and Uncle Oz's house. We were having a barbecue. Everything was going okay and then mommy and daddy started yelling at each other. I don't remember why. Daddy started throwing beer on mommy and calling her mean names again. Uncle Oz got up to go over to where they were to stop the fighting, but daddy had already slapped mommy a few times. By the time Uncle Oz got over there daddy was walking out of the gate and to his car." Dawn finished telling her story with tears streaming down her cheeks and looked just above Buffy's head. 

"Okay now Dawn, its okay do you need a minute." Spike asked. 

"No I'm okay." Dawn said shaking her head at Spike. 

"How much longer after the barbecue did your mommy stay with your daddy?" Spike asked. 

"She made him leave about a week after that. He didn't come back right away after the barbecue." Dawn said. 

"Now this is the really important question. Did your daddy ever hit you Dawn?" Spike asked. Dawn swallowed and looked up at Spike. Her bottom lip was quivering and she was shaking slightly. 

"Yes." She said in a low voice. 

"Can you tell the court what happened." 

"Yeah, daddy came home after the barbecue and he was really mad at mommy. Mommy told me that if he came home when she wasn't around not to let him inside the house. He came and mom was next door at the neighbors house borrowing something and daddy came inside the house." 

Dawn stopped for a moment to catch her breath. 

"Mommy had changed the locks, but daddy broke one of the windows. I was in the living room playing a game because I finished my homework early. Daddy came in and said that he was home and to give him a hug. I started backing up and was going to scream, but he grabbed me and said 'don't you miss your own dad. Aren't you going to give your dad a hug?'. He started twisting my arm and it hurt a lot. Then he said that mommy was telling me lies and that he would never hurt me, but I never said that he would, but he kept twisting my arm and finally he smacked me on my face really hard." 

"How many times did he hit you?" 

"Only twice. Mommy ran in and called the cops from her cellphone when she saw one of the windows was broken. She tried to pull him off of me and he let go of me and walked over to her. He started calling her names and she said that he better leave because she called the police. So he left and then we moved out of the house and into an apartment." Dawn said. 

"Thank you Dawn. I have no further questions your honor." Spike said. The judge nodded his head. 

"If it would please the court I would like to ask this witness a few questions of my own." Dru said. "As you wish, Miss. Connelly." The judge said. 

"Hello Dawn. Did Mister Flannery go over what you were going to say before you got here?" Dru asked. Spike sat at the edge of his seat ready to stand up and object at any time. 

"Yes." 

"And you told him that everything you said right now was the truth." Dru said. 

"Yes." 

"Dawn do you love your father?" 

"Objection your honor. Relevance." 

"Sustain. Find another line of questioning, Miss Connelly." The judge said. 

"Dawn is what you said today in the courtroom the truth?" 

"Yes." 

"And your mommy didn't tell you to say any of this?" 

"No, she didn't tell me to say this." 

"Dawn did you ever go to the hospital when your dad hit you." 

"No, mommy took care of it because she's a nurse." 

"Did your mommy go to the hospital when she got hurt?" 

"I don't know. She went to work the next day and she bandaged up her on cuts." Dawn said. 

"Dawn, you know that lying in the courtroom is against the law." Dru said. 

"Was that a question your honor?" Spike asked. 

"Stick to questions, Miss Connelly. 

"Dawn do you know that lying in the courtroom is against the law." 

"Yes." 

"And you still say that you aren't lying." 

"I'm not." 

"But your mommy didn't even go to the hospital and you said that she didn't take you to the hospital. There's no way to prove that any of this happened." 

"Your honor she's leading the witness." Spike said. 

"Miss Connelly, your line of questioning needs to be just that. A line of questions." 

"Sorry your honor." Dru said looking as apologetic as possible. 

"Dawn I'm going to ask this one more time. Are you lying?" 

"No I'm not lying." Dawn said tears running down her face faster. 

"Then why is there nothing to show that what you're saying is true?" 

"You honor how can a six year old answer that question?" Spike said. 

"Was that an objection?" the judge asked. 

"Yes, it was an objection." 

"On what grounds?" 

"The question clearly goes over the witnesses head." Spike said. 

"That isn't ground for an objection." The judge said knowing that this was hard, but having to abide by the rules of the court. 

"You may answer the question, Dawn." The judge said. 

"I don't know." 

"So there isn't any evidence to back up what you're saying, but you're telling the truth." 

"Yes." Dawn said still protesting that she wasn't lying. 

Spike could see the pain on her face. He looked over at Buffy to see her gritting her teeth and clenching her fists. He couldn't do anything to stop what was going on. He really didn't think Dru would be this vicious. He looked over to see Buffy's mom and Riley visibly blanched. Maybe if he just waited she'd hang herself. 

"Dawn if you were telling the truth there would be facts to say that you were telling the truth, but there isn't anything. Now, did your mommy tell you to say that your daddy hit you?" 

"No he did. Daddy please tell them that you hit me. Please make the lady stop. She's mean." Dawn said practically sobbing. Her small breath hitched in her chest as she tried to talk and cry at the same time. 

"Please. I'm telling the truth. Im not lying." Dawn said. 

"But Dawn there isn't anything that says you're telling the truth." Dru said in a too sweet voice. 

"But I am. I'm not lying. I swear I'm not. Daddy please tell the lady I'm not lying. Please tell her to stop. I'm scared. Somebody help me." Dawn said as she put her hands over her face and began to cry even harder. 

Spike looked over at Riley who seemed to be battling inner demons. He was white as a ghost. 

"I'm not lying." Dawn chanted over and over again. Buffy's hands were firmly placed on the arms of the chair. She gripped it so hard Spike thought it was going to break off. 

"Dawn you have to calm down and answer the questions." Dru said. 

"I'm not lying. Daddy tell her I'm not lying." Dawn looked directly at Riley who avoided eye contact. 

"Don't you love me anymore?" Dawn asked in a hurt voice. 

"Your honor the witness is non-responsive." Dru said. 

"Maybe she wouldn't be if you weren't hounding her." Spike said. 

"Your honor you have to make the witness answer the question." Dru said. 

Dawn was reduced to sobs and hitches of breath. She couldn't talk and Spike knew it. He also knew that Willow and Andrew were watching his ever move. And so was Buffy. She was looking for him to be the big savior and he wasn't quite sure what to do. 

"Your honor I don't think you're going to get an more answers out of Dawn today. It's obvious that she visibly upset." Spike said hoping the judge would see things his way and praying that he would take Dawn's crying for what it was; the tears of someone that could believe their father wasn't going to save them. 

"Your honor I haven't finished my questioning." Dru said. 

"No you have." Spike turned to see Riley standing up. 

"Dawn isn't lying. I hit her and Buffy. Just please stop hurting her. She's been through too much." Riley said. 

Spike almost admired him for sticking up for his actions, but that feeling went away as quickly as it came. He couldn't admire someone that had lead his little girl to be so broken like Dawn was. He owed it to Dawn to do this. Dru looked visibly outraged obviously oblivious to the fact that her own arrogance had lead to her client's outburst. 

"You do realize that you've have lied to the court and that's a serious penalty." The judge said. 

"Yes and I'm willing to take responsibility for that fact. Just stop hurting my little girl. I'm sorry for everything and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make things right." Riley said. 

"Dawn you may go back to your seat." The judge said. He gestured for Dru to go back to her seat as well. Dawn ran over to her mother's arms. Buffy held her close to her and tried to soothe Dawn's sobs. 

"Considering the nature of what you did Mister Finn, however honorable it is that you finally came clean, I think that what Mister Flannery originally said about custody was far to generous. The fact that you were willing to put your daughter through any of this knowing the truth is despicable. I would allow supervised visits, but I'm afraid that that is far too generous." The Judge said. 

"I'm sentencing you to pay some hefty finds and quite possibly do some jail time. After that you'll go to anger management classes and in about three to six months we will come back here and consider giving you supervised visits. Court is dismissed and I would like to see you Mister Finn back here in the courthouse for further sentencing in two weeks." Judge Stevens said banging his gavel and returning to his chambers. 

Almost everyone in the courtroom let out a sigh of relief. Riley looked like he was about to faint at the news he had received. Joyce looked sorry and guilty. Spike turned to see Buffy looking at him with the utmost gratitude. 

"Thank you. You really pulled through for us, Spike." She said her eyes shining with unshed tears. 

Spike gave her a small smile and said, "Hey I said I would." 

"I better get going. Dawn seems really shaken up. Andrew's giving us a ride home. Thanks again for everything." Buffy said taking his hand and squeezing it. 

"Sure what are friends for." Spike said. Buffy gave him another smile and then proceeded to make her way out of the courtroom. 

"Buffy." Joyce said as Buffy and the other's were getting ready to leave. 

"Not now mom." Buffy said handing Dawn to Andrew to carry. 

"I'm sorry for not believing you. I… I … I want to start fresh. Please say you'll give me another chance." Joyce said desperately. 

"I'll think about it." Buffy said as she and the other's exited the courtroom. 

Riley came up to Joyce and put his hand on her shoulder. 

"You stay away from me." Joyce said. 

"Joyce I'm…" 

"No there's nothing you can say that can change this. You hurt my little girl and then you turned her against me. You are not what Dawn needs." Joyce said storming out of the courtroom. 

Riley looked down at the floor for a second, looked up again, straightened out his suit and then walked out of the courtroom. Spike was packing up his things. 

"Looks like you still can beat me." Spike looked up to see Dru standing near him. 

"Yeah I guess I can." 

"Celebrate by letting me by you dinner." Dru said. Spike looked over to the doors of the courtroom. 

"Yeah sure." 

A/N: Okay so this was an extremely hard chapter to write let me tell you that. First, I had to write some really testimony instead of eluding to the fact that it was there. Then, I had to make Dawn cry and have this huge emotional scene, which was almost impossible to write. I kept going back and saying 'That doesn't sound right' or 'Is that too mature for a six year old to say?' and stuff like that. Next, I kept trying to figure out if I wanted to do the Angel scene (this was after it was written) and I kept saying yes, but then thinking maybe not. Lastly, there was the ending. 

I argued with myself over it thinking that maybe I could just end it now and turn it all Spuffy like, but I had this written down and there was at least seven or six more chapters that I really wanted to do so I had to add this plot twist. Yes I know I'm a very bad person for writing it, but it serves a purpose. So at two am this morning I just sat down and wrote it without giving it a second thought, went to bed, woke up at about eight and started formatting. I'm very tired so all I'm going to say after this is PLEASE review. I LOVE you if you do. Okay now I'm going to post this and go to bed. 


	19. Closure Is A Strange Thing

  
A/N: Okay so hey everyone. I know I promised I would be faster and technically I was faster then last time. Just not super fast. Okay well here is the next chapter. Chapter 19. ENJOY! 

Distribution: Go ahead and spread it around if you think it's good. Just tell me where my baby's going first. 

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters. 

Spoilers: None 

**Chapter 19:**

Spike didn't know what he was doing. He didn't know why he agreed to have dinner with Dru. The only thing that he could think was that he had a total relapse in judgment and was temporarily insane. He said yes! 

He said yes and then proceeded to discuss dinner reservations with someone his family had deemed the 'skanky ho bitch from hell'. Of course he couldn't disagree with them. She wasn't the best person for him and he learned that the hard way, but yet here he was glutton for more punishment. 

Dru suggested they go to some place in LA that he'd never heard of before. When he said he'd never heard of the restaurant she laughed, smiled that wicked grin that had made Spike fall for her in the first place and proceeded to write the directions on one of his papers concerning the case. She waved bye to him and told him to meet her at the restaurant at seven. 

Spike, like the biggest retard in the world, decided that it would be a good idea to have a friendly dinner with his ex-girlfriend that cheated on him for three solid months. He lit another cigarette. He'd been smoking like a chimney since he got back to his apartment. He hadn't been much better on the car ride to the big fancy restaurant and he certainly wasn't getting any better as he waited outside the place hoping that it was all just a bad dream. 

_Well I best just get moving. It won't be that bad. I mean it's not like she' going to spray me with paralyzing liquid or anything like that. Just get out of the car, walk calmly inside and wait for her to show up. If she hasn't already that is._ Spike thought to himself as he stepped out of his car and snuffed out his cigarette. It was going to be a long evening. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

"Wow that's harsh. Is Dawn okay?" Oz asked. 

Buffy, Willow, Andrew and Warren had just gotten done telling him what had happened in the courtroom earlier. All four of them looked beyond a little drained and Oz could understand why. 

"She's better. We went out for some ice cream and she calmed down a bit. God, it was so hard to listen to her up there and know that I just had to sit and wait for something to happen." Buffy said. 

"Yeah, but everything is good now. Spike won the case and Riley's going to jail pending what the judge says." Andrew said. 

"Yeah, but scars like that don't just go away, Andy. I mean Dawn and Buffy have to live with that pain for the rest of there lives." Willow said. 

"Oh way to be support-o gal." Buffy said sarcastically. 

"Sorry, Buff, but sometimes no matter how much you want the pain to go away it'll still be there. It's gonna heal with time, trust me on that one. Dawn just needs a little time to realize what happened today was of the good." Willow said. 

"Yeah, poor thing she was so worn out from crying she fell asleep right away. I sure hope she'll be okay soon." Warren said. 

"I'm sure she will be. We just have to act positive. We just have to be positive." Andrew said. 

"I can do positive. I can be positive." Buffy said. 

"Of course you can be positive. Riley's gone and now you have your life back. You can do anything you want now." Willow said. 

"Yeah anything I want right now includes talking to my friends and eating a lot of ice cream." Buffy said. 

"Well, we're all here, where's the ice cream." Oz asked. 

"Oh, I thought we'd keep the ice cream for later. You know after we've actually eaten dinner." Buffy said. 

"The Chinese food should be here any minute. I swear they said ten minutes and that was like five minutes ago." Andrew said. 

"Okay then while we're waiting Oz and I have an announcement to make." Willow said standing up and facing her friends. Oz was immediately at her side and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. 

"Really, what is it Wills?" Buffy asked. 

"Well, we were waiting for the right time to tell all of you and I figured tonight was as good a time as any. I think we could all use some happy news." Willow said. 

"Okay Willow, get on with it." Andrew said impatiently. 

"Alright. Geez, respect the narrative flow much. Okay as I was saying I thought tonight would be the right time. Okay we'll there's no way to beat around the bush with this so I guess here it goes… I'm pregnant." Willow said. 

"Oh my God! That's great. I'm so happy for you!" Buffy said as she stood up to walk over to her best friend. Buffy hugged her tightly. The guys stood up and shook hands offering congratulations to Oz. 

Andrew hugged Willow after Buffy walked over to Oz to hug him. Oz was a bit surprised when Buffy hugged him, but got over the shock quickly. After the hug fest was over, Buffy pulled Willow over to sit next to her and took Willow's hand. 

"How far along are you?" Buffy asked. 

"Only a few months." Willow answered. 

"That's so great. God, I'm so happy for the two of you. You're going to go and start your own family. Know that I'm always here to baby-sit." Buffy said. 

"Well since this is good news time. I guess me and Warren have some news of our own." 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

"Um… I'm looking for Drusilla Collins. Is she here yet?" Spike asked the hostess. The blonde looked up at him, gave him a small smile and looked back down at the papers in front of her. 

"Yes, Miss Collins is here. Would you like me to show you to your seat?" The hostess asked. 

"Sure." Spike said and followed as the girl took him to a very secluded part of the restaurant. 

He saw Dru sitting there with her long brown hair down and wavy. She was sitting there drinking water and looking very professional in one of her power suits. Spike sat down in the chair across from her. 

"Hello Dru." He said in a tone he hoped wasn't dry. 

She put up her finger signaling she wasn't ready to say anything and finished taking a sip of her water. She put the cup down gulped down her water and cleared her throat. 

"Evening Spike. How have you been?" Dru asked in a tone that Spike thought could be sarcastic, but he couldn't really tell. It was a loaded question. How had Spike been? 

"Got a life time?" Spike asked in a somewhat joking matter. 

"That bad, huh? Well I'm here to listen." Dru said. 

"Yeah you're here to listen. That's a load of shit." Spike said wondering if the waitress would be there soon. He could **really** use a drink. 

"Oh, low blow. Okay so I'm not the best person to be helping you with your problems." Dru said. Spike snorted and began to chug his water wishing it were something else. 

"Maybe because I most likely caused some of them, but I guess I just thought we could be… I don't know… friends." Dru said staring at Spike with those darn hopeful blue eyes. 

"We can never be friends Dru. I don't trust you." Spike said. 

"Understandable. I cheated on you and made your life miserable for those last three months. And yeah, I'm not any different now, but I am sorry that it happened that way." Dru said. 

Spike studied her expression. She had a nervous twitchy look that wasn't exactly common on her face. She was always the cool causal powerful attorney. This was a new look on her. 

"Why are we really here Dru?" Spike asked. 

"Other then to celebrate your outstanding win and my horrible defeat… I don't really know. I'm here to say I'm sorry I guess. Sorry that I caused you so much pain and sorry that I made you go against your family's wishes. I know you care about them more then anything. I'm just… sorry." Dru finished. 

"Okay I'll buy that for now. I still think there's another reason." Spike said. 

"So what do you want to eat? It's on me." Dru said in a friendly tone. 

"I don't know. Haven't looked at the menu yet." Spike said picking up the menu and taking a look at it. There were only fancy food items and Spike didn't know what to choose. 

"Sorry that it's all fancy. Only places I know here are fancy. Schmoozing with the clients." Dru explained. 

"It's okay. I'll have the chicken Parmesan." Spike said. 

"Sounds good. I already know what I want." Dru said. 

"Okay, now answer me this question, Dru." 

"What is it?" 

"Why were you Riley's lawyer?" 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

"What's the news, Andrew? The suspense is killing me." Willow said. 

"Yes we're all on the edge of our seats." Buffy said. Oz nodded his head vigorously at the girl's statements. 

"Andy, I'm not exactly sure we should tell them right now. I mean it isn't written in stone or anything." Warren said. 

"Yeah, but most likely right. Besides everyone has such good news and I want to be involved." Andrew said. 

"Okay, okay. I'll let you tell them only because you look like a keyed up puppy right now." Warren said. Andrew squeaked and hugged Warren close. 

Warren held him close to him and even though the set in his jaw said annoyed, his eyes said 'I can't believe I love this dork, but I do.' 

"Okay enough with the hugs. Tell us already or I will be forced to use… force." Willow said wishing she had a better ending then that. 

"Okay well after much deliberation and arguing and consideration, Warren and I have decided to move here to Sunnydale." Andrew said in that giddy tone that just screamed happy. 

"Oh… wow… that's great, but what about your fear of small towns?" Buffy asked to Warren. 

"I don't know. I guess I'm putting it on the back shelf. I mean we both kind of need a break from big city living. I know that it's pretty hard to relax there and Andy seems to really like it here so why the heck not." Warren said. 

"Oh, that's so sweet." Willow said. 

"Yeah, I know. He wasn't up for the idea at first, but eventually after seeing how much I liked it here, he decided it was a good idea. All because I wanted to." Andrew said gazing lovingly at Warren. 

"So what are you going to do with the practice? I mean it's such a great little place to just throw away." Buffy said. 

"Great, but stressful. I mean I could be a doctor at a practice like mine, but running it is a whole different story. I'm not good with numbers and stuff like that and I always hire someone to do the books. It takes away from the reason I became a doctor." Andrew said. 

"Well I hope you guys will be very happy living down here. It's a great little place." Oz said. 

"He speaks in full sentences with nouns and verbs and even a few adjectives. I feel honored." Warren joked good-naturedly as he sat down on one of the chairs pulling Andrew onto his lap. 

"I do that occasionally. It's very rare." Oz said. 

"Well everyone just has great news. I get rid of Riley. Willow's pregnant and my stepbrother is moving to Sunnydale. Life couldn't be better." Buffy said. 

"Well I'm sure there are a few things that could be better. Like say a certain blond attorney could be sitting here with us." Andrew probed. 

"Andrew don't…" Buffy was interrupted by the sound of the doorbell. 

"Food's here." Oz said. 

"Thanks for stating the obvious. I'll get the food." Buffy said standing up to avoid further questioning. At least for the few minutes it would take her to pay the deliveryman and the stalling that would be involved before entering the living room. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

"Oh… that's a story." Dru said after the waitress had taken their orders. She was stalling and Spike could tell, but he really wanted to get down to the reason for this dinner. 

"Well we've got all night. The Dru I knew would never set near a family court case. Was it that money?" Spike asked. 

"Oddly enough, no it wasn't the money. I… I got fired from my other job." Dru rushed out. 

"Really? That's weird usually lawyers talk to each other when things like that happen." Spike said. 

"Yeah well I managed to keep it quiet. I pretended I was moving to my dad's law firm because he wanted me to take over. The partners at my old law firm agreed to keep it that way." Dru said. 

"Oh well if that's how you went about it. Why'd you get fired?" Spike asked. 

"Well, you're just full of questions." 

"Just answer them." 

"Okay no need to get testy. I was on drugs." 

"What?!" 

"You can put your eyes back in your sockets. I was on them for awhile. Even before we were together. I just thought I was in control back then." Dru said looking down at her breadsticks. 

"How? How could I have lived with you for three months and not have known. I mean… drugs. Was that why you were always so loony?" Spike asked realizing how insensitive that sounded. 

He just couldn't wrap his mind around the idea that cool confident Dru had been on drugs and it had been before they were together. 

"Those last months yeah. I was a little out of control. I tried to gain back my composure, but it was hard you know. The drugs made it easier for me to be wild and less conservative. At first it started like a once in a blue moon thing. Then it escalated into this huge thing I couldn't control." Dru said. 

"So even before we were dating you were on drugs and you never told me? You knew that I was a recovering alcoholic and you just did drugs and didn't even care." Spike said accusingly. 

"Okay yeah our relationship was mostly based on lies…" 

"Mostly?! Try it was all based on lies. You would sit there and watch as I drank and you didn't care because hey if you were high then why not let Spike get pissed." Spike said a little too heatedly. 

"Yes, I know I was terrible and I should have never tried to be your girlfriend knowing that you had problems of your own. I just didn't care you know. It was easier to know that there was someone just as screwed up as me out there and that's what you were. I never expected to be with you longer then a month or two." Dru said. 

"Oh that makes me feel much better." 

"Honesty is the best policy." 

"So what is this? Some sort of twelve step program. Say your sorry to all the people you done wrong under the influence? I know all that steps, remember I took them." 

"Yes I guess you can say it's something like that." 

"God… I need a drink." 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

"So, Buff, spill. Are you going to go after Spike or what?" Andrew said not really caring that he was being so blunt. 

"No, okay, I'm not going to. It's not that time in my life. I… just look I'm not ready to date yet." Buffy said. 

"But Spike really is a great catch and I can tell he likes you." Andrew said. 

"God, Andy stop trying to run my life." 

"I'm not trying to run your life. I'm just trying to show you the great guy standing in front of you." 

"I know okay. I have eyes. I can see the great guy in front of me. I'm not stupid. It's… just… I sort of fucked things up." Buffy said letting out a defeated sigh. 

"I'm going to guess this is a big mistake because Buffy just cursed." Oz said. 

"It is. It's a very big mistake." Willow said. Buffy looked up at her with an accusing glare. 

"You know?" She asked in a voice barely above a whisper. 

"He told me. I'm not supposed to be telling you this but he told me. He really sounded defeated. He's not going to go after you anymore." Willow said. 

"See I told you I messed things up. God, I'm such an idiot. See what happens when Buffy gets assertive." Buffy said. 

"No I don't see. All I know is that somehow you messed up and yeah okay understandable and forgivable, but you haven't gotten assertive. You've just gotten defeated." Andrew said. 

"Oh trust me I got assertive. I got so damn assertive that I slept with him." Buffy said. Everyone except Willow looked at her with shock. 

"Yeah see, Buffy gets assertive and sleeps with a guy and fucks things up royally. How's that for karma." Buffy was raising her voice, but it was nowhere near yelling. She was too afraid of waking up Dawn. 

"So you slept with him. Big deal. You two were practically dating as it was." Andrew said. 

"The big deal is that as a defense mechanism Buffy told Spike that it was a mistake and that it didn't mean anything." Willow said. Andrew let out a shocked gasp, Warren looked slightly uncomfortable and Oz looked pensive. 

"No, Buffy you didn't. How could you do that?" Andrew asked. 

"Hey aren't you on my side?" Buffy asked. 

"Buffy we are, but you've got to realize that you and Spike are like the same when it comes to relationships. Neither of you have had a really good lasting one. He's in a fragile state as are you and I think he **really** likes you and you just crushed him. He's perfect for you." Willow said. 

"Yeah, maybe a little too perfect. What if say we get together and he you know realizes that he doesn't want someone with so much baggage. Or even worse what if he just wants me because he'd get an already made family and wouldn't have to work on it." Buffy said. 

"God you sound like you just don't want to take risks. Life is about risks and I don't think Spike is the type of guy that would do either of those things. You just have to try. I mean you're at the beginning, how much damage can it do if you take that jump. You'll just end up at the beginning again." Andrew said. 

"Yeah, but worse off. I can't put myself through that again. I can't do it. I can try, but I can't. I don't have anymore fight left in me." Buffy said. 

"Then I hope you're prepared to let him go for good." Willow said. 

"What's that supposed to mean?" Buffy said lifting her head from her hands. 

Willow sighed. She really shouldn't be telling Buffy this because of the confidentiality codes it broke, but these were two people she really cared about. She couldn't just see them throw their lives away because they were both two stubborn to deal with the budding love they had for each other. 

"Okay now know that I really shouldn't be telling you this, but you leave me no choice. Spike's taking that job in San Francisco." Willow said. 

Buffy looked… broken. Like she just found out her puppy had died. 

"Buffy you have to do something. You have to go to him and tell him not to leave." Andrew said. 

"I can't. What does Sunnydale have to offer him? He'd be making a mistake if he were to not take the job. I can't offer him any guarantees. At least this job can offer him stability." Buffy said. 

"But that's what life is all about. They're no guarantees in life. You just have to go with the flow of things." Andrew said. 

"Yeah, Buffy don't let me have told you this information for nothing. Please, you know you want to do this. Don't let him get away just because you're afraid." Willow said. 

Buffy looked around at her friends who were engrossed in eating their Chinese food. Buffy was half way done with her food. She gave one last look at her friends and then she got up and ran out of her front door. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

Spike was dizzy. He hadn't drunk that much since he was … a teenager. Everything was blurry and Dru looked as though she was worried. He wasn't listening to her. She was going on and on about how wrong it was for Spike to down the drinks like he was. Spike just didn't care. He didn't give her enough to time to argue with his drinking. 

At this point he was drinking straight out of the bottle and seeing red. He was seeing dark red and he couldn't believe he was giving up years of sobriety just because of her. It was because of her again and yet it wasn't exactly Dru this time. 

What had he expected? He knew their relationship was built on lies. He knew exactly what had happened during his relationship with Dru. No this was the work of another her. 

"You know s'not so much the fact that you lied 'bout your drug problem as is that fact that… that fact that you… you know… lied." Spike's slurred out and his brows furrowed in confusion. 

"Spike, you're drinking entirely too much. You have to stop." Dru said. 

"Why you were on drugs. Why can't I get a little drunk?" Spike asked closing his eyes slightly. The bright lights were hurting his eyes. 

"A little drunk. You've had ten glasses of wine." Dru said. 

"So what. Look I can do whatever I want. I'm a bloody adult aren't I?" 

"Okay that's it we're getting you home." 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

Buffy walked over to Spike's apartment complex. She had been thinking about everything that Willow and Andrew had said. It was true life was about taking risks and a small part of her wanted too badly. She wanted to be able to say she lived a little before she died. 

She won't to be able to say that she hadn't said no to love. She wanted to be one of those lucky people that meets the love of his or her life and lives happily ever after. She wanted that so bad it hurt and Spike seemed like that person. 

Another part of her knew that she was scared and was scared for that very reason. She didn't want to lose again. She had lost so many times before and she just didn't want to mess this up. Spike was a great guy and she'd be lucky if he was just her friend. She'd feel honored. He had done so much for her already. 

Buffy rounded the corner of the hall that led to Spike's town house apartment and she saw them. Spike leaning heavily on Drusilla who was trying to open Spike's front door. From the looks of it they were trying their hardest to get inside the apartment and were even fumbling with the keys. 

Buffy heard Dru let out a relieved sigh and watched as Dru and Spike disappeared inside Spike's apartment. The door shut with a small clicking noise, but the sound rang loudly in Buffy's ears. She felt devastated. Spike had obviously moved on passed their little thing and was back with Drusilla. Buffy wiped the lone tear that was threatening to fall down her face and stormed out of the apartment complex and into the dark night. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

"Spot get off the bed." Dru said quietly to the dog that was taking up most of the space on Spike's bed. 

The dog growled at her before it moved slightly. Dru sighed and gently placed Spike down on the bed. She took of his jacket and his shoes and was about to leave when she heard Spike's voice. 

"Hey… thanks… for driving me home. Are you gonna be okay getting back?" he asked her. 

"I took my car. Should I call Angel to go get your car?" Dru said. 

She heard the small sniffle at the mention of Angel's name. 

"Look I won't tell him. I'll send someone else to get the car if you want. He doesn't have to get it." Dru said. 

"Wouldn't matter if I gave a rat's ass about him knowing or not. He couldn't get it even if he wanted to. He's in the hospital." Spike replied his voice heavy with emotion. 

"What happened?" 

"You don't have to pretend you care." 

"I want to so humor me." 

"Kidney failure or some rot like that. Result of him not taking his insulin on time." 

"Oh, I'm sorry." 

"Don't be. You don't really care. Look why don't you just go." 

"Well if you're going to be snide about it." Dru said trying to make her way out of Spike's apartment. 

"I'm sorry, Dru. There's just a lot going on. Angel, my family, I'm still angry at my dad, I'm moving and I have to tell them, other things." Spike finished. 

"You're moving?" 

"Yeah in about two weeks its bye, bye Sunnydale, hello San Francisco. Giles offered to make me a partner at one of his law firms." Spike said. 

"Well that's great for you. Really it is. It's a nice opportunity." Dru said. 

"Yeah I know. That's why I'm taking the job. I'm just dreading telling everyone. Xander and Angel already know. I had to tell Xander. He's the boss. Had to give my two weeks notice and I told Angel because he deserves to know. I'm going to tell them soon." Spike said. 

"I'm sure they'll be happy for you. I'm happy for you." Dru said. 

"Yeah thanks. You take care of yourself Dru." Spike said realizing that this was a moment. A moment in which he was letting Dru go for good and there would finally be closure with this part of his life. It looked like Dru needed it to. 

"Goodbye, William. Hope you're life turns out to be everything you wanted it to be." Dru said with a small smile on her face. Spike smiled back. 

"Yeah, bye Dru. Hope you do everything you set out to do." Spike said. 

Dru stood there for a moment. This was what closure felt like and it was oddly empty and reassuring at the same time. Dru spared one last glance at Spike before leaving. Spike watched as she left. Spot seemed to be happier because of it and Spike couldn't be happier. He had closure. He was free to start his new life. 

And for some reason his new life didn't seem that promising either. 

A/N: Okay the turned out to be longer then I originally had planned. Sorry about the whole no Spuffy thing and the fact that Spike had the little bonding type thing with Dru, but it fit and yeah okay just go with it please. Okay so now PLEASE review. I just LOVE reviews. 


	20. If It Makes You Happy It Can't Be That B

A/N: Wow, Chapter Twenty. I can't believe it. I promise I'm going to focus all my energy on updating this story till it's finished. I'm going by my outline and it seems to be right on so I'm thinking about five more chapters after this one. Make it a good solid twenty-five chapters. I really want to finish it before the year mark comes up. I think it was sometime in July that I first posted this story so I guess I better haul ass. My other stories are just going to have to wait their turns on the backburners. Anyway enjoy this chappy. The next one should be up relatively shortly. Told you I'm going to try my hardest to wrap this one up. I won't settle for crap though so it'll still be good. ENJOY! 

Disclaimer: No, alas, I don't own any of these characters. Joss Whedon and Co. do. They aren't mine I just get a kick out of putting them in angst-y situations. Also any mistakes made in this chapter are purely mine. It's un-beta'd so beware. 

Distribution: Go ahead! Just tell me where my stories going. 

Spoilers: none whatsoever 

Chapter 20: 

Spike was dreading this conversation. He had to tell them sooner or later. They'd figure it out when he didn't show up for some sort of family event. His empty apartment might clue them in to. He decided it was best to invite them all to a dinner. Nothing to fancy just a little something at his apartment where he made some good food and got them all buttered up before dropping the bomb on them. 

Angel had been let out of the hospital the same week Spike had that dinner with Dru. It had been a week since then and Spike was feeling no less confused about his place in life. He wasn't sure what he thought Dru would be able to give him. 

In retrospect she had given him all she could give him. She had given him closure and although Spike was still searching for his own two feet it had been enough. It was nice to know that Dru wasn't out to intentionally hurt him. She had and she seemed genuinely sorry for it, but she couldn't change the past. 

She had been just as screwed up as he had been and although that didn't make the hurt go away it did dull it some. It was good to know that Dru felt bad about how she had treated him. It helped him realize that maybe a person just needed those experiences because they were all apart of life. 

It didn't make him any less confused though. He had gone over and over the reasons why moving right now was a bad idea. They outweighed the good reasons by a lot, but Spike didn't care. He felt like it was something he had to do. He could pass up something like this. It was the opportunity of a lifetime. Spike kept telling himself those words hoping they would be true. 

If he were going to be honest, deep down in the crevices of his mind where he hid everything he would deny until he died, Spike knew he was running. Knew he was running away from this life because it was getting too tiring. Things got old and used and had a stale feel to them and they didn't seem to be getting any better even though he was weathering the storm with all his might. 

So here he was setting his fake wood dinning table for seven seats and bringing out an extra table for the kids to eat on. He was getting ready to face his doom and he knew it. They'd yell. They'd scream and if he was lucky the girls would scratch too much and Wesley wouldn't threaten him with bodily harm. 

At least he'd have Xander and Angel on his side albeit very reluctantly. They had both made their position on Spike's departure crystal clear, but they were going to let him make his own mistakes. Spike wasn't sure if this whole thing was a huge gigantic mistake, but he had to do it. 

_Okay here goes nothing_ Spike thought when he heard the doorbell chime. 

If he was lucky they'd all show up at the same time and he wouldn't have to go throw Cordy, Fred, and Anya's questioning and Wesley's burning stares along with Angel and Xander's knowing looks of concern. He'd just be able to sit them down, fill them full of food and then break the news to them. 

Spike made a quick stop to the freezer, opened and took out a wine bottle. A minute later when he was halfway to the door he doubled back and put the wine bottle back into the freezer. He really didn't think it would be a wise idea to get these people drunk. 

Spike walked over to his front door, took a deep breath and opened it. 

"Hey, all." Spike said. 

Spike opened the door to find Cordy, Angel, the kids, Anya and Xander standing in front of him. The kids said their hellos before pushing past Spike and began their search for Spot. Spike was greeted with hellos and hugs before Cordy, Angel, Anya and Xander pushed by him and into his apartment. 

"So, what's this dinner about anyway. You were all vague with the details." Cordy said. 

"I think it would be easier if I told you when Wes and Fred get here. I really don't feel like repeating myself." Spike said hoping they didn't see the fidgeting in his nervous demeanor. 

They obviously didn't because Anya said, "Fair enough. So what's on the menu?" 

"Um… just cooked something simple and easy. Lasagna with French bread." Spike said. 

"Sounds better then the fast food I was going to pick up." Cordy said. 

It was easy, this part at least. He could pretend like he didn't have anything big or life altering and just talk with his family and friends. Occasionally he would catch Xander or Angel's eye and they would have that questioning looking. They both knew what was going on tonight, but neither was ready to pull him aside and ask. Asking made it real and Spike didn't think either of them were ready for it to be really even 

Xander who he had just started getting along with. So they settled for giving him the unnerving stares silently asking is he was actually going to tell everybody tonight. Spike just looked back at them and hoped he had conveyed enough in his eyes to tell them that yes they were right and tonight was the night he was going to tell them because Saturday which was only three days away Spike would be leaving for San Francisco in search of an apartment. 

The doorbell chimed again and Spike knew exactly who it was. It was the last two people that were supposed to be here. Spike got up and opened his front door. 

"Hey Spike. Hi y'all." Fred said cheerfully. Wes merely nodded in recognition to everyone. 

"Hey, glad you guys could make it. Come on in and let's get started eating. I'm sure everyone's pretty hungry." Spike said as he closed the door behind Fred and Wes. 

Spike quickly made his way over to the kitchen hoping to buy a little time before everyone was sitting down waiting for him to revel his news. The moment was here and now all he had to do was tell them and get it over with. 

"Do you need some help?" Spike turned around to see Cordy standing there looking as though she needed something to do. 

"Sure… um why don't you take the plates out to everyone. I'll cut up the pieces." Spike said. 

"I can definitely do that. So, do I get to know what's up before everyone else or do I have to wait." Cordy asked. 

"You have to wait." Spike said handing her two plates with lasagna and French bread on them. 

"Fair enough, but you need to stop acting all nervous. I think it's making everyone else nervous." Cordy said. 

She left with the two plates in her hand and came back for two more until everyone was served a nice piece of lasagna and a good portion of bread. Spike passed out cans of soda to everyone and Cordy made the kids chocolate milk. Everyone was seated and looking at Spike expectantly. 

"Maybe you guys should eat first." Spike said noticing that Connor and Maddy were already chowing down on their food. 

"Oh, this isn't good. He wants us to eat his good food so we'll be lulled into a false sense of security and not get too mad when he tells us what's up." Anya said. 

"No I just don't want the food to get cold." Spike said. 

"Because yelling will be involved and you're not sure how long it's going to take." Cordy said. 

"Why don't you just tell us and then we'll eat. I don't think any of us have much of an appetite now that this conversation has taken a more serious tone." Wes said. 

"Yeah it can't be that bad." Fred said. 

"Poor innocent, Fred. You have no idea just how bad it could be." Anya said with something of disdain and disappointment in her voice. 

"Hey, I'm not just so stupid f… screw-up." Spike said suddenly remembering there were kids in the room that didn't need to hear his bad words at the moment. 

"So then tell us what's up." Cordy said somewhat impatiently. 

"Giles offered me a position as partner at his new law firm." Spike said. 

"Well, that's not bad. I mean that's good. It's a step in a good direction." Fred said. 

"Wait… isn't Giles's new law firm in…" 

"SAN FRANCISCO!" Anya said finishing Cordy's sentence. 

"Um… yeah see that's why you all are here. Okay here goes nothing… I'm taking the job. I'm moving out there sometime this month. I'm going up there to take a look at the apartments this weekend. I already called Giles and told him I'd take the position." Spike said. 

Spike would have preferred yelling to the eerie silence that fell on the room. They all seemed either puzzled or angry and Anya seemed to be a mixture of both. Connor kept happily munching on his lasagna while Maddy looked everywhere but directly at Spike. She was peering at him through her eyelashes and Spike could feel her eyes as well as everyone else's on him. 

"How could you… why would you… why are you moving at a time like this." Anya said being the first one to break the silence. 

"It's just something I feel like I have to do." Spike answered truthfully. 

"But what about everything that's here. I mean not to throw Angel's sickness in your face too much, but he is sick and he does need you." Fred said. 

"If this is what he has to do then I can't step in the way of that." Angel said. 

"Did you know about this?" Cordy asked and that deadly accusing glare was set on Angel. 

"Yes I did know about this. He came to me and told me. I think he was seeking some sort of approval and I gave it to him. He needs to find his own way and he isn't going to be able to do that if he's being guilted into staying here." Angel said. 

"Yeah well you may be above that, but I'm not. Spike, William, you can't move. Not now. Not when we need you here. Please you have to reconsider. I mean what's in San Francisco that isn't here?" Anya said. 

"What's here that isn't in San Francisco? I don't know. I'm not even sure there'll be much of a difference, but I can't just pass this up, Ahn." Spike said. 

"The job would still be there in a few months. I'm sure Giles would hold it for you. I mean he's that kind of guy and he loves you and I have to agree with Anya that right now isn't the best time to be moving." Fred said. 

"Fred, can't you just be happy for him. I mean yeah it looks and awful lot like running away, but if he has to do it then it should get done before he explodes or something." Xander said. 

Spike almost smiled at Xander's antics. He was showing his disapproval, support and good use as comic relief all in one sentence. 

"Did **_you_** know about this." Anya said giving Xander a glare that was equally as scary as Cordelia's. 

"Well, he had to give me his two weeks notice. I am his boss." Xander said and he was beginning to look a little flustered. 

"How come you didn't tell me!" Anya screamed. This grabbed Connor's attention and he looked as though he was about to cry before Maddy ushered him out of the dining area. She seemed to be on top of things lately. 

"Anya, I'm not allowed to tell you those things. Things between and employer and his employee have to stay private." Xander said. 

"But he's my brother. I made you hire him." Anya said. 

"Anya, don't get mad at Xander because he was doing his job." Cordy said. 

"Yeah." Xander interjected but crumpled back into his seat when Anya sent him another glare. 

"Get mad at Spike. He's the one that's leaving." Cordy said in that frighteningly calm manner. Spike sighed. 

"Ahn, she's right. If you want to get mad at someone it's me. I'm the one that's decided to leave all of a sudden and out of the blue." Spike said. 

"It is all of a sudden and out of the blue. How long did it take you to think about this? A few days. I think you should go back and rethink it." Anya said. 

"Anya, maybe we should be giving Spike support rather then getting mad at him. I mean this is a great job opportunity for him. It'll give him experience in running a law firm. It's one step toward his dream." Fred said and Spike could have kissed her. 

He knew that she was holding in a lot of what she wanted to say to him and most of it was yells and screams. She was being supportive. 

"Who gives a fuck about job opportunities? Why aren't you more upset about this? Why are you supporting him and this decision?" Cordy said staring at Angel. 

"Well I can't very well make him stay. If he wants to go out and screw up his life I can't do anything about it. He isn't some little kid anymore. He's a grown man and it's fucking ridiculous if I try and make a grown man do something he doesn't want to do." Angel said angrily. 

"Look this isn't some harebrained stupid thing Spike thought up doing while he was hammered. I'm perfectly sober and this is a good decision for me." Spike said. 

"Yeah so instead of going back to the bottle you're going to run away. Jeez I think I like you better as a drunk. At least then you stuck around." Anya said. 

"You know what Anyanaka, I'm done with this shit. This stupid shit where everyone makes me feel like I owe them a debt of gratitude. I don't owe you a Goddamn thing. I don't owe any of you a Goddamn thing. I've paid my debt, but you're still making me feel like I owe you something. Yeah, I was a bad kid and yeah I screwed up a few times, but everyone does it. No one is so bloody perfect that they don't mess up a few times." Spike said. 

"You're just being a selfish bastard as usual." Anya said not ready to give up so easily. 

"No I'm not. I haven't been selfish in a very long time, Ahn. I've tried to be everything you all wanted me to be, well now I'm fucking tired." Spike wanted to scream, but he kept his voice at a relatively normal volume. 

"Whatever, you just keep telling yourself that." Anya said. 

"He isn't being selfish." Wesley said. He had been quiet throughout the whole exchange. "If he wants to move let him bloody well move." Wesley said getting up and walking out the front door. 

"I should…" Fred started to say pointing to the front door. 

"No, I'll go. No sense in him yelling at you when he really wants to yell at me." Spike said getting up and walking over to the front door. 

Wes stood in the hallway running his fingers through his short brown hair. There was pain in those blues eyes and Spike knew he was the reason. 

"Is this really what you want to do?" he asked Spike the minutes Spike closed the door. 

"I don't know. It's a step. The truth is the only thing I know for sure is that I don't really know anything for sure… if that made any sense whatsoever." Spike said letting a small smile pass over his face. 

"I understand. I don't understand why you have to move in order to gain any new knowledge, but I understand why you have to do it. I also understand why you didn't tell me first and I don't feel upset that you told Angel and… Xander before you told me. Xander's your boss so you were obligated and Angel's your brother." Wes said. 

"Wesley, I would have told you, but I didn't want to have to explain myself more then I had to. As it was I didn't want to tell Xander really, but I had to. Two weeks notice and all that. I needed Angel… I guess I needed him to be on my side. He takes a few days to fully realize things. I guess I was counting on you just automatically being on my side. Was I wrong?" Spike asked. 

"No, not wrong. I'm on your side with anything you chose to do, no matter how stupid. It's just going to take me a little while to get used to the idea. I mean, we've lived in the same town since we were little." Wes said. 

"Yeah I know and you've been the best friend a bloke like me could ask for, but I have to do this. I'll be over here a lot. I'm not just disappearing from the face of the Earth." Spike said. 

"I know. I guess I need a little while to get used to the idea. I guess we had better get back in there." Wesley said. 

"I'm dreading every second of it you do realize that right?" Spike said. 

"Yes, but it's just something you have to do." Wes said shoving Spike through his front door. When they walked over to the dining area they saw something a little out of place considering what had just taken place a few minutes ago. Everyone was sitting down eating cordially, although Anya was chewing her food a little harder then she had to. 

"Well this certainly isn't what I expected." Spike said. 

"I guess you were right. We just had to eat before we started the heavy discussions." Cordy said. 

"Yeah, but I'm still angry that you're leaving. Don't think you were getting off easily it's just the aroma from this lasagna was too overpowering. I couldn't resist." Anya said. 

"Alright so you're still angry, but you're willing to over look that for some food." Spike said. 

"Basically. I'm hungry and I came here because of the promises of food so I'm very well going to eat said food." Anya said. 

"How's Connor?" Spike asked. 

"He was on the verge of tears, but I think Maddy calmed him down. He had some questions, but I think Maddy cleared those up to. They're in the living room eating if that's okay with you." Angel said. 

"Course it is. I eat there half the time anyway. Just hope Connor doesn't drop his food and let Spot eat it again." Spike said. 

"No I think it's safe to say Maddy will make sure he doesn't." Cordy said. 

"Okay this is really weird. Usually when families argue there are grudges and stuff like that. You guys fight and you make up in a matter of minutes. Am I the only one sing the weird?" Xander asked. 

"Xander, you've been in this family for how many years now and you still don't know how things work. They get mad at each other, but make up faster then you can say meatball. They've always been like that." Cordy said. 

"Sorry guess I missed it considering I'm always at work when the fights happen. This is the first one I've seen in… well since I've known this family. It's nice." Xander said a smile on his face and Spike knew why. 

"It is sort of like a Norman Rockwell painting. You know if the people in those paintings were all stuffing their faces with food." Fred said. 

"Oh, please you make us sound like a bunch of fat people. Food isn't the only thing that makes things better for us." Angel said. 

"No, sometimes it's candy or ice cream or chocolate. Face it Angel, you have never been known to stay mad at Anya or Spike for a long period of time and vice versa. I don't know why Spike expected the worse." Wesley said. 

"I guess I just forgot. Our we good, Ahn?" Spike asked. 

"No, no we aren't good. Not yet anyway. I'll need some time to adjust to the fact that you're leaving us, but apparently I bought off with chocolate." Anya said and everyone laughed even though they weren't sure if they were supposed to. 

"But seriously I will need some times to get used to the fact that one of my favorite brother's is going away. I guess I just never thought what it would be like if one of you moved." Anya said. 

"You had to know it would happen sooner or later." Angel said. 

"Yeah it was either I was moving on my own accord or dad was shipping me off to a boarding school." Spike said. 

"Don't be silly, Spike. He wouldn't ship you off to a boarding school. Maybe to go live with great-aunt Mildred, but never boarding school. I guess I'll just learn to deal. You'll be over a lot right?" Anya asked. 

"Yeah, I'll be over a lot." 

"Good because I don't think I could go with out seeing you ever once in awhile. I guess that means if you're happy then I'm happy. Just… be happy okay." 

"I'll try and work on it." 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

Spike stood in front of Buffy's apartment wondering what exactly he was doing there. He wasn't sure what ground he stood on with Buffy, but he knew she meant a great deal to him. He could see himself… he could see himself with her and the picture looked really nice. 

She had made it clear that she didn't want that picture though. She wanted some other picture and Spike wasn't sure where he was in that one. He wanted it to be somewhere close, but he doubted that it would be. 

His plane was set to leave in four hours. He had just enough to time to tell Buffy whatever it was he was going to tell her and get to the airport two hours before his flight like he was instructed to. He wasn't sure what he was going to say exactly. 

He knew that they'd be able to talk openly and maybe even yell considering Dawn was out of the house. She was over at Cordy and Angel's again. So they'd be able to talk with nothing keeping them from truly expressing their feelings through cursing and swearing. 

_Here goes nothing_ Spike thought as he knocked on the door. 

After a few minutes and still no answer Spike decided that she must have been out enjoying her Dawn free time. He was about to turn around and walk away when Buffy answered the door. She had a puzzled look on her face when she saw him. She must have been getting ready for bed although Spike couldn't imagine anyone going to bed at eight thirty on a Saturday night. 

"Spike… what are you doing here?" she asked confusion seeping out of her voice. 

"I… uh… can I come in?" Spike asked not really wanting to tell her his big news on her balcony. 

"Um… yeah sure why not. I guess you can come in. I'm not really doing much. Dawn's over at Maddy and Connor's although I bet you already knew that." Buffy said wanting to kick herself for her stupid babbling. 

"Yeah I knew." Spike said. After a minute or so Buffy stepped aside and said, "Come in Spike." 

Spike nodded his head and walked inside the apartment. He had only been inside the small space she shared with her daughter on two occasions and those two occasions were enough for it to have some painful memories. 

"Sorry it's a mess. I just… I had the guys over and I didn't have time to clean up." Buffy said picking up random items and placing them in a neat little pile on the couch. 

"I guess I should just come right out and say it. You know that job I was talking about. The one that Giles offered me?" Spike asked. Buffy nodded. 

"Well, I've decided to take it. I know I said I wouldn't, but it's a really good job and I couldn't just pass it up." Spike said. Buffy looked at him as though she was going to say something, but instead opted for a put upon sigh and flopped down on the couch. 

"And?" 

"And? That's all you have to say?" Spike said not sure why his voice had raised a bit. He wasn't really sure what he had expected from her. They had only been friends for a little while and they had only had one night together. 

"What do you want me to say Spike? I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say here. I mean you're a friend. A really good friend, but I don't know how I'm supposed to react here. Do you want me to ask you to not go when this is such a good thing for you?" Buffy asked and it was killing her to not just jump in his arms and beg him to say. 

Seeing him with Dru had almost killed Buffy, but she had thought about it long and hard and realized that Spike was going to hurt her or she was going to hurt him worse then she already had and she wasn't exactly ready for that. 

"I don't know. At least lie like everyone else and say that you're happy for me." Spike said in an exasperated tone. 

"Okay, I'm happy for you. This sounds like a really great job opportunity for you. Your dreams are coming true just like you wanted them to." Buffy said lowering her eyes to the floor. 

Spike wanted to tell her that his dreams weren't coming true if she wasn't in them, but he stopped himself. It was obvious to him that Buffy just wasn't interested in him that way. She would be his friend, but anything else more then that just wasn't going to happen. 

"Yeah you're right. This is a step towards my dream. Thanks, ever so. I'll… uh… I'll see you around some time." Spike said sarcastically before charging out of Buffy's apartment. 

He slammed the door and it closed with a resounding thud that shook the picture frames hanging on the wall. Buffy sat down on her couch. She looked dazed, but determined an odd combination during a time. 

_He's right. This is his dream and I'm happy for him. I'm not going to break down._ Buffy thought repeatedly as she tried to keep the tears at bay. 

After five minutes she could no longer hold them in and she had to cry. She sat there, silent sobs racking her small frame. She wasn't sure why she was crying exactly. Things had just been so hard lately and even though she had won her case with Riley Buffy was still dealing the aftereffects of having Dawn testify. 

She cried for just about everything she could think of at the moment, but mostly she cried because she had seen it. She had seen that small glimmer of hope that Spike had when he asked her if that was all she had to say. She could see him urging her with his eyes to say that he should stay because there was something in Sunnydale that he should stay for. 

Buffy wasn't scared by many things, but the notion of actually loving someone like Spike scared her beyond the telling of it. It wasn't because she was scared that Spike was going to turn out to be a bad guy like all the guys in her life had been. 

Sure that little thing was in the back of her mind and she used that as an excuse, but really it wasn't because of that. It was because Buffy just didn't feel like she was good enough for Spike. He was so good and he just didn't seem to have any flaws where Buffy had so many flaws she couldn't count them with five hands. 

Spike deserved someone who would be good enough for him and Buffy just wasn't sure that she was it. So she hid behind her bitter woman reasoning and she didn't tell anyone how she really felt because it would just result in words that didn't really mean anything. She had heard them all before. 

She would just play the perfect vision of a cool calm collected woman who knew what she wanted and wasn't afraid to take it. Spike would go off and become a great attorney and forget all about her. 

After about ten minutes of her non-stop crying Buffy heard the doorbell ring. It took her a little while to get herself composed and when she did she picked herself up off of the couch and walked over to the door. She wasn't sure who it was. It could have been Warren and Andrew. 

They had been coming by a lot lately. Willow and Oz were out of town on some sort of vacation. Buffy had a brief thought that it might be Cordelia with Dawn saying that Dawn had asked to come home early. All these thoughts ran through Buffy's mind, but none of them were even close to the truth. 

Buffy opened the door and there stood Riley looking decidedly drunk and angry about something. He had a beer bottle in one had and the other was curled tightly into a fist. He was smiling at her. 

Some sort of wicked smile that looked like a cross between a smirk and a leer. He smelled bad and he looked like a homeless person. He had his arms folded across his chest and he looked somewhat pleased with himself. 

"Honey I'm home." 

A/N: Okay so what do you think? I know left it all cliffhanger-y, but I just couldn't resist. It was in my outline and everything so I had to do it. Also sorry if it seemed like I was trying to rush the family scene and the Spuffy interaction. I don't think I was, but it went faster then I thought it would. I wanted Angel and Anya and everyone not to be to made at Spike for leaving, so I had them all happy and cheery or relatively happy and cheery at the end there. I couldn't resist. Okay, so please review because I LOVE reviews and I'm not above begging for them. 


	21. Pain Never Dies

A/N: Okay now, I'm not going to cry. So I didn't get any review for the last chapter. It's all good because here you go. Chapter 21 ready a willing to be read and **REVIEWED** you know if you wanted to that is. Okay so um… I don't really know how to say this without ruining the chapter. There is some heavy bad language in this chapter and a little abuse. I think we all know what kind and I don't want to say because it would just ruin the chapter. If you don't feel like you can read that then don't. the first couple of "Pages" are the parts with that stuff so I guess you could just skim down if you were really bothered by it. Anyway **ENJOY!**

Disclaimer: No, alas, I don't own any of these characters. Joss Whedon and Co. do. They aren't mine I just get a kick out of putting them in angst-y situations. The plot is totally mine though so please no stealing that. 

Distribution: Go ahead! Just tell me where my stories going. 

Spoilers: none whatsoever 

Chapter 21: 

"Aren't you going to invite me in, maybe offer me a cup of coffee." Riley said in that voice that made Buffy cringe inwardly. He was being way to sweet and sarcastically so. 

"No, but I am going to tell you to get the hell away from me before I call the cops." Buffy said choking on her words a little at the end. Her hands were shaking around the doorknob, but her eyes were set in determination. 

"You know I always liked that about you, Buff. You were always so strong and independent. How much do you want to bet that I can shove this door open and throw you across the room before you even have a chance to get to that phone to call the police?" Riley said. 

Buffy knew he was stronger then her physically but she was determined to not let him step on foot into her house and abuse her again. 

"Riley, I'm going to ask you this nicely before I started getting really pissed off. Just leave okay. If you leave everything will be fine." Buffy said. His smile turned into a scowl and he shoved the door open. 

"Fine!? How can things be fine when you stole my family away from me!" he said shoving her backwards. 

Buffy stumbled slightly and was absurdly glad that she had picked up most of the things off of the ground so she didn't have to trip and fall to the ground. She fell backwards onto the couch and didn't move as she saw Riley running up and down the halls. 

"Where's my daughter? Where's Dawn?" He yelled at her when he came back from his search. 

"She isn't here." Buffy whispered. 

Riley must not have heard her because he cupped his hand to his ear and said, "What did you say? You'll have to speak louder then that." 

"I said she isn't here." Buffy said louder and more forcefully. 

"Well, where the hell is she?" Riley demanded loudly and it took all of Buffy's restraint to not flinch. 

"You think I'm going to tell you so you can go harass more people?" Buffy said incredulously. 

"I think you're going to tell me where my daughter is, yeah." Riley said. 

"You're either insane or drunker then I thought you were if you think there's a chance in hell I'm going to tell you where Dawn is. You're not allowed to see her, remember." Buffy said. 

"You're such a bitch! She's my daughter too you know. How do you think she's going to be if you don't let me see her? Living with a whore of a mom like you." Riley screamed as he smashed something on Buffy coffee table. 

"I'm not a whore and I'm not just going to sit here in **MY** home at let you insult me. I'm doing playing the docile housewife that just sits down and takes it when you beat me. We're divorced and if I have anything to do with it you'll never see Dawn again. **EVER!**!" Buffy screamed back. 

"Right that's why the first second Dawn isn't here, Mister Lawyer Man is coming straight up to your apartment. Did you pay him Buffy or did you just have give it up a few times like a good little slut?" Riley said. 

Buffy wasn't sure what possessed her to do it, but she got up and slapped Riley. She slapped him so hard it made a loud smacking sound and her hand had the residual burn. He hunched over holding his hand to his cheek and began to try and rub the burn away. Buffy stood in front of him a fire a light in her eyes and in a ridged stance. Her fist were clenching and unclenching. 

"Get the hell out of my house!" Buffy said through clenched teeth. 

Riley laughed. He laughed that maniacal laugh that you hear villains on cartoons laugh. He straightened himself up and punched Buffy square in the jaw. The force of the blow didn't send Buffy collapsing to the ground, but it did send her stumbling backward on to the couch again. 

"You think you can get the best of me. Come on now Buffy. You really think you're any match for me. If I want to see my daughter I'm gonna see my daughter and there's nothing you are that piece of shit lawyer of yours can do about." Riley said. 

"I'm not going to take it lying down anymore, Riley. You can't just come into my home and think you own the place. I'm not afraid of you." Buffy said. 

"It's stupid to fight me Buffy. Just let me see Dawn and I'll be on my way." Riley said. 

"You think I'd let you see her when you're like this? Riley I'm trying to protect her. I'm trying to protect her from you. I'm trying to let her believe that her dad's a good person, but your making in a hell of a lot hard by acting like the stupid fuck you are." Buffy said. 

Riley slowly walked over her and Buffy got the distinct impression that she was just some sort of helpless animal to Riley. That the idea that she might actually be a person never crossed Riley's mind. 

"You think I'm not a good dad? You think that you're fucking mother of the year. At least when she was living with me she had a decent roof over her head. Strange men weren't coming in at all hours of the night. She sure as hell wasn't hanging around faggots like your step-brother." Riley said. 

"Does it make you feel better? Does it make you feel like you're the shit just because you've got daddy's money and you pull this macho bullshit? Does it make you feel like more of a man when you call Andrew a fag and you call me a slut? Does it make you feel all manily when you beat on Dawn and me?" Buffy said. 

"Hey, I never beat Dawn. I hit her once and that was it. It was your fault by the way. If you hadn't been acting like such the bitch that you are I wouldn't have been so angry." Riley said. 

"Oh so now I deserve to be hit. Is that what you're saying you masochist son of a bitch!" Buffy yelled. 

"Well, yeah. If you had just learned to listen to me…" 

"Why should I have listened to you when you never listened to me, huh? You just expected me to bend to your will, but I'm not like that. Not any more. I'm not just going to stand here and let you destroy my daughter and me. It was okay when it was just me because I thought you would change like a dumbass, but the second you touched a hair on her head I was out of there." Buffy said. 

"So, what you expect me to just sit by and watch as some _other_ guy comes in and takes my family. How do I know that you didn't rig all of this you conniving manipulative bitch? How do I know Dawn is really safe here? How do I know that Dawn wasn't threatened into crying up on the witness stand?" Riley asked his voice a deadly calm. Buffy looked into his eyes defiantly. 

"Don't get mad at me just because you hung yourself. You should've thought about Dawn's welfare before you hit her." Buffy said. Riley charged at Buffy. 

He grabbed her by the hair and dragged her off of the couch. Buffy yelped in pain and felt small handfuls of her hair being pulled out of her scalp. Riley picked her up and held her shoulders in a tight grip. 

"Tell me where she is!" Riley yelled in her face and Buffy coughed as the smell of alcohol hit her in the face. 

"Let me go! I won't tell you where she is!" Buffy yelled right back in his face. 

Riley began to harshly shake Buffy and scream at her asking where his daughter was. Buffy made a quick move and kicked him in the balls. He let go of his bone-crushing grip and doubled over in pain. Buffy began to run towards the phone in her room. 

She wasn't sure why she didn't run out of her apartment. All she knew was that she was panicking and her brain was telling her to get to a phone and call the cops. When she made it to her room Buffy shut the door and locked it. She ran over to the phone and dialed 911. 

"Hello, 911 emergency services how may I help you?" the nasally operator on the other line said. 

"My ex-husband has come over and he's attacking me. Please you have to send someone over to my apartment and fast." Buffy pleaded to the operator. 

"Okay, Miss you have to tell me your address." The operator said calmly. 

"It's Shady Tree apartments on 2052 Revello Drive. Apartment number six. Please hurry." Buffy said. Just then Buffy heard a loud bang on her bedroom door. 

"Buffy open this fucking door or I'm going to break it down!" Riley screamed from the other side of the door. Buffy flinched. 

"Okay Miss just hold tight and hopefully we'll be there soon. I've already sent some men to your house. Everything is going to be fine." The operator said trying for a soothing manner, but Buffy was scared out of her mind. Buffy tried holding the phone still but her hands and body were shaking uncontrollable. 

"That's it, I'm breaking down this door." Riley yelled. 

There were three loud bangs on the door before it finally flew off of its hinges. Riley was wearing a self-satisfied smirk on his face that Buffy wanted to slap off. 

"Put that Goddamn phone down." He said. 

"No." Buffy said grasping onto whatever courage she had left. 

Riley charged at her again only this time Buffy was ready for it and ducked out of the way. She crawled over her bed and to the other side. She watched as Riley yanked the phone right out of the wall, but it was too late. 

The police were already on their way and Buffy was going to make it out of here. She kept telling herself that she was definitely going to make it out of her apartment alive. Unscathed however was a different story. 

"You stupid bitch. You think calling the cops is going to make a difference. I'm still going to beat you and I'm going to be in the shadows watching you until you let me see my daughter." Riley said as he jumped over the bed and tried to grab Buffy. 

Buffy ran to the door and was almost out of her room when Riley grabbed her by the hair and pulled her to him. 

"Are you going to tell me where my daughter is or am I going to have to teach a lesson?" Riley asked. 

Buffy looked up at him and said, "I would die before I let you hurt her again." Buffy said and she spat in his face. 

Riley growled at her and violently shoved her into a wall. Buffy struggled to regain her composure, but Riley was on her again and he shoved her again into her into her dresser. 

Buffy could feel the sticky blood trickling down her head as she struggled to hang onto her dresser and keep herself upright. 

"You wanted to play this the hard way and now you've got the hard way. You shouldn't have left me. You shouldn't have taken my daughter away from me. Now you have to suffer the consequences." Riley said as he roughly grabbed Buffy by the arm and threw her to the floor. 

"What you're not even going to beg for me to stop like you used to. Maybe you like it. Maybe you always liked it." Riley said. 

"Fuck you!" Buffy spat at him. Suddenly Riley's boot connected with her ribs and Buffy yelped in pain. 

"Does it hurt? I hope it does. I hope it hurts real good." Riley said as he landed kick after kick. 

Buffy felt like she could breath. Riley's kicks kept landing on her ribs and she was sure that he was going to break one of them. She could feel blood running out of her nose and down her head and it also trickled at the corners of her mouth, but there was nothing she could do. 

She tried to remind herself that the police were coming and soon she'd be safe and Riley would be in jail where he could never hurt her again. She could feel her eyes drooping, but she knew that if she closed them she'd go unconscious and possibly slip into a coma. She had to stay awake, but the pain was getting to be too much. The last thing she thought of before she closed her eyes was that help was on the way.

* * *

Andrew hated emergency hospitals. They were always filled with such chaos and carnage. He remembered having to work at one for his internship. He was happy to get away from it when he graduated. Sure, he got called sell out from his friends that did stay at the ER, but he just couldn't deal with it. 

He loved helping people, but seeing all the heinous things that the citizens of LA could do to one another just turned him off from working ER. He knew that if he had stayed he could have made a difference where it mattered the most, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. He'd have to have given up hope on humanity eventually and Andrew just wasn't ready for that. 

Then something like this happens. Buffy may not have been Miss Mary Sue, but she wasn't a bad person. She didn't lie or cheat or steal or do anything bad like that. She was just a person that wanted nothing more then to protect and provide for her daughter. She made a mistake in picking Riley to be her husband and Andrew couldn't say he ever approved of Riley, but that didn't mean Buffy deserved to be brutalized like this for so long. 

Andrew felt guilty. They all thought it was over. Not one of them expected this to happen. Andrew thought that Buffy could finally move on with her life and find someone that deserved her. He had never once thought that Riley would come back for some revenge. He had faith that Riley would go to jail for what he had done and maybe it was a little naïve of him, but he thought that Riley may just give up and let things be the way they were. Boy was he wrong. 

Andrew looked over at Warren. He seemed so lost and confused, but he was trying to hide it. Andrew knew he was out of his element. If something like this had happened in LA it would only take a simple phone call by Warren to one of his cop buddies to get Riley caught and in jail, but they weren't in LA. 

They were in Sunnydale and Riley was still out on the streets. The police had arrived after Riley had left to find Buffy lying on the floor of her bedroom unconscious and bleeding from several places. She was still unresponsive when they arrived at the hospital and right now she was in surgery. The doctors feared there might have been some internal bleeding which only made Andrew sob harder. 

The tears had calmed at bit since the time that had passed since Andrew and Warren arrived at the hospital. Andrew's head lay on Warren's shoulder and Warren was stroking his back for comfort. Andrew could tell that that was also out of Warren's element. 

No matter how manly man Warren appeared to be he still didn't keep it together as much as Andrew did. Warren was ruled by his emotions more then Andrew let himself be and maybe that was why they worked so well, but right now all Warren knew was that Andrew needed comfort and Warren was the only one that could give it to him. 

Warren ventured another glance at the big clock the hospital set up in the waiting room. He had called Cordelia's cell phone fifteen minutes ago. Andrew had been very adamant about not calling Dawn that night. Warren knew that it would probably be too much for Dawn to handle so he talked Andrew into at least calling Cordelia and telling her what was going on. 

They weren't home so he got Andrew to call her cell phone. The conversation was short and in the end Cordelia had talked Andrew into at least letting her and Angel come over to the hospital. At that point Andrew was so drained that he just nodded and gave a tired okay. 

"This isn't right." Andrew said in a soft voice. 

It was the first time he had said anything since giving Warren the details of the conversation he had had with the police. Warren pulled Andrew closer to him and wrapped his arm around him. 

"I know, but it happened and we have to be strong. For Buffy and for Dawn. I think this is about all they can take right now." Warren said. 

"But, why now. Why now when everything was going so perfect? Buffy won and Riley was out of their lives. Why did he have to show up and ruin everything?" Andrew asked looking up at Warren with hopeful eyes. 

"Andy, I don't have all the answers to all the questions that are swirling around in that head of yours, but I can tell you this. It happened and now we have to make sure that Buffy and Dawn make it through this. Buffy **is** a good person and Dawn is a great kid and none of this stuff should be happening to them, but it is. We just have to make sure that it doesn't break them." Warren answered truthfully. 

"There's got to be a way to know that he won't hurt them anymore. I hate just waiting around to see what the cops are doing and if they found him yet. Riley's got a lot of influence and his parents are slightly rich. What if he somehow escapes and then comes back only to hurt them even more?" Andrew asked. 

"Well, I don't know about the police here, but you said that Cordelia's husband, Angel, is a detective. I think that the Sunnydale police will be able to find him. As for him not hurting them anymore… I don't see that happening." Warren said. 

"Why if he goes to jail then everything will be okay." Andrew said. 

"Andrew, the one thing I always liked about you was naivete. You're always so pure in what you think. Think about it, hon. Buffy and Dawn have to carry these past couple of years with them for the rest of their lives." Warren said. 

"I never thought about it like that. Oh god that's terrible. What if they both just fade away? I can't let that happen." Andrew said getting a little overly worked up. 

"Shh… it's not going to happen like that. We're going to be here for them. They have friends to get them through this. Soon the pain will lesson and they'll be able to go on with their lives without so much as a hitch. They just have to get over this… minor bump in the road." 

"Do you think they'll be able to?" 

"I think they will. Dawn's young and it won't hurt her as much. It'll fade away like a distant memory with time. Buffy… well Buffy seems like a really strong person who can make it through anything." Warren said. 

"Yup, that's Buffy." Andrew said. They sat there for a few minutes thinking about nothing in particular when Andrew heard Cordelia's voice. 

"Andrew? Andrew what's going on? Did they tell you anything yet?" Cordelia asked. 

"Honey, maybe you should give Andrew a little space. Let him tell you what's happening on his own time." Angel said. 

"Angel this is serious. Buffy is seriously hurt. I can't help it if I'm worried and concerned." Cordy said snapping at her husband. 

"I didn't mean it like that." Angel murmured. 

"No, it's okay. You're Buffy's friends and you have a right to ask questions. They haven't told me anything yet though. She went into surgery a little while ago. I don't think they'll be done anytime soon." Andrew said as Cordelia and Angel sat down in one of the plastic chairs. 

It was silent for a few minutes before Cordelia said, "I **_really_** hate hospitals." 

"Yeah I second that." Angel said. 

"Would it sound unprofessional of me if I said I vote I on it?" Andrew asked. The four people shared a brief smile before the somber tone set back in. 

"So… I talked to some of the guys I know down at the precinct. I put them on a full scale alter. I know it was a little selfish of me, but I guess… I guess I just had to do something. I haven't even met this Riley guy and already I want to pound his brains in." Angel said. 

"You and me both. So are they going to call you when they get him?" Andrew asked. 

"They should. I have one of the guys I work with, Charles Gunn, he's working on it. He's the lead detective. He's really qualified and I'm sure he'll catch Riley in no time." Angel said. 

"I hope so. It freaks me out knowing that he's out there and he can do anything. Who'd you leave Dawn and the kids with?" Andrew asked. 

"I asked Anya and Xander to come over. Just so it didn't seem too suspicious." Cordy said. 

"Isn't that slightly unsafe. I mean what if Riley finds out where Dawn is and attacks." Warren asked. 

"Don't worry. I've got someone stationed outside of my house. I wouldn't put my kids or Dawn in that kind of danger. He comes within three feet of my house and they have orders to take him down." Angel said. 

"You must have a lot of power at the precinct." Warren said. 

"Angel's the top detective there. He's up for the position of lieutenant this year." Cordy said. "Good so they have to go through you to do things. That's good." Warren said. 

"Yeah especially for instances like this. I never thought I'd actually have to go through this, but… I guess it's handy." Angel said. 

"I… I was thinking… I know that he's moving away and all, but… should we call Spike? I mean I called Willow and Oz and told them. Their trip was going to be over tomorrow anyway so I didn't feel to guilty. I'd just… I guess I don't want him to think I'm using this as an excuse to get him to stay." Andrew said. 

"I told him he should just call him. If I was Spike I'd want to know." Warren said. 

"Yeah I think Warren's right. Spike may be acting like a totally idiot, but I know that he cares a lot about Buffy. He'd want to know if something happened to her." Angel said. 

"Yeah plus that and the fact that he might actually stay." Cordy said. 

"See that's what I was afraid of. I mean I don't want to rope him into staying." Andrew said. 

"Andrew, Spike doesn't get roped into anything he doesn't want to get roped into. If he stays it's because he… well I'm not sure if he loves her or not, but I think he does. He'd want to know." Angel said. 

"Okay now, the hard part. Who get's to call him."

* * *

"Final boarding call for flight 164. Flight leaving from Sunnydale to San Francisco." The woman over the loud speaker said. Spike looked around. He had only been at the Sunnydale airport three times in his life. 

The first time he was coming here from England. The second was to visit his grandmother in England. The third was right now. Spike liked to be able to drive to all the places he went because of his fear of airplanes. 

He would have driven to San Francisco, but Giles insisted on him taking a plane. So here he was in the airport all by himself. He had told his family not to come and make a scene. He was only going to look at apartments. 

Spike gathered up the small bag he had and was about to make his way over to the airplane boarding entrance when he heard his cell phone ring. He fumbled with it slightly before pulling it out of his pocket and answering it. 

"Hello, Spike Flannery speaking. Who… Andrew what's… what happened… are you… you're not… is she… what do you mean you don't know anything? When did this happen? Okay I'll be over there in a minute." Spike said flipping his cell phone shut as he gripped his bag and ran out of the airport to the Sunnydale ER. 

A/N: Sorry if it seemed short. Next chapter will hopefully be finished by next week. Okay please review because I just LOVE reviews and every writer needs 'em. The ones that say they don't are lying through their teeth. 


	22. But I Love You

  
A/N: Hey, hey, hey… sorry for the long wait between updates. I had high hopes I'd be able to finish this story before the year mark, but that didn't happen. Stuff happened, but here's an update so I hope it makes up for not finishing on schedule and for not updating regularly. ENJOY! 

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. If I did Riley would have died a slow painful death maybe at the hands of a very hot very soulful bleach blonde vampire 

Spoilers: None 

**Chapter 22:**

Spike walked through the automatic sliding doors of the Sunnydale ER. He'd give his right arm and maybe his left if he could just never walk through those doors again. They were too symbolic for his liking. Spike scanned the waiting room searching for signs of Andrew or Warren. 

He spotted the blonde man and his boyfriend sitting in those ugly orange waiting room chairs huddled close to each other. Cordelia and Angel were sitting across from them looking just as worried and sitting just as close. Spike took a deep breath and tried to get his nerves under control. 

After receiving Andrew's short panicky call Spike had immediately rushed over to the hospital praying that all the cops were busy actually doing real police work to bother with pulling him over. He had been lucky. He sped into the parking lot, parked in the first available spot, stopped to smoke his third cigarette in an hour and then made his way to the ER. 

The cigarette's effect to calm his nerves seemed to have disappeared as he saw the terrified looks on the four people's faces. When Andrew called he had said the doctors hadn't given any information on Buffy's condition and Spike didn't think that changed much in the ten minutes it took him to drive over to the ER. 

When Spike was sure he was calm enough to proceed in an orderly fashion he walked over to the group. 

"Hey," he said weakly and the lameness of the statement made him cringe. 

"Hey, you sure got here fast. Hope you didn't hit any pedestrians." Andrew said. 

"No, maybe a dog but no people. Was lucky enough not to get a ticket. Do you know anything yet?" Spike asked. 

"No, only that she's in surgery right now. Apparently they needed to check for…" Andrew said, but the lump in his throat was forming at an alarming rate and he wasn't sure he could continue. 

"They said that they needed to check for internal bleeding. She was pretty banged up when the cops found her. House was kinda wrecked too. Apparently Riley threw some fit. Anyway when the police got there they found Buffy in her room, but Riley was nowhere in sight." Warren said. 

"Wait that bastard's still out there?!" Spike said his voice filled with incredulity. 

"Yeah he's still out there. The police are on it though." Warren said. 

"Yeah well if they were any good the son of a bitch would have been caught in the first place." Spike said. 

"Will, we've got everyone we can spare on it. Charles is the lead detective. You know he's more then qualified to catch this Riley guy." Angel said. 

"Looks like the precinct is going to hell in a hand basket without you there, Peaches." Spike said. 

"They'll catch him. I'm sure of it. I've got faith in my guys." Angel said. 

"That's not good enough. The wanker should already be cooling his heels in a jail cell. Instead he's out there coming up with god only knows what kind of plans. Where the hell is Dawn?" Spike asked noticing for the first time that the little girl was nowhere in sight. 

"She's at the house with Connor and Maddy. Anya and Xander are watching them… and before you get in a huff Angel got a car to watch the house. If Riley comes near my home he'll get a face full of my newly cut green grass." Cordy said. 

"So what do we do now?" Spike asked. 

"Well, I thought that was quite obvious. We go through the torture of waiting. I've been waiting for hours and it feels more like days." Andrew said. 

"How'd you guys know what was going on?" Spike asked. 

"We were going to come over and cheer her up a bit. Watch stupid movies and stuff like that. Didn't think it was right for her to be alone. Anyway we were supposed to come over and surprise her but… we got a little distracted." Andrew said. 

Spike understood what he meant by distracted and could see the guilt written all over Andrew's face. It wasn't Andrew's fault and although Spike entertained the thought that maybe just maybe it was his because he didn't stay longer he knew that wasn't true. Sure a little part of him was saying he could have avoided it, but he wasn't sure that was true. 

He knew the blame all belonged to Riley and if Andrew and Warren were there it might have been something much worse then it already was. Besides amongst all the crazy insanity that had been happening throughout the past week or so Andrew and Warren were still trying to work out their issues and Spike knew they needed some real alone time. 

"It's not your fault Andrew. I'm not sure anyone could have stopped this. If you were there Riley would have probably just come another time or worse he would have left and came back better prepared." Spike said. 

"Yeah I know, but… I just think everyone goes through the 'what if' process when tragedy strikes." Andrew said. 

"Yeah, it's normal. Just don't let it get the better of you." Spike said. 

"Yeah I know, I'm okay. I'll be okay. We've got to just be strong for Buffy." Andrew said. 

"Yeah strong for Buffy." Spike repeated softly.

* * *

Spike wasn't sure, but sometime between the time he arrived at the hospital to whatever time it was now Spike had fallen asleep on one of the ugly orange waiting room chairs. When he woke he looked around to see the four people doing the same thing. Spike assumed no new information had been given on Buffy's condition. Spiked stood up and stretched a bit. 

There was a crick in his neck from sleeping in a chair. Spike looked over at the clock above the information desk. It was just a little over three in the morning. Spike wasn't sure exactly what kind of surgery Buffy was having, but it couldn't have taken this long. Spike decided to ask the person at the desk. 

"Hello, I've been here for at least three hours already and I was wondering if maybe there was any new information on my… friend." Spike said. 

"Are you a family member?" the desk clerk asked. "No I'm not, but her brother over there is asleep and I didn't really want to wake him. I was just wondering if there was any new information." Spike said. 

"Well, I guess I could help you out. Name of the patient please." The desk clerk said. 

"Buffy Summers." Spike stated. The clerk typed a few words into the computer before looking back up at Spike. 

"The doctors just finished in the OR. You should be getting word soon." The clerk said smiling sweetly at Spike. 

"Okay, thanks for you help." Spike said going to sit back down in his chair. 

Sure enough about ten minutes later a man in blue surgery scrubs and a cap to over his head walked over to where Spike and the others were sitting. 

"Are you Andrew Schafer?" the doctor asked. 

"No, that's Andrew. I'm… William Flannery." Spike said pointing to Andrew. "Oh, I hate to wake him…" 

"It's not a problem doc." Spike said walking over to Andrew and shaking him lightly. 

"Huh, wha'." Andrew said in a sleepy voice. 

"Andy, this is the doctor that was fixing up Buffy. He's got some news." Spike said. 

"Oh, okay. Hello doctor. I'm Andrew Schafer. What news can you tell us?" Andrew asked. 

"I'd much rather talk to you in private. Keep things confidential." The doctor said. 

"No, it's okay. Spi… Will is a friend of Buffy's he deserves to hear this. I mean we've all been waiting all night." Andrew said. 

"Very well. Miss Summers's surgery went just fine. We did find some internal bleeding, but the problem was fixed in no time. However, Miss Summers was struck in the head a number of times with some sort of blunt object… perhaps a foot or something like that. We have done many tests including CAT Scans and MRI's and were able to detect that most of the damage was exterior. Bruises and such, but that doesn't mean everything is fine. There were severe problems after the initial test. Miss Summers went into somewhat of a shocked state and brain function was abnormal. Although this happened we figured the best course of action would be to proceed with the surgery. The abnormalities went done and things went very smoothly." The doctor said. 

"But such abnormalities could lead to concussions and comas, right." Andrew asked. 

"Yes, it has been known to happen that way. The coma usually lasts only a few days or so. The brain just needs a little down time to adjust fully to the trauma. Right now Miss Summers is under sedatives so she won't be waking up for about twelve hours." The doctor said. 

"That's if she doesn't slip. She's on coma watch right?" Andrew asked. 

"We've taken the precautions to monitor her vitals closely, but other then that we haven't found it necessary to take any more extra precautions then that." The doctor said. 

"Okay for those of us who don't speak doctor… do you think you could put it in layman's terms? Is she going to be okay or not." Spike asked. 

"They're not sure. So far everything looks okay. Everything on the outside is fixed, but the inside. Her brain got a little smushed and there was a scare, but it looked good too." Andrew said. 

"So, she'll be okay." Spike asked. 

"We'll need to monitor her closely for the next twenty-four hours. We're not out of the woods yet, but pretty close. Yes, everything looks promising and she will most likely recover from her attack." The doctor said. 

"Thank you doctor." Andrew said as he shook the man's hand. 

"I was just doing my job." The doctor said kindly as he walked away. 

"When do we get to see her?" Spike asked. 

"In a bit. They're going to send another doctor down here to talk about some other mumbo jumbo and then we'll get to see her. Just a few more hours." Andrew said. 

The two men were quiet for a bit before Andrew said, "This all just doesn't feel real. I mean everything was so fine and perfect and now… this. I keep trying to tell myself it will be okay, but… it's like Willow said. There's just some many emotional scars it doesn't matter how good you heal the psychical ones." 

"Well, we can start by putting that bastard in jail where he belongs. I know Angel and he's going to catch him. The squad doesn't take to kindly to wife beaters." Spike said. 

"Yeah you're right… what time is it?" Andrew asked. 

"Oh um… three in the morning… why?" Spike asked. 

"Oh no reason in particular. Willow and Oz are supposed to stop by and you know check. They went on a vacation and they were supposed to come back tomorrow or the next day. I think they cut it short. I didn't want to call them, but apparently Willow's listed as Buffy's emergency contact." Andrew said. 

"Oh, well, there was nothing you can do about that. Besides I think Wills would have killed you if you didn't tell her. This way you don't have to be the bearer of bad news." Spike said. 

"Yeah, well… I told your brother to tell Anya and Xander to bring the kids by at noon. I don't know if it's a good idea though. Should Dawn see Buffy like this?" Andrew asked. 

"I think she'll start getting suspicious soon enough. I mean it all depends on how long Buffy is in here. Dawn will know anyway." Spike said. 

"So is that a yes or a no on letting Dawn come here. I don't want to scare her." 

"She's already scared. The best thing we can do now is let her know her mother's okay. I'm sure she wants to see her no matter how badly banged up she is." 

"Yeah I just… I don't want to have to explain to a little girl why something like this would happen. It's all such… crap it really, really is. I just hope she doesn't get too scared." 

"Well we'll never know until we see. Look I don't think I could sleep after this. You want some coffee?" Spike asked. 

"Um, yeah coffee sounds good. I don't… I'm not sure I could sleep either. I mean she's okay and she might wake up soon. I'm too wired now." Andrew said. 

"Yeah you and me both, Andy. You and me both."

* * *

Noon came faster then Spike had expected and still Buffy was asleep. The doctors had came and went giving bits and pieces of information to Andrew in doctor talk and Andrew relayed them to Spike and the others in layman's terms. Angel was non-stop on the phone ever since he woke up. There was no new news on that front either. The guys on the squad had caught a few leads, but they all ended up as dead ends. Angel was becoming increasingly frustrated by it and had almost collapsed. 

It took Cordelia's and Spike's snipping words about how he had just got out of the hospital for him to calm down. Angel, although sullenly, calmed down and relinquished the hold on his cell phone. Warren was having a tough time trying to comfort Andrew without appearing to overbearing. Andrew was snapping at nurses and doctors and demanding to see charts and such. Warren was trying his hardest to cool the blonde man off, but Andrew wouldn't sit still for a second. 

Spike wasn't sure if he was relieved or saddened even more when he saw Anya and Xander leading his Maddy, Connor and Dawn through the hospital doors. Anya and Xander appeared to look tired, but whether that was from the news about Buffy attack or the fact that they had to baby-sit Connor over night was a mystery to Spike. Xander didn't really know Buffy well, but Anya seemed to have formed a connection with her. 

Dawn looked very upset and disturbed by the news of her mother's attack. Maddy looked like her normally withdrawn self and Connor was bouncing around happily like a big ball of energy any six year old had. Dawn quietly sat in the seat next to Andrew and stare off into space. Spike wasn't really sure what to say to her and that was a first. Spike always knew exactly what to say to kids, but he was at a loss for words for even himself. 

Anya and Xander sat down next to Cordy and Angel and they all began to talk quietly about things. Nothing in particular just anything to take their minds off of the sadness. Warren had joined the conversation and was encouraging Andrew to do so, but Andrew was on another mission to find out information and disregarded his boyfriend's attempts to get his mind off of things. 

Andrew whipped out his cell phone and Spike assumed he was calling Willow and Oz to see if they got back from wherever it was they were at for their vacation. Dawn sat in her seat looking off into space and not really knowing what to do. Spike decided to take Andrew's seat beside her and Warren moved out of the way. Warren may have been Andrew's boyfriend, but he didn't know the little girl as well as Spike did and he was willing to bet they needed some room to talk. 

"Hey, what's going on in that head of yours, little bit." Spike said opting to use the nickname he used on Maddy and Connor. 

"Nothing, I'm not really sure what's going on." Dawn said and Spike understood what she meant. 

Dawn was six and for a six year old things were pretty simple. Beyond the fact that Dawn had been reassured that Buffy would be home soon to make Dawn her favorite dinner or read bedtime stories or fix boo boos, Dawn didn't know what else to think. Spike knew Dawn was a very smart girl, but something so simple as death and hurt and pain weren't something little kids were able to grasp. 

"Yeah, I know. It's a lot to take in." Spike said. 

"She's not going to die, right. My mom isn't going to die." Dawn asked as she looked up at Spike with big eyes filled with unshed tears. 

"No, she's not going to die. She's going to be just fine." Spike said. 

"Then why are we here. This is a hospital. My mom used to take me to hospitals when I was sick. Is she sick? She also works in the hospital. Did someone get sick and she has to take care of them? Nobody will tell me what's going on." Dawn said. 

"Dawn, your mom… well she got hurt. She got hurt real bad." 

"Like when I feel of the monkey bars and I broke my arm?" 

"Yeah sort of like that. She got hurt and she had to come to the hospital to get taken care of." 

"Does she have to wear a cast like I did? Does she have bandages?" Dawn asked. 

"Yeah she has those." Spike said. 

"When can I see here?" Dawn asked. 

"Well the doctors want to wait a bit. You know so they can do some tests to make sure she didn't get hurt too bad. She's asleep right now. She has to get some rest." 

"Like when I'm sick?" 

"Yeah like that. We can see her later. The doctors are going to tell us when." Spike said. 

"Okay." 

Dawn looked down at her hands. She seemed to have something else on her mind, but Spike didn't want to push. Instead he sat next to her and tried to listen to what the rest of the group was talking about, but it just came out as dull sounds. He heard Angel's phone ring a few times and heard the clipped tones his brother talked with to the rest of the squad. 

It was really annoying that they couldn't catch the son of a bitch that was Buffy's ex-husband, but Spike was willing to be patient… for the time at least. Spike could see it was wearing on Angel's nerves as well. Angel hated guys that beat on their families having a family of his own and loving them to death he couldn't imagine that someone would want to hurt their own family. Spike was inclined to agree with him. He thought men that did such heinous things were cowards and less then men. 

Spike saw, out of the corner of his eye, Andrew sit down next to Warren. Apparently he was okay with the seat change too. Andrew grasped Warren's hand with his own and whispered something into Warren's ear. Spike assumed it was news on Willow and Oz. minutes maybe hours passed before Spike felt a tug on his shirt. 

"Spike… did… did my dad… was he the one that hurt my mommy?" Dawn asked and Spike wasn't sure what he should answer. It was Buffy's place to tell Dawn or not, but the look on Dawn's face said she needed to know. 

"What would make you think that, Dawn?" Spike asked. 

"I don't know. He was mad at mommy for winning the case thing when we were in court. Whenever he got mad he would beat up mommy. I just thought that maybe… because he was mad at her that he was the one that hurt her." Dawn finished. 

"Dawn… I'm not really sure what happened. You'll have to talk to your mom about it." Spike said. 

"But Connor said that his daddy was a policeman and that it was official cop business. Will my… whoever hurt my mom go to jail?" 

"Yes, they have to go to jail because they did a bad thing. You aren't allowed to hurt people like this person hurt your mom. It's not right and it's against the law. You can get in a lot of trouble if you do it." Spike said. 

"So do you know when I can see my mom?" Dawn asked. 

"Soon I think. As soon as your mom wakes up." Spike said. Dawn nodded again and went silent. 

Spike watched the activity around him. It was so depressing to watch people waiting in a hospital waiting room. They were either very sick and waiting for help or waiting for word that their relatives, friends or significant others were okay. Everyone had a look on their face and Spike imagined he had the same look on his. 

It was some time after Spike's talk with Dawn that Willow and Oz showed up. Willow was weepy and couldn't get a sentence in edgewise. She just hugged everyone including Xander who just gave her a grin when she tried to apologize for hugging him since he was a stranger. 

It got a small giggle out of her, but she went back to being weepy again for no apparent reason except that which she came up with in her head. Oz was more stoic although Spike could see the edges of his coolness fading. The man was trying to be strong for his wife and Spike could understand that. He gave Spike a nod of acknowledgement before asking Andrew details on what was going on. 

Oz didn't know who the four people that crowded around Spike were, but he guessed that one of the women was Anya and the other was Cordelia. Willow and Andrew had mentioned who they were before and Oz knew that Dawn went over to Cordelia and Angel's house often. 

"So, what do we know?" Oz asked to know one in particular. 

"Well, on the medical scale, we know that she's pretty good. The chance of recovery is good. There are minor problems that appeared earlier, but the doctors think everything looks good. She's asleep right now." Andrew said. 

"On the legal side of things, we've got all bases covered. We still haven't been able to track down… who did this, but… they're getting close. The leads are good." Angel said. 

"You're a cop." Oz said and it wasn't really a question more of an observation. 

"Oh, yeah, sorry I haven't met either of you yet. I'm Will's brother, Angel." Angel said putting out his hand for Oz to shake it. 

"Will?" Oz said. 

"Oh you probably know him as Spike." 

"Oh, Daniel Osbourne." Oz said shaking Angel's hand. 

"So what else is there to do? I mean you say you're looking for… whoever did it. What can we do?" Willow asked through her tears and sobs. 

"Not much. We've all been sitting here waiting for something to happen." Spike said. Willow nodded. She wasn't so surprised to see Spike there. She thought he had to go to San Francisco, but she imagined that Andrew probably called him to tell him the news. 

"And can I say that this waiting thing sucks. A lot." Andrew said. 

"Yeah it sure does. I mean the doctors won't even tell us anything. And when they have new news they talk in doctor lingo." Cordelia said. 

"Yeah doctors are known to do that. It's a good thing you have a doctor translator right here." Willow said pointing to Andrew. 

"Well okay so we wait. How long does this waiting thing have to last?" Oz asked. 

"The doctors came around at about three and said that she'd be under the sedatives for about eights hours. She should wake up some where around the twelve hour mark… unless she slipped into a coma." Spike said. 

Willow looked at him, really looked at him, for the first time since she got to the hospital. His usually slicked backed bleach blonde hair was tussled and in it's natural unruly cur. His clothes were wrinkled and he smelled like cigarettes and coffee. His eyes had a red rim around them and he looked severely tired. Not that she looked around Andrew had the same look. Everyone else just looked tired and weary. 

"You two get any sleep." Willow said pointing to Andrew and Spike. 

"Yeah we got a few hours." Andrew lied. 

"You got here and then were up at three to talk to the doctor. I really don't see much sleep happening there." Willow said. 

"We're fine. Got a few hours. Four or five. Used to it though." Spike said. 

"Yeah well you should really try to rest." Willow said. 

"It's almost three. Buffy could be waking up soon. I want to be awake for that. We'll get rest after we know she's okay." Andrew said stubbornly. 

He sat back down in his seat and began to resume his spacey stare. Warren nodded at Willow telling her that he would make sure Andrew got rest after Buffy woke up. Willow nodded back and made her way to a chair across from Andrew and Warren. The waiting had begun again.

* * *

Buffy woke up utterly confused with her surroundings. She couldn't seem to remember where she was exactly. The room was white and the bed she was sleeping on was small and had railings. Buffy could tell she was in a hospital bed. The thing was she couldn't remember exactly what landed her in a hospital bed. 

She could feel the tubes running from her hand and her nose and could hear the annoying beep of the heart monitor that she wouldn't to stop but also didn't want to stop because that would mean she was dead. Buffy worked at this very hospital, if this was in fact the Sunnydale Hospital, and she could tell that it was by the colors in the room. She just wanted to know what she was doing in there. 

"Well, hello dear. You gave us quite a fright." A nurse said. Buffy didn't recognize her from anywhere and assumed that the nice elderly woman must work on a different floor then Buffy did. 

"What… why am I here?" Buffy asked as she tried to form a more coherent and eloquent thought. 

"Oh, honey, you don't remember. Well you were brought in because you were severely beaten. The doctors have stitched you up just fine I'm sure. You have quite the entourage outside waiting for you." The kind woman said. Buffy now knew why she didn't recognize the woman. She was in the recovery room for the OR rather then in the ER. Bits and pieces of Buffy's memory were coming back to her, but nothing concrete. 

"Have you seen my daughter? She's a little girl with long brown hair and blue eyes." Buffy asked in a raspy voice. 

"Oh here dear. Drink this." The nurse said as she began to helping Buffy drink the water for the small plastic cup. The cool liquid felt good on Buffy's parched lips and Buffy wondered just how long she had been out. 

"Well, yes I have seen the girl. Cute little thing was gripping tightly to that nice man with the funny hair color. Anyway she loosened up a bit and I suggested that maybe it would be better if she and the other two children went to play in the PEDS room. You know children shouldn't be so close to this." The nurse said. 

Buffy nodded her head and felt a numbing pain at the simple act. She finished the water quickly and the nurse went fretting around to page the doctor. When the nurse came back she fussed with the pillows and asked Buffy how she was feeling. 

"I'm okay… I think. My head hurts and I'm not really sure what's going on. My memory's a little hazy." Buffy replied. 

"Oh that must be the medication they have you on. Powerful stuff really. You'll remember things in know time." The nurse said with a sad smile on her face. 

"Was it my ex-husband? My mind keeps coming up with him. I remember Sp… a friend coming over and then leaving and I remember my ex-husband coming over. I think we fought, but I'm not sure. Then right about there I can't remember much." Buffy said. 

"Well then I don't think you're cop friend will be talking to you much." 

"Cop friend?" 

"Yes a handsome fellow. Brown hair, tall dark and handsome. You know the type. He's been on the phone all of last night and all of today. Some of the police came by and he was yelling at them. It took all the strength of the young man that was with your daughter and a beautiful young lady who I assumed was his wife to calm him down." The nurse said. 

"Oh, Angel, he really shouldn't be over exerting himself." Buffy said suddenly feeling a bit guilty, but also relieved that even though she had only met Angel on a few occasions that he was so willing to risk his health for her. 

"Yes that's what the young woman was telling him. I'm guessing he's on some sort of medical leave although I can't see anything wrong with him." The nurse said. 

"He's in the early stages of kidney failure. Diabetes and all that. He forgot to take his insulin shots and this is what happens. He just got out of the hospital a few days ago. I feel terrible that he's risking himself like this when he doesn't even know me that well." 

"Oh nonsense now. He's just worried is all? You can't blame yourself if your friends just want to see you better. And boy do all of them want to see you better." The nurse said as the doctor walked into the room. 

"Hello… Miss Summers." The doctor said checking the chart. 

"Hello doctor. Can you tell me what exactly is going on? I don't remember much." Buffy said as she tried to see if she recognized the doctor. As an ER nurse she came in contact with a few surgeons, but he appeared to be new. 

"Of course you don't. It's just the drugs. They've got you on some pretty heavy stuff." The doctor replied. 

"But I'll get back what I've lost right?" Buffy asked. "Over time. Maybe a few days. A lot of the time patients purposefully block out things like this. Sometimes its just shock." The doctor said. 

"Okay, so what's the damage?" Buffy asked. 

"Well we had to operate. See if there was any internal bleeding. There wasn't too much and that wasn't a problem, but was had to do various CAT Scans and MRI's. We found nothing to wrong with your brain. It was just a concussion, but it did make you seize so we had to be sure. Everything appears quite normal and healthy besides the obvious bruises, cuts, and some ribs were bruised. Nothing was broken though so that's good." The doctor said in such a business like way that it made her cringe. 

"Can I see my friends?" Buffy asked. 

"Of course they've been asking about you." The doctor said. 

"Can I go home soon?" 

"Well we want to keep you here for some observations, but you'll be home in no time." 

"That's good." Buffy said and she watched the doctor and the nurse walk out of her room. A few minutes later she was greeted with the sight of all her friends walking into her hospital room. 

"Hey guys." She said trying to keep the mood light and cheery, but she could see the tears in most of their eyes. 

"Where's Dawn?" she asked. 

"Oh, she's in the PEDS room still with Maddy and Connor. We thought that maybe… we should… wait until we let her see you." Andrew said. 

"Well I want to see her. I want to make sure she's okay." Buffy said in a worried parent tone. Andrew simple shook his head and went off to get her and the other two children. 

"You guys, stop looking at me like that. I'm fine. Now that bastard ex-husband of mine… oh I hope he goes done. It was him right?" Buffy asked. 

"Well, Buffy, legal I'm not allowed to tell you who it was. It could tamper with the investigation. If we really want to put away… whoever did this to you then you'll have to remember everything on your own." Angel said a bit sullenly. 

"It's okay, Angel. I'll figure it out soon enough. The doctor said it's probably just the drugs making me like this." Buffy said. 

"Well don't worry. We're looking for the son of a bitch." Angel said. "Good, that's good, but it still doesn't explain why you're all so glum. I'm okay everything's fine." Buffy said. 

She looked around at the group of people in front of her. Warren appeared to be the most inclined to agree with her. Buffy could see the bags in his eyes and the hop in his eyes and realized that he was trying to be strong for Andrew. Willow was trying to put up a good front as well, but her misty eyes betrayed her. Oz was holding onto her in his regular stoic manner, but he too seemed on edge. 

Angel seemed frustrated and Buffy guessed that he was a guy that didn't show emotion well. He was gripping a cell phone and daring it to ring and hoping it would ring all at the same time. Cordy was shining her million dollar smile at Buffy although it was less bright then usual. Anya seemed not to know how to deal with what was happening, but felt bad because Buffy was a friend no matter how new. 

The man standing next to her Buffy recognized as her husband Xander and the man she first saw when she stepped into the office of Harris and Associates those weeks ago. He looked like he admired her for her bravery, but also a bit sad as if the whole thing brought back terrible memories. He was offering Buffy a warm smile and Buffy smiled back at him. Then there was… 

"Spike?" Buffy asked not believing her eyes. She could have sworn he said something about leaving for San Francisco last night… or at least Buffy thought it was last night. 

"Hello Buffy. How are you feeling?" He asked and Buffy saw him fidget nervously. 

"Good I guess. What are you doing here? I thought you were moving to San Francisco or something like that." Buffy said knowing full well what he had said. The look on his face when she told him to go was forever etched into her memory. 

"Yeah, well I got the news that you were right and decided to put off apartment hunting for a week or so." Spike answered. 

"Why? You should go. You're still going to San Francisco aren't you?" Buffy asked. 

"I was thinking about staying for a little while to make sure my friend was all right." Spike said his voice on the edge. 

"Well I don't need you to be looking out for me. I'm fine I have other friends to do that." Buffy said. 

"I just thought it'd be the good friend thing to make sure you were all right." Spike said his voice rising a bit. 

"Yeah, well I'm fine so now you can go and have your cool new life." Buffy said her voice rising a bit as well. 

Neither noticed as the group of people slid out of the room to allow them more privacy. None of them thought this was going to end well. 

"Oh well I'm sorry if my concern is getting in the way of your near death situation. How rude of me." Spike said sarcastically. 

"Spike you're the one who wanted to leave. So leave. I mean there's nothing here for you anyway." Buffy said and she cured herself with every new word she said. 

She would have liked nothing more then to break down and cry and beg him to stay and always be concerned about her, but her mouth was faster then her brain and her heart was slower then both of them. 

"Jeez, can you really be that way. I mean here I am saying I want to stay and be your friend when all I really want is… no you know what never mind. I know I'm not the bad guy here." Spike said plopping down in a chair. 

"What do you want me to say Spike. I'm not sure I mean first you want me to be happy that you're leaving and now you want me to be grateful you're not. Make up your mind." Buffy said. 

"I was just saying that because… look I care about you. A lot and I just want to be around you, but you keep pushing me away." Spike said. 

"I'm not looking for romance or love or caring right now, sorry." Buffy said bitterly. 

"Well neither was I! Jeez, I was… I don't know I got to know you and I found out that you're such a good person and I fell…" 

"No don't say. Don't you dare say you love me! I don't want to hear it, okay!" Buffy said. 

"Why are you so afraid of this… of me? I'm not going to hurt you like that piece of shit did. I just want to be with you." Spike said in a desperate voice. 

"Because it would never work out. everything would be bad and wrong and we'd screw it up and I can't let that happen anymore." Buffy said. 

"We can't help who we fall in love with." Spike said sadly. 

"Did I ever give you any sign that I wanted anything more then friendship? Because if I did I'm sorry, but that's all I wanted. I never once said I wanted to fall in love with you or that I was even **in** love with you." Buffy said. 

"Oh so what was that night. Come on Buffy you can't tell me you didn't feel anything." Spike said. 

"I was lonely and you were there. It was stupid and it was a mistake and I never meant for it to happen again. You're the one that turned it into something bigger then that." Buffy said. 

"Oh I'm sorry for thinking that you could possibly love me like I love you! What the fuck was I thinking?!" Spike yelled. 

"Oh don't talk to me about love okay. I've had shit luck with it and now here you are saying you love me and some how I just don't buy it." Buffy said. 

"Why? I've never given you reason to doubt me." Spike said. 

"I know about that dinner with Drusilla. I know that you took her back to your place. Did you love me then, huh?" Buffy asked her voice shaking with emotion. 

"What… I was drunk! She was taking me back to my place because I couldn't drive. It was just dinner and if I remember correctly you were the one acting like a right bitch anyway." Spike said. 

"Oh so now it's my fault that you fucked your psycho ex." Buffy said sarcastically. 

"I didn't fuck anyone. I was drunk and she didn't want me to drive and she took me to my house. Nothing happened! And even if it did you didn't have a claim on me. As I recall you were the one that kicked me out of the bed first sign of daylight." Spike said. 

"You know what I don't really need this right. Just leave. Get out and stay away from me okay." Buffy said turning her head away from Spike. 

Spike wanted to fight some more and has everything out. Buffy couldn't move and he could talk her into realizing she cared… into realizing he was a person she could love. He wanted to, but his energy was drained and he couldn't do it anymore. He had been playing this crazy game for too long and he had enough with games. With a defeated sigh he picked up his coat and made his way to leave. He opened the door and looked back at Buffy. Her face was still turned away from him. 

"I love you; I just wanted you to know that, because I'm not coming back. I love you, but I don't need this shit. No, I'm done with the games. If you ever get done with them… you know where to find me." Spike said as he exited the room. 

Buffy heard him go. She heard his words and still she couldn't bring herself to look at him. She couldn't bring herself to face him and realize that yes she did love him too, but she was a coward and couldn't… didn't think she could give herself to him completely. So she let him leave. Let him leave thinking she didn't love him and that she never would when in reality she loved him so much it hurt. 

A/N: Okay see I had a debate with myself over this. I know, I know, it's not happy, but it's not the end so that's good. See I thought, hmm I could end it right here and make it all happy and lovey dovey, but then I said no that wouldn't be right. Nope not right at all so I had this. I think it works and it definitely fits with the plan. So I think there's about three more chapters left. Gee! I can't believe I'm almost done. Okay please REVIEW.


	23. Conversations With A Guru: Part 1

A/N: Oh okay I know that it's been awhile since I updated. So here's an update. Thank you guys for reviewing this story. I have 90 reviews for one story and I owe it all to everyone who took the time to review. You guys rock. Please help me hit the hundred mark! ENJOY!

Distribution: Go ahead and spread it around if you think it's good. Just tell me where my baby's going first.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters.

Spoilers: None

**Chapter 23:**

"Buffy, come on Buffy please pick up the phone. Please... we can't just leave things like that. Buffy would you please just pick up the fu... hello? Shit!" Spike said as he was cut off by the answering machine again.

He suspected that Buffy was really sitting by it answering and then hanging up, but that didn't derail him. Spike only needed an hour after he left the hospital to gather his wits and decide that Buffy was worth fighting for. And that's exactly what he'd been doing since that day in the hospital... almost a month ago.

Spike was ready to give up. He was seriously was thinking about just calling it quits. He couldn't do it anymore. He'd sent flowers and chocolates and everything he could think of to Buffy and, although they never came back, he still got nothing.

Not even a call to say thanks for the stuff but quit harassing me. Spike had gone back to Xander and eloquently asked for his job back. Xander just sat there smirking a little and said sure whatever he wanted. Spike was grateful that Xander hadn't made a huge deal about it and just went back to doing his job.

Spike had immediately called Giles to tell him that although he'd really love to take the job there was just no way he could at the time. Giles understood enough chalking it up to Angel and his illness and Spike was content to let the man think that that was the reason. It was easier then getting into the messy details.

Anya had been rather pleased with Spike's decision to say as everyone else had been. In fact she was rather vocal at saying that he needed to hurry up and scoop Buffy off of her feet. Angel was more subtle saying that he'd be pleased with whatever Spike chose to do. Spike hugged them feeling more empowered by their words and ready to face what needed to be done.

Spike also made it a point to tell Wesley and Fred about his choice not to leave. Fred was ecstatic jumping up and down and screaming yay. Wes just gave Spike a knowing look that said Spike had better tell all later. Fred also said that Spike had better go after Buffy and that left Spike feeling happy and even more empowered.

But now it was a month later and the glimmer had worn off and everyone was beginning to look at him like he was a time bomb waiting to explode. Whenever he got to see how Angel was doing it felt more like Angel and Cordy were trying to see how he was doing. Anya was still voicing her opinion, but even that had lost its flare.

And so now they were all unsure if Spike and Buffy were even going to be a Spike and Buffy. Spike knew everything that was going on with Riley from Angel who would state time and time again that he could lose his badge for telling Spike this information. Spike would just shrug and tell him to continue.

There was a trial going on, apparently the courts didn't know what to do with Riley and needed more testimony. Spike knew that that was what needed to be done. People were innocent until proven guilty and this was a criminal case. Of course Riley came from money and that was why the case was taking so long. It had been going on for three weeks now. Spike had been by Angel's a few times and had seen Dawn there.

Dawn would come up to him and hug him and tell him everything that had happened at school that week or anything that was on her mind. She had questioned him once on why he never came over to her house to visit her mommy and Spike just said it was complicated. Of course that puzzled the little girl even more, but she dropped it.

So Spike had been an outsider in Buffy's life for the past month and it was killing him. He knew he could go to Willow and get information that way, but he felt it was better if he did it on his own. He'd seen Andrew a few times since then and Andrew had told him how he had worked things out with Warren and was going to move to Sunnydale.

Spike was happy for the man and told him if he ever needed a job to go see Wesley. Andrew nodded and said that he would. Any other contact Spike had though was strained and from third parties and Spike desperately wished that he could just go see Buffy.

"Fucking shit!" Spike said as he threw his telephone against the wall. Spot dunked and decided it was time for a nap and ran off to Spike's bed. Spike spared an apologetic glance at the dog before it scurried off.

"Well, I didn't expect you to be throwing things. I guess it's as good a welcome as ever." Spike looked up to see Wesley standing there with a key dangling in one hand.

"Sorry, I just... it's nothing." Spike said as he sat down in his recliner.

"Really nothing. I didn't realize throwing phones across the room so they could shatter against walls was for joyous occasions." Wes said sarcastically.

"Oh piss off, would you. Can't you seem I'm..."

"Brooding. Wallowing in your self-loathing. Throwing a temper tantrum like you were four."

"Hey what part of piss off didn't you understand."

"Oh, William, stop acting like a stubborn jackass. You can't pull that shit with me." Wesley said as he sat down on the couch.

"You know for once I'd like to just get angry without everyone trying to stop me from being angry. It's a natural emotion you know." Spike said.

"Well, when you get angry, you get drunk and when you get drunk you get suicidal and when you get suicidal I get angry and I really don't like getting angry."

"One time, Wes. One time and all of a sudden I'm Mister Unstable. Jeez thanks for the vote of confidence." Wes rolled his eye heavenward and let out an exasperated sigh.

"Yes, I'm very aware of how many times you've actually tried to off yourself, but drinking is suicidal period."

"Don't give me that doctor crap. Spew it to someone who cares." Spike said turning away from Wes.

"You know you act like a four year old more and more as you get older. You haven't been drinking have you?"

"No! No okay not a drop of alcohol has passed these lips. Clean and sober is the way to go." Spike said in a sarcastic tone.

"Please leave the sarcasm at the door. I don't really need it."

"Oh you don't really need it. Well screw you Wesley and your fucking perfect life. What the hell are you doing here anyway?"

"I came to see my sorry excuse for a friend and make sure said friend was okay, but apparently I'm not wanted."

"Good glad you're able to see that. Don't let the door hit you on the ass on your way out."

"Just because you're being a little shit doesn't mean I'm leaving. When you act like this I know I have to stay and watch your sorry ass."

"Okay so what is this like tough love? Well you know what you can just stuff your tough love crap right up your ass. Just leave me alone okay. I'm doing just fine without you here."

"Yes because phone tossing means your fine. See I thought phone tossing meant you weren't fine, but now I see that that is clearly not the case."

"Why do you always have to be a smart ass? Can you for once in all the time we've known each other do as I say."

"No because I don't like the orders you give me."

"Argh! I can't take this. What is it you want from me Wes? What grand scheme do you have planned to cheer me up? It's been a month and she clearly doesn't want to talk to me. I can't do this anymore. I can't keep shaping my life around other people. I'm just going to call Giles and say I was high or crazy or something for turning down the job offer and then I'm leaving because I can't take anymore of this dilly dallying shit." Wesley looked at his friend of a lifetime.

He had known Spike since they were little. They had moved to Sunnydale together. They had been through everything together. Wesley had no problem saying that Spike was one of the kindest, bravest, loyal, trustworthy... just best people he knew.

Wesley didn't understand why life always seemed so hard for Spike, but he knew that obstacles had been thrown at his friend and Spike just dealt with them badly. This though, this situation with Buffy was practically killing Spike and Wesley could see it.

"Well I understand if you decide to call it quits. I know this is hard for you and I know that you must really love her to be trying so hard, but it is hard and I can understand why you would want to give up, but I have to say that I don't think I could ever respect you again." Wesley said.

"Oh thanks that's really reassuring. What is it with you people and your nosing around in my business? If I want to give up, I'll give up. If I want to go live in Mexico and do the Mexican Hat dance for the rest of my life, I'll go to Mexico and do the Mexican Hat dance for the rest of my life. Why do you all insist on making comments? I can take care of myself. I'm a Big Boy now and I don't need you people putting in your two cents. Do this Spike. No do this Spike. Jump in the air and do a flip, Spike. Quit it already. It's fucking annoying." Spike said.

"I'm sorry if you think the fact that was care enough about you to try and help you manage your life. I'm sorry if it annoys you, but that's what friends and family do. Live with it."

"I'm sick of it. I'm done with it. I'm just... done." Spike said. Spike knew that they were all trying to be helpful and they all just wanted to makes sure he was happy, but it was getting to be extensive. It was time for Spike to stop being what everyone wanted and time to start just being Spike.

"You can't just give up like this."

"What would you have me do? Waste away here always trying to make her see that I love her and I want to be with her. Wes, I'm trying and it's not working and I know quitters never win and all that rot, but it's like a lose-lose situation anyways."

"I know that things seem bad now, but if you really think that Buffy is the one. If you really love her then you'll fight for her." Wes said.

"What the fuck do you think I've been doing? Sitting around knitting? I have been trying and it's not working. What more can I do. What else do I have left?" Spike asked with pleading eyes.

"I don't have the answers that can solve that. I don't even know if there's a simple solution to this problem. I wish there were, but I can't see one."

"So then what's wrong with me calling it quits? She already has." Spike asked Wesley in a challenging manner. Wesley looked down at his hands racking his brain for an answer.

"Because it's not you. Because it's not my best friend. It's not what you would do." Wesley said after moments of silence.

"Maybe it is me. Maybe I've just grown up and realized that life sucks and it can't get any better."

"No, no I can't believe that. Not from you. Not about something like this."

"Why not. Why am I supposed to just stay the same? I mean why is it I have to be such the hopeless romantic."

"Because that's you. you're the person that talks about true love and soul mates and perfect happiness and I know you don't like to admit it, but you want to be happy with someone and you want to have a family and you want to be a dad and you want to do all that stuff."

"I can still do all that stuff."

"You want to do all that stuff with Buffy. You don't give up on love like that. The Will I knew wouldn't give up so easily." Wesley said.

"Give up so easily! I've been chasing my tail for months now. She's been giving me hope and then snatching it away from me. She's a bloody tease! Yeah that's what she is. Telling me it doesn't matter and stuff like that. You know I do think... I mean it's too soon, but I thought I loved her, but all she ever did was jerk my chain around. How can it be a good thing to be with someone so... unstable?" Spike asked Wesley.

Wesley wasn't exactly sure how to answer that without making his friend even more upset. The truth was Spike was just as messed up and okay maybe it wasn't the best idea to go after a girl who was just as emotionally unstable as Spike was himself, but you can't help who you fall in love with.

"Because you love her. Because you care about her and you want to be with her. Because of so many reasons only you know about and I could never understand. Personally I would have picked someone different, but look how well that turned out. I'm not the matchmaker here. Sad really. I mean you can set everyone else with their perfect soul mate, but you can't seem to hold on to your own." Wes said.

"Oh, okay so this is my fault. I'm the one that messed this up. See for a minute there I thought it was Buffy and her inability to commit, but I see now. It was me just because I'm me." Spike said angrily.

"That's not what I meant. Love came so easily for you when it was other peoples love. Now here you are with what you want just out of your reach and you're considering giving up. Remember what you told me when I thought Fred wouldn't want me."

"Yeah I told you to stop being a stupid git and shift your ass already. I told you that if you didn't make a move she would find some other guy to fulfill her every need."

"Yes and even though you were working both of us it worked. We got together and I haven't been happier. I love Fred and I know that if it wasn't for you I would never have been this happy. You need to realize that you can be just as happy." Wes said.

"Wes you and Fred would have gotten together even if I hadn't interfered. You two were made for each other. It would have taken time, but you would have seen. I just... things don't seem that way with me and Buffy. We just keep running in circles tripping over ourselves. And what's worse is she wants nothing to do with me." Spike said.

"I'm sure she does. I'm sure she's just afraid."

"Afraid of what. Of me... of us. I've been nothing but good to her. I just don't understand women sometimes." Spike said.

"Well I don't think Buffy's had the best experiences with men. I mean just look at her sleazy husband. She's just not as secure about men and their ability to be good people."

"I know, okay, I've been through that whole thing. I've been through it and I understand why she would question people and stuff like that. I mean my track record isn't exactly perfect. A drug happy, alcohol friendly, bad girl. An uptight prissy daddy's girl and another drug happy psycho cheater. I know how relationships can turn rocky." Spike said.

"Then you must understand that given her circumstances she is less then willing to trust people."

"Yes! Okay I get that, but what do you want me to do. Would you have me sit around and sulk and wait for her to realize she loves me? Would you have me crawl on my knees and plead with her to love me? I've been doing all that and I'm sorry, but can I have some of my dignity back."

"I know, but..."

"No, if she really wants me... if she really loves me and she's just being a... bitch... well then she's going to have to make the move because I'm done with this whole hopeless romantic shit. It takes two people to kick start a relationship and I'm not getting any help here. She's pretending like she couldn't care less about me."

"I know, but it's not like you to give up. I know you're giving it your all and I know that it's discouraging that nothing is working, but you can't just give up. You love her." Wesley said.

"Yeah well not to sound cliché, but sometimes love just isn't enough." Spike said.

"It is when it comes to you. Will, I don't want you to be unhappy for the rest of your life. I mean you're my best friend and I don't know what I'd do without you. We grew up together and I've told you everything about me and vice versa." Wesley said.

"I know you want me to be happy, but I just can't be happy like this."

"I understand. Really I do. If you think you'll be happy in San Francisco then I'm all for it. Be as happy as can be. Hell I'll even pack your bags and send you there. But if there's a glimmer of hope, a small possibility that San Francisco won't make you happy and it's just another escape from life then you have to own up to it." Wesley said.

"Well I don't know. I mean yeah it's an escape, but it could be more. I could be happy there if I'm doing a job I love. I mean I don't know if I'll be happy there, but I think I should try. I'm obviously miserable here."

"But are you miserable because you have nothing or are you miserable because you had something and you can't seem to get it back. Because there's a difference between the two Will. One means you get to start fresh and the other means a life of what ifs and could have beens. You can't live your life like that... no one can." Wesley said. Spike looked thoughtful.

It was possible that if he moved he still wouldn't be as free as he would have liked. The image of Buffy's face when she smiled or the memory that Dawn liked pancakes better then waffles would always be with him. He couldn't shake either of them off. And then there was Angel and his problems and Anya with her need to control his life.

There was his niece and his nephew and possible other nieces and nephews. There was Wes and Fred and there was Sunnydale itself. There were some many reasons to stay, but none of them could beat the real reason. The mere thought that Buffy would one day realize that she was making a mistake by shutting him out and she would welcome him into her home and heart and they could live happily ever after.

Wesley was right. Spike couldn't live knowing that he still had the smallest chance with Buffy. He couldn't leave knowing that she might change her mind and show up on his doorstep with open arms.

"Fuck! It's not fair. She's living somewhere out there probably not giving a shit about me and I can't get her out of my head. I mean I should be able to. I should just be able to flip a switch and then every memory of her would be gone. Like that one movie with Jim Carrey."

"That's not how love works."

"Why not. She treated me like shit at the bottom of her shoe. I should just be able to forget all about her. I should just replay those words in my mind and be able to forget, but I can't." Spike said.

"I know, but you have to realize that those were said out of fear. You will never truly be happy if you don't know for sure."

"So you want me to what go to her and put my heart on the line again. It's not fair."

"No it's not, but then again neither is life. Nothing is ever fair or easy. It's what you get for trying that makes it worth the trying. Buffy means a lot to you. More then I think even you realize. When you think about her your face lights up and when you see her I've never seen you look happier. Even with Faith or Dru. I really think that you two are meant for each other." Wesley said.

Spike looked up at him with wide eyes. Just like Angel, Wes didn't believe in soul mates or true loves. He believed in people and their ability or inability as the case may be to commit to relationships.

"I just think you both need a shove in each others directions. I know you can't live knowing that she might love you like you love her. And I know that you can see it. Even though she is acting sort of mean and cruel." Wesley said.

"So you want me to keep trying?" Spike asked hesitantly.

"Yes that's exactly what this whole conversation has been about."

"Well, I guess I could. I just... can I be alone for a day or so. I have to think things through." Spike said.

"Yeah I assumed you did. I'll be here for you Will. No matter what you chose and I hope you know that. I hope you know that if you chose to just forget about Buffy and move on with your life I'll be there to stand by you. I just... I want you to be happy and I don't want you to live a life of regrets." Wes said as he got up and left Spike alone in his apartment.

Spike thought about what Wes had said and realized that ever word was truth. It was true that he would always wonder, but was it a wonder that would be bearable. Would he look back one day and realize that it was just a small thought in the back of his head like any question about love.

Spike thought that with time he would forget about Buffy, but the longer they were apart the more he wanted to be with her. It didn't seem like he could get her out of head. She was their and taking up permanent residence.

Spike smiled realizing that Wesley's little visit was just the kick start he needed. He couldn't give up no matter how hopeless it all seemed. He had to see it through and he had to know for sure that Buffy didn't want anything to do with him because deep down he really thought she loved him.

She had to love him because he could feel it every time he was with her. It wasn't just that he was at ease... she was at ease too. He couldn't leave it like that. He had to know for sure and then if it was meant to be it was meant to be.

There was nothing more he could do that night though. He had already left several messages on her machine and it was pretty late for a call. Besides he wanted to see her in person. He could go by the court house but it would seem too much like stalking as would going to her apartment. He sighed and looked over at the clock on the wall. It was close to eleven and he had to be into work the next day.

He was tired and worn out and he wasn't going to solve the Buffy situation tonight. He turned off his TV and various lamps he changed his clothes, brushed his teeth and did all the normal stuff before he cuddled up into his nice warm bed with Spot on the other side already snoozing. Spike drifted off to sleep knowing that soon he'd be able to get something that he had only recently discovered could be so powerful. Closure.

A/N: This was originally going to be Wesley talking to Spike and Oz talking to Buffy in one chapter, but it got to be too long so I caught it in half. This chapter is Wes and Spike the next will be Oz and Buffy and then the final chapter! I'm excited and maybe the chapters will come faster. Hopefully! Okay please REVIEW!


	24. Conversations With A Guru: Part 2

A/N: Oh okay I know that it's been awhile since I updated. So here's an update. Thank you guys for reviewing this story. I have 90 reviews for one story and I owe it all to everyone who took the time to review. You guys rock. Please help me hit the hundred mark! ENJOY!

Distribution: Go ahead and spread it around if you think it's good. Just tell me where my baby's going first.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters.

Spoilers: None

Chapter 24:

"Buffy, come on Buffy please pick up the phone. Please... we can't just leave things like that. Buffy would you please just pick up the fu..." Buffy picked up the phone and hung it up again.

That was the fourth call from Spike in one day. It was getting so Spike was leaving at least five messages on her machine each day. Buffy wasn't sure whether she found it annoying or romantic.

She hadn't meant a single word she had said to Spike in that hospital room. No one had commented on it so she didn't have to think it over... at least for the time being. Willow had tried to persuade her to at least talk to Spike. That if she talked to Spike and worked things out they could get to the root of the problem.

Typical psychiatrist Willow. Talking solved everything. Andrew had been more blunt in his argument. He had told Buffy that by doing this she was giving away the only guy that ever treated her right. She had listened to his arguments with silent regard and none of her usual biting comments.

Andrew was right. She was giving up a lot by not picking up the phone when Spike called or keeping his flowers or going to see him. At first it had been because she was angry. She had been angry at Spike, but more so angry with herself. She thought she needed to be strong and independent and to be with Spike would just start up her streak of never being able to be alone.

She was also angry with herself for believing that there was a good guy out there when clearly Spike had done her wrong... or had he. Had the scene with Drusilla been nothing more then an old girlfriend helping a drunken ex. Had she even had the right to get angry with Spike even if that hadn't been the case.

Spike had told her she had no claim on him at the time. Spike wasn't her boyfriend or lover. He was just a friend as for as he was concerned because that was all Buffy would let him be.

He could make his own choices and sleep with whomever he wanted to sleep with. It made Buffy even angry that Spike was make her see the holes in her logic. Buffy had always relied on her instincts, but maybe now her instincts were so screwed up that they could no longer be trusted.

So she turned Spike away in spite but more and more nowadays she really just wanted to answer the phone when he called, but something else was keeping her back. Buffy had the sinking feeling that it was fear. Not fear that Spike would screw her over, but that she would end up screwing it up with Spike.

That there was something about her that was just incapable of being loved. That for some wacky reason she'd say or do the wrong thing and he would just leave her because he figured out he deserved better.

A knock on the front door broke Buffy's thoughts.

"Come in. It's unlocked." She said. She heard the door creek open and looked up.

"Oz what are you doing here?"

"Just thought I stop by. See how you were doing." Oz said shutting the door behind him.

"Oh, well I'm fine." Buffy said.

"Yeah you look fine." Oz said sitting down in one of the loveseats.

"I'm sorry, I've known you for like ten years now and I still can't decipher if you're being sarcastic or not." Buffy said snidely.

"I'm not so sure which one I meant either. I'm leaning more towards observation. You know if that's the one that doesn't get my head bit off." Oz said. Buffy sighed. Snapping at her friends was not what she needed to be doing right now.

"I'm sorry Oz. Look I know you and Willow and Andrew are worried about me, but I'm fine. I couldn't be better." Buffy said knowing full well she was lying through her teeth.

"Well I just wanted to make sure. You know you have to testify against Riley in four days. I just thought you might be a little... nervous about it all." Oz said.

"That's sweet of you, but I'm holding up fine."

"Oh I know. You're a fighter. I keep telling Willow that, but she worries. Doesn't help that she's pregnant. Hormones and all that." Oz said.

"Yeah I know how that goes. You go from being nice and sweet to being weepy and paranoid the next. So how's everything going with you?" Buffy asked hoping to shift the conversation towards Oz and Willow rather then have all the attention on her.

"Good. Willow's working, I'm working, the baby's fine. Everything's really good."

"So is working at a record company everything you thought it would be?" Buffy asked.

"Well it's exciting. Definitely keeps me on my toes. Sometimes the singers will come in and be a little too Hollywood for my tastes, but all in all I'm living the dream." Oz said.

"Still pick up a guitar every once in a while?"

"Well yeah. It's not just something you put down... even when you put it down. It's still a part of me even if it isn't going to take me places. I haven't really picked up since... you know." Oz said.

Buffy did know what he was talking about. Oz had been part of an extremely successful local band when they were in high school, which was saying something for a town as big as LA.

He had been the lead guitarist in the band called Dingoes Ate My Baby and it could have been his ticket to big fame. Everyone had said the Dingoes were going places and they did... Oz just didn't share in their glory.

Oz had been dating Willow for a little more then a year when he found out the news. He was already in college at the time and Buffy and Willow were seniors in high school. Oz and the band would go on many tour dates in the near by states leaving Willow alone for weeks at a time. Buffy knew her friend had taken those times hard.

She would be morose and even the thought of extra homework wouldn't excite her. Willow only seemed to be happy when she was around Oz and it had seemed that Oz had felt the same way. When Oz would come home after weeks on the road he'd come to Willow and they would just hold each other for the longest time. The atmosphere would be so peaceful around them.

It had come as a pleasant surprise when a record exec had come to Oz and the band with the deal of a lifetime. They could have it all... cars, money, fame. For a local band with band members that came from broken homes and dirt poor parents it was the chance of a lifetime, but Oz wasn't so sure.

He knew that if he were to go with the Dingoes on their quest for fame and fortune he'd have to leave behind the girl who he loved more then his own life. He had started a life for himself going to college and doing the good boyfriend thing. He didn't want to mess that up. He was enjoying his life as it was and fame and fortune just weren't enough for him.

He had told the guys that he couldn't do it, but to go ahead without him. There was frowning especially from the lead singer Devon who thought of Oz as a brother and vice versa.

It had taken Devon awhile to understand why Oz would give up the chance of a lifetime, but he grew to accept it. The band still thought of Oz as one of them so they would involve him in everything from songs to clothes to tour dates.

They valued his opinion and input and soon Dingoes was a hit with everyone. Oz couldn't have been happier for his friends he knew the deserved it and he wasn't going to hold them back just because it wasn't his dream.

They had used the songs Oz wrote and Oz even owned the rights to a few of the songs. It looked as though the Dingoes were going places, but if you looked close enough you could see the cracks. Adam and John, the drum and bass player, were somewhat unchanged by the rock star lifestyle although they occasionally took part in the partying. Devon had changed though.

He started using drugs and drinking and having unprotected sex with any pretty thing that walked by. Although the drugs and the drinking and the fast woman hadn't been the reason for his death it didn't help things with the band or his finances. He spent money as if he grew it in his backyard and didn't bother to show up for practices. Oz had tired to reason with him, but there was no getting through his thick head.

Devon was killed in a car accident when he was twenty-three leaving the Dingoes without a singer, Oz shell-shocked and the world in mourning. They had been a very popular band and had a pretty big fan following that most thought it was a horrible joke. Oz had felt the loss of his best friend like a dead weight on his chest.

The band members had been just as shocked with Devon's death. After everything bad he did in his life a car accident was what killed him. It had taken them awhile to move on, but the soon found other work and kept doing what they loved.

Devon had given Oz everything he had left which wasn't a lot after the drugs. Oz was given all the rights to everything the Dingoes had because the other band members felt he would do a better job at running those things and keeping Devon's spirit alive.

"Oz, did I ever tell you that you're one of the greatest people I know." Buffy said. "No I don't think you have." "Well you are. You're smart and funny and sincere and unselfish. Maybe I was wrong to push you away."

"No, you weren't. What happened between us... That one date... it wasn't right. Being with Willow... that's right."

"Still there aren't many guys like you. How come there aren't that many guys like you out there?" Buffy asked.

"I don't know... I mean I have my faults. Everyone has their faults." Oz said.

"Yeah but you're... you gave it up! You gave up being famous and rich and living you dream for love. I've never seen anyone give up their dream so readily like you did."

"You're forgetting yourself Buffy. You gave up becoming a doctor to raise Dawn."

"That's different. Dawn is my daughter. I'm supposed to do those things because I love her. Willow... she was just a girlfriend. How did you know that she was the one person you were supposed to be with for the rest of your life? How did you just say 'fuck it' to your dreams to be with her? Why can't more people be like that?"

"It wasn't hard. My dreams had changed. At that point I more then anything wanted to be with Willow because it was right. Willow was how I was supposed to be with. Wherever Willow is that's where I'm supposed to be. That's where I belong." Oz said.

"I just don't get why there aren't more people like you. No one's ever done that for me. Riley sure as hell didn't give up anything to be with me. I had to give up everything to be with him." Buffy said.

"Well there is Spike."

"Oh no not you too. God, can't I go more then five seconds without thinking about him or having someone else tell me I should be thinking about him."

"Well I'm sorry about sounding like a broken record. As for not thinking about him... that's all up to you. I can't control what you think. I just think that maybe... I mean he gave up going to San Francisco to see how you were. He's still here. I know he wants to be with you." Oz said.

"I know that too. I just... I don't know what to do. Everything is such a mess. I don't know how to fix it."

"I don't know everything that's going on with you. maybe you were thinking that he was too good to be true in the beginning, but then he was still such a great guy that you thought that maybe you weren't good enough for him." Oz said. Buffy looked up at him in surprise.

"Hear me out here. I know everyone seems to think that you don't feel like you can trust him or they just don't know what to think of how your two are acting. I just call it like I see it. So I'm thinking that you feel like you have to much baggage and that it would get in the way of any really happiness... so you closed yourself off. Am I close?" Oz asked.

Buffy wasn't sure what to do. She shook her head in reply and Oz looked at her intently.

"You know that's not true right. You know that you are worth it, right?" Oz said after she was silent for a long time.

"Of course now I do. I mean I thought I wasn't. I'm still not so sure that I don't think about it that way. I mean he's such a great guy and none of it's fake. It's who he is."

"So I gotta wonder what's holding you back now." Oz said.

Buffy thought about it. More then anything she wanted to be with Spike. Wanted to him to hold her close to him and take all the pain away.

She just wasn't sure why she couldn't answer the phone when he called. She wanted to be with him, but she was afraid. She was afraid of taking that terrifying plunge into the unknown.

"I don't know. I don't know why I don't talk to him or why I'm avoiding him or why I can't let myself be happy. I just don't know why I can't do any of it."

"Maybe because you're still afraid. Of what I don't know. Like I said I can't read your thoughts or control your mind. You have to tell me why you're scared." Oz said.

"I don't know... I just don't know anything anymore." Buffy said dejectedly.

"Well, maybe it's just you're nervous. Nervous about putting yourself out there again. Maybe it has nothing to do with being afraid that you're going to screw things up. Maybe you're just nervous about dating again."

"Could it be that simple?" Buffy asked.

"No, it's probably not, but that's the basic. It's scary... the new stuff... the unknown."

"You're right that is scary."

"Yeah, but we've got choices. You don't have to face the unknown alone you know." Oz said.

Buffy thought that being alone was probably the worst thing in the world. Going through life alone had to be hard. There was no one there to be proud of you. no one there to prove wrong.

There was no one there to congratulate you at the end of the day. You were just by yourself. That had to be one of the worst existences in life, but Buffy had actually thought that it was better.

To go through life alone then to ever go through what she had gone through again. She thought she wasn't strong enough to go through the same thing twice, but she was wrong.

People who had no one to care about them... they were dead on the inside. Buffy couldn't imagine what her life would be like without Dawn. When she had been separated from Riley for that year before the divorce was final she hadn't needed anyone in a romantic way.

She had Dawn's needs and wants and cares to worry about, but now... it just wasn't like that anymore. Dawn had survived this horrible ordeal and now she didn't want to be smothered like Buffy had been doing before.

Dawn just needed Buffy to be strong and lively, but this thing with Spike was sucking the life out of her. Buffy saw how Dawn would look at her when she turned the volume down on the answering machine. Dawn didn't understand why Buffy couldn't be happy with Spike and to be honest Buffy didn't understand it either.

She wanted to be happy with Spike and she knew Spike wanted to be with her. The phone calls and the chocolates and the flowers were a huge indicator of that. Was it possible for Buffy to put everything behind her and just take the plunge?

"Are you scared that he won't want you?" Oz asked.

"No I know that he still wants to be with me. I've got forty messages on my answering machine that would prove that." Buffy said jokingly.

"Well what are you scared of?" Oz asked.

"I don't know." Buffy said.

"Then don't you think it's a little silly to be sitting here moping when you could be with Spike?"

"I guess... I just... I feel."

"It's a risk Buffy. Life's one big risk. It makes the difference in your life. Maybe you make the wrong choices, but they're your choices to make. At least you can say that much. Don't let your fear rule your life."

"How'd you do it. How'd you take the risk of choosing Willow over the Dingoes?" Buffy asked.

"It wasn't to hard. I didn't listen to my brain, which was telling me that it was a good thing. Being rich and famous who wouldn't want that. I listened to my heart. I knew the Willow was the one and that to have anything without her would be... worthless. You know that saying... it's lonely at the top." Oz said.

"Yeah I guess. So it wasn't hard for you. then why is it so hard for me. Does that mean that me and Spike won't make it?" Buffy asked.

"No, I don't think that's it. You both have been burned from what I've I think you're both just to cautious and love is something spontaneous most of the time. Don't worry... you'll get there. It's all about timing Buffy. You're time with Spike is now. It's your time to be happy, trust me." Oz said.

"What do I do? What do I say? I mean I've been avoiding him for so long. It's going to sound stupid, whatever comes out of my mouth. How do I date someone? It's been so long I think I've forgotten." Buffy said.

"I'm not sure... it's been awhile for me too. I think you just play it by ear. Follow your hear because even though it can play some pretty dirty tricks on your brain can play some worse ones."

"This... I'm not sure I can do this." Buffy said. "Do you love him?" Oz asked.

Buffy was quiet for a moment. Did she love Spike? Was it too soon to say for sure? Did she already know deep down that she loved Spike? Was that what she was scared of?

That maybe it was too early for her to start developing feelings for Spike, but they were there. Right in front of her face screaming to be played out. She loved him.

"Yes?" She whispered in a small voice that Oz wasn't sure he heard.

"Well then that's enough." Oz said in a matter of fact tone.

"What if it isn't?" Buffy asked looking up at Oz with a lost look in her eye.

"If it isn't enough, later on or now, you tried Buffy, but something tells me that you to will make it enough." Oz said.

Buffy nodded as if she understood what Oz was saying. It was all Oz could hope for. He had to try and help the others save Buffy from where she was right now.

"Just call him or see him or something. Remember what I said about following your heart. It's good advice." Oz said getting up from the couch. He had to get back to Willow before she suspected something was going on.

"Thanks Oz. It was nice talking to you." Buffy said hoping she could convey her gratitude in those short sentences.

"Any time, Buffy, any time." Oz said as he opened the front door and walked out of it.

Buffy watched him leave.

Oz rarely spoke, but when he did it was to convey some sort of high wisdom. He didn't get a name like Guru Oz for nothing. He knew what he was talking about despite how young he was. He knew about life and he certainly knew about love. Buffy always made it a point to listen to him when he talked especially if it was advice.

Oz advice was the best advice she ever received. He was saying to go for it. He was saying to lay it all on the line for love just as he did, only Buffy didn't have anything to lose like he did.

She had to call Spike. She had to tell him how she felt. She couldn't run away from love anymore just because she was scared and thought that it would never work out. Life was about taking chances and making choices.

Buffy would regret never telling Spike just how much she loved him and wanted him to be a part of her life. It would be worse then how she was carrying on right now. She just hoped Spike would listen to her know that she had it somewhat figured out.

A/N: Well that took longer then expected. There were just so many things to think about with this one. I had gone back through my story and realized that Oz didn't have a story about his past. Everyone else did, but Oz did not. So whereas with Wes and Spike I just did that because there weren't enough of those conversation, I had to come up with a background for Oz. Hope I did a good job. I had to keep going over and over so hopefully I didn't contradict myself. Okay last Chapter next folks. I can't believe it's coming to an end. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! I JUST LOVE REVIEWS!


	25. The Simplistic Nature Of Saying I Love Y

A/N: OH MY GOD! This is it. This is the final chapter. Well it's been fun guys. Special thanks go to the regular reviewers. There were times when I want to quit this story, but I couldn't do it with you guys out there. You guys rock. Thanks to everyone else who took the time out of their schedules to review this story. You guys rock. Okay so this is it. Go read. ENJOY!

Distribution: Go ahead and spread it around if you think it's good. Just tell me where my baby's going first.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters.

Spoilers: None AU

Dedication: To all you reviewers and to my Aunt Lydia who took a liking to this story when I told her about it and threatened to lock me in a remote cabin when I would take a long time during reviews. Also a special thanks to my cousin/sister Josi who told me a I could write even when I had doubts.

Chapter 25:

"Furthermore Mister Finn I find that your actions are completely and indisputably unforgivable. The fact hat you have a history of brutalizing your ex-wife does not help your situation and I don't fully think that your plea of forgiveness was nothing more then a thin charade for leniency. A jury of your peers has found you guilty and it is my job to provide your sentence. I feel that the maximum of five years in a state prison is what is needed for this crime. Mr. Finn please stand." Buffy watched as Judge Anderson ordered Riley to stand up. Riley did so grudgingly with Drusilla pushing him to stand straight.

"Mr. Finn you have been found guilty of attempted murder in the second degree. I hereby sentence you to a term of five years in a federal state prison where you will be incarcerated for the full term with no chance of parole. Bailiff take Mr. Finn away." Judge Anderson said to the bailiff standing on his left.

The bailiff walked over to Riley who was in a suit and in the middle of a heated argument with Drusilla over the outcome of the trial. The bailiff placed Riley in handcuffs and Buffy watched as he was carted away to prison.

The prosecutors were shaking hands with Dru as was common courtesy. After she was done congratulating them she grabbed her bag, straightened out her suit jacket and walked out of the courtroom.

"I'm sorry it couldn't have been more. There wasn't a way to bring up the child endangerment charges without bringing Dawn in. I think she's had enough of courtrooms for the rest of her life."

Buffy smiled pleasantly at Angel. He had been so helpful explaining all the little details of the case as best he could from the cop angle. He had been a little overwhelmed with the trial part not knowing much about how the proceedings worked. As top detective he didn't have to involve himself with the trials.

There were people below him that dealt with that stuff. He had assured Buffy time and time again that Riley would be brought to justice. To him the system couldn't fail. The system didn't fail because if he thought that he would never be able to do his job.

Buffy was glad to have a shoulder to lean on during the trial especially the last few days when things seemed to be dragging on further then necessary. The prosecutors had gotten something to slip up about needing Dawn to testify to weigh heavier on Riley's case.

Buffy didn't want to have anything to do with that and Angel worked hard to make it so Dawn didn't have to step foot in a courtroom where she'd have to testify against her dad. The judge was allowed to hear the evidence Judge Stevens had gathered to weigh on the sentencing, but the jury wasn't allowed to hear any of it.

In the end the evidence didn't matter. The jury had spent less then an hour deliberating before coming back with a guilty verdict. Everyone had been there at the time.

Andrew, Warren, Oz and Willow had crowded around Buffy when the verdict had come in and hugged her when it was a guilty one. They had missed the sentencing at Buffy's request. They all needed to either find jobs, work or rest in Willow's case.

Warren was taking some time off before applying to work at the Sunnydale Fire Department. Andrew was okay with that seeing as he was working with Wesley as a partner. So it had just been Angel and Buffy at the sentencing and Buffy couldn't have been happier.

She had forged a real friendship with Cordelia and Angel over the time of the trial. There kids got along great and they seemed to get along just as well. I

t was only slightly eerie that these were Spike's friends, his family. Buffy knew had it not been for him she wouldn't have had the opportunity to meet such great people. They were truly her friends in every aspect of the word.

"It's fine. The bastard's going to jail and that's all that matters." Buffy said.

"Yeah I guess it is. We've got that restraining order still working. I'll be sure to keep it updated especially for when he comes out. Five years may seem like a lot of time, but it's really shorter than you think." Angel said.

"Thanks Angel. I know this must seem awkward..."

"No, not at all. I don't know all of what happened between you and Will and that's probably for the best. I don't think I could be so close to you if I thought you had hurt my little brother in any way shape or form. I think you two are good for each other, but to stubborn to realize it." Angel said.

"It can't be that simple. I did hurt him Angel. I think it was really bad, but I still think he wants to be with me." Buffy said.

"And I can guarantee you that he does. Will doesn't give up on those he loves so easily. All I'm saying is that you need to give each other a chance. There's no harm in that." Angel said.

"I just don't know." Buffy said plopping back down in her seat.

Angel looked at her with an amused smile on his face. It was so obvious that she loved his little brother and the separation was killing them both. It was a good thing they were both so hard headed. It wouldn't hurt one bit when they clashed heads.

"Buffy, I'm not the biggest advocate for true love... mostly because I don't really believe in all that soulmates stuff. That's all Will's doing and I'm glad that he interfered because I love my wife and my family. I think you'll see that if you give him a chance... if you give yourselves a chance... you'll really like the end result." Angel said.

Buffy looked up at him with a smile on her face. Angel lightly patted her shoulder and gave her a warm smile.

"I have to get going. Real police work to be done. You understand?" Angel said.

"Yeah, I'm okay. I'll take the bus to work. It's not like I haven't done it before." Buffy said.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah I'm positive. Go, work, put the criminals away."

Angel smiled and then walked out of the courtroom. Buffy stayed for a little while. So much of her life had happened now and it had all happened in a room similar to the one she was sitting in.

Courtrooms would never be the same for her. She picked up her purse and gave one last look around before exiting the courtroom. She walked in mindless steps hoping that she wouldn't bump into anyone on her way out of the courthouse. There was just so much to think about. So much to absorb.

"Buffy?"

Buffy looked up to see Spike standing before her in a gray suit with a blue shirt and a maroon tie. His hair was died all bleach so that his roots weren't showing. Glasses were perched on his nose hiding his blue eyes. He was carrying a leather briefcase in one hand and his keys in the other. He looked good.

"Spike." She said in an almost whisper. They stood in an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes before Buffy broke it.

"You're wearing glasses."

"Oh, yeah, um... I ran out of contacts. Besides it's good to go back to the glasses every once in awhile. Contacts dry out my eyes." Spike said.

"You're hair... it's bleach-y... -er." Buffy said wishing she didn't sound so lame.

"Yeah, I decided to quit letting my roots show." Spike said.

They eased into another uncomfortable silence and this time Spike broke it. "So, a month of not talking to me and all I get are your observations on my looks?"

"What are you doing here?" Buffy asked realizing how lame that question was after she had said it.

"I'm a lawyer. We work in buildings like this one. But really I'm here on a job interview. I was trying to get my old job as a prosecutor back. It's not defense, but it's criminal law and a step up from being a public defender." Spike said.

"So you're not moving to San Francisco?" Buffy asked. Spike sighed and looked down at the floor before looking back into Buffy's eyes.

"No, there are too many things in Sunnydale left unsaid and undone. I couldn't leave. Maybe it's this place. Sucks me in all the time. Like I can't leave because I'm a magnet and it's a magnetic force. All I know is that I just couldn't leave my life here the way it was." Spike said.

"Any particular reason?" Buffy said knowing she was fishing for certain answers and hoping Spike would be clever enough to catch on.

"Well yeah. There were plenty. Angel's still sick. I couldn't leave him here without knowing for sure that he was going to be okay. There's my friends. My issues with my dad. My niece and my nephew. They really need me right now." Spike said not wanting to give Buffy too much power just yet.

"That it?" Buffy asked in a slightly defeated tone.

"No, I guess that isn't all. There's things with you. Things that haven't exactly played out yet." Spike said.

"Would you wait for me? To be ready I mean. Would you wait for me to be ready to love you?"

"You don't already?" Spike asked completely throwing Buffy of course.

The truth was she did love him already. It was just something that had crept up on her. She loved him because he was him. He was Spike. He was great man someone she dreamed about.

Her prince charming finally come to rescue her from the torments of her boring life. Though Buffy wouldn't admit that she needed anyone to help her it was nice to know that there was something to fall back on. She really did love him.

And by the look in his eyes he really loved her too. For some reason his love felt stronger then any Buffy had ever felt before. It was almost something tangible. Something she could touch.

"Is it that simple? Do we just say 'I love you' and everything turns out to be great? The world stops turning just for us." Buffy asked.

"Well I don't know about you, but I think if we do it right it should." Spike said.

"There isn't too many unresolved issues waiting to trip us up? Because if we wreck this I don't think I could stand it. I'm weaker then I appear."

"So am I. I don't know what's out there Buffy. I can't offer you the perfect guarantee. I can only offer you my love... I just hope that's enough."

"I'm really messed up Spike. There's a lot of baggage there."

"Hey I've got my own baggage."

"But if we do this it becomes a big pile of baggage. What if it gets in the way? What if old issues resurface? What if we can't get passed them?" Buffy asked in a pleading tone.

Spike seemed to mull it over. In his heart of hearts he knew that he would never do anything to jeopardize his happiness with Buffy. It didn't mean he hadn't thought about the possibility of things not being the picture perfect image he had created in his mind.

There was a lot of stuff between them that weren't good, but there was so much more stuff between them that was good. They could make the good stuff work for them if they tried, but that didn't mean the old bad stuff wouldn't resurface.

Spike walked over to Buffy and wrapped his arms around her waist. She didn't once try to stop him and instead rested her head on his chest.

"Like I said I don't have any guarantees. Maybe... we could start fresh. Forget all the bad things and try to focus on the good. Maybe if we start over... things could work out between us."

"So it isn't simple."

"No I think it is relatively simple. I think it's what we make it. So what do you say? Want a fresh start?" Spike asked. Buffy raised her head to see the blinding smile on Spike's face. She felt herself smiling back.

"Yeah okay, I'd like that." Buffy said.

Spike looked at her face and leaned down for a quick chaste kiss. It wasn't anything that meant he wanted more. It was just a meeting of two lips. A slight peck almost and then it was over.

"We'll just say that was the end of the other relationship and the beginning of the new one." Spike said and Buffy smiled at him.

He disentangled himself from Buffy and straightened himself out.

"Okay, let's do this right. Hi, I don't believe we've met. I'm William Nathaniel Develin. My friends call me Spike." Spike said holding out his hand for Buffy to shake.

"Hi, I'm Buffy Anne Summers." Buffy said taking his hand in a handshake.

"So, Buffy, you lived in Sunnydale long?" Spike said laughing on the inside of how odd this all was, but knowing that it was the start of something new.

"Oh about six years. I just got out of a really bad marriage." Buffy said.

"Oh that's rough." Spike said trying to sound sympathetic as if he didn't know all the details of Buffy's marriage.

"Yeah, but I had a really great lawyer that helped me win the case no problem. My ex-husband won't be bothering me any time soon." Buffy said smiling at Spike.

He smiled back at her and felt as though he were a teenager again with a crush on a pretty girl.

"So, Buffy I was just on my way to lunch. Care to join me? I know this really great little deli not too far from here. A good friend of mine told me about it. It's a really nice place to eat."

"Well that's sounds lovely. Count me in." Buffy said. Spike held out his arm for her and she laced hers through his. They walked arm and arm out of the courthouse with Buffy leaning against Spike's shoulder.

"Spike, that's an interesting nickname. Why don't you tell me about it?" Buffy asked. Buffy listened as Spike went into the story she had already heard, but with a few added details.

Though it felt weird to hear it again it also felt different. This wasn't conversation between two friends. This was a getting to know you conversation between two people who were dating because that's what her and Spike were doing now. They were dating. They were putting their best effort into being together.

Spike was right, starting over from scratch was a good idea. There was just too much stuff from the other relationship to risk it interfering with such a newly formed bond. It was all crap anyway. Buffy knew they couldn't avoid it for too long. It would always be there, but maybe when things were better, when they're love for each other was stronger they'd be able to deal with the insecurities... together.

Because when there were moments like these, moments were they were walking arm and arm down the street talking about their lives, Buffy gushing over Dawn and Spike over his work and family.

Moments were they could laugh at silly jokes and talk about things and just gaze at one another with such love and devotion and passion. When there were moments like the one they were having right now as they walked to the deli they both knew for their first really date, all else could be forgotten.

Because the only important thing was that they had made it to where they were and it was the best thing that had ever happened to either of them.

THE END

A/N: WOW! A whole year and some change spent on this story and it's finally done... I think I'm gonna cry... no I'm not going to cry... just gotta keep repeating that to myself. I know there was one major thing I left untied... Angel's illness... um... would you believe me if I said I was thinking about doing a sequel... that is if I can fit it in... I'm not sure. Would anyone be interested in a sequel? It's really up to you guys. I mean I'm happy with it just like this, but I could do some type of sequel to tie up that lose end. Really up to you! anyway this story is over and another may begin, but for now I think I'm going to catch up on my other stories. Been abandoning them a bit. Some are getting more share time then others. Okay please review and tell me if you think I ended it right... oh and if you want a sequel.


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